Strange Desire
by Ealasaid77
Summary: Jasper accidentally walks in on Edward in a compromising position that will forever change their future. What happens next probably isn't hard to guess, but if you think that's all there is to this story, think again. Slash J/E
1. Chapter 1

_**Strange Desire: Chapter One**_

**AN: **_This story is rated_ _**M/MA**__. This story contains gay sex and foul language so if you are offended by it, then stop now. I decided I would update and edit this story, as this first chapter was a one shot and well, you can see how it stayed that way. I may or may not change any of my other author's notes throughout, but the story should remain the same, so no confusion, just hopefully with better grammar. :)_

_You can blame my gay male friends for this story as they are the only ones that are in successful relationships right now. The song title is also important as this chapter played out whenever I heard it. My friends, the song, and my own dreams made this happen. Whether or not you guys think that's a good thing is up to you._

_Characters belong to SM, but I'm sure she would not approve of doing this to them._

**Strange Desire by The Black keys**

Oh Oh OooooH...

I don't wanna go to hell…  
But, if I do it'll be cause of you.

Any young man gonna make mistakes…  
Till he hits the brakes.

My hearts on fire  
With a strange desire

Oh Oh OooooH...

All those birds on the wire…  
Are gonna say I'm a liar…  
But, we all know that in the end…  
They never were my friends.

My hearts on fire  
With a strange desire

**JPOV**

Damn it, damn it, damn it all to hell. Why? Why did I work this asinine job that I hated? Oh yeah, to pay the bills. My boss called me in today to make sure I knew that I couldn't have sex with the students in exchange for grades. What the hell? I sat there dumbfounded. None of my students had really come on to me, and I hadn't been with a single person in over a year. What was he getting at? Finally, what it came down to is I was too good looking for my own good. Argh! Teaching history even at a college level was never one of the things I wanted to do in life. I wanted to be a writer and write historically accurate fiction.

Pissed off I shoved the door to my apartment open and slammed it hard. I dropped my briefcase, stripped my jacket and tie off as fast as possible and kicked off my shoes. I needed a drink. Padding to the kitchen I grabbed a beer from the fridge. I decided I was going to turn on the TV and watch something mind numbing to get my mind off things. Walking into the living room I noticed my roommate's bedroom door was ajar. It must have opened when I slammed the front door. What was he doing home? He was almost never home before me.

Coming up to knock on the door I could see glowing light from the room and knew he was awake, so I pushed the door open a little wider. Pausing at the door I was stunned speechless. I was so embarrassed I almost turned around and walked out, except that I was rooted to the spot unable to move. My feet would not cooperate with my head. There was my roommate and my best friend since the first day of kindergarten kneeling on the floor facing away from me watching gay porn. He was gay? How did I not know this?

Edward had his jeans and boxers pulled down and his shirt off. His knees were slightly apart and he was leaning forward with one hand on the floor. I could see the muscles in his back move as he pumped his hand over his cock. When I looked at the TV I was really disgusted by the two guys on it, but when I looked back over at Edward I felt my cock twitch in response to his body. Damn, he was gorgeous. What the fuck was wrong with me? I had to get out of here and pretend I didn't know anything about this.

Backing away, I heard Edward's grunts as he came and came hard over his stomach. Shocking was an understatement when my own body reacted to it. Great, now I needed to jerk off. I saw Edward lean his forehead on his arm on the floor for a minute and got a good view of his ass. Shit! Damn it! My body had become a traitor and I was even angrier than I had been when I got home.

Edward sat up and cleaned himself off and pulled his boxers and pants back on. He stood up and gasped when he saw me watching him. I watched as fear, pain, and resignation passed across his face. He was clearly upset about me finding him like this, so I just tried to pretend it never happened and asked him, "Do you want a beer?" He nodded his head unable to give an audible answer.

Looking at the television again my erection deflated. Apparently the gay men on TV were disgusting to me, but Edward wasn't. I'd have to explore that later, maybe. Or maybe I would just deny, deny, deny until I was dead. That seemed to be the most convenient option.

Walking out I went back to the kitchen to get another cold one and threw it at him as he walked out of his room. He caught it quickly and sat down on the couch without looking at me, at all. This was going to be awkward. I did have a fleeting thought that I was glad he didn't put his shirt back on.

Flopping down on the couch I turned on the TV and flipped through the channels until something was on that we didn't have to pay that much attention to. It was just background noise.

What the hell had I just walked in on? We had been friends since kindergarten and one of the kids made fun of me because my parents were dead and I had to be adopted. A smile formed on my lips when I thought about Edward and he told the kid that at least I was chosen unlike him, whose parents just got stuck with him. We were inseparable after that. He'd ended up moved into my house after his parents kicked him out our freshmen year of high school. I still didn't know why they did it, but I did know they never spoke to him again. Then we ended up roommates in college and roommates now. So how did I not know he was gay? Really? That just seemed impossible.

Edward asked me why I was smiling and I told him I was remembering the first day we met. He finally looked at me with his crooked smile I was so familiar with. He still looked a little pink from embarrassment and slightly green. Maybe he shouldn't be drinking that beer. He looked as though he might throw up.

"Edward… it's okay." I finally found the words to put his mind at ease even if mine wasn't. "We are still friends. I just wished you had told me that you were gay." Although that didn't explain the many girls I had seen with him through the years and absolutely zero guys. He hadn't dated anyone in almost as long as I had. His job as a doctor in the ER I thought was too stressful and unpredictable for most people to stick around for long. Sometimes even I went days without seeing him.

"Jasper… I'm not gay. I like both men and women," he finally breathed out. Okay, well that explained some of it, but why had I never seen any guys?

"Edward, why haven't I seen you with any guys?" I asked him curiously.

He shrugged and said, "They were just for quick fucks. I rarely slept with the same guy twice, and if I did it was in the same twenty-four hour period. I never wanted to be with any of them in a relationship."

"Why?" I asked him.

"Um… well, you know I have unrequited love for Bella and now that she is happily together with Jacob, it just seemed like I'd never have the relationship I wanted," Edward told me.

"What about a guy? You don't feel the same way about any guy?" I asked him, still confused.

"I do feel that way about a guy. I want to be with him more than I've ever wanted to be with anyone, but he doesn't feel the same way," he told me and I was instantly angered by the person that wouldn't be with him. Why wouldn't they?

"Jasper, this person is not gay and that is a huge problem," Edward told me.

I looked down when my heart did an instant little happy flip that he was still mine. Whoa… where did that come from? I wasn't gay, or never thought I was. I had had very few dreams where I was with a guy, but every last one of them Edward was in. I just assumed it was because we were close and nothing more. I did get a little jealous when he brought girls home, but I thought it was because I was jealous of the sex he was getting and I wasn't. Now that I was thinking it through though, I realized, no, I was jealous that they were having sex with Edward and not me having sex with him. Shit, shit, shit. What was I supposed to do with this?

"Well… how do you know they aren't gay?" I finally choked out when I came back to myself.

Edward raised a brow at me and said, "I've never seen him with a guy or seen him do or say anything that would make me think he would welcome my advances."

I just stared at him incredulously and finally said, "I didn't know you played for both teams until today Edward and I've known you twenty-four years."

He smiled at me again saying, "True, true." Then he took a swig of his beer, finishing it, and I watched as his Adam's apple bobbed up and down. I wanted to lick my tongue across it and licked my lips in anticipation of doing just that as my head clouded with lust.

Edward looked at me then and saw me licking my lips and I watched his eyes darken with lust. He breathed out, "Jasper…?" My eyes moved to his and down to his lips and my head cocked to the side and tilted forward against my volition. He was facing me and he moved forward hesitantly at first unsure if this is what I wanted. I didn't know what I wanted. Our lips met and it was a tentative hello as our mouths molded together. His lips were soft and wonderful and I had to suck his top one into my mouth as he did the same to my bottom lip. Feeling as though I couldn't get enough I pulled myself closer to him and brought my arms around his neck holding his head to me. I ran my fingers through his hair thinking that's where they belonged. One of his hands cupped my face and the other my neck as he pressed his tongue to my lips to make me part them. Opening myself up to him, he immediately sucked my tongue into his mouth making me groan. Our tongues wrestled for dominance as they touched and I finally pulled away to breath and kissed his neck. I could feel the stubble on his face and neck and found that I liked it.

My hands lowered touching his chest and I felt him jump. I pulled back questioningly and saw him looking at me with uncertainty. To make sure he knew I was okay I moved my hands to my shirt and un-tucking it out of my belt started pulling the hem of it up. I wanted his bare chest against mine. I felt his hands clamp down on mine to stop me and instantly felt hurt. He didn't want me. That was an odd way to feel as I didn't know I wanted him at all until a little over an hour ago.

He could see the hurt in my eyes and frowned. Pushing me down on the couch he laid over me letting me feel his erection through his clothes. My already painfully hard cock just got even harder at the contact. I didn't know how long I was going to be able to stand this. He kissed my lips softly and I whispered, "Please…" Please for what I didn't know. Please let me go or please let me fuck you. Edward seemed to understand that though. We hadn't been friends for so long for nothing.

Edward loosened my belt and pulled it off, then unbuttoned and unzipped my pants. He never took them off though. I watched as he pushed my shirt up slightly and placed one hand inside my boxers and felt him touch my shaft making me moan, "Edward… please." Taking his hand away he got up off me and I groaned at the loss of contact.

Placing a hand on my shoulder he said, "I'll be right back." When he came back to the living room he laid back down on me and kissed me again. "Just making sure this is what you want." He opened a bottle of lube and put it in his hand, warming it, before snaking his hand back down my pants. Gripping my erection he made sure the entire thing was coated before sliding his hand up and down it. He placed his thumb over the head and slit every once in a while and our breathing got heavier. I started to thrust my hips up into his hand in pleasure and pulled his head back down to mine again so I could kiss him hard and full of passion this time. I was entirely too excited for it to last long before I let go over his hand crying out his name.

Coming down off my high I was a little uncomfortable. Holy shit, that was the best hand job and the best kisses I'd had in my life and I apparently was more attracted to Edward than I thought, but is this what I wanted? I wasn't sure.

"Jasper…" Edward breathed against my neck before kissing it and I moaned deep in my throat at the contact.

"Hmmm…" was the only response I could give.

"You… you are the one I've been dreaming of," Edward finally told me seriously. That made me both happy and sad. Happy that it was me, but sad because if I didn't want this, then what? How would that change us? I could only kiss his hair and hope that was enough for now.

"Jazz… I love you, I always have, but you were unobtainable," Edward said. Then his hand skimmed over my hips and cock and said, "I can tell you want me here, but…" His hand moved over to my head then my heart and said, "I don't know if you are ready for something like this though." He sighed in frustration. "I don't want you to be a quick fuck. I want to be with you. Right now I'm going to let you come to me when you've made up your mind what you want and I won't say anything more about it. When or if you've decided to be with me, it's all or nothing, Jasper."

Running my hands through his hair one more time I kissed his head and wondered if I'd ever do that again. I wanted to, but I didn't at the same time. This was fucked up.

Edward got up and went back to his room. I didn't know what to do with myself, but decided to go to my room too and change clothes. These were now all sticky. Changed, I lay on my bed thinking. What was I going to do?

I was twenty-nine now and had been thinking that it was about time I settled down. My main reason for not doing it before now was Edward. I did love him, but I wasn't sure I loved him that way. I didn't want to leave him or give him up. My own parents had abandoned me by death, his by choice. I wasn't sure either one of us could take that pain.

Throwing my arm over my eyes I wondered how my life got so complicated in such a short amount of time. Sighing, I said to the empty room, "Shit, what am I going to do?" This was confusing.

Knocking sounded on my door before it opened and Edward asked me, "Are you hungry? Do you want to grab something to eat? I have to work tonight and every night this week, so I won't see you much otherwise."

Standing up I strode to the door and Edward stepped back giving me my space, except I wasn't sure that I liked it. "Where do you want to go?"

Taking the elevator down we decided on Thai food at a place that was within walking distance. That wasn't really something I enjoyed much, but Edward did, so I always went anyway and pretended for him. Something I wouldn't do for anyone else. I was good at pretending all kinds of things.

Outside the building it was pouring down rain and we ran to the restaurant. Soaked to the skin our clothes clung closely to our bodies. Shit, that wasn't helping my resolve to act like nothing happened. Thank you very much, Seattle.

Seated in a booth across from each other we ordered our food and I tried to keep my eyes trained on his face. I know he saw them wander often and I caught him smirking at me a couple of times. This was his fault, damn it. I doubted I would've looked at him this way before this afternoon.

Finally I decided I couldn't look at his face either. His eyes were too green and too piercing; his hair wet like he'd just gotten out of the shower; his lips… they were soft and begging to be kissed and reminded me how it felt to kiss him earlier and made me want to do it again. I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to act 'normal' around him again.

Catching my attention Edward asked me, "So what was wrong with you that you were slamming the door when you got home?"

I told him what my boss had said to me and he laughed. "Well isn't it nice to know you are good looking, even if it interferes with your job?"

Growling at him, I said, "No, it is not."

His eyes sparkled and he leaned forward and said, "That growl is sexy, you know." My face was hot and I looked down at my hands. He nudged my leg with his foot and I looked up. He said, "I'm sorry. I know I said I wouldn't say anything, but I couldn't help myself."

"It's okay. I mean I like that you like it, but I'm not sure what I want to happen here yet," I pleaded for him to understand and he nodded his head.

We settled into uncomfortable silence until I decided to break the tension and ask the one question I didn't have the answer for. "Edward, why did your parents kick you out? You never told me."

His jaw clenched in anger and I saw him lean forward so no one else would hear it. "My parents caught me doing pretty much the same thing you did; only they were less understanding. You remember my dad was in politics and planned to go on even further, right?" he asked me and I told him that I did remember that. "Well, if you remember right, they were ultraconservative, not just moderately so. Anyway, my father yelled at me to get out and not come back, that no son of his would be a fag. That was the last time I ever saw either one of my parents. I don't know if my mom wants to contact me or not. My father was always extremely controlling, he's probably made it impossible for her to do so."

With tears in my eyes I reached a hand out to his and covered it. "Do my parents know what happened?" I asked him.

"Yes, they know. My parents contacted them and sent them money to take care of me. Well, I'm sure my mom was the one that did that, not my father. They never told you because I asked them not to. I was afraid if you knew you would disown me as fast as my parents did and I couldn't bear it," he explained and I squeezed his hand.

"I'm so sorry. I had no idea what was going on," I said, then smiled at him saying, "At least I got to live with you out of it." He smiled his crooked smile and squeezed my hand in return before pulling it back.

"Is that why you became a doctor, to be like our dad and nothing like yours?" I asked him. As soon as he told me that story, all of a sudden my parents were his as well.

"Yes. I decided I wanted to help people and not tell them how to run their lives, but it didn't matter. I never wanted to be in politics anyway. My father had wanted me to become a lawyer and I had absolutely no desire to do so. I'm sure I was a disappointment to him in more ways than one," Edward answered sadly.

Finishing our meal we paid for it and left going back out into the rain, getting soaked again. Back in the apartment, I turned to face Edward and get a good look at his clothes clinging to the muscles of his body. He smirked at me and teased, "Like what you see?"

My mouth dry, I swallowed and said, "More than I would like to admit to myself." I looked back into his eyes and he smiled crookedly.

Edward stood close to me then and leaned towards my ear whispering, "Whenever you are ready, I'll be here waiting." Then he kissed my ear and went to his room to grab his scrubs before leaving for the hospital.

My cock ached, I wanted him now. My head was not in complete agreement with him though. I had to figure out my own shit now. Did I want to give up my dream of settling down with a nice girl and have a family and blah, blah, blah? Was that even my dream? Or was that just what I was always told that's what I should do? Thinking about it I decided I shouldn't think about kids keeping me away. We could always adopt someone like me if it came down to wanting that.

Edward had his hand on the doorknob ready to walk out the door and I said, "Wait." He turned around and looked at me right before my lips crashed to his. I kissed him hungrily as though this would be the very last time it would ever happen. It might be as I hadn't yet reached a decision.

His hands smoothed back my wet blond hair and he licked my lips as he pulled away. "You have beautiful hair," he told me, green eyes meeting blue. I never thought it was.

"No, you have gorgeous hair," I claimed, running my hands in his bronze locks that were always messy. He smiled at me. Was I really talking about hair? Shit! Damn!

"I will see you next week, hopefully," Edward said. It was doubtful I'd see him at all, unless it was in passing over the next week if I was going to my job during the day and he was working at night. Maybe that would work to my advantage. I could figure out what the fuck I was doing.

Over the next week, I thought about us and if I really did want a relationship with a guy. No, not a guy, with Edward, therein lied all the difference. I wasn't attracted to any other guys, at all. I even went through Edward's gay porn collection and nothing. It didn't help me even a little bit. When I lay on his bed and smelled his pillows I was turned on, when I saw him in passing I had a hard on every single time. This was ridiculous.

So I was attracted to Edward, that much was obvious. Now on to more important things, did I want to be with him? Would this hurt our life-long friendship? Or would it be better because we had been friends for so long? We'd lived together long enough to know each others' habits, both good and bad.

On the couch one day I was reminded how it felt to be with Edward here and wanted more of that. Then I thought, could I be gay? No, the answer to that was obvious. Bisexual like him was more likely. As I came to this conclusion I decided it didn't matter. I was sure that I loved Edward more than I ever had anyone else in the world and wanted to be with him. I knew he would make me happy and I hoped I made him happy as well. Once my decision was reached I was finally at peace, even if I was terrified of what sex would be like with him.

After that decision was settled I had another one, my job. School would be out for the summer soon and I wasn't sure if I wanted to renew my contract or not. Well, I'd sit down and start writing as much as possible when no one was home. Maybe I'd work another year or so and go. If my writing didn't work out, that didn't mean I had to stay at this job.

Edward found me sitting at my desk in my bedroom typing on the computer after his week long night-shift was over. I noticed he had changed out of his scrubs when he stood behind me and leaned down to see what I was doing. He knew I wanted to be a writer, not a professor, so instead of being confused, he said, "I'm happy for you, that you are finally doing something for yourself."

Turning around I said, "Yes, and I've also decided to do something else for myself." Standing up I put my arms around him and pressed my obvious erection against him. "I've decided that I want this. I want us." Looking at me, his eyes lit up and they were happier than I'd seen them since before he'd moved in with us all those many years ago. It made me happy to see him so happy.

"Are you sure?" Edward asked, a little uncertain.

"Positive. I want you," I answered confidently.

"Let's celebrate. Come on, we can go somewhere you like this time. I know you don't like Thai food," Edward told me and my eyes widened in surprise. "Just because you don't think I notice, it doesn't mean that I don't know. You can fool the rest of the world, but not me. Never me."

Grinning at him, I said, "Okay, but don't you want to be together right now?" This was said innocently, really. _Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Jasper._

"Jasper, come on. I'm actually hungry and I need food for energy before being with you. We can enjoy each other later. I've only waited most of my life for you. You've waited all of a week," Edward said laughing. He had a point, but I wasn't sure how he'd waited so damn long.

We decided on sushi, it was my favorite food at least. Edward not so much, but he still ate it. It was fun to try and feed each other the rolls. People stared at us, some in disgust, some in amazement and a couple that told us we looked 'cute' together. We both laughed. Once I decided I'd be with him I meant it, and that included in public. I wasn't ashamed.

We walked back to the apartment and Edward reached out and grabbed hold of my hand. I gave him a side-long glance and smiled, not letting go.

Back inside our apartment I couldn't contain myself. I'd been thinking about this for a week. "Edward… please," I breathed and he pulled me to his bedroom. He lifted my shirt off and I was relieved. This is what I wanted. My mouth found his and I tugged his shirt up and off before pressing my lips to his again. My bare chest against his felt right, like that's the way it was supposed to be. Backing up we ended up falling onto the bed laughing. Edward scooted backward onto the bed on his elbows and I kneeled over his body looking at his chest. My hands roamed down his muscular chest to the line of bronze hair that went down his stomach and continued where I couldn't see yet.

Moaning, Edward pleaded, "Jasper…" More than anything I wanted our clothes completely off right now. My cock was straining in their confines and I could feel his was as well.

Kissing Edward's lips first I moved down and licked his Adam's apple like I'd been wanting to. His head fell back in pleasure. His hips thrust upward and tried to gain friction against me and I kissed the stubble on his cheek before undoing his pants and pulling them down. He didn't have any boxers on this time. Optimistic much? I had to stop myself from laughing, but as soon as I looked down at his erection whatever laughter was there died in my throat. How was I supposed to take it? I didn't know what to do and up close and on the brink of doing this he was even bigger than I remembered.

Edward saw the look of what I assumed probably was terror etched on my face and pulled me down to him. "We don't have to do this if you aren't ready, Jasper." He kissed my head and my cheek and my lips flipping our bodies over before kissing my chest. He sucked and nibbled my chest and flicked his tongue over my nipples making them harden when the air hit.

Hissing out I said, "Edward, I'm ready. I'm just not sure what to do."

I felt his lips on my neck and felt his tongue slide over me as his lips sucked on it. It was wonderful and I never wanted this feeling to end. Edward continued down my chest this way until he got to my jeans. Unbuttoning and unzipping them he pulled them down my legs and off leaving me only in boxers. Edward asked me one more time, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, please just take them the fuck off already," I growled out. He moaned and I could tell he wasn't lying when he said he thought growling was sexy. Apparently Edward came to play today because the next thing I saw was the waistband of my boxers between his teeth as he pulled them down and I lifted my hips so he could get them all the way off. He continued pulling them down this way down my legs and feet until they fell to the floor.

"Scoot up on the bed, Jasper." I scooted upward toward the head of the bed on some pillows and Edward continued saying, "That's good. Now spread your legs apart. A little more. Good, good." Then he crawled up between my legs and without taking his eyes off me he lowered his head and more importantly his mouth to my aching cock. I jumped a little at the sensation of his hot wet mouth against my straining erection. Then I calmed myself, it wasn't like I'd never had anyone do this to me before. When I looked back down he was still staring at me trying to get my cue that it was okay and I nodded imperceptibly. I felt his tongue lick down my shaft as his lips pushed down over me and sucked on the way back up, swirling his tongue over the head each time.

Moaning, I breathed, "Fuck." Placing my hands on his head I held him there while I thrust up into his waiting mouth. It was apparent as I hit the back of his throat and he didn't gag that he had done this before. One of his hands cupped my balls and I shouted, "Edward, fuck, I'm going to cum." His hands held onto my hips and pulled me closer to him. I felt the semen spill out and down his throat mixing with his saliva. He didn't disappoint me either, he swallowed all of me. I wasn't sure how I'd done it, but I managed to watch the entire thing with my eyes instead of closing them.

My head hit the headboard of his bed and I felt his lips follow my body upwards until they found mine. He laid one hand over my heart hearing the beating that sounded like drums. My body was slick with sweat and Edward stated, "You smell and taste so good. Like sweat and sex and desire and just you." Whatever that meant.

Breathing evening out, I kissed his lips tasting me on them. I wondered if I'd be able to swallow or if I'd even know what the hell I was doing. Probably not, but practice makes perfect, right? My hands roamed down to his cock and as soon as my fingers touched him I heard him gasp out. I knew then that no matter what I did now he'd wanted me too long for him to not enjoy it. Flipping us over I moved my lips down his chest and across his belly and the trail of hair. I kissed and sucked until I finally had his balls in my mouth. Sucking on them I heard Edward groan. It made me feel powerful to know I could make him feel good. Remembering everything I'd looked up about how to do this, yes, I really did. I didn't want to be clueless. Anyway, remembering it, I licked the head of his cock first before wrapping my lips around my teeth and sliding my lips down the shaft sucking harder on the way up. Then I started using my tongue like he'd done with me and I could hear Edward grunting. I knew he wanted to fuck my mouth but was too afraid to, afraid I wouldn't welcome it. Letting him go, I looked right at him and said, "Do it, fuck my mouth. I know that's what you want." He seemed relieved and as I placed my mouth around his cock again he put his hands on my head and thrust up a few times.

"Jasper, turn onto your back for me please," Edward told me and I flipped myself over again. He leaned his body forward again and let his cock slide over my wet lips before I opened my mouth to welcome him. He knelt over my body and pulled my head and neck up with his hands and thrust hard and fast into my mouth. I tried to remember to breathe through my nose and relax my palate and throat as he hit the back of it. Placing my hands on his hips I watched him and tried to concentrate on his face, on the look of pleasure and pain and pure joy all mixed into one. I wondered if that's what I looked like. "Jasper, soon… I'm going to cum soon," Edward divulged and this was the time I decided if I'd swallow it or not. For him? Yes, I decided I would. I continued sucking until he filled my mouth and I tasted someone's cum for the first time. To be honest, he didn't really taste like anything, so I wondered what the big deal was. Maybe not everyone tasted that way.

Edward moved his body down mine and kissed my lips saying, "That was better than I imagined it would ever be with you." We hadn't actually had sex yet, but I was still pleased.

Edward eventually moved his body up so his head was lying on his pillow and asked me to join him. Not knowing exactly what he wanted to do yet I faced him and we kissed a few more times. He ran his hands over my back and ass as I did the same to him. "Jasper, close your eyes and take a nap with me, I still need to recover from my crazy sleep schedule. When we are both more awake I want to make love to you." Then Edward turned onto his side with his ass pressed against my cock. I groaned, thinking I wouldn't sleep at all.

Kissing Edward's shoulder I said, "I can't wait, sweet dreams." I never did fall asleep, but I enjoyed lying there watching him taking in every detail as he snored softly.

It was still the middle of the day when Edward finally woke up and rubbed against me, instantly awakening my cock. He moaned and asked, "So it wasn't a dream, then? You are actually here in my bed with me?"

My lips kissed his neck before whispering in his ear, "No, it wasn't a dream or else we both are damn good dreamers." Edward flipped onto his side facing me and we pressed our bodies together, both of us having hands on each others' ass as our cocks touched and rubbed against each other. I wondered what it would be like to be inside him or him in me. Then I wondered if he had a preference. I didn't know as I'd never done either with anyone. Voicing my concerns I asked tentatively, "Edward… are you a top or a bottom?"

Laughing, he said, "Both, definitely both. So don't worry if you only want one way." That didn't sit well with me, if he could do both then I would at least try it either way.

"I think I want to try both ways," I told him and he smiled at me cupping my face and pulling my head in to catch my lips with his. He deepened the kiss then and brought our bodies even closer.

"Jasper… it's up to you what you want to do first," Edward told me.

I was sure some people would think this was a little backwards, but I wanted him to fuck my ass first. If I couldn't handle that then I wasn't sure I could handle the rest of it and also I didn't know what I was doing, so I thought it might be better to be shown. "Edward, I want you to take me in the ass first. Please," I added, sure that's how I wanted this to play out.

"Are you certain?" he asked me a little unsure himself that this was how things should be done, until I told him my reasoning behind it.

"Whatever you wish," Edward said to me. He rolled over to his drawer and pulled out lube and a condom. When I saw them I tried to calm my breathing and relax, but I couldn't, so I looked away. "Jasper… lay on your stomach for right now. We'll take this slow today," he said and I lay on my stomach.

Brushing my hair away from my face Edward whispered in my ear, "Do you know how long I've wanted this? How long I've waited for you to be ready for me?" No, but I could gather some clues, probably about the time he figured out he liked guys too, possibly before.

Instead of saying those things I said, "No, show me." I could feel his smile against my neck and his kisses down it and across my shoulder. Then he kissed the muscles of my back and down. I knew he was probably enjoying that as much as I did doing that to him. Then I finally felt his lips on my ass and felt my body stiffen at the contact. Edward didn't linger there though, he continued down my legs first before coming back to my ass. He spread my legs apart and I felt his tongue dart out and lick the crack of my ass. I hissed.

"Jasper, just relax. I won't hurt you," Edward said calmly, kneading my ass. Relaxing my tensed up muscles I tried to enjoy what he was doing to me. "Jazz, I want you to pull your knees up so your ass is opened wider for me." Shivering in fear and anticipation I moved them up keeping my chest down.

"So beautiful," Edward breathed as his hand rubbed my ass. I turned my head so I could watch him, see his lust driven face. Then I watched as his tongue licked the crack of my ass and swirled over my anus. He spread his hands on my ass and pushed my ass cheeks further apart. I could feel the flat of his tongue over my entrance before poking through and I gasped. Shit. Holy fuck. That felt good.

Edward chuckled at my gasp and writhing under him, but never let up. As a matter of fact the chuckle just made it that much more pleasurable and I shouted out, "Oh god, Edward!"

Sucking on one of his fingers he pushed against me and up inside as my muscles clenched in response to it. I relaxed them and felt him pump in and out. Damn, why had no one done that to me before? Edward removed his finger and sucked on two of them before pushing inside and moving them around not just in and out, but scissoring me trying to stretch the opening. Why had we wasted so many years not doing this again? My lust filled haze was almost too much for me and I cried out, "Edward, please. Please fuck me now. I need to feel you inside me."

Edward pulled his fingers out of me and I whimpered at the loss. I watched him roll on a condom and coat it with lubricant. He put more lube on his fingers and my ass and spread it around my hole before pushing inside making me slick and ready for him. Leaning down Edward said, "Jasper, relax. It may feel like it's too big at first, but it will get better." Then he kissed my shoulder and I felt him rub his head against my entrance.

Moaning I pushed my hips back against him and begged, "Please."

He slid in slowly and filled and stretched me. It didn't feel like there was enough room for him there and I winced at the pain and burn I felt at first. Then he pushed further into me until he was all the way in and let me adjust to the intrusion. "Jazz, I love you. Tell me if this is too much for you. I don't want you to do this just because you think you are supposed to," Edward said. I half appreciated the effort of being nice, the other half was highly annoyed and wished he'd shut up and get on with it.

"Edward, please fuck me," I growled out. Pushing my hips into his again I felt him grab my own and thrust in and out slowly. I wriggled trying to get more comfortable with him inside me. Going slow he plunged into my ass until I screamed out, "Harder, faster! I need it faster." With every thrust I could feel the head of my cock slide across the sheets and the pleasure of Edward's own cock hitting my prostate. "Edward..." I moaned out before only unintelligible words came out. I rocked my hips back into him meeting his thrusts until I couldn't take anymore and shot out semen onto Edward's sheets. Screaming out in pleasure Edward stilled his movements as I came. When I was done he picked up the pace of his thrusts slamming into me and I rocked harder trying to get him off too. A few minutes later he shouted out my name and let go. I could feel the warm cum even through the condom.

Leaning down he kissed my back between my shoulders before pulling out of me and rolling over to throw the condom away in the trash. I lay there muscles quivering as I'd been in an unfamiliar position. Turning onto my back I winced slightly, my ass was going to be sore tomorrow. Would I do it again though? Hell, yes.

Smiling widely in satisfaction I felt Edward place a hand on my chest and said, "Thank you, Jasper. That's something I've wanted to do for a very long time. It was better with you than I'd thought it'd be." Then his lips met mine and we kissed a few times before trying to recover. I needed a break before I'd be ready to take him in the ass, but I couldn't wait to do it.

"Edward?" I asked him.

"Yeah?" he answered.

"I know you've done this before. Had someone fuck you, I mean. But it's been a long time, hasn't it?" I asked him carefully.

"Yes. What are you getting at, Jasper?" he asked me in return.

"Well… won't it be just as uncomfortable for you as it was for me?" I asked him, curious.

"Maybe. Probably. It doesn't stop the fact that I want to feel you inside me," Edward answered me.

Humming, I said, "Okay, I just don't want to hurt you."

Laughing, he said, "If you do hurt me, it'll be a good hurt. Don't you think?" Thinking about how I felt about it, I had to laugh at my ridiculousness. It felt damn good.

Not being able to get enough, my lips and tongue tasted as much of him as possible. He tasted so good to me that I groaned deeply. We were both erect again after a while and I came back to Edward's mouth to taste his tongue. Finding the lube and another condom I settled back to what I was about to do, take Edward. He took me, now it was my turn.

Lying on his back I pushed his legs up and apart. My shoulders touched his thighs as they pressed against them. Moving my head down I licked his ass and the sensitive skin of his perineum, going back to his ass. "Jasper…" Edward moaned out before saying, "Please, please come inside me already." I didn't listen, this was just as much for me as it was for him and I was going to prolong it.

My tongue traced the outside of his anus before licking him some more. I nipped one of his ass cheeks and heard Edward grunt at that. "You are going to be mine," I growled out.

"I already belong to you, Jasper. I always have. Now stop fucking around and get on with it," Edward shouted at me. I laughed at his impatience.

Rolling the condom on I coated it just like he did with lube as well as his ass. Pouring some on my fingers I pushed inside him and felt that even though he'd been with some people he was still going to be incredibly tight. My cock couldn't wait to find out just how tight. Pushing his legs up higher and against my shoulders I placed my cock at his entrance. I watched as his eyes widened at the position, he must never have had anyone do it this way before. Too intimate for everyone else. Hey, I was going to watch him, watch his face as I fucked him.

"Edward, are you ready?" I asked him and saw his nod before I plunged in faster than he did with me. His eyes bulged out and he gasped either from lack of having anything there for a while or else I was bigger than the other people he'd been with.

Leaning down I kissed his chest while he adjusted to the feel of me. When he bucked his hips up to me I pulled away and placing my hands on the backs of his thighs I pumped into his tight ass. "Oh, my god. You feel so good, Edward, so tight," I groaned out.

"Jasper, please go faster," Edward begged me. Before I did I stopped a minute and heard him snap his annoyance. I found the bottle of lube and poured it between us so his erection could rub against my stomach. When Edward saw what I was doing his eyes lit up in approval. Now with every thrust into his tight ass his cock would rub against my stomach causing sweet, pleasant friction. "Yes… yes… Jasper… that feels so good… so good… fuck," Edward moaned at me shaking his head from side to side in too much pleasure. It was too intense for both of us and we both came nearly at the same time shouting out. I felt his muscles clench over my cock and his hot, sticky semen spill out over my stomach.

I let go of Edward's legs and kissed his chest as I slid out of him. Throwing the condom away I was too exhausted to even scoot over to Edward. Fortunately, he pressed himself against me and leaned over for tissues and cleaned my stomach off for me. "Thanks," I said, feeling replete.

"You're welcome," he murmured and kissed my neck. We needed showers badly and food, but neither one of us was willing to get up yet.

I closed my eyes and sighed. This was the best sex I'd ever had with anyone. I wondered what the difference was. It wasn't because it was with a guy. No, it had to be because it was with Edward and I loved him with everything I had. "Edward…?" I asked him to see if he was still awake.

"Yeah?" he mumbled sleepily. He hadn't gotten much sleep today, all of a few minutes.

"I love you," I finally told him.

Rising up on an elbow he looked at me and said, "I love you too, Jazz." Then he kissed my lips and lay back down to fall asleep. Neither one of us woke up later that day and I slept most of the night, eventually getting up. I left Edward there and cleaned up as best I could. I wanted to take a shower with him, so I was going to wait for him to wake up.

Walking out of the room I looked at him laying there peacefully with a smile on his face. My heart swelled in happiness.

Going to the kitchen I decided to make breakfast. I was starving and I was sure the smell would wake Edward up. Humming happily to myself, I made breakfast and laughed at myself. Who would have thought I'd be the woman in this relationship?

Edward came out of the room a little while later with a sleepy grin on his face saying, "I'm starving." We sat down and ate our first breakfast as an 'us'. It was weirdly wonderful and I wouldn't trade it for any other family in the world.

**AN:** _Yes, I really did change the name a bit as almost no one uses the other one, and most have it down to just SD anyway. _


	2. Chapter 2

_**Strange Desire: Chapter Two**_

**AN:** _Below are some conversations between Bella and Edward. They pretty much come out of my own life. I've had them with some of my gay/bi male friends, just not all the same one._

_There is a lot of background story to this chapter, hope you don't mind. I can't stand reading stories completely about frivolous sex. If I don't give a shit about the characters it makes it difficult to read. _

_People requested that I continue this, so here I am, with a full fledged story in my head now, but I don't know how long it will take for me to get there._

_This is, and will remain slash, guys. If you aren't into this, then turn around, but you should have figured that out last chapter._

_Characters belong to SM, although I'm sure she wouldn't approve of what I'm doing to them._

**EPOV**

Attempting to sleep in late today was barely working. I _needed_ sleep before trying to work a night shift. Tossing in my bed I decided to fuck it. I wasn't sleeping anyway. Getting up I pulled on some track pants and decided to take a run, maybe if I made myself tired enough I'd actually be able to get a few minutes sleep when I got back.

Outside it was misting a little bit, but it wasn't a full downpour so I took off and ran for several miles. I had to clear my head. That's why I wasn't sleeping. All I could think about was Jasper. Fuck. This was getting me nowhere. Living with him was my own personal heaven and hell. I loved him, no; I was in love with him and had been before I'd ever moved into his parent's house. That was the problem. I was in love with him and he didn't even know, had no idea I was into guys at all. _Whose fault is that, idiot? _ Should I tell him now after all these years? No, I wasn't about to tell him that I loved him. He'd run screaming in the other direction just like my parents did. _You could tell him that you are into men and women though; surely he could handle that much._

Stopping at a crosswalk I closed my eyes and sighed. I didn't even know if he could handle that either, it's one of the reasons I hadn't told him. Maybe I should just wait until I move out. I'd been thinking about separating myself from Jasper for a while now. It just couldn't be healthy to pine after someone who couldn't return the same things I wanted. Eventually turning around going back the same way, I decided that I'd wait to tell him after I moved out. _Coward._ Oh, shut the fuck up.

The run didn't help me relax any, if anything it just made me wish Jasper was home and not at work so we could do something together. Even if we weren't in a sexual relationship, he still felt like my other half. He was one of the reasons I wasn't in a relationship with anyone. I didn't need it. That was part of the problem. He filled too many holes in my life that no one else was going to be able to replace. No one else could handle being with me. They thought they could in theory, but in reality they just couldn't handle me being gone so much of the time. I wasn't willing to give it up; unlike Jasper, I actually loved my job most of the time. Man, I wish he'd find a new one or start writing like he wanted to. This job was slowly sucking the soul out of him. It hurt me to watch it.

Taking a quick shower to get the rain and sweat off my skin I rubbed a quick one out thinking about Jasper, of course. Damn it. I needed to stop that. This was going to kill me one day if I didn't stop. No other guy had made me want to be with them for more than sex, but then again if Jasper wasn't around, would I have been more willing to look for more, to crave it?

I wasn't sure when exactly I fell in love with Jasper, sometime around twelve or so, I think. It scared the shit out of me. Boys weren't supposed to like boys and I still liked girls, so what the hell did that mean? When my parents caught me watching gay porn at fourteen I still wasn't honest with myself at that point in time. Jasper's parents knew what happened, but they didn't know anything more than that. I didn't come out of the closet until I was sixteen.

Remembering that day very well I went and lay back down on my bed trying to sleep again. _Agitated, I paced Bella's bedroom floor wearing track marks in it. Apparently I'd been repeatedly raking my hands through my hair because Bella got up from the bed and pulled them down from me saying, "Stop, stop. Spit it out. What's on your mind?"_

_Swallowing heavily a few times I finally croaked out, "Bella, do you promise to be my friend no matter what I say now?"_

_Cocking her head to the side she said, "Okay, Edward. Now come on, what's eating you up?"_

_Letting out a deep breath I told her, "I think I'm bi. No, I don't think it. I know it."_

_She looked at me with her eyes wide and sat down heavily on the bed before bursting into laughter. What the fuck? She was fucking laughing at me. This wasn't easy to say and now she was laughing at me. I wanted to slam my fist into the wall._

_"Why are you laughing?" I questioned her harshly. She held up one hand telling me to wait while the other was over her chest. Clearly she was having trouble breathing._

_After about ten minutes of this she calmed down enough to hold her hand out to me and pulled me down to the bed. Sitting next to her, still with her hand in my mine she said, "I already knew that. I've known that since junior high, Edward."_

_"What? What do you mean you knew? Why wouldn't you tell me?" I asked her in a panic now. Who else knew then?_

_"Why wouldn't I tell you?" She raised an eyebrow at me. "If that's not something you are willing to admit to yourself, who am I to bring it up? Hey Edward, by the way, you are bi. That's not exactly something you accuse someone of, is it?" she'd asked me. No, I guess it's not._

_Leaning my head onto her shoulder I said, "What do I do now?"_

_"What do you mean?" she questioned._

_"Well… I've never actually been with a guy." I frowned at that, it's not like I didn't want to. I wanted to fuck the very person I lived with, but there weren't many places to meet people like me in this Podunk town._

_"Don't worry about it, Edward, it'll happen eventually. You are far too pretty for your own good," Bella said laughing lightly and I realized she was teasing me._

_"Oh, shut up," I told her and tickled her side until she squealed and let out a high-pitched scream. She fought my hands and slapped them lightly._

_Laughing, she eventually stopped and pulled my head in her lap smoothing the hair back I'd practically pulled out of my head. Bella was my best female friend. I wasn't as close to her as I was to Jasper, but then again I didn't tell him I was bi. I told her._

_Sighing, I closed my eyes and relaxed. She didn't run from me or kick me out. Relief flooded through me and I think I drifted off to sleep for a minute in her lap._

_Sitting up I hugged her and said, "Thanks, I needed to tell someone."_

_"It's okay, Edward, you can tell me anything," she said. Looking into her eyes I leaned forward and kissed her sweet mouth. To say she was shocked would have been an understatement. Pushing me away she hissed, "What do you think you are doing?"_

_Rolling my eyes at her, I said, "Isn't it obvious? I'm kissing you or at least I was."_

_Bella closed her eyes and sighed in exasperation. "Edward, what exactly do you want from me?" she asked. I didn't know. It was a moment. _

_"I don't know… I'm confused." We'd just shared this very personal thing at least for me and I felt like now that we were closer I might actually be able to have her. No guys would be forthcoming here and I wasn't about to waste my time not doing anything._

_"Edward, don't take this the wrong way. I'm flattered, I really am, and you are one hot guy, but I can't be with you like this. We are friends, nothing more," Bella explained, imploring with me to understand. I didn't want to understand, but I did. Fuck my life._

_"I'm not about to compete with both sexes just to get you and besides I know you love me a little. I also know that you love Jasper more. It's so obvious I'm shocked he hasn't figured it out yet," Bella said and my heart stopped beating for a minute._

_Swallowing I said, "What do you mean?"_

_Bella rolled her eyes at me and crossed them under her breasts. "What I mean is when you are together I see it. When you look at him I see it. For the most part I wouldn't think anything would come of it, but occasionally I see him look at you the same way." What? She was imagining that last part._

_Shaking my head at her I said, "You're wrong. Jasper only likes girls."_

_Glaring at me, she said, "I'm not wrong. Not about this. He may not look at other guys, but he definitely sees you as more than a friend. It's a little disconcerting, to be honest. I'm not sure he even knows." _

_That was the last time we ever mentioned Jasper as possibly liking me at all. It was just too painful for me. When I started bringing girls home I noticed he'd get jealous and it would remind me of that day, but I was never sure that's what it was about. It made me feel good in a sick way though._

_Bella continued to be my confidante throughout all of this. When I finally got the chance to be with a guy, it went horribly wrong and I told her about it. Lying on her bed I said, "Bella, it was just so awful. Neither one of us knew what we were doing. We couldn't figure out how to get it in, either one of us." I sighed in frustration. My first attempt and at that point I thought it might be my last._

_Bella laughed at me again, fucking laughed. "I'm glad I amuse you. Now help me figure out what the hell went wrong," I snapped, annoyed with her._

_"Well… did you use lubrication of some kind?" she asked me. My face turned bright red, partly at Bella talking about lubrication and partly because I was an idiot. Technically we both were as neither one of us thought to use anything._

_When I said nothing she said, "Oh…" and burst into laughter again. I didn't have another chance to do anything with a guy for a good while after that and just fucked random girls. _

_One day I decided I couldn't take this anymore. Jasper was in a relationship with some girl at this point and it was gnawing away at me. Calling Bella up I asked her if she wanted to go with me to Seattle. "Why?" she questioned._

_"Well…" Here was the tricky part, to try to get her to agree to this. "There is a gay club I want to go to. It's supposed to be a nice place. Please come with me. Please," I begged her._

_She was probably rolling her eyes at me. I couldn't go to a place like that by myself, not the first time anyway. "Fine, Edward. I'll go and be your fag hag. I don't know what you need me there for though. A pretty boy like you won't be left alone for long." It was my turn to roll my eyes._

_In the end she was right. Fresh meat to the masses is how I felt. Many people introduced themselves to us and even to Bella. Although one guy shook her hand and immediately wiped it off as he shuddered and said, "Yuck, girl's hands are too small." _

_Bella's jaw dropped before she retaliated, "You didn't have to shake it, asshole." Another guy laughed at her and pushed the other guy away. Too many people were vying for my attention. I was completely overwhelmed._

_Eventually a good looking guy strode up to me and asked me to dance. I looked to Bella to see if she would be okay until I realized she was engrossed in a conversation with a drag queen. I wondered what in hell they could possibly have in common. Bella dressed like a trucker half the time and just didn't give a shit about what anyone else thought._

_Figuring she'd be all right I went and danced with this guy for a few songs. Grinding up on each other lust took over until the guy kissed my neck and suggested, "Come on. Let's find somewhere else to go for a little while." Unable to protest I followed him out of the club and to what I assumed was his car. Let's just say it was more successful than my first attempt, but it was still pretty horrible._

_When I came back I found Bella on the dance floor of all places. Some random guy was grinding on her and groping her breasts. Laughing at them, I wondered if she knew he was a bottom or even what that was. What I couldn't figure out is why he was bothering to dance with her, that is, until I came up to her and realized he'd been hanging out with her waiting for me. That was fucked up. I did eventually fuck that guy, but not that day._

_After that weekend I went to that club nearly every weekend. Sometimes Bella came with me, but not all the time. I nearly always ended up hooked up with someone. I started seeking out more experienced people after that first time though. This became a ritual the entire time Jasper was dating the same girl. He was always gone on weekends and I was lonely and desperately trying to fill the void in my life that he couldn't._

_Bella hated it. She wanted me to stop fucking, well in her eyes, too many people. She had a point, but I didn't think I could stop. Bella and I fought often over this as I didn't know where these people had been other than probably with everyone else. Let's just say it's a good thing I always wore a rubber or I made them, no matter what the other party wanted. Aside from STD's there was still an increased risk of infection having anal sex. Thanks, but no thanks. I was going to take better care of myself than that._

_In college it became a little easier to fool around with guys without going to a club to meet them. It made me slow down a little anyway. Briefly Jasper and I had discussed joining a fraternity. That was not what I wanted. I thought it'd be too hard to hide what I was in a house full of guys. I wasn't worried about the other guys knowing what I was. I wasn't in the closet to anyone but Jasper. So Jasper went along with what I wanted to do, like always._

_One Saturday I went to a different gay club looking for a distraction. Jasper never asked me where I went when I was gone, timing my outings when I knew he would be busy. When I got to the club everything seemed okay. It wasn't as nice as the other one I'd been going to, but it was different. Meeting a guy there we started making out on the dance floor before leaving to find somewhere more secluded. Making our way outside we were waylaid by a group of drunken men intent on a confrontation. They beat the shit out of us because we were 'fucking homos'. I'd like to think they got as good as they gave. Needless to say it put a damper on my night and I went back to the dorm to clean up._

_When I walked into the room I heard Jasper shout, "Holy shit, man. What happened to your face?"_

_Groaning, all I said was, "Bar fight." It was the only thing I was willing to admit to. Sitting down on my bed I forgot all about cleaning up the cuts on my face. Closing my eyes I thought I was never going back there. The security sucked ass. _

_The next thing I knew Jasper was wiping my face off with a wet washcloth. Opening my eyes I said, "Jazz, man, you don't have to do that." _

_Sighing, he said, "I know I don't have to do that. I want to."_

_Letting my eyes slip closed again I breathed deeply inhaling his scent. He was entirely too close to me for my comfort. Keeping my eyes shut I tried to relax telling myself this was normal. Feeling the ghost of Jasper's lips on my bruises brought me right out of that. No, that couldn't be. I must be tipsy or have a concussion. Upon opening my eyes Jasper was at the door turned away from me saying, "I'm gonna go get some ice." Then he rushed out of the room. Hmm… odd. _

_Lying back on my bed I tried to wait, I was out before he came back. When I awoke there was said ice melted next to me and Jasper was asleep on the floor facing me. Okay… that whole thing was odd. Ignore it, ignore it. It won't do any good to dwell on that, it might just be an overactive imagination and nothing more._

_After that fight I started working out more and doing martial arts. I held my own pretty well then, but I knew my lifestyle would make me an easy target. Jasper never asked me why I had this sudden need to do this. He decided to join me though, more of my own personal heaven and hell again. He only started to become even better looking and it was a struggle to keep my desire tamped down. We still worked out together when our work schedules allowed for it. Otherwise we kept up at it alone. I wasn't sure but I think he liked the competition._

Jasper was so innocent. It was one of the many reasons I fucking loved him so much, that and the fact that he always put others before himself. If I wanted to do something he never protested and went along with it. He never wanted to disappoint anyone and was desperate for their approval most of the time. Whenever he found out what I was I wondered how he'd react. I had lived in constant fear most of my life that Jasper would find out and kick me out as my own parents did.

Who was I kidding? I still lived in that state of fear. Fuck it. I wasn't going to sleep now. Getting dressed I decided to eat something and watch TV in the living room for a while. What I figured out was daytime TV sucked ass. Annoyed, I turned it off and went back to my bedroom.

Shit, I missed Jasper. He was like a drug to me and we weren't even together. This had to stop. Thinking about him I was starting to get hard. Damn it. Finding one of the gay porn videos I owned I put it in and was hoping that the guys there would distract me enough to forget about Jasper. No, it didn't help at all. All it did is make me wish I was with Jasper doing those things. Fuck. Seriously, I thought I was going to have to get out of here soon.

Hearing the door slam violently I jumped and placed my hand on the floor. Jasper must be upset about something. What that image did for me was make me want to take that anger away, to help him relax and show him how much I wanted him physically. Fuck. This was not helping me. I had to stop thinking about him, but I couldn't. My fantasy with him continued until I came hard, saying his name in a soft whisper so he wouldn't hear it. Exhausted, I leaned forward on my arm to catch my breath.

Cleaning myself off with the tissues I'd placed beside me, I wondered if I'd be able to face him right after thinking about him that way. Righting my clothes and standing up I decided to fuck it, I missed him too much to hide in here. What I saw when I turned around made my blood run cold and I could hear it whoosh in my ears. There was Jasper standing in my doorway, looking angry, shocked and confused. Shit. I knew it wasn't over seeing me jerk off. He'd seen the gay men behind me. Well, I guess I was out of the closet now. I wondered what was going to happen. Would he kick me out? Would he move out? My own parents did that; I had no reason to think he'd react any differently.

Watching him I couldn't speak, the silence was ominous. He eventually asked me, "Do you want a beer?" That was when I noticed he had one in his hand and I nodded my head. I needed a drink if I was going to get through this. His eyes flicked back to the TV and a look of disgust came over his face. Then he looked at me and the look was gone, replaced by one I'd never seen before. As I had no basis for it I decided I'd have to brace myself for whatever was coming. He turned around and I watched him walk away from me. He had a nice ass. Fuck me. Stop thinking about that.

Jasper threw the beer at me and I just barely managed to catch it as my mind was somewhere else and I thanked whoever it was that gave me quick reflexes. Sitting down on the couch I resigned myself to the discussion we were about to have. I'd tell him I was bisexual, the rest of it I was planning on omitting.

Jasper flopped down on the couch which was a good sign. At least he wasn't carefully trying to stay as far away from me as possible. He turned the TV on and I wondered if he was just going to pretend like nothing ever happened. It seemed like something he would do.

Then I watched as he was smiling at something. When I found my voice enough to ask him about it, he told me he was remembering the day we met in kindergarten. I smiled back at him remembering it too. I still felt a little sick, but I was starting to calm down. That was Jasper's effect on me.

"Edward…it's okay," Jasper said before continuing, "We are still friends. I just wished you had told me that you were gay."

Explaining myself, I barely had breath to breathe out, "Jasper…I'm not gay. I like both men and women."

Jasper looked curious then and asked, "Edward, why haven't I seen you with any guys?" Mainly because I didn't want you to.

Shrugging, I said, "They were just for quick fucks. I rarely slept with the same guy twice, and if I did it was in the same twenty-four hour period. I never wanted to be with any of them in a relationship."

"Why?" Jasper asked me. Because I wanted to be with you, but I couldn't tell him that.

"Um… well you know I have unrequited love for Bella and now that she is happily together with Jacob, it just seemed like I'd never have the relationship I wanted," I answered, hoping he'd drop it there.

"What about a guy? You don't feel the same way about any guy?" Jasper asked me, still looking confused. Yeah, I felt that way about a guy, but I wasn't about to tell him who.

"I do feel that way about a guy. I want to be with him more than I've ever wanted to be with anyone, but he doesn't feel the same way," I answered him as honestly as I could. His face clouded with anger at that and I wondered why.

"Jasper, this person is not gay and that is a huge problem," I told him.

Jasper looked down and he had a happy look on his face. What the hell was that for? Fuck. I wish this conversation was over already.

"Well… how do you know they aren't gay?" Jasper choked out.

Looking at him questioningly I said, "I've never seen him with a guy or seen him do or say anything that would make me think he would welcome my advances."

Staring at me, Jasper said, "I didn't know you played for both teams until today Edward and I've known you twenty-four years."

I smiled at him and said, "True, true." Then I took the last swallow of beer feeling better. He hadn't run from me, yet. When I took the bottle away from my mouth I looked at Jasper and watched him lick his lips. I thought I saw lust there, but I must have been imagining that surely. "Jasper…?" I questioned. Then I watched as his eyes met mine and then moved to my lips. His head cocked to the side and he tilted forward as though he wanted to kiss me. No, that couldn't be. As he got closer to me, I leaned forward wanting to kiss him with everything I had. I may never get another opportunity. Our lips touched and it was wonderful and I put everything I felt for him into that one kiss. Jasper put his arms around my neck and into my hair and I knew for sure then this is what he wanted. Cupping his face with one hand and his neck with the other I pressed my tongue against his lips forcing him to part them for me. Sucking his tongue into my mouth I wished it was his cock I was sucking on. Our tongues fought for control until Jasper broke away for air.

Jasper kissed my neck and his hands came down to my chest and I jumped back in shock. I'd wanted this for so long, it just couldn't be real. His hands went to his shirt and he was going to take it off. No, he couldn't do that. If he did I wouldn't be responsible for how far we took this and I didn't want to scare him off. My hands clamped down on his and he looked hurt as I thwarted his attempt to be closer. If he only knew… Well, I could show him that I still wanted him. Pushing him down on the couch I made sure he could feel just how much I wanted him. His own erection came as a surprise to me, even though it shouldn't have after what we'd been doing. Kissing his lips gently I heard him whisper, "Please…" He needed me to take care of his erection, but I was afraid to go too far.

Loosening his belt I pulled it off and unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. Pushing his shirt up a little I put my hand inside his boxers and tried to gauge his reaction to what I was doing. Jasper moaned saying, "Edward…please."

Getting up off him I touched his shoulder and said, "I'll be right back." Going back to my bedroom I picked up the bottle of lube I'd been using when he found me.

When I came back I laid back down on him like I was before and as he didn't protest I kissed him again. I thought maybe if I left him alone for a minute he might decide this was too much for him. "Just making sure this is what you want," I told him before opening the bottle of lube and warming it in my hands. I couldn't believe he was letting me touch him like this. His cock felt right in my hand and by the noise he was making I thought he felt that too. After a while Jasper started thrusting up into my hand and pulled my head down to kiss me hard. Fuck. He came on my hand and his stomach as he cried out my name. _My_ _name_.

Jasper looked a little uncomfortable with what just happened which made me glad I didn't try anything more than that. "Jasper…" I breathed out and kissed his neck hearing his moan.

"Hmm…" was all he said.

"You… you are the one I've been dreaming of," I finally admitted. I never planned on telling him this, but after what we just shared I thought I had to.

Jasper kissed my hair and I continued, "Jazz… I love you, I always have, but you were unobtainable." Then I skimmed my hand over his hip and his cock and said, "I can tell you want me here, but…" My hand moved over his head and his heart before I said, "I don't know if you are ready for something like this though." I sighed frustrated, I wanted him so badly. "I don't want you to be a quick fuck. I want to be with you. Right now I'm going to let you come to me when you've made up your mind what you want and I won't say anything more about it. When or if you've decided to be with me, it's all or nothing, Jasper."

Jasper ran his hands through my hair one last time and kissed my head. I got up and went back to my room. Once inside I leaned against my door and slid down trying to make sense of what just happened. I couldn't. My hand was still covered in Jasper's cum and I brought it to my mouth tasting him wishing that I could taste more. This was fucked up. Not that long ago I was contemplating moving out so I could live my life in freedom without Jasper. Now that he knew what I was, even if nothing else happened between us, I knew I wouldn't be able to leave.

Sighing, I got up and decided to change into clothes that were less disheveled than these. Now that the moment was gone between Jasper and me, I wondered if I'd be able to face him. I was beyond embarrassed. Deciding I'd missed him all day I was going to at least attempt to talk to him and hope he would be okay doing that.

Knocking on his bedroom door I opened it and saw Jasper lying there with his arm over his face and I asked him, "Are you hungry? Do you want to grab something to eat? I have to work tonight and every night this week, so I won't see you much otherwise."

Jasper stood up and strode up to me as I backed away. I wasn't about to crowd him now, I was still afraid he was going to freak out. He frowned when I backed away and asked, "Where do you want to go?"

We decided on Thai food, which I knew he didn't actually like. He only pretended because that's what I liked. It was close though and I still had to work the night shift so I couldn't be out too long.

Walking hurriedly in the pouring rain we were both soaking wet. I watched as the rain clung to his eyelashes, his lips. The rain was making his clothes cling so tightly I could see everything. Damn. This was not helping me and I had to adjust myself.

Sitting in a booth across from him I noticed he was having the same trouble I was. His eyes wandered over my body and I smirked when I caught him at it. Eventually he tried to only look at my face, but that must have been too much for him because he looked away. Trying to get him to come back to me I asked him, "So what was wrong with you that you were slamming the door when you got home?"

He answered, telling me his boss thought he was too good looking and was afraid he'd take advantage of his students. That was hilarious. He hadn't dated anyone in as long as I had. I laughed and said, "Well, isn't it nice to know you are good looking, even if it interferes with your job?"

"No, it is not," he growled out. Fuck me. That growl was sexy as hell and I had to adjust myself _again_. If nothing else happened I now had that to add to my fantasies.

"That growl is sexy, you know," I told him, letting it slip. Fuck. Jasper looked down and I wished I'd kept my mouth shut. Nudging his leg with my foot he looked back at me and I said, "I'm sorry. I know I said I wouldn't say anything, but I couldn't help myself."

"It's okay. I mean I like that you liked it, but I'm not sure what I want to happen here yet," Jasper pleaded with me and I nodded my head.

The silence around us was thick and uncomfortable and I was too afraid to say anything, afraid I'd fuck it up. Then Jasper asked me the one question I'd never given him an answer to. "Edward, why did your parents kick you out? You never told me."

Anger washed over me then. I tried to avoid talking about this to anyone. They were the reason I never told Jasper what I was. Leaning forward so I could tell him without the other patrons hearing I said, "My parents caught me doing pretty much the same thing you did; only they were less understanding. You remember my dad was in politics and planned to go on even further, right?" He said he did remember that and I continued, "Well, if you remember right, they were ultraconservative, not just moderately so. Anyway, my father yelled at me to get out and not come back, that no son of his would be a fag. That was the last time I ever saw either one of my parents. I don't know if my mom wants to contact me or not. My father was always extremely controlling, he's probably made it impossible for her to do so." I didn't want to have this conversation, it made me sad and it made me miss my own mother.

Jasper looked at me with tears in his eyes and placed a hand over mine and asked, "Do my parents know what happened?"

"Yes, they know. My parents contacted them and sent them money to take care of me. Well, I'm sure my mom was the one that did that, not my father. They never told you because I asked them not to. I was afraid if you knew you would disown me as fast as my parents did and I couldn't bear it," I explained and he squeezed my hand.

"I'm so sorry. I had no idea what was going on," Jasper said and then smiled at me saying, "At least I got to live with you out of it." I smiled at him then and he squeezed my hand once more before pulling it back. I wished he'd left it there. I needed the closeness.

"Is that why you became a doctor, to be like our dad and nothing like yours?" he asked me. I didn't miss it when he said our dad instead of his.

"Yes. I decided I wanted to help people and not tell them how to run their lives, but it didn't matter. I never wanted to be in politics anyway. My father had wanted me to become a lawyer and I had absolutely no desire to do so. I'm sure I was a disappointment to him in more ways than one," I answered sadly, wishing my parents could have accepted me for who I was.

In the apartment now I noticed Jasper staring at my wet clothes and I teased him, "Like what you see?"

I watched him swallow and heard him say, "More than I would like to admit to myself." I smiled at him then. Never would I have thought he'd admit to that much.

Standing close to him, inhaling his scent I whispered in his ear, "Whenever you are ready, I'll be here waiting." Then I kissed the soft skin of his ear before turning back to my room to grab my uniform.

My hand was on the doorknob ready to turn it and walk out when I heard Jasper say, "Wait." Turning around I was met with his lips as they crashed into mine. What I registered here was he did this on his own without my influence. I felt a thrill of pleasure that maybe, just maybe he wanted me too.

My hands brushed back his normally curly hair that was now soaked with rain back and I licked his lips. "You have beautiful hair," I told him completely serious, looking into his eyes. I'd been dreaming of putting my hands in it for a while now.

He ran his hands through my own messy bronze locks before saying, "No, you have gorgeous hair." I smiled at him; he seemed shocked he'd said any such thing.

"I will see you next week hopefully," I told him before leaving. It was doubtful I'd see him for more than five minutes between now and then.

My week at the hospital seemed to drag by. All I wanted was to see Jasper no matter what choice he made or didn't. This week seemed to bring all the people with colds into the ER which fucking irritated me to no end. I really loathed taking care of patient's when they shouldn't be there using resources and space and time for those that truly needed to be there.

Glad that my week was finally over and I could see Jasper again, I hurried home and took a shower and slept for a few minutes until I heard him come home. Getting dressed I went to his bedroom and saw him at his desk typing. Looking over his shoulder my nose was assaulted once again with his smell. When I saw what he was writing I said, "I'm so happy for you, that you are finally doing something for yourself."

He turned around and said, "Yes, and I've also decided to do something else for myself." Standing up he put his arms around me and I could feel his erection against me. Jasper said, "I've decided I want this. I want us." Was he really saying what I thought he was? This moment made me happy, but I was unsure. Was he doing this because it's what I wanted? No, surely even I couldn't make him do something like that against his will.

"Are you sure?" I asked him.

"Positive. I want you," he answered, leaving no doubt it's what he wanted.

"Let's celebrate. Come on, we can go somewhere you like this time. I know you don't like Thai food," I told him and watched as his eyes widened in surprise. "Just because you don't think I notice, it doesn't mean that I don't know. You can fool the rest of the world, but not me. Never me."

Grinning at me, he said, "Okay, but don't you want to be together right now?" He looked innocent when he said this, but I knew better.

"Jasper, come on. I'm actually hungry and I need food for energy before being with you. We can enjoy each other later. I've only waited most of my life for you. You've waited all of a week," I said, laughing at him. I also needed to make sure this is what he wanted. I had been certain it'd take him longer than a week to make this kind of decision.

Eating sushi was never on my favorite things to do, but for Jasper I'd do just about anything. I was happy when he acted like we were 'together'. I thought it'd take him much longer to accept us as an 'us' in public. He never let go of my hand the entire way home to our apartment.

Our first night together was spent sharing lust, love, desire, and passion. Determined, I had to make his first experience with me better than mine had been with other guys. I wanted him to feel good, to want more. He was so innocent and yet full of passion. In all my years of fucking other guys I'd never felt as good as I did now.

When he fucked me face to face I almost couldn't handle it. It was too much, too intense, to feel love radiating from him. He was better at this than even he knew.

Jasper telling me he loved me was almost bittersweet. I'd waited so long to hear him say it and mean it as he was in love with me. It was far too easy for me to tell him that I loved him. I'd only kept it inside for years out of fear and now that the fear was lifted I couldn't hold it in any longer.

Sleeping together in my bed I tried to catch up on all the sleep I'd missed over the week, both from work and from my worry over what Jasper was going to do. Occasionally I opened my eyes to take in his naked form as he slept as well. God, he was gorgeous. I traced the muscles of his chest a few times before falling into a deep sleep.

We slept the rest of the day away and the night. Waking up I noticed Jasper was gone from my bed and I sat up wondering where he was when I smelled something cooking. My stomach growled and I smiled to myself. Getting out of bed I found some boxers to put on before going out to eat breakfast with my love.

Enjoying our breakfast together, it was comfortable instead of awkward like I feared. That was mostly in part to Jasper's calming influence.

Finally having the courage to ask him about this, I asked, "Jasper, do you remember in college when I came back to the dorm beaten up?"

"Yes, Edward, I remember that night very well," he said a little upset, but at what I didn't know.

"Well… I know you took care of me. Don't get me wrong, maybe I imagined this, but… did you kiss me? I thought I felt you kiss the bruises on my face." Swallowing hard I hoped I didn't make him mad bringing this up.

"You… you didn't imagine it. You looked so helpless I couldn't have stopped it even if I wanted to, which I didn't. It completely freaked me out, so I had to get out of the room," Jasper admitted. "That's not the worst of it though." What the fuck was he talking about?

"Why? What did you do?" I questioned him.

Jasper looked right at me and answered, "When I got back to the room you were already asleep so I held the ice to your bruises for a good while. You had a cut on your lip though and sitting there staring at it I leaned down and kissed that too." I gasped and he held up his hand. "Then I sucked your lip into mine and even in your sleep you kissed me back. I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me and decided that I would pretend like nothing ever happened. It's not like you would remember that."

"Do you mean if I hadn't been such a coward we might have been together before now?" I prompted him, furious with myself.

Jasper shrugged and said, "I don't know. I was pretty freaked out at the time, so I'm not sure it would have been a good idea." Absorbing this information I sat back for a minute before continuing to eat my breakfast.

As we polished off the rest of our food Jasper grabbed my hand and pulled me to his chest. Kissing me gently he asked, "Shower?"

Not hesitating for a second I started walking backwards toward the bathroom keeping my arms around his waist and my lips against his. We managed to make it there surprisingly without falling over. Turning the water on to warm up we kissed a few more times and I licked a line up his neck. Jasper tasted and smelled like salty ocean water and sun. Sun, something we didn't get much of in Seattle. No wonder I craved him.

Pulling the jeans down he'd put on this morning I took my time looking at him naked and vulnerable. I kissed the muscles of his chest and his stomach before licking a long line back up towards his throat hearing him groan and whisper, "Edward…" Coming back to his mouth I kissed him again sweeping my tongue inside his mouth. Instead of our tongues battling for dominance this time they danced together gracefully each of us knowing how to make the other squirm. Coming up for air I removed my boxers and stepped into the shower waiting for him to do the same.

Jasper stood behind me pressing his erection into my ass and kissed my neck and shoulder sucking hard, marking me. The spray of water ran down our skin in rivulets reminding me of the night in the rain, only this time I was going to see everything. No clothes impeded my view now. Turning my body around to face him, I placed my hands on his hips and pulled him close. Our cocks brushed against each other and I moaned, my voice echoing off the tiles. Soaping up my hand I reached down and ran my hand up and over Jasper's erect cock. His body shivered and he said, "Fuck." Then I bit down hard on his lip. Using my other hand that wasn't currently occupied bringing him to new heights I squeezed his jaw until his teeth let go of his lip. My own lips captured his bottom one sucking gently before nibbling on it.

Letting go of his mouth I kissed a line across his jaw up to his ear. Biting down on his earlobe I teased it with my tongue before whispering, "I want you to fuck me. Jazz, please, I need to feel you inside me." Jasper threw his head back and whimpered. I let go of his cock and he kissed me hard growling. Pushing me against the tiles he pressed his body as close to mine as possible.

"Edward, I want to fuck you so much, to feel your tight ass around me," Jasper growled against my neck.

Slipping out of the shower I grabbed a condom and some lube. He wouldn't need to use as much as last night, but I was still pretty sure I needed a good amount of the stuff. Coming back to him, I kissed him a little more softly this time. Handing him the lube I tore open the condom package and rolled it over his cock. Then I took the bottle back from him and poured the lube into my hand before running it over his erection.

Jasper turned me around so I was facing the wet tiles and I thought he might just try to take me this way, right at that moment. Instead he knelt down and pushed my ass cheeks open as he licked the opening. Grunting, I pushed my hips back into him. Then I felt one of his wet fingers push inside me and then another as I adjusted to the feel. He pumped them in and out a few times before adding another one. He didn't use any lubrication this time other than the spray of water dancing off our bodies.

Feeling him pull his fingers out I tried to relax my muscles to accept him. I needed him inside me. When I didn't feel anything I turned my head to look down at him and he was still kneeling looking at my ass. He noticed me staring at him and he smiled before placing a kiss on one cheek and standing up. "I'm going to fuck you, Edward, but not with you turned away from me. I want to watch you, to see your face. I want to watch you come for me," Jasper said huskily.

Confused, I didn't know what he had in mind as this was the best way to do this in the shower. He turned me around and kissed me again running his hands down my chest to my ass. Then he picked up one of my legs to wrap it around his waist followed by the other one. My breath caught as he pressed my back against the tile and with his hands on my ass pushed me up a little before pushing into me. Fuck. My head tilted back until it met with the tile wall and I gasped. This position would not have been possible if we weren't both in good shape. He still had his hands on my ass and mine had come up to his shoulders pushing on them to work myself up and down over his cock. Jasper kissed my chest and started to thrust his cock into me faster than I was able to move over him. My own cock rubbed against his stomach in a deliciously pleasant way. I was getting close. So close. Gripping Jasper's shoulders tighter I cried out, "Fuck, Jazz. I'm close. Please tell me you're close too."

"Let it go. Come for me, Edward. I want to feel your tight ass clench against my hard cock," Jasper whispered into my neck.

That was all it took for me to cry out, "Jazz, I'm coming." He held onto my hips as my own cum spilled out between us and my muscles clenched around his own erection still inside me. It felt so amazing I needed a minute before I could continue moving to bring him to the brink. "Jasper, come for me. You feel so good. I want to feel you let go inside me." I knew the words might bring him what he needed and I was right.

He let go shouting out, "Fuck, Edward." Jasper leaned his head against mine to catch his breath before slipping out of me and letting my legs touch the floor.

Immediately I wrapped my arms around him and said, "That was wonderful." Jasper sighed contentedly.

We washed each others' bodies off after we regained our composure and let the warm water work out any kinks we might have after all the things we had done over the past twenty-four hours.

Dressed now we decided to go out and spend the day together doing nothing in particular as long as it was together. I realized then how much I had missed his company over the past week. Stopping on the sidewalk we were currently on I faced him wrapping my arms around his waist and said, "I love you, Jazz."

Looking at me he smiled and said, "I love you, too." Then wonder of wonders he kissed me full of passion on the street in front of everyone, unashamed. It made me wish I'd been stronger, that I hadn't been ashamed.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Strange Desire: Chapter Three **_

**AN: **_Hmm... this story has morphed into a real one, something I wasn't expecting. Well, I hope you still enjoy it. I think it's become my new obsession, whereas my other story was just an addiction. I never intended to start a new one in the middle of that one, but I guess my mind had other plans._

_Characters belong to Stephenie Meyers although she would not approve of doing this to them._

**JPOV**

Holy Shit! Did I just kiss Edward in the street? In front of everyone? Yeah, I guess I did. I was a little shocked at my own boldness. When I looked at Edward I realized I was glad I'd done it. The happy look on his face was worth it.

We continued walking downtown just being together. I thought about our time in the shower and grinned. We would definitely have to have a repeat performance of that. Trying to distract myself from my growing erection at the thought I remembered our breakfast conversation. Edward had asked me about that night he'd gotten into a bar fight. I had suppressed that memory for so long I had forgotten it was there until he jogged my mind. Maybe I had liked Edward in a sexual way longer than just this week then and I'd been denying it, suppressing it, pretending it didn't exist. I always did that with unpleasant or uncomfortable things. Things I just didn't want to deal with.

Bringing me out of my thoughts Edward asked me, "Do you want to grab something to eat?" By this time it was the middle of the afternoon and we hadn't eaten since breakfast.

"Sure. Do you want it to be a surprise?" I asked him, meaning that we would just randomly go to the next place we passed whether we'd been there before or not. It was a nice way of finding new places to go.

"Why not? I'm all for trying new things and I _know_ you are," Edward said, barely hiding a smirk before laughing.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's just go and eat somewhere," I said, pointedly ignoring his teasing.

The next place we walked by was a steak place. Not exactly original, but we'd never been there at least. Shrugging we walked in and waited to be seated. Everything was good, the food, the atmosphere, the drinks, except the waitress that was laying the flirting on a little too thick at both of us. Once when she walked away I turned to Edward and reached across grabbing his hand intertwining our fingers. Edward looked at me curiously, but didn't let my hand go. The waitress came back and that was the first thing she saw before her mouth formed an 'o'. She shook her head and dropped our food off before walking away mumbling something about 'all the cute ones are gay'. Both Edward and I heard it and laughed. Technically neither one of us was gay, but I wasn't about to encourage her letting her know we liked women as well. Right now I couldn't even think about being with a woman. My mind was entirely too preoccupied with Edward and the way he looked at me and the way he smelled and the way he smiled his crooked smile. Damn it. I was fucking screwed. I'd never felt this way about anyone, ever.

Edward was grinning at me from ear to ear. I wasn't sure I liked where this was going, he looked mischievous. As I opened my mouth to ask him about it I felt a socked foot between my legs against my crotch. Shit, shit, shit. Really? He was going to do that here? Then I felt him press it gently against me as I started to get hard at the touch. I glared at him and tried to open my mouth to speak. Fuck. Forget what anyone else thought, I was going to enjoy this moment. Leaning my head back I closed my eyes and I was sure I let out an audible moan as he continued rubbing his foot against my cock. He got a little faster and harder and my breathing sped until we were rudely interrupted by the waitress. Edward stopped what he was doing and had a wholly innocent look on his face. Groaning at the loss I glared at him and the waitress. Then the waitress leaned over to me and whispered in my ear, "Others can see what was going on underneath this table. It's a good thing I didn't let it continue before you two got kicked out. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go get your check and you two can do whatever you want. _Somewhere else_." I gaped at her. Edward gave me a confused look and I shook my head and mouthed 'later'.

We paid our bill and Edward wanted to continue walking around. Fuck him. He was the one that got me all turned on. Edward looked down at my crotch when we got outside and asked in my ear, "Do you need me to take care of that for you?" I growled at him in answer.

Edward chuckled and said, "I'll take that as a yes."

Walking toward our apartment I wasn't sure I was going to last that long. My eyes kept darting around trying to find somewhere to be alone. Searching, but not finding anywhere I groaned. This was painful. I should think about something else. If we got back to the apartment and he tried to take care of it we wouldn't be there more than a couple of minutes as aroused as I was already. He was the only person to have quite that effect on me.

Edward's cellphone started ringing and I groaned internally. The fact that he answered it now only proved my suspicions that it was the hospital needing him to come in, even though he wasn't supposed to be working. He looked at me apologetic and said, "I'm sorry, Jazz. I have to go in." I sighed, it wasn't like I didn't already know this is what his life was like before I'd chosen to be with him. Although being interrupted in what I'd hoped would be private moments was a new thing to me. I supposed I'd have to get used to it if he's what I wanted. Sliding my eyes towards him I looked at him and decided fuck, he's the only one I wanted.

Walking as quickly as we could we got in the apartment and I didn't care what he was doing at that moment, my too tight pants had to come off, now. They felt like they were cutting off my circulation. I sighed loudly once they were removed. Hearing a sharp intake of breath I turned around not realizing Edward would still be there. I thought he would've picked up his scrubs and walked out already. He was looking at my apparent tent in my boxers. "Edward, you have to go. I can take care of this myself. I don't think it'll take long anyway." I was trying to get him to go now, the longer he stood there staring the more painful my erection got.

"I don't think I can work right now without some sort of release," Edward said right before shoving his own pants and boxers down and letting me see his cock. Two long strides forward and I was pressing him against the door. Kissing his lips, letting him feel my tongue against his, I thrust my hips against his cock. Edward moaned and then I felt his hands pushing my boxers down. I didn't even notice if they were all the way off or not.

"Edward..." I breathed before bringing my hand to my mouth and spitting in it before lowering it between us. Grasping his cock I started to pump him while still kissing him. My own release would have to wait, he had to go soon.

He must have been just as turned on as I had been because it didn't take him long before I heard, "Jasper... fuck... I'm so close." Instead of letting him making a mess on himself I knelt down and took his cock into my mouth and sucked him, licking the head. He didn't last more than three thrusts before shooting his hot cum down my throat.

Swallowing him down first I stood and said, "Go. You've gotta go." Edward looked into my eyes then and his expression was unreadable before he dropped to his knees in front of me. Taking me into his mouth I hissed, I was incredibly sensitive at that moment. Placing my hands in his hair I fucked his warm wet mouth hurriedly. He had to go. Damn it. "I'm coming, Edward..." I barely rasped those words out before I was shooting my own load down his throat.

Still standing there I closed my eyes in contentment. I felt Edward's hands roam back up my body as he stood, pulling my boxers back up as he went. Leaning into me, he kissed my lips before nibbling my earlobe at the same time saying, "I had to feel your cock inside me once more today. It felt so incredible in my ass this morning. I hope you know just how good you make me feel." No, I didn't. If it was anything like he made me feel though, then wow. He pulled his boxers and pants up before going into his bedroom.

Groaning I was already missing him. I kept standing there unable to move or speak. When he came back out he kissed me once before saying, "I love you, Jazz." I didn't think I'd ever get tired of hearing that, knowing that he meant it.

Leaving me all alone in the apartment and at least satisfied for the moment I went back to my room to check the students papers they were supposed to e-mail to me. Sighing, I sat there and looked around my room. Was I supposed to stay in my own room? Or were we now going to share the same one? Shrugging I decided it didn't matter right now, we could figure that out later.

Checking my e-mail I waded slowly and painfully through them. Most of them spouted off total bullshit and drivel. Some of it was too boring even for me and I actually liked history. The others I couldn't even read, the writing was so horrible I couldn't even attempt to understand what they were trying to say. Were my classes full of inbreeds? How did these people even graduate high school? I was close to drawing a circle on the wall next to my head with an arrow pointing to it saying, 'bang head here, repeatedly'. Was my class really as boring as the shit my students sent me? I didn't think it was. Hopefully some student out there could write something better, but so far I hadn't come across them.

The crickets were chirping in my head and my eyes glazed over. I couldn't read anything anymore, the computer screen was just a blur. Closing my eyes I rubbed a hand over them trying to wake myself up. Apparently it didn't help, because the next thing I knew my arms and head were on my desk in an awkward position and my neck and shoulders were killing me.

My eyes were heavy as I tried to pry them open and I finally realized why I'd woken up in the first place. Edward had his arms around my shoulders, nuzzling my neck, whispering my name, trying to wake me up. Sighing I tried to stir a little and realized even more muscles hurt than my neck and shoulders. Damn it. Why couldn't I have woken up and gone to bed before turning my body into a pretzel? Finally after lifting my head enough to look at Edward, he said, "Hey sleepyhead, don't you think you should sleep in a bed?"

Glaring at him in my, 'I just woke up, don't talk to me,' way I sat up further. Eventually I unfolded myself enough to sit up straight and stretched my arms over my head. "Come on, Jazz, come to bed with me. We both need real sleep. I know I need it," Edward said reaching for my hand and pulling me up. I was too tired to do anything but comply, as if I would do anything else anyway.

Edward led us to my bed and we lay there side by side facing each other. I watched as his eyes drifted closed and his breathing evened telling me he'd fallen asleep. Hmm... wonder what time it is or how long I slept? Turning over I looked at the alarm clock, it said 3:53 am. About to turn over again I felt an arm around my waist and Edward pressing his body to mine, his warm breath on my neck. Sighing in contentment I finally let sleep overtake me too.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Where was that fucking noise coming from? Finally rousing myself awake I realized it's my damn alarm clock. I wanted to throw it against the wall. When I looked at the time I also realized it was set earlier than I actually needed to get up for work. I must have left the setting for when I worked out in the morning. Sometimes Edward and I did this together right before I left for work and right as he got home on the days he worked nights, not today though. Edward couldn't possibly be awake enough to do that right now and I still had kinks everywhere.

Checking to make sure Edward wasn't awakened by the noise I got out of bed. Taking a hot shower I let the warmth loosen my muscles. It felt good to just relax and not be in a hurry. Getting my clothes I dressed as quietly as I could before I turned to see Edward sleeping peacefully. He had a slight smile on his face. Unable to contain myself I kissed that smile lightly and saw it widen before I walked out of the room.

Fixing breakfast this morning was a quiet affair and I enjoyed the peace. I chose not to cook anything and just got water to drink. Sitting down on the couch I ate slowly preparing myself for another day filled with a job I hated. Didn't everyone hate their jobs though? Well, Edward didn't, he told me so. Even if it was a job I liked with occasional bad days that would be an improvement over this one. I guess I would stick with my plan to start writing and looking elsewhere for a place to work, one without idiotic students.

As I was about to open the door I felt arms around my waist and heard Edward ask, "Why didn't you wake me up?"

Turning to look at him, I said, "You looked too peaceful and you deserve to actually be left alone to sleep, Edward."

When he frowned at me, I knew I'd made a mistake, he wanted to spend time with me before I left. Reaching a hand out to his cheek I said, "I'm sorry. Next time I'll wake you up." Then I tilted my head forward and kissed him softly saying, "Now go back to bed. I hope I'll see you when I get home." I knew that was probably wishful thinking.

Edward cupped my face and pulled me back to him to kiss me deeply. When we pulled away he had a wicked smile on his face and I wondered what that was about. He looked excited about something. Fuck it. I'd find out later. I was already going to be late for work if I didn't hurry. "Bye, Jazz, have a fun day at work," Edward said, teasing me, knowing I hated that place. I knew he hated that I worked there as well.

When I got to work I found out I had another meeting with my boss. What the fuck was wrong now? I know it's not like he knew I hated this job, I was good at pretending anything. A couple of classes went by before our little 'meeting'. Knocking on his office door tentatively he called me in and told me to have a seat. He looked grim. Shit, shit, shit. Why was I here again? Oh, that's right, I didn't even have a fucking clue.

He put his elbows on the desk and put his hands under his chin before speaking, never a good sign. "Do you know why you are here?" he asked me staring through some of the thickest glasses I'd ever seen. It made him look like a bug and I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing when that thought passed through my head.

"No, sir," I answered politely.

"Well, it seems our last meeting didn't hold any sway with you, at all. Let me reiterate, you cannot touch one of the students," the bug man stated menacingly. What the fuck was he talking about?

"Excuse me?" I choked out, curious to know what the fuck he was talking about.

"It seems one of the female students has launched a complaint against you. That you touched her inappropriately and propositioned her for sex," he answered. The disturbing part was the fact that he thought he was telling the truth and that I was not the victim here.

I snorted. Probably not the best reaction at the time, but I couldn't help it.

"Do you think this is funny?" he asked me. "You could lose your job over this and any potential other ones."

"No, sir. I know the implications of what you just said," I told him seriously this time.

"Then why the nonchalance about it all?" he asked sitting back in his chair. "I'd like to hear what you say happened."

"Well, first of all, I have absolutely no idea what or who you are talking about. Second of all, my _boyfriend_ would be pretty pissed if he found out I was hitting on a girl." Emphasizing the boyfriend part I hoped he'd get it. It's not like he knew my personal matters anyway. Sorry Edward for using you like that, I hope you can forgive me. Boyfriend didn't seem the right word for us, but I wasn't sure what would be.

"Ah... well that certainly changes things," Mister Bug Man said. Hmm... I don't think I'd ever be able to call him anything else ever again. "So how long have you known this guy?" he asked me, genuinely curious. Fuck. He didn't need to know this.

Answering him regardless of not wanting to I said, "Since I was five. We've lived together a long time though." No need to tell him we'd only had sex over the weekend, nor had we ever really dated at all. It wasn't any of his business anyway.

"Hmm... okay. Well you can go now. I think I'll have to have a chat with that student again," he said waving me out the door.

Phew. I was glad that's over, at least for now. It felt like an interrogation.

Going back to class I know I took out what happened on my students. Fuck. Although I did give them another week to write better papers than the ones they turned in. In my mind this was generous as most of them were going to fail it if what I read last night was any indication. "Some of your papers were horrible, make that most of them. Please think before you send me this again. The English lab is there to help for a reason as well, please use it. I couldn't even understand half of what I was sent." This was said at the end of each class and I heard a collective groan from my students. I was ready to get the hell out of there. I highly doubted I'd get anything better back, but I was always hopeful.

Bursting with energy and irritation I decided to go to the gym and work it off after work. It needed to be done anyway. Imagining Mister Bug Man's face on the punching bag was therapeutic. Thinking about taking a shower at the gym I decided to forgo it. I was going home anyway.

Walking into the house the silence was deafening. Where was Edward? I knew he should be asleep here somewhere, but I saw no one. Did he get called into the hospital early? Forgetting it I stepped into the shower as soon as I'd removed my clothes.

Standing there under the spray I let the warm water wash away the sweat and grime of the day. Thinking over that stupid meeting today I was so frustrated that I hit the tile wall with the side of my fist. Feeling an arm wrapped around my waist and another at my chest I jumped, not realizing I wasn't alone anymore. "Jazz, what's wrong? Another bad day?" Pressing my back against his chest I groaned.

"You could say that again." It was the only answer I could get out as Edward was kissing my neck and shoulders, soothing the tension there.

"Tell me all about it. I want to know," Edward whispered into my skin. Fuck. What could I tell him? I couldn't concentrate with him touching me. Trying to turn around so I could face him, he wouldn't let me, instead saying, "No, tell me what happened. Let it go." He continued kissing me stepping back a little and planting kisses on my back while I tried to get out my day through gritted teeth. When I got done telling him my day he turned me around. Cupping my face with his hands he pulled it towards him licking my lips before slipping his tongue between them touching them. His warm breath mingling with mine was a nice sensation and I pressed his body closer to mine. Our cocks touched, both erect, before Edward took a step back and got out of the shower.

"Where the fuck do you think you are going?" I asked him, practically shouting.

His eyes twinkling, he said, "Work." Oh, that fucker, he was paying me back for this morning.

"Come back here," I shouted as he walked out the door.

"No, I'm already probably late." He was still laughing as I heard the front door open and close. Damn it. I was going to have to take care of this myself. Groaning in frustration I took matters into my own hands and imagined it was Edward's hand on my cock, not mine. Closing my eyes I moaned as I recalled his lips on me. It didn't take long before I came hard crying out Edward's name. Hmm... that was new. I never called out other people's names in the middle of masturbating.

"Fuck." When I heard Edward's voice I spun around in the shower nearly falling over. He was leaning against the doorway watching me. Gripping his own cock and running his hand over it I saw he was mostly dressed except for his pants and boxers at his knees. Looking right at me, he cried out, "Jasper..." before coming on his hand. I stepped out of the shower and walked towards him grabbing his hand, licking the cum from it. "Jasper, I've always wanted to watch you do that," Edward told me. Placing my hands on his shoulders I kissed his mouth hard.

"Never tease me like that again. Please," I begged him.

Edward smirked at me and said, "Not a chance. I enjoy it." I growled at him and felt his cock twitch against me at the sound. "Now I've gotta go before I really am late. See you later, Jasper." He kissed my lips again before pulling his boxers and pants back up. We might have to make a new rule inside the house to wear less clothes, they just got in the way. Walking away from me, I noticed his ass and almost started to get hard again. No, damn it.

Realizing I hadn't actually washed my body with soap I stepped back into the shower and soaped up rinsing the suds off. Even after washing my body the smell of Edward still permeated the air. He smelled like rain or more accurately the forest right after a soaking rain. Getting out of the shower I laid down on my bed on the side Edward had slept on inhaling the traces that he'd been there. Fuck. This was pathetic. I wasn't some silly girl.

Annoyed, I got up and put some clothes on. My eyes flashed to the computer and I shook my head. I wasn't about to try to get through that mess right now. Going to the kitchen I tried to find some food that wasn't too old to eat and a large glass of water. After my workout today that still wouldn't be enough water. Looking around I decided I'd eat in the living room. I needed background noise, so even if I didn't like what was on TV I could at least not feel entirely alone. Picking up the remote I turned the TV on and flipped through channels trying to find something non-irritating. It was a struggle. I finally landed on the music radio stations and just picked one of those, at least I didn't actually have to watch it. Settling down more comfortably I ate in peace, keeping my mind purposely blank.

Getting up to take my plate back to the kitchen and get more water a brown package caught my eye. How did I miss that before? It was on one of our chairs. Going to the kitchen first I came back and took a look at it wondering what it was. The package had an envelope on top with my name. Opening the box I looked inside and there was a leather computer bag. What was I going to do with that? I didn't have a laptop. We were buying each other gifts now? Confused, I picked up the bag realizing it was heavy. Unzipping the bag I looked inside and there in front of my eyes was a brand new laptop. I took it out and opened it staring at the screen. What the fuck was this all about? My heart started racing.

Setting it aside I took off the envelope and opened it. Edward had very obviously and painstakingly written out this note slowly. Most of the time I couldn't read anything he wrote anymore without going cross-eyed. Reading the note I started to calm down.

_Jasper,_

_Breathe, don't freak out. I've been thinking about buying this for you for a long time. I would have bought it even if you said no to me. You need a place to work where you aren't tethered to a wall. It kills me to see you in the job that you hate and I thought this might get you one step closer to realizing your dream of becoming a writer. _

_PS I can't take it back. I spent most of the day making sure it had everything you needed on it so all you need to do is turn it on._

He was good. Now I couldn't do anything but take it. Damn it. Laptops were expensive and this one looked like an incredibly new one. One reason I didn't own a laptop is they were too easily broken. One fumble or one spill of water could permanently destroy the entire thing, they weren't durable. I'd better back up everything I put on here so I don't screw myself over.

Turning the computer on I searched through it trying to figure out what was actually on it. My mind was drawing a blank when I thought about what to write. It was frustrating, a million ideas in my head and not one that would come out on paper. Maybe I needed to think about this a little longer and narrow down what I wanted to write about. Turning it off I placed it back in the bag and took everything back to my room. Laying down on my bed I thought about what I wanted to write about. Flipping over the smell of Edward assaulted my nostrils again. That's when it hit me. What I was going to write about. Two male soldiers that were also lovers in the middle of the civil war on opposing sides. That would definitely create enough conflict to make a story. Closing my eyes I just had to figure out how to make it happen, make it worth reading. I doubted it would be anything but tragic.

Waking up the next morning I felt a warm body next to me. Opening my eyes I saw Edward's green eyes close to my face startling me. He smiled and I felt his finger tracing my lips. I smiled back at him before his stomach growled loudly. I laughed and sat up. Taking his hand I led him to the table and made breakfast for the both of us. Setting it down in front of us we ate in silence for a few minutes before I said, "Edward?"

"Yes?" he answered with one brow raised.

"Thanks. For the computer, I mean, and believing I can do it," I said, knowing he was my muse for the story I planned on writing.

"You're welcome. Now whenever you get close to finishing it I think you need to talk to Bella. She works for that publishing house, she can help you figure out what the hell you are supposed to do with it," Edward told me. I frowned at him when he mentioned her name. I'd never had a problem with her before. It must be knowing Edward had also liked her. He saw the frown and picked up my hand, kissing it, saying, "Jasper, you don't have anything to be jealous of. I've always loved you more, she even knew that. I just never let myself go down that road because I didn't think anything would ever happen between us." I nodded taking a shaky breath. It was ridiculous to feel this way.

We finished eating and I watched as Edward tried cracking his neck. He looked tense and uncomfortable. "Bad night?" I asked him.

"No, just long and exhausting," Edward answered me, his eyes drooping. Picking up his hand I pulled him to the couch and told him to lie down. I sat at one end with my legs out and apart with him between them.

"Scoot down a little. Enough that your head can lay flat," I told him. "Oh, wait a minute. I'll be right back. Unbutton your shirt and pull your arms out of the sleeves." I went back to my room to get a bottle of massage oil. One of my ex-girlfriend's had been a massage therapist.

Sitting back down behind him I warmed the oil in my hands and said, "Edward, just relax and close your eyes. Don't try to help me." Placing my hands under his shoulders I started massaging his upper back and shoulders. His shirt was still underneath him protecting the couch.

Edward groaned and said, "Where did you learn to do that?" Fuck. I stiffened, not wanting to tell him. He opened his eyes and waited patiently for the answer.

"I don't want to tell you. I'm afraid you'll get mad," I answered.

"Just spit it out. I won't get mad," he told me.

"A girl I used to date was a massage therapist," I said and left it at that.

Closing his eyes again I picked up kneading him again as I seemed to have stopped during that conversation. "Jasper, it's okay. You don't have to hide things like that from me. Besides, I'm the one reaping the benefits of that right now.," he said opening his eyes again and tilting his head back looking at me smiling. I laughed, he knew just what to say to make me feel better.

"Close your eyes and relax again. It won't help if you don't relax," I chided him. He sighed and closed his eyes again as I worked my fingers up the back of his neck and then the sides, digging into the knots there trying to make them loosen. When I got to his face I took a closer look at it than I ever had before, memorizing the feel of it underneath my hands. I worked the frown and stress lines from his face, as they eased I heard his breathing even. He needed this. Next I massaged his scalp making his already messy hair stand nearly on end. Knowing he'd finally fallen asleep I smoothed his hair back and kissed his now smooth forehead.

Not wanting to get up, but knowing I had to, I moved my legs carefully so I didn't jostle Edward awake and stood up. Making it to my room quietly I got ready for the day. Another day of hell. When I got back to the living room Edward hadn't moved. I could clearly see the muscles of his chest and stomach and that line of bronze hair trailing downwards. Shaking my head I had to get out of here before I wanted to ravish him. I hoped he woke up soon and went to sleep in a real bed. Kneeling down in front of him before I left I placed one hand on his chest and licked the rim of his ear whispering, "I love you, Edward." Then I kissed his cheek, feeling the rough stubble under my lips before standing up and leaving.

When I got to work another student came to my class in the middle of it saying I had another meeting with my boss. What the fuck did he want now? Couldn't he just leave me alone to teach? I hated doing it, but he was making it worse.

All my students today got the same lecture as the ones from yesterday. "I expect to see improvements in the papers you send," I told my last class of the day before going to see my boss _again_.

Sitting patiently for him to let me enter his office I chatted with the receptionist. She was clearly into me. I felt nothing. She finally told me to go in.

Standing there unwilling to sit down I waited. I didn't speak at all. Finally Mr Bug Man said, "It seems the student with the complaint against you wants to contest that you are gay. She seemed to think it was impossible you had a boyfriend." I held back rolling my eyes, something I picked up from my students.

"It's not impossible," I told him, not adding anything else.

"Well, if I could meet him and see you two together then maybe I'd agree with you. As it stands right now you may be looking at suspension following an investigation and probable termination," he said, making me want to puke. Why was I bending over backwards for this job? _Don't think that. You better not leave under suspicion, it'll only make things worse elsewhere._

"Fine, then. When would you like to meet him?" I asked him, hoping Edward would be willing to come down here. I wasn't even sure if he was my boyfriend exactly.

"Sometime this week. That should be no problem?" he asked me.

"It's fine, just make it early in the morning or after my last class. He works in the ER and here lately mostly at night, so those are the best times to meet him awake," I said and he seemed a little surprised that I came up with that answer. He must have thought I was lying about Edward.

"Good, how about tomorrow afternoon?" he asked me.

"All right, Edward and I will meet you here," I told him, hoping that Edward could and would come.

Leaving school I went directly home, not bothering to go to the gym. Maybe I'd run later tonight. Banging the door open to the apartment I strode in ripping off my tie and jacket and kicking off my shoes. I was in about the same mood I had been in when I caught Edward in a very private moment leading to us. Slamming the door I was walking towards my bedroom so angry that I didn't even see Edward sitting on the couch. He asked, "Bad day at work?"

Instead of answering I turned and saw him wearing nothing but jeans on. Fuck me. Why wasn't he asleep? He didn't sleep most of the day yesterday either. "Why aren't you sleeping?" I snapped at him.

Edward stood up and came toward me saying, "Because I'm not working tonight." Then he spun me around and pressed his chest to my back. "Jasper, tell me what happened today that has you so riled up?" I grunted out what happened.

He kissed my neck, then my earlobe, nipping at it. "Of course, I'll go with you tomorrow. You shouldn't get fired over something you didn't do." I tilted my head back against his shoulder as my own shoulders felt some of the tension leave.

"Jazz, forget the outside world. We are here together, right now, just the two of us. No one exists, but us," Edward whispered in my ear before his hands roamed down to my waist pulling my shirt up. He kissed the back of my neck before starting on the other side.

"Edward, don't tease me today. I don't think I can take it," I growled out.

Smiling against my neck he moved to my ear and breathed, "I'm not teasing you today. Today you _will_ be writhing under me as I fuck you senseless." Fuck me.

"Oh, I intend too," he said chuckling and I realized I must have said my last thought out loud.

His hands slowly unbuttoned my shirt from the bottom one and up. Why the hell was he going so slow? Once my shirt was opened his hands took their time running over the muscles of my chest and I thrust my ass against him. He was already erect so why wasn't he taking me already? He brought one of his fingers to my lips and traced them until I flicked my tongue out and licked it before sucking it into my mouth, swirling my tongue over it. He moaned, "Fuck, Jazz, do you know how fascinating it is to watch your pink tongue on my finger or feel it in your mouth?" Taking his finger from my mouth he brought it down to my nipple and rubbed the wet digit over me, eliciting a moan.

Turning around I pressed my bare chest against his and took his bottom lip in mine, biting it gently. Kissing his throat down to his chest I took each of his nipples in turn, nibbling on them before working my way down. Following his happy trail I got to the button of his jeans and undoing it and unzipping his jeans I pushed them down. Edward was only wearing jeans today, standing at attention for me. I slowly lowered my head over his erection and felt his hands in my hair. "Jazz, that feels so good." Going down as far as I could I came all the way back up and licked the head before going back down again. My hands had been on his ass, but I moved one of them to his balls and lightly tugged there. They started to tighten under me and Edward pushed me away saying, "Not yet. I want to come inside you."

Pulling me to my feet he stepped completely out of his jeans before leading me to his bedroom. Standing next to his bed he unbuckled my belt and undid my pants and watched as they fell to the floor. He pulled my boxers down and pushed me to the bed managing to get them off together with my socks at the same time. Edward stood in front of me and proclaimed, "You are beautiful," right before pushing my back to the bed with his hand over my heart.

Lying on top of me he kissed my lips, waiting for me to open my mouth. Letting him enter I pushed my tongue against his before sucking his tongue into my mouth. Edward moaned then and started thrusting his hips, his cock brushing against mine. Pulling away from me he said, "Jazz, I want you on your knees for me."

Turning over so I was on my hands and knees which was what I thought he meant I placed my knees further apart. "You have a sweet ass," Edward said as he kissed it and ran his tongue along the crack of my ass. Placing a hand on each cheek he pulled them apart opening me up more. His tongue pushed itself inside and I growled. Edward brought one of his fingers to my mouth next and demanded, "Suck on this before I stick it in your ass." Sucking his finger eagerly making it as wet as I could, he took it away from me and pushed it in me. Fuck. This wasn't like a well-lubricated finger. He pumped it in and out of me a few times before withdrawing his finger. Whimpering, I wanted him back inside me. He grabbed a condom and some real lube and putting the condom on he put the lube over it before rubbing it in the crack of my ass. Surely he wasn't going to just try to take me this fast, was he? He'd only been inside me once and I didn't think it was stretched enough for him to even try something like that. With me tensing up Edward soothed, "Relax, Jasper. I won't hurt you." Then he put one of the fingers back inside me using the lube he'd coated my ass with and wiggled it before adding another one and then another. I felt heat welling up in my chest at his touch. Removing his fingers he put his hands on my ass and gently pushed his cock inside me. I sighed loudly in relief once he was all the way in. "Do you like that, Jazz?" Edward asked me.

"Fuck, yes," I practically yelled and started thrusting my hips back. He thrust in and out of me hitting the hidden places there, making me feel good. The only problem with this position was I couldn't see Edward. I wanted to see him as he fucked me, just like I watched when I fucked him. "Stop. Edward, please stop," I pleaded, stilling my own movements.

He stopped and concerned questioned, "Jazz, are you okay? Am I hurting you?"

Turning my head to the side, I replied, "I'm fine, you aren't hurting me."

"Then, what is it?" he asked me.

"I want to see you. I want to watch you fuck me." I said and he laughed.

"Is that all? Fuck, you were freaking me out," Edward sighed, relieved and pulled out of my ass. Lying on my back with my knees bent he entered my ass again. Not quite getting the leverage I wanted I placed my feet on his chest and let him push my legs close towards my body as he thrust in me and I pushed him back as he thrust out of me. He had both his hands flat on the bed on either side of me and I was sure this looked some convoluted exercise, if it wasn't for the fact that we were both naked and he had his cock in my ass. Watching him we took the thrusts slow at first before working at a faster pace. His green eyes were dark as they looked into mine and I watched as he licked his lips. My own lips parted in want, but I didn't want to break our rhythm. It felt good to have him inside.

"Fuck!" I cried out as I felt as though I was getting nearer time to let go.

"Let go for me, Jazz. Don't hold it in," Edward commanded and I reached down and cupped my balls, tugging at them a few times before sliding my hand over my cock using our combined sweat to make it easier. Sliding my thumb over the tip of my cock first I moved it around my head and watched as Edward was watching me do this. That was all it took before I let go.

"Edward!" I shouted before my cum shot over my stomach.

He kept up his thrusts as my ass tightened around him before letting go himself. Pulling out of me, he got up as my legs fell flat to the bed sore and trembling now. He went to the bathroom and threw the condom away and brought a warm washcloth to me and wiped off my stomach and my ass before throwing it accurately into his laundry bin.

Edward curled his body around mine and whispered, "I love you, Jasper." It was the first time he'd used my name and not Jazz when he told me he loved me. I couldn't believe I noticed that.

Running my hands through his unruly hair I said, "I love you too, Edward."

Sex with him was exhausting. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get out of bed. My stomach disagreed with me though by growling loudly. Laughing, I said, "I'm too tired to even attempt to make dinner."

"I know what you mean. How about we order pizza instead? We haven't had that in a while," Edward suggested and I groaned. That would require that I get out of bed and put clothes on. My stomach continued to get louder though so I had no choice but to agree. "Let me call it in first then we can take a quick shower together before they get here," Edward said. Shower, quick, and Edward weren't necessarily things I liked together, but it would have to do for today.

Turning the warm water on I stepped into the shower and waited for Edward. I'd be damned if we were taking a shower together and not at least washing each other, even if we were too tired for anything else. He got in and looked me over with so much lust my cock twitched a little at it, but I'd just got my brains fucked out of me, it couldn't do anything more than twitch. We spent the next few minutes washing each others' sweat-soaked hair and bodies before drying off and getting dressed again. I went back to my room to look for some clean clothes to put on. We'd both just barely managed to reach the living room, dressed, before the doorbell rang.

Edward opened it and paid the guy before setting it down on the coffee table and I grabbed some beers from the fridge and some napkins. Plopping down on the couch I winced, I'd already forgotten my ass had just been fucked. I don't guess I'd be forgetting it for a while now. Edward saw it and chuckled as I shifted to sit more comfortably. I'd be too tired and too sore to do anything else tonight so I asked Edward, "Do you want to watch a movie?"

"Sure, what did you have in mind?" he asked me.

Shrugging, I said, "I don't know. You have a bunch of movies over there that haven't even been opened. How about one of those?"

"Okay," he said and we searched through them narrowing it down to a handful and picked one at random to watch. We hunkered down on the couch and ate our pizza in the near semi-darkness and sipped our beer. The movie was supposed to be funny, I think, but I couldn't concentrate on it as I kept seeing Edward's silhouette next to me. Eventually setting my food and drink aside I scooted next to Edward and turned his head to me, capturing his lips with mine. "Jasper..." he breathed.

There was no way I was going to have sex now, but that wasn't going to stop me from making out with Edward. He set his own stuff aside and I pulled his t-shirt off and then my own. Pushing him down on the couch I remembered him doing the same thing to me. Kissing his neck I sucked the skin into my mouth, licking at the same time. My hands roamed over his chest as my mouth moved down and I licked and sucked his nipples. Continuing my kissing I worked downwards and eventually found Edward's belly button before dipping my tongue in and felt his hips raise off the couch.

"Jasper, come back up here," he commanded as I scooted my body back up his. Edward put his hands on my face bringing me closer to him saying again today, "I love you." Then he pulled my head down to his and kissed my lips gently.

Sighing, I relaxed and said, "Let's go to bed, Edward. You wore me out." Getting up he pulled me to his room and we shed the rest of our clothes before lying down. It didn't take long before I was out.

When I woke up in the morning my head was laying awkwardly on Edward's chest. Sitting up I tried to work the kinks out of my neck. Leaving his room I walked past the living room and our unfinished food and beer. Getting ready for another day of work I was standing in front of the mirror when I noticed a few noticeable bite marks on my neck. Fuck. Where the hell did those come from? I didn't remember Edward doing that yesterday, unless he did that when I was asleep. Deciding not to hide them I wore a shirt with no tie today.

Having slept in a little I grabbed something to go and a bottle of water. Edward walked out of his room before I left and said, "Have a better day today. I'll meet you up at the school this afternoon."

Gulping some of the water down I nodded. Walking up to him I kissed him and questioned, "Did you leave these when I was sleeping?" I was pointing at the bruises on my neck.

He grinned at me and replied, "Of course I did. Who else would do that? Besides, I wanted to make a good impression on your boss. This way he won't automatically think we are acting. Not to mention it was fun to do." Smiling at him, I raked my hands through his hair before kissing him goodbye.

Waiting impatiently for my work day to end I was half dreading what was to come and half excited. Edward would be there and we would be out for the first time together, truly out with people we knew. It would give us practice before dealing with more important people in our lives.

Edward met me outside in our usual meeting spot and I showed him the way to my boss's office. He held my hand in his on the way there. A few of the students saw us, including some of my own. Some of them said nothing to me or about us. Some were clearly not surprised, which made me wonder again how long I'd been hiding this from myself. One of the girls in my class whistled and said, "Way to go, teach'. I didn't know you had a boyfriend as cute as you." I rolled my eyes at her as Edward chuckled beside me.

Making it to the office we sat down and waited as I got more nervous by the minute. The receptionist kept looking at us curiously. "Jasper, stop fidgeting. Everything will be okay," Edward told me before cupping my face in his hands and kissing my lips softly. Wrapping my arms around him I kissed his neck and felt his tongue lick the rim of my ear like I'd done to him yesterday when I thought he was sleeping. He must not have been because he did it exactly like I did. Fuck, it felt good. "Calm down. I can speak for the both of us," he told me before we were called into the office again. For some reason I felt like I was getting sent to the principal's office like I was in high school about to get detention. Edward and I had served many of those together.

I wasn't paying attention as my boss introduced himself to Edward, my eyes couldn't leave him. He looked so at ease and confident. Sitting down Mr. Bug Man spoke saying, "So how long have you two been together?" Fuck.

Edward held my hand and squeezed silently telling me to be quiet. He answered, "We grew up together, were college roommates together and then roommates. We've been together about a year now." Now he was lying through his teeth, but as neither one of us had dated in that long I supposed it would be a good enough answer if anyone bothered to look into it.

"So you have been boyfriend's that long?" he asked, pushing us trying to catch us in a lie.

Edward leaned forward still holding my hand and said, "Yes, but to me Jazz isn't my boyfriend, he's my partner." My face was carefully blank when he said this even though I was silently doing a happy dance. I squeezed his hand this time and he looked at me smiling.

Grinning at him I reached up to the collar of my shirt and tugged at it letting my boss see the marks there. Edward's hand let go of mine and intentionally went to the bruises there and traced them, not acting like he knew anyone else was in the room at all. My boss coughed and brought us back to reality. "I think that's all I need to hear from you. You may go now," Mr. Bug Man dismissed us and we walked out hand in hand.

Laughing in relief I pulled Edward to me and kissed him hard our tongues dancing together. My hands made their way to his hair and I tugged on it as I heard him moan and he put his own hands in my hair. It seemed like we stood there forever just kissing. My boss and his receptionist eventually walked out and saw us there and I heard my boss say, "Shit, I guess he wasn't kidding. That girl has some answering to do tomorrow."

"Jasper, let's go home. I've missed you today," Edward said before taking my hand again and walking us away from the campus.

**AN:** _I'm exhausted after writing that. Hope you guys don't take it for granted._


	4. Chapter 4

**Strange Desire: Chapter Four**

**AN: **_I hope you guys can stick with me and this story, I'm enjoying it. My other story is getting to a difficult part for me so this is a good distraction when I need it._

_Okay, so my sister's roommate had me watch Latter Days yesterday. It made me laugh and cry, so I suppose it was a good movie. Definitely not appropriate for children though. _

_All right, guys, this chapter is shorter than my other ones, but it just seemed like it needed to end here. _

_Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, but obviously not this situation._

**EPOV**

Dragging my feet out of the elevator and to the front door of our apartment I fumbled with the keys. If someone walked by right now they'd probably think I was drunk. Tired. I was so incredibly tired. Yesterday after that stupid farce of a meeting with Jasper's boss we'd gotten back to the apartment and ate dinner. We didn't get through half of it before I got called into work early. There had been some major accident on the highway involving a jack-knifed eighteen-wheeler and several other vehicles and they needed all the help they could get. When I heard this I could feel the blood drain from my face and I didn't even say goodbye to Jasper, instead opting to rush out the door as fast as possible. So, I had worked my ass off trying to stabilize the people that I could and then catch up to the other patients that normally came to the ER.

Stumbling across the threshold of my apartment I decided to grab a sandwich to eat hurriedly before hopping into the shower. The refrigerator was now fully stocked and all the science projects had been thrown out which meant one of two things. It either meant Jasper was happy or agitated, but I was too tired right now to dwell on it.

Covered in blood, sweat and tears, not all of it my own I walked into the bathroom. Removing my clothes I stepped into the shower and let the water run as hot as possible trying to rid myself of the last twenty hours. It didn't take long for me to be soaped up, rinsed off, and getting out. I was afraid if I stayed in there too long I'd fall asleep standing up. My fears were unfounded though. Going straight from the shower to bed naked I laid there and my mind wouldn't shut off. I was so sleepy I couldn't sleep. All I kept seeing were my patients and their family members over and over in my head.

The difficult part of this was I knew at least half of the people were going to die from that accident. They were just injured too badly for anyone to be of any help. When some of the family members finally filtered in I got an earful. They'd ask me why I couldn't save them, but I just couldn't. No one could. Some of them quietly grieved while others shouted at me or one of the other doctors or nurses releasing their fury and grief on us. Normally this sort of stuff didn't bother me, it's one of the things we trained for in school. Toughen up or you won't make it. This time though it got to me.

A couple of the families wouldn't let their loved ones go, they stubbornly clung to the hope that they'd wake up. Of course they never did, they were already gone. The hospital didn't have enough beds for this influx of people, so it halted some of the care others should have gotten. It just wasn't fair. A number of times I'd thought about tattooing my ass with DNR on it, so people would leave me the fuck go. I didn't want to be kept alive by a machine if I was never going to be able to get away from it.

Tossing and turning I finally sat up and put my head in my hands, frustrated. Getting to my feet I decided to turn some music on, at least maybe I could concentrate on it instead. Lying back down it didn't seem to help at all. Unable to get comfortable and shut my mind down I thought about Jasper and how his parents had died in a car accident so similar to this one. That was probably more of why I couldn't sleep. I felt like I should be able to do more to save them, so that their family members didn't have to feel like he did sometimes.

Staring at the ceiling thinking about Jasper, I wondered how long it would be before the bottom dropped out of my world. I wasn't sure how long this would last. He seemed to be entirely too accepting and I was still on edge waiting for him to completely freak out. My heart seemed to be heavy just waiting for it to happen. _Stop thinking about that now. Enjoy what you've got while you've got it_. Closing my eyes I tried to push those unwelcome thoughts out of my head.

Doing everything possible I could think of to fall asleep and not getting anywhere I sat up again. Running my hands through my hair I decided this was not helping and got up. I needed a distraction from work. Blowing out my breath I walked out of my bedroom and heard noise coming from the kitchen. Jasper must be home. Good.

What I saw took my breath away. He was turned away from me in nothing but jeans, cutting something. The muscles in his back moved each time he made a cut. Silently, I walked up to him and put my left arm around him, splaying my hand over his stomach. My right hand came over his wrist and hand with the knife, that way if I scared him he would just let it go instead of injuring one of us.

Pressing my lips against his neck Jasper leaned his head back and moaned letting go of the knife in his hand. "Edward..." he breathed before reaching up to grab the back of my head at the same time turning his own. I kissed across his jaw to the corner of his mouth before meeting his mouth fully. Turning in my arms he pulled me closer to him, clutching at me as though making sure I was still here. My breath caught at the fierceness of the embrace. Then he put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me back to look at my face. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?" he asked me, always concerned.

"I couldn't sleep. All I keep seeing is the people from that accident and their families every time I close my eyes," I answered and watched as his eyes looked away.

"Yeah, I saw that on the news. I knew you wouldn't be back for a long time," Jasper said before looking back at me, his eyes slightly wet, and it broke my fucking heart. Choking back my own sobs I held him close to me still seeing those horrific images in my head. Some tears must have escaped anyway because Jasper pushed me away so he could look at my face. His hands reached out and he placed them on my cheeks rubbing those traitorous tears away. I was tired of crying today, I'd had enough. I'd held it in while at work, but as soon as I had gotten away from there I was having a hard time stopping the flow until I got home.

"Jasper, please... please make me forget. I want to forget," I pleaded with him. Tilting his head to the side thinking he seemed to come to a decision and dragged me away from the kitchen into his bedroom. Kissing me gently as though he thought I might break, he pushed me down on the bed. At this point I might break, I wasn't entirely sure.

Jasper was still standing with his jeans on looking at me. He looked sad and I wondered how much that accident had affected his own mood, how much it reminded him of his own parents. Reaching out a hand to him I pulled him beside me, so we were lying side by side facing each other. Placing my hand on his hip I pressed myself closer to him, our bare chests touching. His lips found mine and he sucked my bottom lip into his mouth gently nibbling on it with his teeth. Moaning into his mouth I flipped onto my back pulling him on top of me.

Kneeling between my legs Jasper sat up and removed his jeans slowly. Kicking the ends of them off his feet he just looked at me for a few minutes. I was starting to squirm under the scrutiny. Leaning down he put his hands on the rough stubble of my cheeks and ordered, "Stop that." Immediately I stopped moving. "Keep your eyes open for me. Watch me make love to you. Forget everything and everyone else. It's just you and me here right now," Jasper said huskily and my breath quickened.

My hands reached out to his head and pulled him to me. Kissing him, I kept my eyes open looking into his darkened blue ones. My breath hitched at the intensity of his gaze even while kissing me back. He pulled away trying to get some air and kissed my neck and shoulders instead. Leaning back away from me, he met my eyes before taking in every detail of my body again. This time I didn't move. Instead I did my own inventory on Jasper. He was just muscular enough for me, but not too much. On his stomach he had absolutely no hair, but his chest did. It was blond and fine and barely visible unless you were up close, but I could feel it. Before I got much further in my assessment he placed his hands on either side of my waist. His fingers trailed up my sides while his thumbs moved up my chest slowly and I put my hands on his arms. Jasper's thumbs eventually made it to my nipples and circled each one before he lowered his head and his tongue did the same. His pink tongue flicked out over my nipples, making me gasp. Then I watched as he sucked them between his teeth and I moaned, "Jasper..."

Bucking my hips against his, I pulled his chest down to mine and ran my hands along his back. One of my hands landed on his ass pushing him closer to me, the other on his head pulling his mouth back to mine. Our mouths barely meeting, I said, "I love you." Then his lips touched mine, his warm breath languidly exhaling into my mouth.

He moved his mouth across my jaw to my ear and nipping at it whispered, "I love you, too." Then I could feel his lips on my neck lightly sucking on it and I groaned. That felt good, but I almost wished he'd do it harder. That didn't seem right though at the moment.

The hand I'd placed on his ass moved between us and I wrapped my hands over both our hard cocks without really doing anything. I moved my hand slowly over us, but that was it. Jasper grunted and closed his eyes, tilting his head back. I lifted my body off the bed just enough that I could reach his neck. Sucking on the soft skin there I moved over to his Adam's apple and licked it before sucking it between my lips. "Uhh... Edward..." Jasper moaned his eyes still closed.

"Open your eyes for me, Jasper. Please. I need to see you are still here with me," I pleaded desperately. I'd seen enough people last night and today that would never open their eyes again. Opening those fuck me blue eyes of his he looked down at me before smiling. He had a perfect smile, one that was not crooked like mine.

Shifting down the bed Jasper's head ended up between my legs and raising up on my elbows I watched as he licked my shaft before circling the head of my cock. Fuck. I had to fight to keep my eyes open. The only thing that kept me there was the fact that he was looking up at my face. My feet were now flat on the bed with my knees bent as I waited to see what was coming. He moved his mouth to the less sensitive, but sensitive nonetheless, skin of my inner thighs. This time he sucked on the skin there, sucking it into his mouth with a little more force than he did on my neck. Placing a hand on his head I groaned. Then I watched as he sucked my balls into his mouth and my eyes nearly rolled back into my head. It took everything I had to keep them open. His own eyes looking back at me were the only reason I was able to do so. Jasper sucked my cock into his mouth and I could feel the tip at the back of his throat before he came back up wrapping his tongue around it. He did this a few times driving me crazy before he came back to my own mouth kissing me.

Dipping his head again he grabbed a pillow on his way down. Pushing the pillow under my hips I wondered what he was doing. No one else had ever done that with me. I could feel his tongue flicking over my perineum before sliding down the crack of my ass. He used both hands to pull my cheeks apart before I felt his tongue over my anus. Lifting his head so I could see him he put two fingers in his mouth and sucked on them. Fuck. Then I felt him push one of them into me quickly followed by the second. He pumped his fingers inside me a few times and my hips raised off the pillow wanting him inside me instead. "Please, Jasper... I need to feel you inside me now," I breathed heavily with excitement. Removing his fingers from my ass he came back up to me kissing my stomach and chest before reaching over to a drawer and getting out lube and a condom. Rolling the condom over his own erect cock he opened the cap of the lube and I took it from him. Raising a brow at me I just put it in my own hands before running it over his cock. What was left I ran along my own cock before closing the cap.

Jasper leaned back down to me kissing me hard this time, his tongue slipping between my lips to meet mine. At the same time he placed the head of his cock over my anus, entering me slowly. Relaxing into him I felt him push inside further. Shifting a bit once he was fully sheathed inside me I was in heaven. He felt so good, so good. He'd never quite gotten this deep before. Jasper lifted one of my legs to wrap around him while he kept his mouth on mine barely letting go except to breathe. My other leg wrapped itself around him and our bodies just rocked against each other slowly. He used one hand behind my back to push me closer to his chest. I wanted to stay like this forever with him inside me. My cock trapped between our bodies didn't appreciate this though. It wanted release yesterday.

Placing my feet back on the bed I put my hands on Jasper's hips and lifted my ass off the pillow. Leaning back he started thrusting his cock in and out of me with his hands on my hips. My ass lifted to meet him as I wrapped my own hand over my cock moving it up and down. Again he pulled one of my legs around him as he continued thrusting inside me. I saw him swallow hard and lick his lips when he looked down at me and what my hand was doing. He was close and leaning down removed my hand from my cock replacing it with his own before saying, "Come with me, Edward." His hand slid over me and I could feel my balls tighten and Jasper thrust harder in my ass. It didn't take long before I came, shooting cum on my stomach and his hand. The walls of my ass clenched down tight and Jasper cried out letting go.

Exhausted and sweaty he laid back down on my chest pulling the pillow out from under me at the same time. Jasper licked my lips, smiling at me, before rolling over to throw the condom away. Turning back to me he laid down almost still half on top of me. I reveled in the warmth and weight of him. Neither one of us got up after that. Still covered in sweat and my cum we just let our breathing slow, enjoying our own bubble. Then his hand cupped my cheek and he said, "I love you. Now close your eyes and go to sleep." Closing my eyes this time all I saw were his blue eyes staring at me instead of the horrid memories I hadn't been able to expel from my head.

**JPOV**

Holding Edward in my arms I watched as he finally floated off into dreamland looking peaceful. He'd looked so sad and tortured when he asked me to make him forget. How could I do anything else? I think I'd probably do just about anything for him. Taking him to my room had been intentional, if he wasn't sleeping in his bed then mine would be better. My hand skimmed his chest lightly going upward to his neck as I placed a kiss there and continued up to his hair. Running my hands through his hair I kissed his closed eyelids, barely touching them.

Disentangling myself I had to get up, it was barely past seven o'clock at night. Getting up I went to the bathroom to clean myself up before bringing a warm wet washcloth to Edward. I really hoped this didn't wake him up. He only moaned and moved turning to his side with a smile never opening his eyes. Sighing in relief I pulled my sheets and covers over him and quietly got dressed.

Walking out of my room I went back to the kitchen. The vegetables I'd been cutting still looked okay, which was good because I was fucking hungry. Moving around the kitchen I made dinner for myself, and sat down in the living room with it. Turning on the TV I carefully avoided anything news related and tried to watch anything completely inane. Last night every major station had been talking about that accident. When I saw it I knew that's why Edward had left in a hurry without saying goodbye. He'd done that before, but not very often. It was disconcerting when I saw him turn white while he was on the phone and practically run out the door.

When I saw all those cars and people being taken to the hospital on the news I couldn't help but remember this is how my parents died. I was too young to know the details, but I knew it was something similar to this. I'd been with a babysitter at the time or else I would have been in that car with them, most likely dead as well. Tears came to my eyes when I thought about my parents and how little I knew about them. No one knew, they were the only family members left.

My adoptive parents saw me when I was at a foster home and as soon as my father heard my name and where I'd come from, he had to take me home. Apparently he had taken care of my parents before they passed away and he wanted to do something for them. He couldn't keep them alive, but he could do this. My mother agreed with him. They'd been the best parents I could have, although I still wondered what my biological ones would have been like.

Then I thought about telling my parents about my relationship change with Edward. What would they think? I was sure they wouldn't disown me like his parents did. I was their son though, so they probably wouldn't like it. Inhaling deeply I decided to cross that bridge with Edward later. He might not actually want them to know, for all I knew, after his own parents reaction. We loved each other and that's all that mattered.

Hearing banging in the hallway I got up and looked through the peephole, annoyed. Whatever was going on better not wake up Edward. All I could see were boxes out in the hall and the wide open door of the apartment across from us. Someone must be moving into the previously vacant apartment then. I wondered if we'd ever actually meet the new tenants and what they would think of us. I wasn't naïve enough to think that some people wouldn't try to hurt us if they knew we were together.

Ignoring the new neighbors for now I took my plate back to the now fully stocked kitchen and got some more water to drink. It had been my therapy to shut the TV off last night and ignore the real world. Going into the kitchen last night and not finding anything edible to eat I was irritated and started chucking things out before going to the store. I hated grocery shopping, but I liked to eat, so I had to go. Maybe we could invite the new neighbors for dinner later this week. We needed some more friends and it was hard to cook for just two people anyway.

Sitting back down on the couch I turned the TV station to music and picked up the laptop Edward gave me. Checking my e-mail I again began to wade through my students papers. They still had until tomorrow, but some had sent them early. Most of them weren't that much improved as I expected. A few good ones stood out for me though. It was about fucking time. Then there were a few students that e-mailed me some derogatory things about Edward and me. I suppose they saw us at the school yesterday. All of this was sent so anonymously that they forgot to hide their e-mail address from me, the same one they sent their papers to me with. Fucking inbreeds. What surprised me though is my reaction to it. I didn't give a shit, I was happier than I'd ever been in any other relationship.

Reaching my quota of the day for idiotic students bullshit I closed my account. Putting the computer on the coffee table I settled back on the couch lying down and thinking about my future again. I was certain that I'd at least stay one more year at this job that I hated. I couldn't make enough working for a museum or something like that and I didn't want anything to do with politics. That last part, I knew, was directly related to Edward's father. So my other choice was writing or maybe even editing, but I'd rather write my own stuff. I had no plans to work this summer this year, so that would help me out with finding time to write.

Closing my eyes I went back to the story I'd had playing in my head for a while until my fingers started to itch, as I could feel the ideas stem from my brain directly to my hands. Sitting back up I grabbed my computer and started typing the words of what would be my first attempt at a real story. I'd written things before, but that was for my own pleasure. When I'd started my current job I stopped writing completely. That's probably why I hated it so much, it took away something I enjoyed. _Well, whose fault is that? Oh, shut up. _Feeling the words flow through me some stress left my body and I wondered how I hadn't ended up wound even tighter without this outlet for so long.

Writing furiously I hadn't even realized what time it was until my hands felt like they were about to fall off. I had to get it out though, my mind wouldn't shut off until it was out of my head. Sometime around two o'clock in the morning I turned the computer off and went to bed. Removing my clothes first I lay down next to Edward and tried not to disturb him. He must have felt the bed move anyway because he opened his eyes to slits and breathed, "Jasper..." before putting a hand on my stomach and placing his head on my chest. One of my hands laid itself on top of his and I kissed his head before finding my own much needed sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Strange Desire: Chapter Five **

**AN: **_I'm so happy many of you liked the last chapter. I wasn't entirely sure you would, it was much more emotional than the other chapters. For some reason, I felt like there should be some more bonding between them._

_I'm a little shocked at most of your acceptance of this story. I know many others that have done a slash story like this have been ridiculed for it. It makes me proud that my readers are more open-minded than that._

_Okay, I'm insane. I must be. I decided to become OCDJen's beta for her story Healing Heart along with my two stories congruently. You should check it out, it's kind of sad so far though. She's becoming a better writer with each chapter. Anyway, it's on my favorites page. But that's the reason I haven't updated this story as quickly as I wanted to. I have so many more chapters in my head though, I can't wait to get them out._

_Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, but not this story as I know she would disapprove._

**EPOV**

Stirring awake I stretched out on the bed. Mm... Jasper's bed. He wasn't here, so it must be sometime in the middle of the day. Rolling over to look at the alarm clock I saw it was 11:14 AM. Lying my head back down I inhaled deeply, the bed smelled like Jasper and me and sex. Groaning I wished he was home with me and not at work. Yesterday when I asked him to make me forget I had no idea he was going to make love to me like that. I figured he'd fuck me and then leave, letting me fall asleep by myself. He knew just what to do for me and that made me feel fucking high. Perhaps instead of Jasper being the one to freak out about us, it was me. I never thought he'd love me this way or show me this much. Before I might have thought we could just fuck and that's all it would be to him, like an experience he didn't want to miss out on, but not one he wanted to continue doing. I knew this had happened to some of my friends and they had been hurt by it, especially if it was someone to them like Jasper was to me. Fuck, I missed him so much.

Deciding I'd been in bed long enough I got up and took a shower, got dressed and headed for the kitchen. Damn, I was hungry. The only thing I'd eaten in the last two days was a hurriedly scarfed down sandwich. A man needed more sustenance than that. Making myself a large omelet with spinach, mushrooms, and cheese first, then I made a couple of pieces of toast and putting that on a plate grabbed some fruit and a glass of water. Looking around I didn't want to sit at the table alone in silence, so I went to the living room and turned the TV on. I didn't care what was on. The noise reminded me of Jasper. He couldn't stand to be alone if I wasn't there without background noise. Whether it was the TV, radio, or something, there always had to be some sound. He said it freaked him out to feel like he was totally alone. I smiled at that, it was one of his weird quirks that I'd always known.

Polishing off the remains of my food I got up and put everything away debating on what to do next. I had the rest of the afternoon to myself. Hmm... I should probably go to the gym today. The last couple of days really screwed up my workout schedule. Grabbing some water and workout clothes I grabbed my gym bag and headed out the door.

Stepping into the hallway I saw boxes lined up there, but not the owners of them. We must have new neighbors then. Taking the stairs today instead of the elevator I walked out to the cloudy Seattle sky.

Breathing in deeply it felt good to be outside. I chose to walk to the gym today. Both Jasper and I had cars, but if we could walk there instead we usually did. Sometimes I wondered how much of that had to do with Jasper's parents car accident and subsequent death. He never was in a hurry to get a driver's license or a car like most teenage boys. Almost always was walking preferable to him. That was okay though as I ended up doing most of the driving if we were together. I, personally, loved driving.

Finally at the gym I started running on the treadmill first. Some of the other people there stared at me, like always. They did the same to Jasper too whenever he was here. I got hit on by both women and men frequently which was flattering, but most of the time I'd rather be left alone.

Overall I think I worked out about two hours before I decided it was time to quit. I left the gym in my workout clothes and walked back home and up the stairs again. I noticed this time there were new boxes in the hallway, but still no owner. Shrugging I pushed my way into our apartment and stripped the sweaty clothes off almost as soon as I walked in the door.

Taking another shower again today I let the warm water run over me and pound my muscles into relaxation. I wished Jasper was home already and in here with me. He wasn't though, he was at work and about the time he got home today I'd have to leave for work. I actually couldn't wait for summer because I knew he wouldn't be working during it this year and I knew he did his best writing at night when I was at work, so that meant we'd be more on the same schedule. I didn't know how I knew he wouldn't work this summer, but I did. I was grateful, I'd like to come home to someone who wasn't pissed off half the time because of their job.

Personally, I was dreading going back to my own work today after the last time. That had been a nightmare and a half. Seeing all those people dying was something I was used to and yet I wasn't, probably because it was so many at once. The family members got to me the most though. Then I thought about what would happen if something like that happened to me. I didn't have anyone. My parents were... I had no idea where they were. Jasper's parents hadn't actually adopted me even though they might as well have. As for Jasper... it wouldn't matter, in the eyes of the state he wasn't family either and never would be. That was just so fucked up. So, what then? I'd die alone in the hospital if something ever happened? Thinking this through I decided right then and there that Jasper would be my medical power of attorney. I wondered what he'd think about that. He might be completely freaked out that I asked him to do that, I wasn't sure. It was the only way though that I thought my wishes would be carried out if, god forbid, something ever did happen to me. His dad was a doctor so I could have asked him, but he was further away and besides I _wanted_ Jasper to be the one to do it.

Deciding I'd depressed myself enough I got out of the shower and dried off, wrapping the towel around me when I was finished. Looking around my bedroom first, I turned, then walked away and back into Jasper's room. I laid down on his bed, on the side he slept on in an attempt to be closer to him since he wasn't here. Shit, I'd never acted like that about anyone before. Although I had a feeling that if we had gotten together when we were younger I would have acted the same as I was now, like a lovesick puppy. I probably would have anyway if I didn't think it would give me away before. Trying to relax I closed my eyes hoping to snatch a couple of hours more sleep before working another night shift.

Waking up I turned over and thought I heard noise. Jasper must be home then. When I sat up I saw his jacket and tie on the back of his desk chair. So he had been in here then and didn't try to wake me up. I was annoyed at that, he didn't try to wake me up this morning either. Standing up I walked out of the room and into mine to grab some pants to put on. Jasper wasn't in the living room either so he had to be in the kitchen, he seemed to like it there.

Hearing me walk up to him, he asked, "You finally decided to wake up for me?"

"What do you mean by that? I told you to wake me up before you left in the morning and you could have tried to wake me up when you got home," I told him, almost in a scolding tone.

Jasper's shoulders shook with laughter and he turned away from what he was doing and looked right at me saying, "I did _try_ to wake you. I'm not sure anything could have woken you up, you wouldn't budge at anything I tried. Both times I tried to wake you up I might have thought you were dead if I hadn't seen you breathing." Hm... that was interesting, I didn't remember sleeping that hard before.

Sitting down at the table so I could watch him I tried to wake up more fully. I had maybe an hour and a half before I had to leave for work. "Jasper, what are you doing?" I asked him.

Still looking at me he rolled his eyes. "What does it look like I'm doing? Cooking dinner." I wanted to smack him for being a smart-ass.

Rolling my eyes just as dramatically back at him, I said, "What I meant to say is what are you cooking? Is that better?" Stupid, wannabe writer had to be so particular about what words I used. That was really annoying to the rest of the world, I wondered if he knew that.

"What does it look like I'm making?" he asked me sarcastically as he pointed to the stuff on the stove. Ah, spaghetti.

"Spaghetti?" I asked and he nodded at me and turned back to it. I wondered if we were feeding off each others' annoyance or if he'd had a bad day at work. "Jazz, did something bad happen at work today?" I asked.

He sighed and said, "No, not really. It's just... well, I'll show you." Turning the heat down on the stove he went to get his computer and set it on the table in front of me. Logging on to his e-mail he showed me some of the very bigoted e-mails he'd gotten. "The cowards didn't even have the guts to tell me that to my face. They sat in my class today and acted like they always did and tried to get me on their good side. It's like they don't even realize I know exactly who sent those to me, I do have their addresses for a reason."

My stomach turned and I wondered if he could handle being with me. Those people were just students and some of the other people that had seen us together were strangers. So far no one we knew needed to know yet. "Are you okay, Jazz?" I asked him.

"I will be, eventually. It's not like I didn't know what I was getting myself into," he answered me with rancor.

Even though I felt like I was going to throw up at the thought I asked him, "Jazz... are you sure you still want to be with me?" A look of shock passed across his face.

"_What? _ Of course I do," he hurried out and my stomach settled. He leaned over and kissed my lips before going back to his e-mail. "I want you to see these, too," Jasper told me as I was shown several other e-mails of students that wished they had the courage to come out. "I'm actually not sure which ones bother me the most." That I understood all too well. Squeezing my hand he went back to cooking dinner.

"Do you want some help?" I asked him and he shook his head no.

"I'm good," he told me and continued cooking.

Rarely did I ever cook around here. My schedule was so odd sometimes it almost never allowed me to do it. If I was called in early then I'd be stuck in the middle of it without ever finishing. Almost always did the task fall to Jasper, but he seemed to enjoy it. At least I did know how to cook though, which was shocking considering how my father felt about it.

_Standing in the kitchen with my mom one day when I was about ten she was letting me help her make a cake. Of course I wanted to help. I wanted to freaking lick the bowl, like almost all children. When my father came in and saw me there his face turned red in anger and he started yelling at my mother. "What are you doing? Boys and men don't belong in the kitchen. I'm not raising a sissy boy in this house."_

_My mom squared her shoulders and said, "Edward, please go to your room right now. Your father and I need to have a talk." I didn't want to leave her there with my father looking so angry, but she pushed me out the door and said, "Go, please."_

_Running up the stairs crying I hated my father right then. He couldn't have just told me he didn't want me in the kitchen. No, he had to yell at my mother for it. Slamming the door to my room I could still hear the shouting from downstairs. I could only hear my father's loud voice though. My mom, I knew, was trying to talk to him calmly and rationally like she always did when he went off like that._

_Later that evening my father had finally left the house and my mom finished the cake that I couldn't even stomach anymore. Finding my mom in her bedroom crying I climbed into bed beside her and told her, "I hate dad. We should move far away, just me and you." She cried harder and pulled me to her._

_Eventually she calmed down and said, "I wish we could, but we can't." I wondered what she meant by 'we can't', this was a free country, wasn't it?_

"_Mom, why did you marry dad? I hate him so much, I can't believe you would marry someone like that," I asked her truly curious._

_She sniffled a few more times before saying, "He didn't used to be like he is now. When I first met him he was happy and fun, he wanted to change the world. Now... he's nothing like the person he used to be." I patted her back and stayed with her until my father came back, sneaking out of the room before he'd have a reason to be mad at me or her for being with my mother._

Coming back to the present I thought I should have known then what would happen when he found out I liked boys too. I looked at Jasper cooking and thought about all the famous _male _chefs in the world and snorted. My father was an ass. At least Jasper's mom had taught me how to cook. Fuck, if she hadn't taught us both we'd either be starving or living off fast food, neither of which were the healthiest things in the world.

Jasper sat two plates down on the table in front of us and glasses of water. "Edward, where did you go?" he asked me.

I hadn't realized I had been thinking that long and said, "Just remembering something."

"Remembering what?" he asked.

Shrugging I didn't want to get into it, all I said was, "My parents."

"Oh." He knew me well enough to leave it alone unless I volunteered the information, which I almost always did _because_ he didn't bug me about it.

We ate for a few minutes in silence before I couldn't hold it in anymore. I told him about the memory I'd flashed back to, just like I was sure he knew I would. My father's character didn't surprise him, except maybe me telling him that my mom had said that he didn't used to be that way. He'd seen his temper firsthand. Whenever my father got really bad he'd always arranged it so I could stay at his house no matter what day of the week it was, even back when we were only five. As we got older I'd just show up at his house when it got like that without asking, I had an open invitation. My mom always seemed relieved when I would leave during those times.

"Edward... what exactly did your mom mean?" Jasper asked me.

"Huh?" I asked him, confused.

He pressed his lips together as if it should be obvious and asked, "What did she mean that you couldn't move away from your dad?"

"I don't know," I answered him. I'd never actually thought too much about it. Sometimes I thought she stayed because she liked the abuse. No, that's not right. My mom was tough, I did remember that about her. Why did she stay? I wished I knew the answer to that. As I had absolutely no contact with my parents I didn't think I'd ever find out either. Jasper looked like he was thinking hard about it, but couldn't come up with any answers to that either.

Looking at my watch to see how much time I had left, it wasn't much. Finishing my food I washed off my dishes and went back to my room to finish getting dressed and grabbed a pair of scrubs. Jasper had cleaned up the rest of the kitchen while I was getting dressed I noticed.

I groaned remembering the conversation I originally wanted to have, but had forgotten all about. "Jasper, I want to talk to you about something later. I was going to today and I forgot about it," I told him.

"Okay..." he trailed off.

"Tomorrow, I'll tell you tomorrow," I said and before leaving stepped closer to him hugging him. Kissing his lips gently I said, "I love you," against them.

"I love you too, Edward," Jasper replied, he looked almost sad as I walked out the door.

Back at work I found out a few of my previous patients were still on life-support, some of them were never going to walk away from that or even wake up. That just nailed it home even more that I had to have that talk with Jasper. I hoped nothing did happen to me, but... Fuck, I didn't want to be like that.

This night was slower than the last time I was here, but as it was a Friday night we still got plenty of drunks coming in. They were all there for various stupid, idiotic reasons. I did have one teenager that was there for alcohol poisoning. She was lucky, she nearly died. I doubted she'd ever drink that much again unless she had a death-wish. Her friends that brought her in were crying and her parents thanked me profusely for saving her life. I couldn't promise that there wouldn't be any lasting damage though.

Changing out of my scrubs at the end of my shift I left and went home. When I got there no one was there. It was Saturday and early still. Where the hell was Jasper? Calling his cellphone I waited patiently as it rang. He didn't answer it though. Okay... I couldn't think of where he could possibly be right now. He usually slept in on Saturdays.

My phone started ringing a couple of minutes later though and I picked up. "Jasper, where are you?" I asked him.

"Um..." He actually sounded almost embarrassed and I wondered why. "I'm down at the coffee shop by our apartments."

"Why? Isn't it a little too early on a Saturday to be there?" I asked him.

"Well... it is early, I've been here since it opened. I brought my laptop with me to give me something to do. I couldn't work with all that silence in the apartment," he told me.

"Okay, but why aren't you sleeping still?" I asked him curiously.

At that he seemed even more embarrassed and said, "I couldn't sleep without you. I've been up almost all night." My heart did a happy little flip at that.

"Care if I join you?" I asked him.

"No, I don't mind. I missed you," Jasper answered.

"I won't be interrupting anything, will I?" I asked him.

"No, I think I've gotten about as much written as I can at the moment. I need time to think about what else I want to say," he told me as I walked out the door and down the stairs. No boxes hung out in the hallway anymore.

"I'll see you in a minute then," I said.

"Okay, see you," Jasper said and hung up.

Walking into the coffee shop I noticed Jasper sat there with his computer in front of him looking for all the world like a cliché. All except for the bottle of water in front of him instead of coffee. Furrowing my brows at that I wondered why he'd come here then if he wasn't actually going to drink coffee. I bought a bottle of water too and sat down across from him. "Okay, care to tell me why you are drinking water instead of coffee in a coffee shop?" I asked him.

He looked pointedly at my own bottle of water and shot back, "Why are you?"

"I don't really like coffee and I like to sleep." That was my answer to him.

"Well, I hate black coffee and I distinctly remember you calling the other drinks 'diabetes in a cup'," he told me. What? I didn't remember saying something like that, although it did sound like something I would say. I had taken care of those patients, I personally didn't want to go down that road and would do everything in my power to prevent it.

Him not drinking coffee because of me bugged me though. If he wanted to drink it, who was I to have that much influence over him? Did he stop only because we were together? "Jasper... when exactly did you give up drinking coffee?"

Deep in thought he said, "Um... five years ago, I think." Oh good. At least he didn't try changing just because we were together. Fuck, I was going to have to be more careful about what I said around him though.

"Jasper, let's go home. I'm tired and you've got to be too," I told him.

"Okay," he said packing up his stuff. We walked back to our apartment in comfortable silence.

I didn't even bother going to my bedroom, even though my room was bigger, I felt like I could sleep better in Jasper's bed. That probably had to with the fact that it belonged to Jasper and no other reason. Undressing first, leaving only our boxers on, we climbed into bed and I put my arm around his waist bringing his back to my chest. Kissing his neck I whispered, "Sweet dreams." I fell into a comfortable sleep with my hand over his stomach and felt the hard planes of his back against my chest.

Waking up sometime later I realized Jasper wasn't in bed with me anymore. Looking at the clock it was about midday. I got up to find Jasper sitting on the couch with his computer in his lap, not typing. He didn't acknowledge me at all, nor did I expect him to. I'd seen that look on his face before. His face was blank and looked far away at the same time. So many people thought he was stupid when he did that. I knew better. He did that often when he had a story going on in his head, which used to be often. His current job was the only thing that had kept him from it. He told me once when I questioned him about it that it felt like stories were dropped into his head without his consent. They were just there and they would never go away until they were written out. It would only continue to interrupt his life if he didn't get it out.

Going to the kitchen I grabbed something to eat and sat down on the couch with him and ate in silence. Eventually I curled up on the couch and fell back asleep. I never even heard the computer keys being pressed as he wrote, I was too tired. When I opened my eyes Jasper was staring at me, the computer had been placed on the coffee table. He must have gotten out what he wanted to say then. Attempting to sit up to give him my full attention he pushed me back down. He straddled either side of my hips and leaned down kissing my lips tugging at them gently before becoming more insistent. Moaning into the kiss I pulled him down to me so his chest was touching mine. "Edward, I want you so much," Jasper said and looking into my eyes I noticed his had darkened with lust. "I feel like I can never be close enough to you," he told me and I knew what he meant, that's exactly how I felt. "Please, please fuck me."

"I plan to," I said with a wicked grin. Moving my legs so that they were on the outside of us I bent my knees so I could feel his cock brush mine even through our boxers a little bit better. Kissing his neck I sucked the skin there gently and worked down to his shoulder feeling the muscle beneath my lips. Biting his shoulder Jasper growled out. Fuck. Flipping a surprised Jasper over I was now on top. Attacking his chest with my mouth he groaned and writhed underneath me.

"Edward... please," he begged, grabbing my ass and pressing me into him.

"Please what?" I teased.

"Fuck, Edward. Please fuck me already. I've already been staring at you for a long time, waiting for you to wake up to fuck me. Now get on with it," Jasper growled out.

Smiling at him I leaned down to kiss his full lips before I acquiesced, "As you wish."

Moving so I could take off his boxers I pulled them down. Looking at his cock I wondered if he'd even be able to last long. It was a good thing I was fucking him this time. Leaning down again I licked his nipples before kissing his stomach down and down until I reached his cock. Languidly I licked his cock not wanting him to cum just yet. Jasper put his hands in my hair and grunted wanting more. Sucking two fingers into my mouth first I then pressed them against his anus and pushed inside. Jasper wriggled at the feeling and sighed when I started pumping them into his ass. "Do you like that, Jazz?" I asked him.

Growling at me he said, "Fuck, yes." Hearing knocking on the door we completely ignored it, they'd come back later if they really wanted us.

"Edward, please. I want you inside me _now,_" Jasper practically shouted. I laughed at his impatience.

"Okay, okay," I said standing and was about to leave the room to find some lube and a condom when Jasper grabbed my arm.

"It's right there," Jasper said as he turned his head to the coffee table. Lying on top of it was a condom and a bottle of lube. "I told you I've been thinking about this for a while."

Grinning at him, I dropped my boxers in front of him and heard his sharp intake of breath and a groan. "Jazz, I want you on your knees for me this time. Please," I begged him, knowing I could get deeper this way. He nodded and knelt on the couch placing one hand on the armrest and one on the back of the couch. Fuck me, he had a nice ass. I couldn't help myself, I had to bite it. Jasper groaned at that. Pushing his ass cheeks apart I licked his hole pushing as deep inside as I could and heard Jasper growl at me again. Fuck, I loved that sound. I could feel his chest vibrate when he did that, even all the way down here.

Rolling the condom on I put lube on my hand and stroked my cock a few times before using what was left on my fingers to push inside him. "Fuck," Jasper breathed. Pulling my fingers out I slid my cock over his ass crack a few times holding his cheeks apart, then I pushed into him filling him. Eventually I heard Jasper sigh in pleasure as he got used to the intrusion and started thrusting in and out. Still holding onto his hips I watched as Jasper bent forward a little before rocking his hips against me. Our breathing was heavy and I couldn't believe how tight he still was around my cock.

Keeping one hand on his hip I placed the other on his stomach holding him closer to me. His hand that had been on the armrest came to rest over the one on his stomach. "Edward..." he breathed and I moved my hand down so it cupped his balls, his hand never leaving the top of mine. Then I moved up his cock and slowly pumped it at first before picking up the pace, using our combined sweat. We were both sweaty and grunting and I was sure I would be unable to hold out much longer. "Edward, I'm about to..." he said loudly.

"I know, I know. Me too. Just let go," I told him and felt him let go in my hand shooting warm cum onto my hand, his hand, his stomach and the couch. Feeling him tighten around me, I let go and shouted, "Jasper!" I held still for a few minutes before completely pulling out, making sure the condom came with me.

Throwing the condom away quickly I came back and watched as Jasper stood up looking down at the couch frowning. It's a good thing it was leather or it would've been a bitch to clean. "Don't worry about it right now, let me clean you off first," I said smiling at him devilishly. Kneeling in front of him, I licked his stomach first then his cock looking up at him. Standing I picked up his hand and licked and sucked his fingers and skin there. Looking down at his hand curiously he picked mine up when I was done and mirrored the same thing. Once we were cleaned up I went into the bathroom to find a towel to wipe up the cum off the couch before it dried.

Sitting back down on the couch I pulled him down beside me, then I scooted to the end so my legs were straight out on the couch so he could sit between them and lean against my chest. Wrapping my arms around him, I kissed his head. I could see his eyes were starting to droop closed as he was relaxed and satiated. Holding him against me, I let him fall asleep for a little while, enjoying the feel of his naked body against mine, something I never thought I'd ever get. Leaning down I whispered into his ear, "I love you, Jasper."

Jasper mumbled back in his sleep, "I love you too, Edward." Then he pressed his body even closer into mine and settled there.

We still needed to have that conversation, the one I wasn't sure he'd like. The one that didn't have anything to do with telling anyone anything, the one that I asked him to let me go if something bad happened to me. I had to think carefully about what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it.

Jasper stirred awake and sat up blinking sleepily. I smiled at him and kissed his cheek. "Come on, Jasper. Let's go get properly cleaned up." I really wanted a shower and clothes on before I even brought up what had been weighing on my mind. Leading him to the bathroom I turned the hot water on in the shower first before stepping in bringing him with me. He still looked half asleep. I hoped this shower woke him up. I tilted my head back to wet my hair before I washed it and moved so he could do the same. He still seemed like he was in a daze and I wondered just how tired he was. Washing my body off I proceeded to wash his off too as he still seemed really out of it. He never did wake up well though.

Turning the water off I grabbed two towels and handed one to him. He took it and stared at it, but didn't seem to know what to do with it. He looked completely lost and I wondered for a minute if he was sick or something. "Jasper, are you okay?" I asked him.

He looked at me with wide eyes and nodded, but then I saw him swallow hard. "No, you're not. You can tell me anything," I said.

Taking a shaky breath he said, "I'm terrified." What?

"Why?" I asked him.

"Because... because I have no idea what you want to talk to me about today and I'm afraid I won't like it," Jasper said, finally looking into my eyes.

Stepping closer to him, I said, "Jasper, stop worrying. I'm not sure you will like it, but it's nothing bad either." He only sighed and nodded at me before drying himself off.

Both of us got dressed and I moved to sit down at the table. Jasper sat in the chair next to me. Picking up his hand in reassurance I said, "You know how bad my job got the other day?" He nodded and looked away before looking back at me.

"Well... so many of the patient's families wouldn't let them go. They aren't ever going to live without life-support, Jasper. I don't want that, I never have wanted that. I've worked around it, trust me, I really don't want that. I know this isn't an easy subject to talk about, death. So many of my patients in that accident were young though, some even younger than us. Do you understand what I'm saying here?" I asked him.

Sighing he said, "Yes, Edward. You want me to let you go, don't you?"

"Only if it has to be done, Jasper. If you aren't sure you can always ask for your father's advice. I hope we never have to worry about it, but you know as well as I do that you don't have any control over when you die," I told him.

He swallowed hard again and said, "Unfortunately, I do know that."

"Good. Now the reason I'm bringing this up is because I don't have any family," I said and Jasper shot me a look of surprise.

"What I mean is, in the eyes of the state, I have no family," I told him and he relaxed. "I want you to have my medical power of attorney. Right now even if I was really sick or had surgery or something you wouldn't be allowed to see me or get updates as you aren't actually family. Jasper, you never will be considered family. This is the only way I could think of to get my wishes played out and be able to see you if anything ever happened."

I watched him carefully as he processed this information. "Okay, Edward. I'll do it." I breathed a sigh of relief. "Edward... would you be mine?" he asked me.

I was shocked. He still had family, why would he give me that kind of power? "What about your parents?" I asked him.

"My parents would understand, I think. They may not always be around either, but even if they were, according to you they could see me. You, on the other hand, would not be able to otherwise. I know just what I'm asking," Jasper answered me. "I love you more than anything, I think I always have. So for you not to be there for me if something happened would surely kill me faster." Standing up I pulled him up with me and hugged him tightly.

Kissing his lips gently I said, "Thank you." I knew that wouldn't be easy, but I also knew it needed to be done. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, one that I hadn't realized was even there. I would look into getting the paperwork for it on Monday.

Leading him back into the living room I sat down on the couch and smiled remembering our earlier activities. He sat down next to me putting his arms around my neck and pulled me close to him. Feeling his soft lips against mine I sighed in contentment. Then I felt his tongue licking my lips and I opened them for him. We kissed with our tongues entwining for quite some time breathing through our noses so we didn't pull apart that often. I was surprised we hadn't gone any further when we heard the door being knocked on again.

"Do we get it this time?" I asked Jasper.

Smiling at me, he said, "I'll still be here when they're gone."

Getting up to answer the door I felt Jasper's eyes on my ass the whole way there. I snorted to myself knowing that's exactly why he had wanted me to get up in the first place. Opening the door I saw two very gorgeous people standing in our doorway.

The woman was statuesque and looked like a blond, blue-eyed Amazon. Her hair and eyes were the exact same color as Jasper's. Fuck, I hoped Jasper wouldn't moon after her. She was a beautiful woman and as far as I knew of I was the only guy Jasper had ever liked. For some odd reason the song Brick House started playing in my head, I think because I thought she looked like an amazon in my head. I bit my cheek hard to keep from laughing out loud. Then my eyes moved over to the guy standing there, he was big and looked like a brick wall. No, not a brick wall, a bear, he looked like a bear. That nearly made me fall to the floor in laughter as when I looked closer I realized in the gay community he would be considered a bear. Not my type, at all. What the fuck was wrong with me? I had to get control over myself before I said something really stupid.

The big guy stepped forward, almost shielding the woman, and said, "Hi, we're your new neighbors. My name's Emmett and this is Rosalie, my girlfriend."

"Oh, hey." Thank god, I didn't burst out something completely inappropriate. "I'm Edward." I could feel Jasper come up behind me and waving my hand in his direction I said, "This is Jasper, my..." My what? My roommate? My friend? My boyfriend? It was one thing to save his ass for his job, but after reading those e-mails this morning I wasn't sure how he'd feel about someone knowing that lived that close to us. Then again how the hell would you hide that? As I thought about those things I saw Emmett step even more in front of Rosalie and I realized he felt threatened. Hm... that was interesting.

Jasper had come to stand right behind me, close enough I could feel his chest against my back. "Hi," Jasper said and wrapping his arms around my waist, kissed my neck. Well there goes the answer to my question. I watched as Emmett visibly relaxed and stepped back a little from Rosalie. I saw her scowl push him away.

"Hi, I'm Rosalie. This is my oaf of a boyfriend, Emmett." She held her hand out to shake mine and then Jasper's hand before she nudged Emmett, reminding him that he had manners somewhere.

Clearing his throat he said, "Yeah, sorry." Then he shook both of our hands.

Behind me I heard Jasper say, "You should join us for dinner. We could get to know each other a little better."

Before anyone had a chance to say anything else Rosalie piped up, "Sure, we'd love that. We haven't quite settled in yet. I'm not even sure where half our kitchen supplies are."

"Okay, great," Jasper said smiling. "How about you meet us here at 7:30? It'll give us time to actually cook something."

"We'll look forward to it. See you then," Rosalie said tugging at a stunned Emmett back across the hall. I was sure he wondered how he got roped into eating dinner with what he perceived as two gay men.

Shutting the door behind them I heard Jasper whistle happily. What the fuck was that about? "Uh... Jasper?"

"Yeah?" he said still whistling heading into the kitchen.

"Do you have something to tell me?" I asked him.

"Tell you about what?" He sounded confused.

"Are you attracted to that woman?" I asked him suddenly afraid that he might be.

"No. Are you attracted to either one of them?" he shot back. Point well taken.

"No, it's just you seemed entirely too happy with them," I said.

Jasper laughed and said, "Of course I am. Edward, in case you haven't noticed, you are my only friend. Also, they didn't run and they accepted knowing we are together. We won't have any awkward explaining to do with them, it will just be." That made sense. I had friends, but I'd never introduced Jasper to any of them, nor had I mentioned them. They were all gay or bi friends and as I wasn't ready to come out to him, I hadn't wanted any questions. It was just easier.

"Jasper... I have friends," I said carefully, judging his reaction.

"Okay, Edward. I know you have Bella and by extension Jacob. Anyone else?" he asked me.

Nodding I said, "Yes, quite a few actually."

"Okay... why haven't I met any of them before now?" he asked me.

"Um... I didn't want you to meet them. I thought it might give me away. Since you already know about me anyway now, I think it's time you got to meet some of them sometime," I told him.

"Okay, Edward, but promise me something," Jasper said.

"What?" I asked.

"Don't hide stuff like that from me anymore," Jasper said seriously.

Smiling at him, I said, "I won't. I don't have any reason to." Then I stepped closer to him, kissing his lips, before helping him with dinner.

As I helped with dinner that same song was flying through my head. What the fuck? Why the hell would I have that in my head? When the memory came I dropped the bowl in my hand with a crash, it shattered. My parents... they were singing that song in the car together as it was on the radio and they were happy? I was probably four at the time. I had completely blocked out that my father had been happy once, that my parents had been happy together. I was shaken.

"Edward...?" Jasper questioned me. I looked up at him and he carefully stepped around the glass and held me until I stopped shaking.

Stepping away from him, I cleaned up the mess I made trying to get my thoughts in order before speaking. Jasper waited patiently and went back to getting things out of the refrigerator. When I was done I finally told him what I remembered. He looked as though he wanted to both laugh and cry at the same time. That's sort of how I felt about it too.

Taking another bowl out of the cabinet I set it carefully down on the counter so as not to break it. Jasper asked, "Why do you think you are starting to have all those memories come to the surface now?"

"I don't have a clue. I wish I did," I said. Jasper squeezed my hand before we got back to work making dinner for our new neighbors. I wondered if we'd even like them or if they would like us.

**AN:** _I_ _had intended for there to be some JPOV in here, but Edward wouldn't shut up. So there it is. Before you guys freak out. No, I don't intend to kill either of them off. I know as I put medical power of attorney that some of you will. _


	6. Chapter 6

**Strange Desire: Chapter Six**

**AN: **_Okay, I realize that some of you don't like the angst and some of you love it. I have no intention of making this story all one way or the other. Real life doesn't work that way. You can't have a day filled with a bed of roses every single day, nor can you have pure angst everyday, and some days are a mixed bag. This will be just what it is. Hope you enjoy this chapter though, it's hopefully more fun than the last two._

_Okay, two of my gay friends keep arguing with me about these two characters, one says they need to be more effeminate and one says they need to be less so. I'm personally about ready to knock them both out as this is my story, not theirs. ARGH! So, please, if you feel that way, keep your opinions to yourself and write what you want then. _

_Anyone else dying to know what OCDJen does with her next chapter? I have to admit I'm a little anxious. Oh well, her break gave me time to get this chapter out._

_Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, but I'm sure she'd disapprove of what I've done to them._

**JPOV**

Already deciding I'd make lasagna for the new neighbors before I'd even met them I began gathering things from the refrigerator. Edward and I couldn't eat that much food by ourselves even though we both liked it. Eventually we'd get tired of eating it and it would go bad, so I was happy to have someone else to make it for.

Hearing a crash somewhere behind me I turned and saw Edward, he looked like he'd just seen a ghost. After hearing about his memory I decided that he had, in fact, seen one, in a manner of speaking. I wondered why he was remembering that or his other previous memory yesterday. He rarely spoke about his parents, so sometimes I wasn't sure he even thought about them much. Perhaps he'd been closing himself off for so long from them that his mind had decided it would force him to remember. Determining that I didn't want to reflect on any of that right now as it would drag me down before people I didn't know got here, I pushed it out of my mind to come back to later. I wanted to feel at least somewhat happy before our neighbors came over and I tried to talk to them.

Thinking about dinner tonight I thought of our introduction. Edward was flummoxed I could tell by not knowing how to introduce me. Emmett was definitely threatened I knew because, not to sound cocky or anything, but Edward and I were both good looking people. He had tried to hide us from his girlfriend for that exact reason. It didn't take me long to figure out the best way to make both of them happy and I was right. I did have a somewhat jealous response at first at the two of them, they were both beautiful people and Edward... Damn it. I didn't really know if he'd be attracted to them or not. If he was I wasn't too sure I wanted to have dinner with those people, but I squelched it.

"Edward...?" I asked to catch his attention.

"Yeah?" he asked as he came up behind me and put his arms around my waist.

"Do you think we should have wine with dinner or beer? Somehow I think Emmett would be happier with beer. What do you think?" Shit, that sounded silly even to me, but I wasn't too sure how comfortable he'd be around us. I just wanted Emmett to feel at home as much as he possibly could. I wasn't sure he would have even accepted a dinner invitation if his girlfriend hadn't answered for him.

"I think you're right, but we can always ask when they get here," Edward answered me. I only nodded my head and we got back to work. Edward did, at some point, turn some music on as we worked, but I wondered if that was only to get that song out of his head that had brought that memory crashing down.

Waiting for the lasagna to bake we made a salad and a few other things to go with our meal. This was the first time in a long time we'd both been in the kitchen together, it was rare we were even home at the same mealtimes. I kind of liked it. When I was out during the summer I'd make sure we'd get to do more stuff together.

Setting the table for four I realized something, no one had eaten dinner here other than us. Bella and Jacob hadn't even been here, which now that I thought about it, it shocked me. I wondered if that had been intentional on Edward's part or not. Curious, I couldn't hold it in any longer and asked, "Edward, is there a reason you've never invited Bella and Jacob over before?"

Watching him carefully I saw him look down before taking a deep breath and looking back at me, he said, "Yes. They've known for a long time how I felt about you and you didn't, so I didn't want there to be any weirdness." That made me actually feel bad for a second. _Shit, Jasper, it's not your fault he didn't tell you._

"Okay, Edward. Next time you talk to them maybe you should invite them over here." I smiled at him, even though I didn't enjoy the thought of Bella being here, knowing how Edward had felt about her.

Giving me his crooked grin he said, "That would be great. I want them to see how happy you make me." Then he swatted my ass and I couldn't contain myself and shoved him against the counter. Pressing my lips against his I slipped my tongue in his mouth and met his. Gripping his arms tightly I kissed him roughly pushing my hips into his, feeling his erection through his clothes as I know he felt mine. Damn, I wanted to feel him in my mouth and started pulling at his clothes roughly. Then we heard a knock a on the door and pulled away groaning and breathing heavy. Shit, shit, shit. How was I going to hide how turned on I was? I wasn't sure anything would make it go away or how I would make it through dinner. _Why did I invite these people over anyway?_ I wondered in my lust filled haze. "Jasper, go to my room and wait for me there," Edward commanded, still a little breathless.

Without hesitation I headed into his room feeling like a rubber-band had been attached to us and was being stretched to its limits by being apart. When I passed by the couch it didn't make it any better with that memory fresh in my mind. Closing his door I could hear Edward greet our guests and ask, "Do you want a beer?"

"Yeah, sounds good," Emmett answered, he still sounded uncomfortable.

"Okay, have a seat, get comfortable." I could hear Edward say to both of them.

"Where's Jasper?" Rosalie asked Edward.

Edward lied smoothly and said, "He's getting dressed for dinner." I could almost hear him shrug. "I need to get dressed too." As he said that I started looking through Edward's closet, I knew some of my things had somehow ended up in here just as his had ended up in mine. If it was going to be believable I'd better fucking change my clothes. So I laid my clothes on the bed and stripped my old ones off.

The guy, Emmett, said, "Why do you have to change clothes? We don't give a shit."

I thought I heard a smack and a laugh as Rosalie said, "They're gay men, you wouldn't understand." Oh bless her. I was certain she knew we didn't really have to change clothes, that we needed alone time, especially if we were going to be able to not be all over each other in front of them. That might happen anyway. "We'll be okay, take your time. Emmett can distract himself with that big ass TV," she told Edward and at that he laughed.

Opening the door a few seconds later he saw me standing there nude and extremely turned on. "Fuck, Jasper." He strode quickly to me and put his arms around me before kissing my lips hungrily. I melted into the kiss and really wanted to take my time, but knew we couldn't. Tugging Edward's shirt up he lifted his arms for me to finish pulling it off, then I worked on his belt and his pants making them drop to the ground rapidly. I was hungry, but not for food. My hands pushed his boxers down and I saw exactly what I was hungry for. Dropping to my knees I didn't waste time we didn't have teasing him. Sucking him into my mouth I held his hips and raised and lowered my head over his hard cock. Fuck, I never thought I'd enjoy that as much as I did. My tongue traced over him and I sucked harder until Edward stilled my head and instead fucked my mouth. Keeping control of my breathing I reveled in the feel and taste of him. My hands grabbed his ass as he pumped into my mouth. Thinking we might need to hurry this along I cupped his balls with one hand, massaging them gently, and pressed the fingers of my other hand over his perineum. "Jasper... I'm about to cum..." Edward warned, trying to be quiet. Growling in response to him I felt him let go and swallowed all of his cum before letting him go and kissing all the way back up his body. Edward's heart beat rapidly underneath my lips.

"Jasper... wow," Edward breathed before I kissed his lips once more. Turning away from him, I went to grab my clothes and felt Edward grab my arm. "Where the fuck do you think you are going?" he questioned me.

"To let you get dressed while I take care of this," I responded and pointed downward.

"You are not. Let me take care of you," Edward said huskily.

"But... what about our guests?" I asked him.

"I don't care. They can think whatever they want. Besides, the TV is on so loud I'm sure they know what we are doing," Edward answered me. Before I had a chance to say anything else he pulled me to him and pushed me down on the bed. My legs hung over the side of the bed and Edward situated himself between them, kneeling. I had closed my eyes so I was a little surprised when I felt wet fingers being pushed into my ass. Edward pumped his long fingers inside my ass at the same time licking my cock. Writhing underneath him he finally took me into his mouth and I groaned in pleasure. He worked up some saliva and I could feel it running down my cock. Then his hand gripped the base of my shift and pumped in time with the suction of his mouth. With my eyes closed everything felt heightened, all the nerve endings tingled even more. Edward licked the the head of my cock in a circular motion continuing to pump me, I didn't even get a chance to say anything before I let go.

The next thing I knew Edward was on top of me kissing me while I was still trying to catch my breath. I could feel his bare body against mine, the muscles of his chest against my own, the trail of hair over his stomach, everything. Damn, now all I wanted to do was curl up in sleep and fuck Edward whenever I could get it up again. Right now I couldn't do either one. "Edward, please. We have to get dressed," I told him. He grunted in response, but got off me.

Going to the bathroom to clean up enough that I didn't look like I'd been fucking I tried to fix my hair, it was useless. Shrugging I decided I didn't care. I was sure Edward's wouldn't look much better. I got dressed first and walked out of the bedroom as I'd already had my clothes picked out.

Emmett and Rosalie were sitting side by side on the couch and looked up at me. Rosalie seemed to have an omniscient look on her face while Emmett just looked confused. Trying to hide the blush that I knew had crept over my face I said, "Do you guys want to sit at the table? Dinner is pretty much done."

"Great. I'm fucking starving," Emmett boomed out. Was it really necessary to be that loud inside?

Rosalie snorted and said, "You're always starving. I'm surprised we aren't broke with as much as you eat." Then she stood, turned off the TV and with Emmett following her asked, "Where do you want us to sit?"

Fighting the urge to roll my eyes at her, I said, "Anywhere you want." It was a square table with four chairs. It wouldn't matter where they sat.

As though she knew what I was thinking she said, "What I meant to say is where do you guys normally sit? We'll take the other two chairs." I wanted to kick myself for being an ass, even if it was only in my head.

"Oh." I pointed out where we usually sat and they took the other two chairs. Emmett didn't look like he was happy with either chair as he would have to sit next to either me or Edward. He did sit down, although it was rather stiffly. "Do you need another beer?" I asked them.

"God, yes," Emmett said and I tried not to laugh. Somehow I just knew he wouldn't be comfortable here, but I was hoping he would eventually mellow. He looked like he'd rather run out the door than be here, but he'd do it because of his girlfriend. Thank god Edward and I had taken care of some business before now or I know we would have scared Emmett off in the first five minutes.

Setting the food on the table I heard Edward come out of his bedroom. Shit, shit, shit. He'd changed clothes alright. Did he know what he was doing to me? Surely not, surely he wouldn't torture me like that. Fuck. Yes, he so would. The shirt he had on accentuated every muscle of his torso, the jeans... FUCK ME. They only made his ass look even better and it was going to be tough trying not to ravish him over the dinner table, in front of strangers, no less. My eyes narrowed when I saw Rosalie look at Edward in appreciation. Fortunately Emmett either didn't see it or didn't think anything would come of it as he ignored it completely.

Swallowing hard I turned back to the kitchen to grab whatever I'd forgotten along with some more beer for Emmett. Edward followed me into the kitchen and pressed his body against mine. Fuck. Placing the things in my hand down on the counter I turned around and asked, "Do you have any idea what you are doing to me?"

"No, why don't you show me," Edward teased with a wicked grin.

At that point Rosalie walked into the kitchen and asked, "Do you guys need some help?" She didn't say anything about our position, but she looked amused.

Edward didn't even back away and I couldn't as I was pressed between him and the counter. "No, we've got it," I told her and watched her walk out before returning my attention back to Edward. "Come on, don't do this to me now," I pleaded with him. Sighing he backed away and looked a little dejected. When he turned around I wrapped my arms around his waist and said in his ear, "Be a good boy and I'll reward you, later." Then I smacked him on the ass, two could play at that game. He seemed shocked at how I was acting, I was a little shocked myself. Damn him. Damn it, damn it, damn it. It was his fault and his ass... Shaking my head I tried to come back to planet earth.

Picking up the food and beer I went back to the table setting it all down. Emmett barely looked at me when I handed him his beer, but he said, "Thanks, man." His shoulders looked extremely tense and I looked over at Rosalie who had narrowed her eyes at him.

Finally sitting down we passed the food around, serving ourselves. I couldn't even fathom how much someone as big as Emmett could eat. No one said anything as we took our first bite of food, not even a polite 'this looks good' that I was used to growing up. It felt... awkward. Emmett didn't even look like he tasted the first bite of his food, he was too distracted with whom exactly he was eating dinner with. With his next bite of food though his eyes widened as he actually chewed it and popped out, "Damn, you can cook. I hope we can eat here more often." At that Rosalie let out a breath she'd been holding until he continued, "Rosie can't cook a damn thing." She kicked him under the table and Emmett asked, frowning, "Ouch, what the fuck was that for?"

"What was it for?" she asked him like he was stupid and continued grumbling. Right at the moment I'd have to agree with her, he did seem stupid. At least he seemed like he'd finally relaxed though, if he was willing to come back.

To bring the conversation back around Edward asked, "So why did you guys move here?"

Rosalie shrugged and said, "We liked it here. Besides, me and Em were living in separate apartments, this seemed cheaper as we never spent a night alone anyway." Emmett only nodded his head, still eating. I wondered if he could even taste it or if there would be leftovers. I doubted it.

"What do you guys do?" I asked them curiously.

"We own a few car dealerships," Rosalie announced nonchalantly.

Edward nearly choked and said, "Excuse me? Did you say own? And a few? As in more than one?" I seriously nearly kicked him under the table just like Rosalie did with Emmett, but managed to hold it back.

"That's what I said. They belonged to my grandparents and they left them to me as I was always there anyway," Rosalie explained. "Technically Emmett owns one of them without my help." So maybe he wasn't as stupid as I'd originally thought.

"Wow. A car dealership? I love cars," Edward gushed and I turned my head to look at him. He'd never mentioned that one time in our entire lives together. Once he realized what he'd said I saw pink creep up his face. He met my gaze and his eyes were wide like he was scared. Scared of what? My reaction? That was absurd. "Oh my god, Jasper, I'm sorry." What was he sorry about? I gave him a confused look. "I know you can't possibly like talking about cars, what with your parents..." he trailed off. Okay, before I was confused, now he'd managed to make me mad. Why the hell would he bring that up now?

Taking some deep breaths I shook my head and turned away from him. No one said anything for a few minutes. I left my plate untouched. Emmett was the one to break us out of silence when he asked, "So what do you guys do?" We both answered him, but my mind had been left back at my parents. I thought at that moment I'd like to strangle Edward for bringing that up.

Bringing me out of my reverie Edward said, "Jazz, whenever you aren't wo... teaching this summer I think we should go visit our parents." I knew he was going to say working. He was damn lucky he'd changed his wording or I would have been even more pissed off than I already was. He wanted to talk about seeing parents now? Shouldn't we talk about this later when we were alone? I was surprised he'd want to visit them at all right now. Did he actually want to tell them we were together?

I guess I hadn't said anything for a while lost in thought when I heard Edward ask, "Jazz? Hello? Don't you think we should tell our parents?"

Before I had time to even process what Edward had said Emmett spewed his beer out of his mouth, most of it spraying my face, as he said, "Dude, you've got to be shittin' me. Your parents don't know?" Wiping the spray off my face I shook my head no. "Well, they at least know you're gay, right?"

"No," was all I said.

"Not exactly," Edward said at the same time.

"Dude, that's fucked up," Emmett said. Rosalie hadn't said a word during this entire exchange, but she was glaring at Emmett.

Ignoring everyone at the table I asked, "Does anyone want dessert?"

"Duh," came from Emmett.

Getting up from the table I had to make my escape from the word vomit that was apparently on the menu at the dinner table. Making my way to the kitchen I felt Edward following me. "Edward, go back to the table," I told him.

"No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed you'd want our parents to know anything," Edward said and I spun round.

"What the hell are you talking about? I'm actually perfectly fine telling them," I snapped at him trying to keep my voice low, but still sounding angry.

"Then why are you pissed off?" he asked me. Now it was his turn to be confused.

Huffing I said, "I was fine talking about cars, Edward, so why the hell did you have to bring up my parents?"

Edward actually blanched at that and said, "It doesn't bother you? ,The cars, I mean."

"No. Why?" I asked.

"Because you always avoid them as much as possible. You don't drive unless you have to. You never even wanted to learn to drive. What else was I supposed to think?" he asked me. I didn't have an answer to that. I never even noticed that I did those things, so it had to be a subconscious thing.

Putting his arms around me, Edward kissed me and whispered, "I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget that I shouldn't say everything I think out loud."

"Hey guys, stop your kissing and making up already. I would actually like to eat dessert today," Emmett practically shouted at us.

Laughter built in my chest and threatened to tumble out right as I heard Rosalie say, "Emmett, what the fuck? I swear to god I can't take you anywhere." The laughter did come out then, it felt good to laugh after being on edge. Edward's shoulders were shaking too and he gave me his crooked smile and I forgot just exactly why I'd been mad in the first place.

Picking the dessert up and taking it to the table I felt Edward's hand grab my ass as I walked towards it, nearly making me stumble. I heard his chuckle from somewhere behind me and vowed to make him pay. Setting the dessert on the table I turned on him and kissed him so roughly that he was nearly bent backwards.

"AHEM!" I heard Emmett clear his throat loudly. Right at that moment though I could care less, all I wanted was Edward.

Edward managed to push me off him and sat down at the table. Joining him at the table I sat down and wondered how much longer I was going to be able to keep it together and not try to touch Edward. Then I felt a hand on my knee and my head snapped up to look at him. His hand didn't stay at my knee long as it continued on up and he palmed me through my clothes. It took everything I had not to moan out loud. Gritting my teeth together I could still feel him and I thought he was actually going to put his hands inside my pants. Fuck. "Hey, hey, hey. Put your hands on the table where I can see them. I don't want to watch you stroke your boyfriend when I'm trying to eat," Emmett scolded Edward.

Sighing Edward removed his hand from my lap, but picked up my hand and held it above the table asking, "Is this better?"

"Better," Emmett muttered. I knew he would have thought it was better if we weren't touching at all.

Watching me carefully first Edward asked Rosalie more about her business. I realized at some point I'd tuned out the car discussion, maybe Edward was right then. "So what kind of car do you drive then if you sell them?" Edward asked her and I turned to look at her trying to pay attention.

"The car I drive I don't sell. Anyway, I have an Eleanor Mustang," Rosalie told him, looking smug. Edward whistled at that. I did, at least, know what that car was. I could hear Emmett grumbling while chewing his food about that car not being big enough for him.

Interrupting, Emmett swallowed his food and looking at me asked, "Are you going to eat that?" My food had sat untouched and I pushed it towards him as I laughed at him. Then his eyes landed on Edward's plate and he sighed and pushed his to Emmett as well. Okay, note to self, if we want dessert too, then I'd better hide it until he's gone.

Looking at Edward, I smiled at his exasperated expression. As Emmett was too busy stuffing his face to notice he brought our joined hands down to my lap again. He didn't move them this time.

Ignoring where our hands were Emmett had a mouth full of food before he asked, "So Eddie, Jazz, how long have you two been together?"

"Don't call me, Eddie. I hate that name. That's what my father went by," Edward said narrowing his eyes at him.

At the same time I said, "Don't call me, Jazz."

Swallowing his food Emmett asked, "Why can't I call you, Jazz?"

"No one calls me Jazz except Edward and I mean no one," I told him. That was my nickname from Edward and it belonged to him alone, no one else was allowed to use it.

Emmett rolled his eyes at us and said, "Okay, fine. If you really want to be called by an old man's name then I'll keep calling you Edward and Jasper."

"Good. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be right back," I told the table and got up making my way to my bedroom planning on washing the beer off my face that Emmett sprayed me with. Yuck!

Closing the door I heard Emmett say, "You guys never answered my question. How long have you two been together?"

Edward's answer surprised me when he said, "Twenty-four years." I could hear Emmett choking when he heard that.

"What? No way, you woulda been kids," Emmett said.

"Maybe so, but I've loved him a long time," Edward told him and my heart ached from having wasted so much time. Taking a deep breath I sat down on my bed, having forgotten the reason I came in here in the first place. When could I kick those people out without it seeming rude? All I wanted and needed right now was Edward. Why exactly did I think we needed friends? Sighing I got up and as I couldn't come up with the reason I came in here to start with I started towards the door. When I looked back at the bed I was reminded of Edward lying there waiting for me. I had to stop this, I'd been in a constant state of arousal all evening. Passing by the bedside table I shrugged and picked up a condom and some lube and stuck them in my pocket. Maybe once our guests were gone we could have a little fun.

Back at the table I sat down and noticed Emmett had a curious expression on his face. Why the fuck was he staring at me like that? "What are you looking at?" I snapped at him.

Unfazed Emmett said, "I was just wondering how a dude could love another dude that long and his parents not know." Chewing his lip as he had no more food to chew on he said, "I bet they already know. People aren't usually as stupid as you think they are." Would my parents know? I wasn't sure, but it seemed like no one else was surprised by it.

"Okay Emmett, as you've eaten everything but the plates and the table I think we should go before you embarrass yourself further," Rosalie said to Emmett, disrupting the conversation.

"Alright, Rosie. I guess we'll see you guys later then," Emmett said and walked to the living room, Edward behind him.

Rosalie got up from the table and started picking up stuff from the table to put in the kitchen. "You don't have to do that, I'll get it later. You're a guest."

"No, I want to. Besides, you cooked great food, even if Emmett inhaled most of it. By the way, we won't be guests much longer. You feeding Emmett... you realize you've created a monster, right? That's why I don't cook for him," Rosalie said.

"What are you saying?" I asked her.

"I'm saying that Emmett loves anyone that can cook, except me. Well... at least he thinks I can't and I'd like to keep it that way," Rosalie explained softly.

"Why would you hide something like that?" I asked her inquisitively.

"Because if he knew I could cook I would never be allowed to leave the kitchen and I have businesses to run," she said. Her eyes sparkled a little bit in excitement as she asked, "Could I cook for him here sometime and you pass it off like you made it? That way he wouldn't know."

"Yeah, sure," I said thinking that was still an odd request. Rosalie beamed at me and I was nearly knocked over. Apparently the word vomit wasn't exclusive to everyone but me as I blurted out, "You should smile more often, it makes you look less scary."

Laughing at me instead of being offended she slapped my arm and said, "Later, Jasper." As she was walking out of the kitchen she turned and said, "You can thank me later for getting us out of the apartment. It's obvious you and Edward need to be alone and we are intruding." I gaped at her and she continued her laughter out into the living room.

I couldn't hear what was going on in the living room, but I heard Emmett and Rosalie shout bye to me and I said loudly, "Bye Emmett, Rose." Then I heard the door click and silence permeated the air finally. The only other sound was the music that Edward had left on low during dinner.

Rinsing off the dishes before I had to clean stuck on cheese I stood before the sink. Edward came up beside me and said, "That was interesting..."

Chuckling I said, "Yeah, it was."

"Jazz, are you okay? Emmett's reaction was only a small thing compared to some other people's. Are you sure you want to tell our parents?" he asked me and I smiled at the usage of our parents.

"Yes, I'm fine. Edward... the only thing that has kept me from shouting it to the entire world is you," I told him. It was true, he seemed to be more afraid of telling people than I was. Then again I never lived through being kicked out of my own house because my parents disapproved. "You know our parents will be okay. They might not like it, but they aren't your father."

"I know. It's just... I can't believe you are okay with telling anyone when I wasn't," Edward told me.

Leaving the dishes in the sink I turned around to face him and said, "Whatever happens I can handle it, I've got you."

Tired of talking I grabbed him by the shirt and kissed him passionately. Edward moaned into my mouth and reached for my shirt tugging it up. Raising my arms over my head I let him take it off as I kicked my shoes off across the room, Edward's followed not long after. "Jasper, do you know how hard it was not to take you at the dinner table?" Edward asked me as he was kissing my neck.

Moaning in response first I said, "Yes, I wanted to bend you over that table and fuck you hard even if they were watching." This time it was his turn to moan. Pulling his shirt up and off I pressed my chest against his and kissed him again sucking his bottom lip into my mouth. My hands traced the lines of the muscles of his back and landed on his ass bringing him closer to me. Moving my lips down to his neck I licked his Adam's apple as his head fell back moaning.

Stepping back a minute my eyes raked his body and his did the same to mine. Undoing his belt buckle I kissed his chest and left small nibbles down it as I got to his nipples and did the same. Edward groaned at that and said, "Fuck. Jazz, let's go into the bedroom. If you keep this up, I'll fuck you dry."

Chuckling at him as my hands continued removing his clothes I said, "No, you won't." Then I pulled out the condom and the lube out of my pocket saying, "Besides, I plan on fucking you right now." I told him and his eyes widened as he looked around the kitchen.

"In here?" he asked me and I nodded before letting his pants drop. Then I knelt on the hard tile floor and took his cock into my mouth. Sucking hard I squeezed his ass at the same time trying to bring him further into my mouth. Edward's hands landed in my hair and tugged on it hard. Letting go of him, I brought my mouth to his balls and sucked on them as my hand went to his cock and stroked it. "Jazz... please fuck me." His words made me harden even more and I growled around his balls and he cried out, "Fuck."

Standing up again I started undoing my own pants when Edward reached for them. I shook him off and stepped back a few steps as I pulled them down taking my underwear along with it. Watching him, I began stroking myself and watched as his green eyes got even darker. "Jasper... please... please let me touch you," he begged. Stepping closer to him he reached out and grabbed my ass pressing his erection into mine and kissed me hard.

Breaking away from the kiss I said, "Turn around, put your hands on the counter and bend forward." Doing as I said his ass was exposed to me. Standing to the side of him I grabbed the condom rolling it on then poured the lube in my hand. Working my hand over my cock I saw Edward watching me. He reached one hand out to touch me before I chastised him and said, "No. What did I say? Put your hands on the counter." His eyes widened and he put it back where it was.

Placing my lubed fingers between the crack of his ass I leaned down and kissed his back. Then I kissed his neck and said, "Be a good boy." Edward whimpered at that and I moved to stand behind him. Pushing my fingers into his ass I found his prostate and rubbed my fingers over it before pulling out. "Edward, do you want me to fuck you?"

"Yes. Fuck, just do it already," Edward nearly shouted. Smiling to myself I pushed the head of my cock inside his ass and pulled out, then I did it again and started to inch my way in. Edward shifted his body to get more comfortable and I pushed further in. "Jasper, fuck me. Please," he begged, his forehead on the counter. Placing my hands on either side of his hips I started fucking him watching the muscles in his back and ass move and tighten along with mine. I could have been fucking anyone, I'd much rather be watching him as this seemed almost distant, disconnected. Edward picked up the bottle of lube and poured it into his hand and started pumping his cock. To feel more connected I placed my hand over the one he was using to stroke himself intertwining our fingers. Edward groaned and started pumping himself faster. "Jazz, I'm about to come." Using the hand that wasn't over his I picked up the dishtowel and used it to catch his cum.

Some of his cum was still on our mutual hands and I said in a commanding tone, "Lick it off." Edward did lick it off and sucked my fingers. I was still trying to maintain my thrusting without stopping. Then I put both my hands on his hips and fucked him hard, trying to get off. Edward seemed to notice I needed to remember it was him I was fucking and still resting his forehead on the counter he placed both hands on mine.

"Please come for me, Jazz. I want to feel you let go inside me," Edward said and I groaned.

"Keep talking to me, Edward. I can't see your face, let me hear your voice," I pleaded.

"Jasper, you feel so good inside me. I wish you could stay there forever," Edward said and I growled. "God, I love that sound. Please come for me, please." With a few more thrusts I finally came, my legs trembling, my body sweaty. Pulling out of Edward I threw the condom away. He stood facing me and kissed my lips saying, "I love you, Jasper." That was the connection I'd been missing, the one I needed.

"I love you, too," I said kissing him back before continuing, "I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted."

Edward grinned at me and said, "Me too, let's go to bed."

In my bed together Edward said, "I think I liked the aggressiveness."

"Good. I'll have to remember that sometimes," I said smiling, then more seriously added, "But I don't like not being able to see you. It feels like I'm trying to fuck some random guy and not you."

Edward kissed me again and scooted his body closer to mine facing me. We stared into each others eyes for a few minutes before I drifted into sleep.

Sometime during the night I woke up still facing Edward. Running one hand in his hair while he slept he gave a small lazy smile.

Unable to go back to sleep I got up and found some boxer briefs to put on and headed out of the room to the living room. I could see our clothes lying on the floor of the kitchen as I passed by it. Sitting down on the couch I picked up my laptop and went through more of the papers I had to read and grade for my classes. Some of their papers were... insulting. They didn't take this class seriously or they didn't want to graduate. Very few of the papers were even worth bothering to read. All of those got A's though.

Closing my eyes so I wasn't staring at the computer screen too long my mind went back to Edward as it always seemed to do. I wasn't sure how I could love anyone more than I did him or why it was a guy I had to fall that hard for, but I wasn't going to question it. He was the only person that had that much power over me. I loved him so much, it felt overwhelming at times.

Feeling hands on my shoulder I nearly jumped off the couch, my heart racing. "Shit. I didn't hear you," I said to Edward.

Grinning at me, he said, "I know. I waited for you to come back to bed and when you didn't I came out here to watch you. I didn't want to interrupt you, but I think you need a break. We have all day tomorrow for you to work on that. Come back to bed, I can't sleep without you." Turning the computer off I got up and followed him back to bed.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Strange Desire: Chapter Seven**_

**AN:** _Thanks for the reviews guys, I try to reply to all of them if I can. I hope you like this chapter. _

_So someone mentioned they thought it'd be a good idea if I made this story a threesome thing or something with Bella. Uh... won't be happening. I never had any intention of doing so. As a matter of fact, my gay friends told me they'd murder me if I did that._

_Man, I have the fucking flu, damn it. Anyway, I hope this doesn't come across as a delirium induced chapter. I plan on someone taking a look at it just to make sure. It wasn't all written at one time as I just couldn't attempt to try even doing that as sick as I am, so it may come across a little disjointed._

_Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, I'm just borrowing them and making them do what I want them too._

**EPOV**

Our sheets were half off the bed and I was still tangled up in them. Jasper and I had woken up this morning to worship each others bodies. Trying to disentangle myself I opened my eyes and saw Jasper sitting on the bed waiting for me to wake up. His computer was to the side of him and he was tapping his fingertips on his knee as though he was antsy. "Are you waiting for me to wake up?" I asked him.

He jumped a little and said, "Sort of."

"Why?" I asked.

Jasper smiled at me and said, "I still have papers to grade in case you don't remember." I groaned, I did remember that. Damn it, I'd rather him spend time with me today.

"What are you waiting for then? If you want to grade them, I'm not stopping you," I told him.

He snorted, "I don't _want _to grade anything, I _have_ too. I'd much rather be doing almost anything else." I laughed, that's what I wished for him too.

"Why haven't you been doing that already? Your computer is right there," I asked him, perplexed.

"I didn't want to wake you up with the light and the tapping," Jasper replied. Okay, so he was trying to be considerate. I'd much rather he'd done it anyway and it would be done. I only had myself to blame for that I suppose by asking him to come back to bed. Oh well.

"Uh, thanks. Go ahead and start working on it. I don't know about you, but I'm hungry. I'm going to go make breakfast," I claimed looking at the clock. It was already almost midday.

"Thank you, I'll try to get through these papers as quick as I can. I've already done most of them," Jasper stated as I headed into the kitchen. Getting food out I started on breakfast. Waiting for it to cook I finished off the dishes left in the sink, then picked up our clothes strewn all over the kitchen. I smiled to myself when I thought about having sex in here. Jasper was so... commanding. It wasn't something I ever expected of him, I always thought I'd be the more dominant person in our relationship. It felt kind of good to let someone else take control for a while. Jasper not wanting to have sex with me from the back though... that was equally sweet and frustrating. I understood what he meant, it's one of the reasons I never did fuck any guys facing them. All that would do was remind me that I wasn't with the one I really wanted. However, there were just too many good positions that we'd miss out on if he continued to feel that way. We'd have to talk about this at some point.

Pulling some plates out I put our breakfast on them and grabbed some bottles of water. We definitely needed that after our busy morning. Going back to the bedroom I handed Jasper his food and water. Barely looking at me he mumbled, "Thanks." He was staring intently at the computer screen, not reading it.

"What's bugging you?" I asked him. He shifted, uncomfortable. "Come on, what is it?" I asked again. Shit, if he didn't tell me then I'd be uncomfortable too.

Clearing his throat he looked at me and started, "I know you said you weren't attracted to Emmett and Rosalie even though they are gorgeous people, but I have _no idea_ what you are attracted to. Why me? I don't even know what types of guys you like. As far as I know of you never dated a blond, blue-eyed girl in the entire time I've known you. So again, why me?" Then he looked down and I was faced with several loaded questions that I hoped I answered right while still being honest.

"Jasper, look at me," I commanded and his eyes lifted to mine. "_You_ are my type. You have been for a very long time. If you looked very different than you do now, then that's probably what my type would have been like. Do you understand?" I asked, suddenly very nervous about having this conversation. It could go very wrong if I said the wrong thing, which to be honest I sometimes did. Jasper nodded at me and I kissed his lips before continuing. Maybe if I laid this out now it would make him feel better and hopefully we wouldn't have to come back to this. I really didn't want to have this conversation more than once. "Jasper, as far as the women I dated... I didn't want any of them to remind me of you. If I ended up in a relationship with any of them I didn't want to be constantly reminded that I couldn't have you. Waking up in bed to someone else that looked even somewhat similar, but wasn't you, was not something I thought I could go through." I stopped speaking so he could process what I just said and I could get my next words right.

"As far as men go... I was always attracted to people that had similar looks to yours, especially blonds. It wasn't a problem there as I didn't actually want a relationship with any of them. People like Emmett that look like they are on fucking steroids have never turned me on. I never cared for ones that looked like teenage boys either. I haven't been attracted to that body type at all since I was a teenager." I got all that out without him saying anything and I was worried I'd said the wrong thing. "Does that answer your question?" I asked him, hoping like hell it did.

Finally coming out of deep thought he laughed and commented, "You more than answered the question. Fuck, you told me far more details than I ever thought to ask."

Shrugging at him, I remarked, "I was just trying to put your mind at ease. Jasper, you are it for me. You always have been," I finished off quietly, embarrassed by saying that out loud. It still sometimes felt odd to tell him the whole truth and not selective truths like I had to before.

He leaned over and kissed my lips again before turning back to his work. Sighing I ate my food in silence, maybe if he got done earlier in the day we could do something together. Both of us finished off our food and I took the dishes back to the kitchen. Grabbing one of my new medical papers I sat back down on the bed next to Jasper. The expressions on his face as he was reading were priceless. Most of the time he looked pissed off or annoyed at the idiocy of his students, but there were a few times his laughter rang out. I wished he had more students that made him happy, then maybe his job wouldn't be such a soul sucking job. Going back to my own paper I started reading on all the latest news and treatments, some of them were a bunch of bullshit, but some looked promising.

Hearing a click I looked up from my paper and saw Jasper had closed his computer. "Are you done then?" I questioned him.

He nodded and got up looking out the window and observed, "I'm going stir crazy in here. It's a beautiful sunny day out today."

"Okay, want to go to the park then? We could go jogging on some of the trails there," I supplied. The park was just that, a park, but then there were several trails ranging from easy to difficult that were miles long.

"Sounds good," Jasper concurred, smiling at me. First we had to find clothes. I was pretty sure that if we showed up naked it would be frowned upon by some people, although I didn't think I'd complain. Finding good clothes to run in we decided to walk to the park. It was a beautiful day out here, blue skies shone brightly through the few fluffy clouds that still lingered. Everything looked bright green.

Walking through the park we headed in the direction of the trails. I stood at least a foot apart from Jasper. It was a Sunday afternoon and many families and children were here. Even though I knew if I did something like hold Jasper's hand the kids wouldn't really judge me for it, but the parents would. Kids were always curious and asked questions, but their parents reaction and negative judgment always blew everything way out of proportion. Usually it just confused kids, I should know.

When I was about six I remember going to the park with my parents, which was unusual. My dad almost never went anywhere with us, but my mom must have talked him into it._ Sitting in the sandbox I'd built small sandcastles only to stomp on and obliterate them. As I was building one again my father's voice sounded loud even outside. Looking up he was giving two women holding hands a cold, hard look. "Fucking dykes, there are kids here you know. My son doesn't need to be exposed to your sin." That's all that I remember him saying, but I was sure it was more than that. I didn't know what the big deal was, girls held hands all the time, didn't they? The ones at school did anyway. The two women ignored him completely and kept walking._

_My mom was so angry she told my father to leave. She seethed, "Don't bother trying to spend time with us if you are going to be an asshole."_

_His face was red as he started shouting at her, "I don't want to spend time with either of you. You made me come here. I'm too busy for this shit."_

_My mother nearly exploded, "Fine, get on with your life without us. Whenever you get your head out of your ass, call me."_

After that we'd gone to my grandparents for a few days. We didn't return until he came for a visit and begged my mom to take him back. I wasn't entirely sure there weren't threats in there if we didn't come back. It seemed likely as that's the type of person he was.

As that memory came rushing at me I thought I was going to be sick. Finding a bench to sit on I put my head between my knees and tried to breathe calmly. Fuck. Why the hell was I remembering stuff like that?

Jasper sat next to me and put his hand on my back asking, "Are you all right?"

Shaking his hand off me I choked out, "No. Please don't touch me here, Jasper." I was sure he was hurt, but I didn't look at him to see. I had to get out of here, away from the little kids and their parents. Looking up I searched for the hardest trail and finding it grabbed Jasper's hand to pull him along with me.

A high-pitched little girl's voice chirped, "Look mommy, those two boys are holding hands." Immediately I dropped Jasper's hand and took off running. Pounding the dirt trail as hard and fast as I could I still couldn't seem to get away from that memory or any of the others. All I wanted was them gone, out of my head.

Hearing footsteps behind me I knew Jasper was keeping up with me which was comforting since I'd been an ass and he had no idea why. He never said anything to me at all as we raced to the end of the ten mile trail. Only serious hikers or runners would ever take this trail. We passed a few people on the path and Jasper would smile and greet everyone. For someone as shy as he was that he didn't have many friends, he was always friendly. It was an odd combination.

Reaching the end of the trail I stopped, trying to regain my breath before turning around and going back. I almost didn't want to go back, it didn't feel safe there. I felt too exposed.

Jasper stopped with me and leaned against a tree with his arms crossed waiting for me to calm the fuck down. Even after running I was still wired. My panic finally started to subside and my breathing slowed. Jasper still hadn't said anything, he looked like he had his arms crossed to keep from touching me. Why had I told him not to touch me? Fuck. Now all I wanted was for him to touch me, not to hold back like that. Still not touching me, he sat down on the ground and motioned for me to do the same. Almost no one ever made it this far down the trail so it was quiet except for the sounds of nature.

Jasper said nothing as I sat next to him. He was clearly waiting for me to explain myself. "Jasper, I'm sorry," I apologized and put my hand on his shoulder.

"I know you are, now tell me what the hell that was about. You remembered your dad again, didn't you?" he prodded me and I nodded. After telling him the memory he said, "What an ass." I snorted, that was an understatement. "Edward, I have a question though. Didn't you just tell me that your parents were happy when you were four? This happened when you were six, so what the hell happened between then?"

"I don't know. I wish I did," I muttered wondering if that memory would ever come back to me.

Taking a deep breath Jasper interrupted my thoughts and remarked, "You, my friend, have not come out of the closet."

"What? Of course I have," I deflected. The only person I truly tried to hide it from was him.

"No, you haven't. Edward, you said you only fucked other guys. You never went anywhere with them, everything you did was probably under the cover of darkness," Jasper countered seriously. He looked right at me when he said it and my mouth dropped open. Shit, he was right.

"Wait a minute. We held hands in public before, even kissed. So why would you think that?" I asked him defensively.

Sighing he explained, "Before I'm pretty sure you were only worried that I was the one that would freak out. You'd forgotten to worry about yourself." Well, what do you know, he was right _again_. Then he took his finger and traced the tiny scar on my lip from my 'bar fight' and whispered, "I know you didn't really have a bar fight, Edward. I didn't figure it out until the other day, but that is a result of people disapproving of you. My question is why would you let them bother you?" he chastised and I shrugged. I didn't know. Usually it was Jasper that was the one that needed approval from others, not me. In this case though he was right. We remained silent for a while, lost in our own thoughts.

Jasper looked up at the sky and pointed out, "Come on, we'd better get out of here before it's too dark to see anything." Standing up he took my hand and pulled me with him. This time we ran on the trail side by side. My pace was less frantic and I felt calmer. Once we broke away from the trees it was dusk. Back in the park we slowed to a walk.

It was time to be brave, not to run away. My hand reached out for Jasper's and held on tight. He looked at our hands and back at me smiling. This time I didn't let go. Slowly I started to relax when the people that saw us didn't pay any attention.

Taking the stairs back up to our apartment I was fucking exhausted. My legs felt like wet noodles. I wanted to crash as soon as the door opened. Out in the hallway we saw Rosalie rushing out of her apartment. She greeted us, "Hey, guys." Then she wrinkled her nose and took a few steps back, we both looked at her confused. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you both stink." No, shit. That was a lot of running.

Then her eyes turned towards Jasper and asked, "Can I come over tomorrow night?" She turned her eyes to me and said, "If that's okay with you." As I didn't have a fucking clue what she was talking about I only looked at Jasper, curious.

"If you want to," Jasper answered and she beamed at us, waving goodbye as she rushed down the stairs, not waiting for the elevator.

"What was that all about?" I inquired.

Grinning at me, he opened the door and chortled, "She wants to cook for Emmett."

"What? I thought she couldn't cook." I didn't forget that part about last night, did I? No, I was pretty sure I'd remember last night and everything that happened for the rest of my life.

Laughing to himself, Jasper snickered, "Apparently she can. She said she wanted to use our kitchen and have me pass it off like I made it."

"Why?" I asked still confused.

"Didn't you see how much Emmett ate? Who the hell could keep up with an appetite like that? Anyway she said she didn't want him to know she could cook or she wouldn't be let out of the kitchen and she had too many businesses to run," Jasper explained and I couldn't help but laugh. I was sure that was exactly what would happen if he knew.

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?" I asked him.

Smiling widely he teased, "When did I have time for that? I had more important things on my mind." Yeah, okay, he had me there.

Sitting down on the couch I kicked off my shoes and Jasper did the same. I felt like I could sleep for a week. My body was fucking exhausted, my mind wanted to shut down and think about nothing. Putting my feet on the coffee table I leaned my head back and fell asleep.

I wasn't sure how long I was out, but by the time I woke up Jasper wasn't beside me anymore. "Jasper?" I called out.

"In here," I heard him say from the kitchen. When I walked in he was there cooking dinner and had apparently taken a shower.

"How long have I been out?" I asked him.

"Only a couple of hours. I wanted to sleep too, but I just couldn't," he admitted turning to look at me. "Why don't you go get a shower now. Dinner will be ready when you get out."

Smiling at him, still exhausted, I agreed, "Okay." Hopping in the shower I let the warm water beat the sore tense muscles out of my neck and shoulders. I got out quickly, too tired to stand on my feet anymore. Finding boxers and a t-shirt I threw them on and headed back to the kitchen, back to Jasper.

"Let's eat in the living room. We can watch a movie or something. I'm too tired to do much of anything else," I noted.

Handing me a plate he said, "Okay." Going over to the movies I owned, most of which I hadn't even seen, I picked out something I thought was supposed to be funny. I didn't think I wanted to deal with anymore drama today. It's not something I found pleasant.

Jasper and I sat on the couch with our legs tangled up in each others when my phone began to ring. God, I hoped it wasn't the hospital. I needed more rest before I dealt with that. Picking my phone up off the coffee table I looked at the caller ID. Bella.

"Bella," my voice trilled and Jasper gave me a funny look. Why the fuck was my voice so high? Clearing my throat I asked, "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Edward. What are you so happy about?" she asked me. Was I happy? Today hadn't seemed like a very happy one to me.

"What are you talking about?" I questioned her.

Blowing out her breath over the phone Bella huffed, "Edward... don't hide stuff from me. I can tell you are happy."

"Okay, okay. You got me, I'm happy," I confessed, appeasing her.

"Hmm... now the question is why?" she asked before she said, "No, don't tell me. I want to figure it out." Contemplating over the phone I let her think while I kissed Jasper. "Oh, I've got it. You've met someone. I can hear you kissing over the phone, you know," she commented, trying to capture my attention.

"Um.." No, actually I hadn't _met_ someone, but I'd let her stew and figure it out for herself.

"So... tell me. Who is she?" Bella asked me.

"Uh..." That was the only sound I got out before she interrupted me.

"What? It's a guy? For real?" she blurted, shocked.

Rolling my eyes at Jasper, I deadpanned, "No, I met a fake person."

"You found a guy? That you actually want a relationship with?" she questioned me.

"Yes," I relented and heard her squeal over the phone.

"Oh, wow. I never thought that would happen until you'd left Jasper behind completely. Is he okay with it? Does he know?" She fired off and I smiled at Jasper.

"Yeah, he knows. Would you like to ask him? He's sitting right here in front of me," I told her.

This time I heard a shriek and had to hold the phone away from my ear. "You and Jasper? Are you serious?" she whooped.

"Yep," I confirmed.

In the background I heard a deep voice say, "It's about fucking time." I laughed at Jacob.

"I'm so happy for you. It's about time Jasper realized he liked you, too," Bella popped off and I was positive she was jumping up and down.

"Yeah, yeah. You knew before either one of us, I think," I observed.

"That's right. Now tell me... when can we go on a double date? I have always wanted to do that with you, but it just never seemed to happen," she appealed.

"Umm... I don't know. Jasper did say he wanted to invite you guys over here because you've never been," I told her still looking at Jasper to see if that was okay. He nodded his head in acquiescence.

"Okay. It'll have to be later though. This weekend is Jamie's birthday party and he wanted me to come," she told announced.

"Really?" I asked her. Did he forget to ask me? He was my friend first.

"Yeah. He said you weren't invited until you stopped being a coward and invited your best friend to meet your other friends. I'm guessing now it won't be a problem anymore?" she quipped. I laughed, that sounded just like something he'd say.

"Where is this party at?" I asked her. Knowing Jamie it would be at some club or something. Jasper definitely wasn't ready for that, I didn't think he ever would be either. I wasn't entirely sure he was ready to meet any of my friends, this one in particular. He was... interesting.

"He said it was going to be at his house this year on Saturday. Greg and Sam are leaving the house for it. They said they couldn't wait around and watch it get destroyed," Bella snickered. I laughed, they were probably right. Knowing Jamie this party might as well be at a club. "Well, I've gotta go. See you at the party."

"Bye, Bella," I said and hung up.

"Party?" Jasper questioned. I'd forgotten he could only hear one half of the conversation.

"Um, yeah. My friend Jamie is having a party on Saturday. Do you want to come with me?" I asked him.

Smiling at me, he countered, "Of course I do. Didn't I tell you not to hide your friends from me anymore?"

"Yeah, okay. I get it, I get it," I said. Jamie was pretty damn weird sometimes, but it looked like he already had something in common with Jasper. "I'm just giving you a warning, Jasper. Out of all my friends Jamie is the most far out there person you might ever meet and blunt. Sometimes I swear he came from another planet," I chuckled.

"I think I can handle it for at least one day, Edward," Jasper said laughing at me. "Now are we gonna finish this movie or not?" he asked me. I picked up the remote and pressed play as Jasper had paused it when the phone rang.

When the movie was done we took our empty plates back to the kitchen and I headed to my room. "Where are you going?" Jasper asked me.

"To bed. I don't think I can keep my eyes open one more minute," I pointed out, exhausted.

Frowning at me, Jasper asked, "You aren't going to sleep with me tonight?"

"Of course I am, but in my room. Your bed is still a total mess in case you forgot and I'm too fucking tired to do anything about it," I explained. I was sure as soon as my head hit the pillow I'd be out.

"Oh," Jasper said looking relieved before following me to my bedroom.

Lying down my head swam with the memories of the day. The most upsetting part to me was remembering my father saying he didn't want to spend time with us. Who says that to their family? I was so angry my hands clenched into fists. Damn it, I thought I was fucking tired. Jasper sat beside me and saw my hands, he picked them both up to unfold them. "Edward, whatever is bothering you please calm down." He still had both his hands in mine when he leaned down to kiss me gently. Then Jasper laid on his back pulling me on my side so my head lay on his chest. I still hadn't fully calmed down though. Feeling fingers running through my hair seemed to relax me enough that I fell asleep.

Waking up the next day I saw Jasper was already gone. He'd once again left for work without waking me up. Stretching I realized just how sore my muscles were. I'd been so pissed off I'd beaten my body over it and now I was suffering the consequences. Sitting up in bed I realized it was already almost time for Jasper to get home. That thought made me smile. I wanted to spend some time with him before I had to go to work tonight. Getting out of bed I went to the kitchen to find something to drink. Damn, I was thirsty after all that running.

Waiting for Jasper to get home I stupidly decided to watch TV. Did it always suck this much? I never watched anything at night during the week as I was at work, but so far the rest of the time I was disappointed in it. Court shows, talk shows, and soap operas plagued daytime TV, what a bunch of stupid crap. As soon as I heard the key in the door I turned the TV off, relieved that I wasn't going to subject myself to that shit anymore today.

Jasper walked in completely soaked and shivering. The beautiful weather of yesterday didn't last long. "Hey," I said as he dropped his stuff and peeled his wet jacket off.

"Hey. So did you sleep well today?" Jasper asked me laughing. What the fuck was that about?

"Yes, I did. I just got up. Thank you very much for waking me up before you left though. That was really nice of you," I groused. Fuck. There goes my mouth. Sometimes I really thought people should duct tape my mouth shut.

He only laughed at me harder saying, "Do you really think I don't try? This morning you whined and moaned and kept mumbling at me 'five more minutes'. I actually got out of bed and tried to use ice to wake you up, you still didn't budge." Then he was standing in front of me and pulled me up to him pressing into my body, making me as wet as him. "Now I need a warm shower, I'm freezing." he commented and turned away from me, walking straight for the bathroom. I narrowed my eyes at him. Did he really just blow me off? I wasn't going to stand for that.

Following him into the bathroom I got in the shower with him. My boxers were still on and were rapidly getting as soaked as his clothes as had been. Jasper's eyes went wide as he said, "Edward, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm taking a shower with you," I insinuated, waggling my eyebrows at him.

He laughed and smirked, "What I meant to say is, why are you in here still in boxers?" I only shrugged at him. In reality I was in too much of a hurry to join him to even remember I had them on. Jasper grinned widely at me and put his hands on my hips trying to push them down.

Stopping him, I placed my hands over his and shook my head no. He frowned at me for a minute before I pushed him up against the tile wall. Holding his hands to his side I kissed his lips before becoming more urgent. Jasper leaned his head back against the wall and moaned. My lips moved down to his neck gently sucking the skin into my mouth before heading down to his chest, I still had his hands trapped to his sides. Letting go of his hands I placed my hand on his chest and commanded, "Stay." He nodded at me and I removed my boxers dropping them to the wet tile floor. Then I knelt down and kissed up and down his legs.

"Fuck, Edward. Please stop torturing me," Jasper growled out. I laughed, payback's a bitch. Standing up I kissed his mouth again. He seemed disappointed that I didn't linger down there, but I had other plans.

Stepping out of the shower I beckoned for him to follow. Jasper's look of confusion was terribly cute. Grabbing a towel I wiped his and my own body down. Then I turned Jasper around so his back was to me. He didn't like that at all I could tell, but now was the time to get him over this silliness. This idea had popped into my head as soon as I walked in here. Using the towel in my hand I wiped away the fog from the mirror in front of us.

Kissing him on the neck first I worked up to his ear and breathed, "Watch." My eyes met his in the mirror. Putting my hands on his arms I kissed his shoulders, making sure he could see my eyes the entire time. Moving one of my hands to the center of his chest I dragged my hand straight down and to his cock. As soon as my hand touched him there his eyes closed. "Open your eyes, Jasper," I ordered letting go, he whimpered at the loss. Kicking his feet apart first I put my fingers in my mouth sucking on them as he looked on through the mirror. Pushing a finger into his ass I heard Jasper moan and saw him lean his body forward so I could get further in. Smiling at him, I pushed another finger in and pumped a few times before removing them. "Jasper, I'm going to get on my knees and lick your ass. You won't be able to see me, so will you be okay with that?" I asked him tracing my finger around his entrance.

"Fuck, Edward, yes," he growled out and pushed back into me. Kissing his back I knelt down on the towel I'd dropped in front of me earlier. Placing my hands on both cheeks I spread them apart and licked the puckered skin of his ass. He still tasted of soap. Pressing my tongue against the hole I licked the rim before pushing inside. Jasper moaned and spread his legs wider. "Edward, please... I need you," he begged. Pulling away from him I kissed one of his cheeks and stood up. I might not have let him go that easily, but my knees were starting to protest being on the tile. Pushing my own cock into his ass I felt him shiver and grinned at the effect.

Leaning over to pull a condom and lube I kept in here out of a drawer and kissed his shoulder once more. Looking at him in the mirror to see if he was still with me I saw the lust in his eyes and he jerked his hips back into me again. Rolling the condom on I coated it with lube and rubbed my cock between his cheeks. "Jasper, do you want me to take you this way?" I asked wanting to make sure it was okay after yesterday.

"Fuck, Edward, if you don't stop talking I swear I'll kill you myself and take matters into my own hands," Jasper said annoyed. Chuckling at him I placed my hands on his hips and pushed my cock into his ass. "Fuck... feels... sooooo... good," Jasper panted as I started thrusting into him.

Letting go of one of his hips my hand reached up to his hair and tugged it back so he was watching us directly in the mirror. His eyes were wide as he could see what we looked like together, I liked the way we looked together myself. One of his hands moved down to stroke his own cock in time with my thrusts into his ass. "Fuck," I ground out. "Jazz... you have no idea how good look like this... bent over for me." Jasper growled and was searching my eyes for something. Permission, maybe? "Come for me, Jasper. I want to feel your ass tighten around me." Thrusting into him a few more times he picked up the pace around his own cock. He stopped moving his body altogether, waiting out his orgasm, as he spilled semen on his hand and in the bathroom sink. I nearly came as he contracted around me. Grabbing both of his hips I thrust hard and fast into him finally getting my own release.

We were both sweaty and in desperate need of another shower now, especially me as I still had to work. Pulling out of Jasper's ass I threw the condom away and kissed his back again as he still hadn't moved. Looking up into the mirror Jasper whispered, "Thank you." I smiled at him and took him back into the shower.

**AN: **_Sorry if you don't like the lemon here, but it's fucking hard to get out when you feel like crap. _


	8. Chapter 8

**Strange Desire: Chapter Eight**

**AN: **_Thanks to those of you that actually reviewed the last chapter. I felt awful, so getting it out there was a struggle. _

_Rose and Jasper in the kitchen first, then we get to meet Jamie. : ) Some of you seem to think that he's James, but he isn't. I actually named him after a gay friend of mine because he asked me. _

_All right, I'm dedicating this chapter to OCDJen as she didn't know gays/lesbians couldn't get married in almost every state here or have easy adoptions. That was the reason for my pushing on the medical power of attorney. Her story is over which is sad, but hey she's going to do a sequel so that makes me happy._

_Okay, on to the chapter, I probably talked too much here, but I couldn't help myself. : )_

_Characters belong to SM, but it's definitely my own story._

**JPOV**

Edward had left for work already, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I liked how he had taken the way I felt about fucking from behind and tried to make me more comfortable with it. I still wasn't sure I liked it, but being able to see Edward while doing it was... amazing. Seeing us together and happy during it was a powerful feeling. I don't think I ever had this intense of an attraction to anyone in my entire life. The more times we were together the stronger it became, instead of the other way around. I wasn't quite able to form the words of how much I loved him. I know I'd said it, but still it never seemed like enough. One day maybe I'd get it right.

Sitting on the couch I thought back to yesterday and Edward's flashbacks of his parents. They were concerning to me, especially as they seemed to be centered on his father's hatred of homosexuality. It made me wonder if Edward would eventually run from me, from us. I hoped not, but it still made me nervous. Shit, shit, shit. I couldn't think about this now, I had to get up.

Running my hands through my hair I tried to decide what to do. Going into the kitchen to make dinner I remembered Rosalie was coming over to cook, but I had no idea when. Walking back out I went and got my computer. At least I could distract myself with writing for a while or going back over what was already there. I didn't have to grade any other papers, the next big thing was my students finals and that was coming soon.

Turning my computer on I looked through my pages of what I'd written and was pleased at how it had turned out so far. I wrote a few notes and ideas down as I knew I wouldn't have time to really get into it before Rosalie came over. Her and Emmett seemed nice enough, but I still wasn't sure Emmett would ever be comfortable here. I guess I'd just have to wait and see.

The doorbell rang and Rosalie was standing there with several grocery bags in her hands. I took some of them off her and greeted her, "Hey."

"Hey, thanks for letting me do this. I know it seems weird," Rosalie said to me smiling.

"Well, I have to say it isn't a request I thought I'd ever hear from anyone," I told her chuckling.

Walking back into the kitchen for the second time I put the stuff down on the counter and asked, "Do you need some help?"

She shook her head and admitted, "No, just tell me where your pots and pans are. We still haven't gotten ours fully unpacked."

Showing her where the things were she said, "Thanks."

Curious I asked, "What exactly are you making, anyway?"

"Oh, I'm making gumbo and bread pudding," she answered me, pulling stuff out of her bags.

"You're doing what? How the hell did you learn to cook that _here_?" I asked her, a little incredulous.

She laughed, "Oh, one of my aunt's is from Louisiana. She still has the sing-song accent too." Then she looked at me seriously before saying, "Now I'm making this, but you are going to watch me make it in case Emmett has questions, got it?"

Saluting her I responded, "Yes, mam." She laughed and rolled her eyes at me. Getting down to work she showed me how to make gumbo. I have to say my nostrils felt like they were on fire when the spicy smell hit my nose. I just hoped it wasn't so hot I couldn't eat it. How the hell would I pull off I made something like that if I couldn't even swallow it? "Umm... how hot is this exactly?" I asked Rosalie.

"Here, try some," Rosalie urged as she handed me a spoon. Oh my god, that was good. It had a spicy kick to it, but no more than I could handle.

"That's really good, Rosalie," I told her truthfully.

Grinning at me, she said, "I know. My aunt is a good cook. I've tasted other people's versions of this and let me tell you plenty of people screw it up." Then she tilted her head and informed me, "You can call me Rose or Rosie by the way, I don't go by Rosalie very often."

"Okay, Rose," I agreed, watching her. Actually, I was watching her to see if I was still attracted to women or not. I had never been attracted to any man other than Edward and still wasn't, so I was sure I should still be attracted to women, right? No, I wasn't. That was frustrating. It made me wonder where the hell I fit in. Not only that, but what would happen if Edward screwed us up? I didn't think I'd be the one to do it, I'd already faced the reality of being with him, but him... I wondered if he'd ever climb his way completely out of that closet. Shit, shit, shit. I'd be fucking screwed if he never did and I knew it.

"So... if you guys have known each other twenty-four years, do you have pictures from when you were younger?" Rosalie asked me, throwing me for a loop.

"What?" I blurted shaking my head. She repeated herself again and I said, "Oh, yeah. I'll be right back, I think I have a picture on my shelf in my bedroom." Leaving the kitchen and my wayward thoughts I went to my bedroom and grabbed the framed picture of Edward and me as kids. We'd gone camping with our parents in this one. We were about eight and had fallen out of the canoe we were in, both of us were soaked. Our eyes shone with happiness and innocence, mine were a little happier than Edward's though.

Walking back out of the room into the dining room Rosalie was standing there and she was looking at me and the door behind me. Then her eyes flicked to Edward's bedroom door and back to mine her eyebrows raised. "You don't share the same bedroom?" she inquired, curious.

Shrugging at her, I reasoned, "Well, no. When we moved here we weren't together. Someday maybe we will, but for now it's fine how it is."

"Don't you want to sleep in the same bed together," she asked, pushing.

"We do sleep in the same bed, but in case you haven't noticed we don't exactly have the same sleeping schedule. Edward works all night and I work all day, so..." I trailed off.

"That's too bad. Hopefully it will be better for you this summer. I did hear that right? That you weren't going to teach during the summer?" She asked me and I nodded.

Shaking her head she asked, "Can I see that picture now?" Handing it over to her she looked at it and smiled. "You guys were cute." Then she closed her own eyes confessing, "I wish I had my own kids already."

"Why don't you then?" I asked her.

Rosalie snorted, "I always thought I would. I thought I'd be married with kids by now, you know the perfect little family. We can make all the plans we want, but most of the time I think we make them just so God can laugh at us and our stupidity." I didn't know what the appropriate response was to that, so I said nothing.

She handed the picture back to me and I went to put it up coming back to find her in the kitchen a couple of minutes later. "What are you making now?" I questioned her. She had a pot on top of the stove that she was stirring something in and pouring bourbon in it.

"Oh, it's the sauce for bread pudding. Some people use rum or cognac or nothing, but I was taught to use bourbon," she replied and turned the fire down.

Rounding on me she popped out, "So you guys aren't actually gay, are you?" My head was spinning, she seemed to go from one thought to a completely new one rather quickly.

Blinking at her, I confirmed, "Edward is bi actually, and I'm..." I just shrugged at her.

She shrugged back at me and prompted, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I don't fucking know, okay?" I snapped at her. She turned away from me then and didn't say another word about it, thank god.

A few minutes later she turned back to me and pleaded, "Don't tell Emmett. He'd never allow me to come over if he knew you were anything but gay."

Snorting I asked, "Just exactly how many secrets are we going to have to keep from Emmett?" That seemed ridiculous.

"I think just those two," she assured me laughing, finally figuring out how stupid this was.

"Good, because I don't like lying to people," I told her.

Rosalie took her phone out and called Emmett telling him to come over here for dinner whenever he got home. "Why aren't you going to eat at your house?" I asked her.

"Well... since you let me cook here, you should get some. Also, I don't want to carry this stuff over there. Besides, if Emmett can be around only one of you at a time maybe he'd be more comfortable. You guys freaked him out a little pawing all over each other," she scolded me and I couldn't help but laugh. If she only knew just how hard it was not to do more than we did that day.

Emmett did seem more comfortable with only just us there. He raved about the food and complimented me often on it. Biting my cheek I tried to keep from blurting out that Rosalie had made dinner. It seemed sad that she had to hide something like that. There wasn't anything left though as Rosalie and I knew there wouldn't be. Emmett asked, "So what are you guys doing next Saturday?" I was sure he just wanted more food.

"We're going to a party," I told him and his face fell. I held in my laughter.

"That's too bad. I wish you weren't going, I like you guys," Emmett said sounding forlorn and my eyes cut across to Rosalie's, hers had widened at his words.

"What? I didn't think you were comfortable here," she said in shock.

Shrugging he said, "I wasn't, but I got over it, okay?"

I couldn't wait to tell Edward as he was the one that seemed to have the most problem with people not liking him because of his sexual orientation. I just had a problem with people not liking me in general, I needed approval. One of these days we were both going to have to get over it. It wasn't like you could make everyone in the world like you.

The rest of the week I barely saw Edward. I was gone before he got back from work and by the time I got home he didn't have any time other than to grab something to eat and walk out the door in a hurry. God, I couldn't wait until summer. Then it wouldn't be that hard for me to stay up all night as that's when I did my best writing anyway, then we'd be on the same schedule. The only thing that changed was the papers he'd brought home from work to be signed to become each others medical power of attorney. They laid on the coffee table as they had to be notarized and knowing Edward he'd probably want a lawyer to look at it. That would be difficult to find someone to do that as we both had to be there and our schedules were so vastly different.

Saturday finally rolled around, the day of the party. I was nervous as I'd been thinking about this all week. Would his friends even like me? Would I like them? I didn't even know what kind of party this would be like, all I got from Edward was that his friend was interesting. Whatever the fuck that meant. Not only that, but Bella would be there.

It took me all week to figure out why I disliked her so much without having a concrete reason. Things had finally clicked into place. It also made me realize he'd used her as a scapegoat for his feelings for me. That made me rethink the whole situation, maybe she wasn't as bad as I'd thought.

When we were in high school Edward went to prom with Bella and about halfway through it they'd disappeared. At the time I was angry without even knowing why and I took my date back to her house as her parents weren't home and fucked her hard. To this day I don't remember the girl's name.

When I got home that night Edward was already there and dressed for bed, he seemed upset, but wouldn't tell me why. Of course, I knew now. He started hanging out with Bella more, which made me think he was dating her or they were at least friends with benefits, so I jumped right into a relationship. I wasn't going to hang around by myself. As I still had no idea I even liked Edward my mind never even went there as to why this bothered me. I thought maybe it was because he was my friend and now he was giving someone else the attention he'd always given me, that I was jealous of it. I didn't know my own relationship with that girl would spur him on to do stupid shit, to fuck that many random men. If I'd known, regardless of how I felt about him, I would have ended it. That just wasn't healthy for anyone.

Sitting up in bed I waited until Edward got home. He came in the door looking like he was going to fall flat on his face, it was a good thing this party didn't start until late. Removing his shoes and his scrubs he climbed into bed still in an undershirt, boxers and socks. Laying face down he turned his head to look at me, his green eyes bloodshot. He sighed, "I love you, Jazz." My hand reached out to touch his face and cupped his cheek, the stubble there was sexy as hell.

Edward was asleep before I even got out, "I love you, too." I decided to lay back down and see if I could catch some more sleep as well, knowing this party was supposed to go on pretty late. Drifting in and out of consciousness all day I had a million questions in my head for Edward. They seemed to come on all week and the more they stayed in my head, the more they festered there. The longer they stayed there, the more negative the thoughts became.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore and took a shower and got dressed. I sat down on the couch in silence, for once doing nothing. Closing my eyes I waited until Edward was awake with me. Feeling hands on my shoulders I turned my head to see Edward leaning down and his lips snagged mine. He kissed my neck and I turned my head to give him better access feeling the rough stubble against my own skin. God, it felt good. Turning my own body around on the couch I attacked his exposed neck. Edward groaned and pointed out, "I need to get dressed, we've got to go soon." As it was the party had already started.

"Do we have to?" I didn't want to leave, I'd missed Edward too much all week.

"Aren't you the one that said you wanted to meet my friends? Come on, let me get dressed and we'll go," Edward reasoned.

Capitulating I agreed, "Okay, but don't shave. I want to feel that on me later." Then I ran my hands down his cheeks.

He groaned again saying, "Damn it, Jasper. Are you trying to kill me here?"

"Are you?" I shot back. He removed my hands from his face and walked away from me. He came back dressed and ready to go a few minutes later, it didn't look like he even bothered to fix his hair.

"Jasper, we're going to have to drive there. He lives about forty-five minutes from here by car," Edward warned leading me out to the elevator. I wondered why he'd chosen this instead of the stairs, that was, until the doors closed and he attacked my mouth again. Wrapping my arms around him I pressed my body as close to his as I could. We hastily pulled apart as others got on, both of us grinning stupidly.

Getting in his car we took off and my mind again went back to all the thoughts that had been running through my head all week. "Jasper, why are you so silent? Is something wrong?" Edward asked me in concern.

"No, nothing is wrong. I've just had entirely too much time to think this week," I told him and hoped he'd drop it, but knew he wouldn't. I wouldn't answer if I wasn't pushed, he wouldn't answer if he was.

"What did you think about?" He prompted me. I didn't even know where to start or who to start with.

Deciding to start with Bella as we were about to see her, I said, "For one thing, Bella."

"What about her?" He asked curiously.

"I just realized this week that I've been jealous of her," I answered as if he didn't know this already. He probably felt like he was pulling teeth at this point trying to just get me to spit it out.

"Why? There isn't anything to be jealous of," he declared, confused.

"Probably because all this time I thought you guys were fucking each other when we were younger." That wasn't the most tactful thing to say, but at least I'd said it.

He shot me an incredulous look and said, "What are you talking about, Jasper? I never slept with Bella, not even once. I did kiss her one time and she told me she wasn't having any of it because I loved you."

"Really?" I asked him feeling a little lighter.

"Yes, really," he answered and reached over squeezing my hand. "What else has been turning in your mind?"

"Um... How do you know Jamie?" I asked him, this was more a curious question than a serious one or so I thought.

Edward looked out the window before answering me, then he divulged, "If he wants you to know then he'll tell you, it's not my story to tell." How would it only be his story if Edward was the other half of the equation?

Leaving it alone for now I said, "Okay... then just exactly how old is Jamie today?"

"Twenty-three. We've been friends for about seven years," Edward informed me. He'd hidden someone and not even mentioned them in passing in seven years? What the fuck?

"Edward, do these people even know who I am?" I asked him.

"Of course they know, they all do. You were the only one left out of that," he admitted. I was angry of course, even if I understood why he did it.

Huffing I looked out the window unable to see anything as it was too dark. "Don't be like that, Jasper. I was too afraid of losing you to let you into that part of my life," he pleaded with me.

"Fine. I do have another question though," I told him.

"What is it?" he asked, on guard now.

"Will there be a lot of people at this party that you have fucked?" I questioned him. Damn it, damn it, damn it. Why did I ask him that? I was a glutton for punishment I suppose.

Edward blanched at me and said, "I don't know." I felt sick, my stomach felt like it'd dropped. I knew he'd been with quite a few men before. Why the hell had I not asked much about it before now? Oh yeah, because the lust was far too high to take it seriously.

Arriving at what looked like a huge house we parked on the lawn with quite a large assortment of other cars. Reaching for the door handle Edward caught my hand before I could open the door, beseeching, "Wait." I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. At that particular moment I wanted nothing more than to get out of this car and away from Edward.

"Jasper, you already knew I'd been with other men before we got together, so why is this bothering you now?" he asked me pinching his nose. I didn't know. Jealousy, maybe? I couldn't answer, instead choosing to look out the window. I never thought I'd be faced with people he'd possibly had one night stands with before. His hands found my face and turned me to face him. "Jasper, I love you. I've always only loved you." He kissed my lips, but I kept mine firmly closed. Pulling away from me he sighed and asked, "Do you want to go home?"

"Hell no, I don't want to go home. I feel like you stuck in me in a closet I wasn't even aware I was in. Let's go," I snapped, angrily opening the door. Walking quickly to the front door I didn't even care at that point if Edward was behind me or not.

Edward wisely remained beside me without touching me. I don't know why I was so pissed off at this stuff now, it was ludicrous. I'd never been jealous of anyone or anything, but apparently when it came to Edward I was and that pissed me off even more. I could hear Edward grumbling under his breath that it wasn't a good idea to not talk to me for almost a week, nothing good would come of it. He was probably right. If I'd faced him off with the things that bothered me right then they wouldn't have had time to grow and loom above us.

Determined to have a good time, determined to make these people like me, I plastered a smile on my face. Edward looked forlorn beside me. Walking into the house my eyes and ears were assaulted. So much so that I almost walked right back out, except I was frozen in place. "Come on, Jasper, you can't block the doorway. It's either in or out," Edward directed as I shook my head and took a few tentative steps forward.

The house itself was huge and open. The back doors were open so people could come in and out, but the most significant thing I saw was that all of the furniture from the living room had been removed. I do mean all of it. There was a dance floor in the middle of it instead and music blared as people danced in semi-darkness. Holy shit! Why didn't this guy just go ahead and have his party at a club if he was going to do all of this? It sure as hell would be easier. The only places to sit were the other rooms and stairs which all seemed to be opened to anybody. There had to be at minimum a hundred people here and they looked to be from every walk of life imaginable. People were there that I didn't think would ever meet or know each other if they didn't know this guy. Who the hell was he anyway?

Bella spotted us walk in as she was standing on the edge of the living room looking in. She turned to us excitedly and surprisingly she hugged me first, although she pulled me down to say, "Jasper, wipe that smile off your face, it looks ridiculous and fake." Then she turned to Edward and hugged him saying, "Cheer up, this is a party."

Edward only grimaced and asked, "Where is Jake?"

"Oh, he had to work. I brought a friend of mine from work instead," she replied. "I have no idea where he went though."

Edward wandered off to get a couple of beers before coming back to Bella and me. We stood on the outside looking in it felt like. I was still dumbfounded. There were people everywhere making out or doing more openly aside from dancing. I wondered how in hell Bella could even be comfortable here, I wasn't. When I asked her about it she shrugged and supplied, "You get used to it." I didn't think I ever would. After a few minutes though I could hear snatches of normal conversation, that made me relax being here more than anything else, people talking about their jobs and whatnot.

Turning to Edward I inquired, "So which one of these people is Jamie?"

Looking amused for the first time today Edward snickered, "You'll hear him in exactly four seconds. One... two... three... four."

Then I heard a male voice explode out, "It's not a twist-off cap, imbecile." The owner of the voice walked over to us wincing in pain. He wasn't very tall, his hair was dark brown and he had dark blue eyes and he was dressed normally. He certainly looked normal and after what Edward had said I was surprised. Well, at least Edward probably didn't fuck this guy as he wasn't blond, that made me breathe a sigh of relief. When he saw Edward he smiled widely and remarked, "Remind me next time why I don't do charity cases." Edward and Bella both looked at him, laughter shining in their eyes.

"That was cruel, you know. You probably scarred him for life," Edward told him chuckling.

"Him? What about me? Fuck, that hurt," the man in front of me said grimacing.

"What happened to your boyfriend?" Bella asked from the opposite side of me. She had placed herself beside me and not Edward which I thought was odd.

"I dumped his ass, that's what happened," he stated.

"Why? I thought you really liked him," Bella asked.

He grunted and acknowledged, "I did. The problem was everything in the bedroom sucked ass." Then he laughed and quipped, "Actually, it might have been great if he could even do that, but no." Poking me in the chest he asked, "Would you stay with someone like that?" Who the hell was this guy? I tried to take a step back, but there was nowhere else to go.

Turning his head back to Edward, he announced, "That is why I won't do charity cases anymore." Then his eyes flicked back to me as realization dawned on his face. "Wait. You must be Jasper? That's the only reason Edward would possibly be here."

"Yes, I must be," I laughed. Well, at least my bad mood was fading quickly and a real smile could take over.

Edward said, "Jasper, this is Jamie."

I watched as Jamie still kept poking me, which was frankly getting on my nerves. "You mean he's real? I thought you just might be a figment of Edward's imagination." Then he turned his head to Edward and glaring at him reprimanded, "It's about time you decided not to keep me and your other friends a dirty little secret."

Groaning Edward mumbled under his breath, "Great... I knew they'd have that in common." I rolled my eyes still slightly miffed at him.

"So... why didn't you just go ahead and have this party at a club?" I asked Jamie, actually curious.

"I didn't want people kicked out when they weren't sober enough to go home," he said. The answer was so logical I was astonished after what Edward had told me about him.

A couple of other guys walked up to us. I assumed they were a couple, they looked like it anyway, they were just a little too into each other's personal space. The shorter one of the two looked to be Hispanic and the other guy was far more pale than either Edward or I. "Hey Edward, we haven't seen you in a long time," the shorter one said.

"Yeah, I know. Guys, this is Jasper," Edward introduced me and the expressions on their faces made it seem like they'd heard of me before. That was disconcerting to not know anything about anyone and yet they knew things about you.

"Jasper, this is Raphael and Sean," Edward said motioning to them.

Before I even got a chance to respond or say hi, Raphael said just a little too loudly, "Who invited the drag queen?" His entire body shuddered as one passed by us. Jamie's mouth gaped open for a minute.

Bella interrupted, "What's wrong with drag queen's?"

The taller of the two, Sean said laughing, "Drag Queen's are like the gay man's version of clowns. As in scary." I wasn't sure if I wanted to laugh or if I was offended.

Jamie spun round and spat, "That is my friend you are talking about. If you can't keep your mouth shut, then you can leave."

They both backed away muttering, "Sorry." Jamie was still huffing when they left our side.

"Fucking idiots," Jamie grumbled at them.

"Where's Alec?" Edward asked Jamie and Bella nodded her head. I assumed this was someone they knew well.

Jamie's face nearly turned puce as he seethed, "We aren't friends anymore."

"Why?" Bella asked him.

"Because he's an idiot," Jamie offered in explanation, we just looked at him. He started mumbling under his breath talking to himself, all I heard were snatches of words like fucking idiot, Typhoid Mary and not at my party. He never did actually tell us what Alec did that pissed him off, but it wasn't that hard to figure out. Edward's own face turned from pink, to red, to purple as I thought his head might explode. I'd never seen him so angry in our entire life together.

Placing my hand on Edward's shoulder I soothed, "Calm down. You can only control your decisions, no one else's." I watched as his face gradually lost it's angry color and he took some deep breaths. Then he grabbed me so tightly I could barely breathe. Struggling to get him to at least loosen his arms he seemed to only hold on tighter. "Edward, you have to let go. I can't fucking breathe." Releasing his hold on me he moved his hands to my head and kissed me roughly.

Jamie gasped beside us in shock, "You mean... you're together?"

I couldn't look away from Edward at that moment or speak. Bella clapped her hands excitedly and gushed "Yep, isn't it wonderful? About damn time, too."

"But... but... Jasper isn't gay," Jamie spluttered. How the hell would he know that? Then he grabbed me by the arm and led me outside and away from Edward. What the fuck?

"What the hell? Let go of me," I huffed pulling my arm out of his grasp. He dropped my arm, but only once we were outside.

Jamie pointed at me and accused, "You aren't gay."

"Tell me something I don't know," I shot back at him.

Looking thoroughly amused his face broke out into a wide grin and he claimed, "All right, I'll tell you something you don't know. I probably get you more than anyone else in this house."

"What are you talking about?" I asked him confused. God, this guy was irritating.

"Jasper, I'm pan-sexual," he informed me.

"Uh... what...?" Was I supposed to know what that meant? Did I miss that term somewhere?

He looked at me smug before saying, "It means I don't put love in a box, Jasper. It means I will fall in love with whomever I want to, whether it's a man, a woman, a trans-gender person or anyone else. I refuse to be put in society's shackles. I do prefer men, but I'm open to anyone."

Then he looked at me more seriously and confessed, "It means I can understand why you are with Edward even if you aren't gay. I don't think you are bisexual either."

Frowning at him, I popped out, "How do you know that?"

"Look around, Jasper, tell me if you find anyone else here attractive at all," Jamie fired off. Looking around at the various people there I still wasn't attracted to any one of them until my eyes landed on Edward. Jamie nodded his head and said, "Yep, exactly like I thought."

"Jasper, your desire for Edward is strong. I never really believed Bella when she said that it was, but I can see now she was right," Jamie noted. Okay, but now I was more confused than I was before, damn it. Thanks a fucking lot.

"Then what the hell am I?" I asked him pissed off.

"Honestly? I don't know. Does it matter? Do you need a label?" he inquired. No, I guess I didn't, but it sure as hell would make my life easier if I could explain it better. Then he cocked his head to the side and stated, "You should probably just tell people you are bi, it'll make your life easier anyway." I looked at him incredulous, did he just read my mind?

"Do I have to tell people what I am or am not? It's fucking ridiculous how much emphasis people place on idiotic labels instead of wanting to know me for me," I ranted, this had actually been one of the things bothering me for the past few days.

"I know, Jasper. I know. Trust me, I'd be right there with you, but don't expect many other people to be," Jamie spoke looking... sad?

"Now tell me, you and Edward? What? Why? When?" he fired off and I wasn't sure if he actually wanted to know the answer or if he just liked the gossip. My eyes found Edward's, his apparently hadn't left us during this entire conversation.

"Um..." I stumbled out. I only gave him the basics, if Edward wanted him to know more then let him tell it.

Jamie leaned over towards me and placed his hand on my arm and propositioned, "If you and Edward don't work out, I'm willing." Staring at him I was sure I had a look of horror on my face. Snorting with laughter Jamie said, "Relax, I just wanted to see what your reaction would be. It was the right one, by the way." Then I saw Edward walking towards us also laughing, like they were both in on this joke. I narrowed my eyes at both of them.

"Take your hands off _my_ man," Edward said chortling.

"Oh, I'm so scared. What are you going to do about it then?" Jamie teased. Edward looked calculating before he picked up Jamie's hand forcibly removing it and spun me around so my back was to his chest, his arms wrapped firmly around me, backing away. Jamie only laughed at us before he was approached by someone else distracting him.

Edward whispered in my ear, "Come dance with me."

"Uh... I... d... don't..." I stuttered out, I'd never danced with anyone other than a woman and the people here weren't exactly dancing. I was positive that some of them were actually fucking each other.

"Come on, Jazz, it'll be fun," Edward pleaded and nipped at my neck. Sighing I followed him, of course. Edward led me to the dance floor and stood behind me holding one of my hips with one hand and the other immediately found itself underneath my shirt. His fingertips trailed down my chest and stomach making me press my ass against him. Groaning against me Edward's mouth found my neck and I felt the stubble on his cheeks rasping against me making me moan. Then his teeth found my earlobe and he nipped at it before whispering, "Turn your head toward me, Jazz." Turning my head his lips captured mine and I opened my mouth to him, this time feeling his hot breath all the way down in my own lungs. I shivered in pleasure. Were we dancing? I didn't know and I didn't care. As far as I was concerned there was no one else there but Edward and I. Keeping my eyes open I continued to kiss Edward looking right into his green ones. One of my hands slipped to his head to pull us closer, but when my other hand went to his ass pushing him into me I watched as his eyes fluttered closed. I could feel him harden against me, I was already there.

Edward's hand moved down and caressed my hard cock through my pants and I ground my ass into him needing more. "I need you. Now," I growled out. Edward groaned and stepped away from me. Then he grabbed me by the hand and walked as quickly as he could up a couple of flights of stairs and peering into different rooms found the one he wanted. He didn't hesitate and kept going further into the room into a large carpeted bathroom. Shutting and locking the door he pulled my shirt off first thing before he attacked my mouth again. I wanted to rip his shirt off, but didn't think it would be a good idea here. Tugging it up he lifted his arms long enough for me to get it off before attacking me again, this time he was intently sucking my neck. Then I felt one of the most wonderful sensations. His tongue licked my left nipple then he dragged his cheek across it, the roughness making me growl out loudly. That was probably the loudest sound I'd ever made when we were together as Edward looked up at me, his eyes wide, and did it again recreating the sound. "Fuck," I groaned as my head hit the door. Repeating himself on the other side he got the same reaction from me, but this time my body shook as it seemed to be more sensitive.

Pulling Edward's head up towards me I breathed out, "Fuck me, please." It had been too long now and I was desperate. He probably could have done anything he wanted then and I'd let him. Edward unbuckled my belt and unbuttoned my pants, I breathed a sigh of relief. Kicking off my shoes first I unzipped my own pants and shoved them down along with my boxers and stepped out of them. Edward pulled his clothes off faster than I had. Standing there I thought he was beautiful. Reaching my hand out I traced the trail of hair down his stomach and down into the bronze curls covering his balls. Snatching my hand away from him Edward knelt down and took a few long licks over my cock before wrapping his lips around it. I could feel both the sensation of his warm wet mouth surrounding me and the hair on his face rubbing against my thighs, it was delicious. I put my hands in his hair feeling the contrast in the softness there and tried hard not to fuck his mouth. I wanted to cum with him inside me.

Letting me go Edward looked around the room before finding what he was looking for as it had been placed right by the door. On the bathroom counter sat a bowl with various condoms in it and beside it was one of the largest bottles of lube I'd ever seen. If I hadn't been too turned on to care I would have asked about it. Edward actually picked up two condoms and ripped one of them open rolling it over me before doing the same to himself. Then he picked up the bottle of lube and poured it into his hand before rubbing it over both of our erect cocks. I groaned at his touch. Using what was left on his fingers he pressed one into me quickly followed by a second and pumped my ass before adding a third finger. I was breathing heavy with need by now and pushed Edward down onto the soft carpeted floor taking me with him. Keeping my legs straddled over his I begged, "Now, please. I want to feel your hard cock inside me. I need to." Removing his fingers from my ass he gripped his shaft and guided it into me. I breathed a sigh of relief once he was all the way in.

Placing my hands on his chest I moved my ass over him feeling him slide in and out. His hands cupped my ass and helped pull me down to him as forcefully as he could stand. Edward grunted and I placed my finger over his swollen lips tracing them, feeling the softness there, until his tongue snaked out and sucked on it. Removing my finger from his mouth I leaned down and kissed his lips with my own right before he sucked my tongue into his mouth. Groaning at the action I put my arms around his shoulders and flipped us so that he was on top. Our mouths were still melded to each other's and I felt him moving inside me again. My own cock was trapped between our stomachs and I could feel Edward slide over it. Gradually my hands moved down his back and down towards his ass as he began thrusting faster. Gently I squeezed the muscles of my ass around his cock a few times making Edward groan in pleasure. Reaching his hand down he gripped my cock and slowly started pumping his hand around it. "Edward, please. I need it faster," I urged. Then he gripped my shaft at the base a little tighter before making upward strokes. I tried to push into his hand faster as he pushed deeper into my ass.

Looking up into his face I watched him looking at me, it was surreal. At some point our fucking had turned into making love, I just wasn't sure when that was. Our lips met and he gently sucked my bottom lip into his and nibbled on it. My mouth attached itself to his neck and I sucked hard as his hand was nearly done pumping me, I could feel my stomach tighten and cried out, "Edward, I'm going to cum." His hand only got faster and before I knew it I was shooting my cum into the condom he'd put there and my ass was tightening around his own cock. Groaning at the feeling Edward worked himself into a frenzy, I could see sweat dripping off his forehead. I was sure I matched him. "Come on, cum for me, please," I directed and felt him bite down between my neck and my shoulder right before he joined me in ecstasy.

Panting hard he came out of me and took both of our condoms to throw them away. I still couldn't move, I thought I could fall asleep right there. Edward must have thought the same thing because he came back to me and laid down beside me wrapping one arm around me. His face was flushed and his breathing still heavy as he laid his head on my chest. I'd completely forgotten where we were. As we lay there our skin began to cool, the cooler air drying the sweat from our bodies. I kissed his head and wished we didn't have to move, that we were at home. Eventually the sounds of the party drifted back to our ears and Edward remarked, "We'd better get dressed and go back downstairs." I groaned not wanting to move at all. "Jazz, come on and get up," Edward prodded, pulling me up with him. To be honest, if I died right there I would have been happy, I just didn't want to move. My legs were still shaky when I stood up and started putting my clothes back on. When I saw myself in the mirror my face was flushed just like Edward's and both of us had matching crazy hair. Oh well, it's not like other people here hadn't been doing the same thing.

Circling his arms around me Edward whispered, "I love you, Jasper. So much."

I closed my eyes, content, before opening them again and breathed, "I love you too, more than you will ever know." Then I kissed his lips softly before we turned our attention to the door about to walk out.

When we passed it I saw the bowl of condoms there on the counter and the lube and asked, "What is that about exactly?"

Snorting in laughter Edward said, "You can thank Jamie for that. You'll find that in every single room of this house, it's always there at every party he's ever hosted." I briefly wondered why, then thought no... I didn't have to wonder why, I knew.

Making our way back downstairs I noticed that many of the people that had been there before we went upstairs were gone and had been replaced by new ones, as though they'd come in shifts. Shit, how long had we been up there? Looking closer I could see some sort of scuffle going on downstairs and then Jamie's voice rang out loudly, "Get out." I hadn't even grasped what was going on before Edward was rushing down the stairs.

The only thing I could make out was a few people pushing another guy out of the house, the guy kept repeating, "He wanted it." The guy was blonde and gorgeous and had green eyes that reminded me of Edward's, except for the fact that they looked completely crazed and made my skin crawl. When I finally reached Edward and Jamie they were standing next to a boy, I say it's a boy as he looked entirely too young to even be here. Jesus, how old was this kid? The boy's nose was bleeding profusely and looked broken. Bella came up beside us and handed Edward some napkins and hand towels.

The boy was standing there in open-mouthed shock letting the blood flow into his mouth. Edward was trying to stanch the flow, but he really needed to move him out of the way of the crowd. The crowd had gone completely silent in the aftermath. Looking around I saw what looked to be the dining room and catching Edward's attention pointed to it. He nodded and guided the boy towards it.

All of us made our way into the room and by all of us I mean Edward, the boy, Jamie, Bella and me. Sitting down in the chairs Edward asked Jamie, "How old is he?" Clearly we were on the same page then.

Jamie furrowed his brow and answered, "Twenty-two, he's only a few months younger than me. He's in some of my classes at school." Shit, really? I wasn't even sure I'd say the guy had even hit high school, he looked that young.

"What happened?" Edward asked Jamie.

"I don't know. That guy was messing with him and he kept trying to shove him off, but he wouldn't take no for an answer." That was all he could give us in information.

"So do you know the other guy? Is he a friend of yours?" Edward asked him.

"No. I've never seen him before today, he must have come with someone else," he replied in a calm voice, too calm. Then I saw Jamie's hand close in fists and his jaw clench in anger. There was a fire in his eyes that I didn't expect to be there.

Edward finished cleaning up the boy and reset his nose. Bella had gotten some ice from the kitchen for him and interrupted Jamie, "Do you have any clean shirts? He can't wear that one, it has blood all over it."

Jamie nodded his head and said, "Yeah, top right drawer of my dresser in my bedroom." Bella led the boy away from us and towards the bedroom. I wondered why he didn't get it himself since he lived here, but he looked too angry at the moment to say anything about it.

Edward looked down at his hands and blurted out, "I need to go wash my hands. Jazz, keep Jamie company." I nodded my head, clearly whatever party mood Jamie had been in was out the window at the moment.

Edward left us alone in the dining room and Jamie rounded on me saying, "If you hurt Edward, I'll hunt you down and kill you." Blinking at him I was taken aback. Where was this coming from?

"I don't plan on it, Jamie. I broke all the rules for him, I love him," I responded honestly.

"Good. He's been a good friend to me and I don't want to see him hurt. The only person that has the power to hurt him the most right now is you," Jamie stated. Then looking me right in the eyes he questioned, "Did Edward tell you how we met?"

Shaking my head no I replied, "No, he told me it was your story to tell. That you would tell me if you wanted me to know."

Smiling at me he joked "Ah good, he can keep his mouth shut when it comes to important things. He doesn't always do a good job of that." I laughed, it was true.

Jamie started to tell me his sob story and I wondered how he was so happy now. He confided, "I was kicked out of my house when I was barely sixteen. My parents and my younger sisters came home one day and caught me letting this guy fuck me. They were horrified. That wasn't the way I ever wanted them to find out about me. My parents kicked me out saying they couldn't have that around my sisters and so I had nowhere to go. Edward, at least, had you." Taking a shaky breath he continued, "I was living on the street and fucking anyone that would buy me food pretty much. Jasper, I was selling myself for food." I tried to cover up my shock, but it was difficult.

"Edward found me outside of one of the gay clubs, I knew I could find someone there to buy me food. I was young and some people liked that fact and took advantage of it. I thought Edward might be the same when he approached me. I didn't know I looked homeless and filthy. When he 'picked me up' he asked if I was hungry and of course I said yes, so he got me something to eat and I tried to reciprocate with sex. He shot me down. I was so mortified that I tried to run away, but he's fast." He smiled a little at that, I smiled encouragingly. "He caught up to me and somehow managed to get me to tell him why I was living this way. I didn't know he'd have any idea what it was like to be kicked out of your house, he seemed so normal and put together. He introduced me to Sam and Greg, they'd been together for fifteen years and they wanted to adopt a kid, but were having trouble doing so. Anyway, they took me in and I've been here ever since." Holy crap! I was more grateful for my parents in that moment than I'd ever been before. I knew Edward and I would have to tell them we were together soon, I was terrified and excited at the same time, but I didn't think I'd get outright rejection from them.

Before I could respond to anything he'd said Jamie jumped up from his chair and rushed out, "I have to get back to my party." I thought he was just doing that so he didn't have to hear any stupid platitudes that I was sure people gave him if he told them that.

Going back out into the large overcrowded living room I saw Bella chatting with a group of people, but Edward wasn't among them. Scanning the crowd I finally saw him talking to a blond guy and smiling, my stomach clenched tight in jealousy. Walking up behind him I put a possessive arm around his waist, he was mine. Edward turned his head and smiled at me putting his own arm around me and pulled me closer. "Hey Jasper, this is Mike, a friend of mine," Edward introduced me.

"Hi," I bit out barely pushing it past my lips. The only thing that kept going through my head was 'this guy is blond, this guy is blond, this guy is blond.'

"Jasper, he's a lawyer," Edward informed me and I looked at him confused. "He's going to get all the paperwork to be each others power of attorney completely legal and watertight. He agreed to meet us to go over it when we could both do it together since our schedules are so different and I don't want to wait until school's out to do it."

"Oh, okay," I said and Mike flashed us a brilliant smile.

"Well, I'm going to go find my brother, see you guys later," Mike announced and walked away.

Staring after him, I asked, "Edward, were you ever with that guy?" Shit, shit, shit. I just couldn't keep my mouth shut today, I felt like I was taking on Edward's characteristics. I could feel Edward's shoulders shaking with laughter.

"No, Jasper. Mike is straight, but his brother isn't," Edward relented. I didn't even bother to ask if he'd been with his brother then, I didn't know why I was trying to torture myself this way.

"Edward, I think I've had enough excitement for one party. Can we go home now?" I asked him, my mind still hadn't wrapped around everything that happened tonight.

"Sure, let's just let Jamie and Bella know and we'll go." He kissed my neck making me want to be home in bed already before he turned to look for them in the crowd.

Spotting Bella in the crowd we worked our way over to her and told her that we were leaving. She smiled and hugged both of us. Jamie came up to us and asked, "You're leaving already?"

"Yeah, we're both pretty tired," Edward declared and Jamie looked between the both of us and laughed.

"You know the party is just getting started. It's not like I care what you do here, I already know what you've been up to," Jamie said still laughing. Man, I just wanted to fucking go home. This place was interesting and so was Jamie, but I was exhausted. I wasn't used to parties quite like this one, one of the benefits of not having very many friends.

"No Jamie, we are going home," Edward told him firmly.

"Okay, whatever, act like old people then," Jamie sniffed. Then he turned towards Bella and with a twinkle in his eye asked, "So... we're on for Monday, right?"

Bella looked baffled as she blurted out "For what?"

"For the nude pictures you're gonna take of me," Jamie deadpanned before nearly bursting with laughter.

She snorted, "Yeah... no... Jamie, we might be friends, but we aren't _that_ good of friends."

"I'll do it," a male voice said and Jamie spun round at the guy that spoke. Jamie stood there speechless and utterly still. I couldn't believe it, he hadn't been that way since I first saw him. The guy wasn't facing us, but all I noticed about him was that he was tall and lanky with red hair and he wasn't really all that much to look at. I looked at Bella and Edward to see if they wondered why Jamie was standing there stock-still just staring at the guy. Bella didn't seem all that surprised, but Edward did. Then the guy spoke and called back, "Bella, come find me if you want me." He didn't look at Bella when he said this, he was staring right back at Jamie. Finally he looked away and turned his head to look at Bella before walking back into the crowd. Both Edward and I took a sharp intake of breath. He wasn't much to look at, but his eyes, they were aqua and not by contacts either. They were mesmerizing.

Jamie rounded on Bella and asked her sharply, "Who was that?"

Bella smiled and shrugged, "That was my friend from work. His name is Grant." Jamie had a far away expression on his face and Bella piped up, "I didn't know if you'd like him or not."

Scowling at her he spat, "Why not?"

"Because he actually dates people before sleeping with them, and after what you said about your last boyfriend I don't know how well that would work out for you," Bella countered seriously. He only looked at her like she was crazy and took off in the direction Grant had left.

Bella shook her head and said, "He thinks he's gonna break him, but he won't. It'll probably be the other way around."

Edward hummed, "Maybe that's just what he needs then." I laughed at them, maybe that would be good for him.

"Edward, let's please go home now," I pleaded and we hugged Bella once more and made our way out the door.

**AN: **_I removed part of this chapter because I thought it would be too much for some of you. It's something my friends and I have discussed before, but I decided I wasn't about to be one of the people to plant that seed in your minds. _


	9. Chapter 9

**Strange Desire: Chapter Nine**

**AN: **_I'm glad so many of you liked the last chapter, it was fun to write. I had been waiting and waiting for the right time to get that one out as it has been in my head since I decided to continue this story._

_This chapter will be different from some of the others. Edward has a flashback in this chapter, but it doesn't have anything to do with his parents. Remember he had these in chapter two that had nothing to do with them either. It's just to put his life into perspective._

_I almost feel like this chapter should be broken up into three parts, but it would be too short then._

_Characters belong to SM_

**EPOV**

Leaving the party with Jasper I was relieved. The whole place was full of too many people, some of which I didn't want to see. I certainly wasn't about to bring it up, but there were a few people there that I did remember fucking. Jasper really didn't know who they were and he'd already nearly lost it earlier over them. The funny part about that was I thought he wouldn't be able to handle my friends, Jamie in particular, but no, he seemed fine with that. The people I'd been with though? That clearly upset him, it actually bothered me a little as well. I tried not to think about being with them at all as the only person I'd ever wanted was Jasper, not them. Shaking my head to clear it of those thoughts I got in the car along with Jasper.

Once we were in the car Jasper leaned over and attacked my lips. Pulling him closer to me I wanted nothing more than to be at home already with him and him alone, no one else. Kissing my ear Jasper murmured, "I don't think I can wait to touch you until we are home." I moaned softly, but his hands were far more aggressive. His hands tugged at the hem of my shirt and ripped it open. I was shocked. "Do you have any idea how much I wanted to do that earlier?" he questioned me. I groaned and kissed him hard as his hands moved over my chest, then he started to unbuckle my belt. I tried to stop him, but he drawled, "No, I'm going to taste you before we leave."

Jasper's lips moved down my chest kissing and nipping until he reached my pants and finished undoing them. He only pulled them and my boxers down enough to expose my erect cock. He swirled his tongue over the head and lapped up the pre-cum that had gathered over the tip. "Mmmm... you taste so good, Edward. I never want to stop tasting you," Jasper breathed out. I had a hard time not forcing myself into his mouth at that point. Then he took a few long licks coating my cock with saliva before pushing his lips around it. I groaned and moaned and grunted as he worked over my cock, but I couldn't form any actual words, language had left me completely in that moment. Looking up at me, I watched as his baby blue eyes watched me carefully as he continued to suck my cock using his tongue to add pressure to the underneath side. Grabbing fistfuls of his hair I felt him growl around me and I was gone, spent. Jasper swallowed my cum down and kissed my softening cock once more before coming back to my mouth. I could taste myself on him, I could taste the fact that we didn't taste the same, that I thought he tasted so much better.

My hands worked over his chest, under his shirt. When I tried to remove his shirt Jasper shook his head at me and protested, "No."

"Why?" I asked him.

Then he smiled brightly at me and explained, "I want to go home. I want you to make love to me somewhere besides a stranger's house. I need to feel you inside me again." Kissing him fiercely we were nearly out of breath when we pulled away. I wanted to be home now, right fucking now. Righting my clothes except for the ripped shirt I put the car in gear and probably drove way too fast to get home. Jasper's hand stayed on my thigh the entire ride home and every single time we stopped at a red light he'd kiss me either on the lips or on the neck. I didn't know how long it'd take me before I attacked him once we were out of the car, not long.

After we parked and got out of the car my body was glued to his almost like a magnet. It was still dark outside, I think it was somewhere around four in the morning, so no one was around. I took full advantage of that and attacked his lips, walking us back into the apartment building. Deciding to take the elevator we kissed standing outside of it until the doors opened. Stepping inside I pushed Jasper into the corner after picking our floor and pressed myself fully against him. I gripped his ass and rubbed my cock against his thinking about being inside him, feeling his warmth, his tightness around my cock. "Jasper, I want you so much," I breathed out and he pushed me out of the elevator doors. We both had trouble trying to get the apartment door open, we kept fumbling with the keys and were unwilling to let more than one hand off each other at a time. We did finally manage it though and stepped over the threshold. Shutting and locking the door behind us we made our way to Jasper's bedroom gradually losing all of our clothes along the way, including my now ripped shirt. I was going to hang onto that shirt for a long time.

Jasper got on the bed and pulled me down on top of him. "I love you, Edward," he whispered to me before catching my bottom lip between his teeth and gently nibbling on it. I closed my eyes for a minute, just feeling, then opened them to see Jasper's still looking at me, love shining in them. Leaning down I pressed my forehead against his and reveled in how his body felt against mine, all hard angles. "Please make love to me," he implored. Smiling at him I dipped my head to kiss his neck and sucked the soft skin there into my mouth. My tongue licked a line across his Adam's apple and his head arched backwards to give me better access, right before I sucked it between my lips. Jasper's growl told me he approved so I did it again. That growl was fucking sexy and the best indication that he liked whatever it was I was doing. Then I remembered what had gotten the loudest growl I'd ever heard from him and made my way down to his nipples. Swirling my tongue over one of them I got it wet before dragging my cheek with its rough stubble across it. I'd never actually done that to someone before so it was just as much a surprise to me as it was to him. His growls were even louder than they were in that house without all the other background noise. "Fuck. Edward, I... need you... now. I need to feel... your... hard cock... inside me..." Jasper barely managed to make that intelligible enough for me to make out.

Kissing him in the center of his chest I promised, "You will, soon." He only grunted at me and tried to rock against me, trying to gain any amount of friction. My lips moved down the center of his stomach, my tongue dipping down into his belly button and he tugged my hair painfully. My hands followed every place my lips went first and I continued my way down his stomach missing the places I knew he wanted me most. I still remembered him making love to me when I so desperately needed it, I was going to take the same time, the same care with him, he deserved it. Sucking on the skin of his inner thigh I continued lower going behind the knee and down the back of his calf down to his feet. Then my mouth followed the same path upwards on the other leg. I kissed the tip of his cock before snaking my tongue out and concentrated on just the head before moving back up his body. Jasper whimpered at me, but I didn't want to finish like that. Using my hands I spread his cheeks apart and dipped my tongue down against his entrance. Licking it I felt Jasper writhe underneath me. Reaching one of my hands up to him I waited to see if he would catch on to what I wanted, he did. He sucked my fingers into his mouth using his tongue against them as he had done earlier on my cock. I groaned at both the sensation and the thought before pulling my hand away. Pushing a finger into him quickly followed by a second and a third I pumped my fingers in and out of him. Jasper rocked his hips against my fingers wishing they could get further in I could tell. Smiling to myself, he wouldn't have to wait much longer to get his wish granted. I heard the snap of the bottle of lube opening and looked up to see Jasper pouring it over his straining cock. He'd managed to get both the lube and a condom out without my noticing. Picking up the condom from the bed I ripped open the package and rolled it over my own cock. Jasper still had the bottle of lube and poured it over my condom covered cock and I watched as some of the lube slid down between the crack of his sweet ass. "Jasper, are you ready for me?" I asked him.

He gave me a dirty look and panted, "Fuck, I've been ready for you. Edward, please come inside me already," he ended, practically begging. Leaning down I kissed his lips before I pushed slowly inside him. "Fuck," Jasper groaned and wriggled his body to get more comfortable. Placing my hands on his hips I turned us on our sides before I started thrusting inside him, the warmth felt wonderful. Jasper seemed to like this position as he could have both arms around me and face me as our bodies moved together. "Edward... you feel... so... so... good," he breathed out before burying his head in my neck and kissing it occasionally as we made love. I don't really know how long we stayed like that, with me inside him, with his cock trapped between our bodies. We couldn't stay like that forever though and had to pick up our pace. I felt Jasper's entire body stiffen as he cried out my name. His cum now covered both of our stomachs as his ass was still clenching over my own cock. It didn't take me much longer before I reached my peak as well.

Lying there together I waited to get up. I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to move. I wanted to stay just like this forever. Jasper must have felt the same because he only gripped my body tightly to his. Looking into his blue eyes I reached up, smoothed back his blond hair and breathed, "I love you."

His own eyes shimmered at me when he said, "I love you, too." Eventually I had to pull out of him completely, making sure the condom came with me. Throwing it away in the trashcan by the bed I found the tissues we'd placed there too and wiped each of us off before throwing those away as well. Wrapping our arms around each other we gave each other small pecks on the lips before Jasper spoke, "Let's get some sleep, I want to be able to spend time with you again before work starts Monday." I groaned, I didn't want to leave this bed or Jasper, ever.

"Okay. Get some sleep, Jazz," I told him and watched as his eyes slipped closed. My heart swelled when I thought about him and the fact that I never thought I'd ever be able to be with him. It felt like I was in a dream most of the time. My own eyes couldn't stay open much longer either and I drifted off to sleep with Jasper and I being together for a long time in my dreams.

_Knock Knock Knock_

God damn it, what the hell was that noise? Not wanting to think about it I pushed myself further into the mattress and closer to Jasper. Then the sound came again, pounding harder this time. "I know you're in there. Open up, unless you are getting busy," Emmett's loud voice rang clearly through the door. The whole floor probably heard him. Groaning I got up and found the pants I'd been wearing the night before and answered the door.

Emmett stood there with his hand raised about to knock again. When he saw me he looked me up and down and stated, "You look like shit, man."

"Yeah, thanks," I said sarcastically. My face was scruffier than usual, more than even this morning and my eyes were gritty. I was sure they were bloodshot. I felt haggard after being up that late and not getting much sleep. "What do you want?" I sneered at him, not even trying to be civil.

"I was bored. Rosalie is out with a friend, so I thought I'd come see you guys," Emmett replied. Standing there I thought he looked like he was asking a childhood friend if they wanted to come out and play. Feeling the laughter threatening to come up I tried to suppress it.

Unable to resist I asked, "So you want to see if me and Jazz can come out and play?"

Emmett smiled and quipped, "Yep, that's exactly what I want."

Shaking my head at him I said, "Come on in then. I don't know if Jasper will wake up or not though."

As he walked in and took a seat on the couch he asked, "Did you have fun at your party?" I smiled to myself, Jasper told me he wanted to hang out yesterday and was a little unhappy about not being able to. Never in a million years did I think he'd want to hang out with us for real or more surprisingly on his own like he was now.

"Yeah, we had fun," I told him, I chose not to say anything else though. That party was interesting and fun, but I doubted he'd want any of the details.

"Edward, who was that?" Jasper mumbled, still sleepy as he walked out into the living room. I saw Emmett's face turn bright red before I turned and looked at Jasper. He was completely naked, of course.

"Uh... Jasper... don't you think you should put some pants on? We have company," I pointed out, waving towards Emmett who was now on the couch. That shook him awake. He quickly disappeared back into his room.

"I'm sorry, man. I didn't know I was interrupting anything," Emmett said actually sounding apologetic, which surprised me.

"You weren't interrupting anything. I wouldn't have answered the door if you were. We just had a really late night," I explained, it was almost six o'clock in the evening now.

Jasper reappeared wearing jeans, a shirt, a jacket and even shoes. It was as though he was trying to cover himself up as much as possible after Emmett seeing him that way. I rolled my eyes, that was ridiculous. I still only had on pants, not to mention I was pretty sure Emmett was used to seeing guys in a locker room. To cover up his embarrassment Jasper asked, "So what do you want to do?"

"I'm hungry," Emmett piped up, no kidding.

Jasper laughed and joked, "Well, I'm too tired to make you anything. I'd probably burn the apartment down if I tried."

Emmett asked, "Is there a good place to go around here, like a bar? We just moved over here, so... I need a new one."

"Yeah, just let me finish getting dressed," I replied and turned to my room. Changing my clothes quickly I walked out to see Emmett and Jasper laughing. When they stopped abruptly at my entrance I narrowed my eyes, suspicious. "What are you laughing at?" I asked.

"You look like you haven't slept in three days," Emmett snickered at me. I already knew that, I didn't need to look in a mirror to know that. I felt like I hadn't slept in that long.

Rolling my eyes, ignoring the comment, I said, "Let's go."

We walked out of the apartment, down the stairs and out to the street. We passed one bar and Emmett questioned, "Why aren't we going there?"

"You wouldn't like it, the food isn't very good," I explained, somehow I knew that would be a requirement for him besides good alcohol.

"Ah, you already know me so well," he cooed, putting his arm around my shoulder for about two seconds before dropping it and slapping me on the back so hard I nearly did a face plant with the ground. Emmett caught me before I fell, but damn. I wasn't exactly weak, so how strong was this guy?

Continuing our walk with only that minor pause we passed by the second bar and he asked, "What's wrong with this one?"

"That place is a meat market, and as you are already taken I'm pretty sure Rosalie wouldn't like it. It's full of hot people looking to score, but even with that the place is boring as hell, so is the music. People all look pretty and staring off into space completely bored, not talking. It's like you are on some sort of weird planet or something," I explained heading in the direction of my next destination.

Reaching the next bar I stopped. Emmett asked, "Do you guys come here a lot?"

Shaking my head, I replied, "No, we never really saw a need to."

Sitting down in a booth we sat with Emmett on one side and Jasper and I on the other. I was across from Emmett. He ordered so much food that his entire half of the table was taken over with it. Glancing at Jasper I thought he looked like he was going to be sick watching Emmett consume all of that. He barely touched his own food.

Swallowing his latest bite Emmett said, "So... you guys are gay, right?" I only nodded my head, Jasper had already told me what Rosalie said. It wouldn't be that hard to pretend I only liked men as Jasper was what I'd wanted all this time.

"Okay then, who do you think is attractive in this bar?" he asked us. Jasper ignored him, but I decided to play with him a little.

Looking around the bar, making sure I looked at every single person there, I finally made it back to Emmett and answered simply, "You." Emmett squirmed in his seat. I felt a hard punch on my thigh and Jasper was glaring at me. I knew he wasn't mad because I said that, he was mad because I made Emmett uncomfortable.

Then Emmett's laughter roared out. Holy crap, how loud was he? I was sure everyone could hear him, even over the music.

"Dude, you'd better apologize to your boyfriend there before he throws a hissy fit," Emmett gasped still laughing.

Jasper huffed, "I'm not going to have one of those, you idiot." Then he kicked him. Yeah... if that wasn't a hissy fit, then I didn't know what was. That only made Emmett laugh harder. Distracting him I grabbed Jasper's hand and kissed it before I put it on top of the table in full view of everyone. That ought to catch his attention after his complaints that I wasn't actually out of the closet. It did.

Jasper looked down at our hands and back at me with a slight smile on his face. I couldn't help myself, I had to kiss him. When we pulled away I saw Emmett turned away, then he asked, "Are you two done yet?"

"Yeah, for now," I told him, not promising I wouldn't do it again. Looking back at us Emmett looked angry and I apologized, "I'm sorry."

A look of confusion passed across his face as he asked, "What are you sorry for?"

"Well... you looked kind of mad there after I kissed Jasper," I replied, now also confused.

Emmett snorted, "I wasn't mad at that, I was mad at the looks some people were giving you." My eyes met Jasper's and he shrugged. It's not as if I hadn't expected that reaction from people given everything that's ever happened to me in my lifetime. My eyes scanned the room and for the most part we were ignored, no one bothered to look or were too wrapped up in themselves to care. Emmett was right though, there were a few people there that looked like they'd like nothing more than to make some rude ass comment or kick our heads in. Jasper and I could take care of ourselves, but I was positive what held them back from actually trying anything was Emmett, he was intimidating.

Emmett got up from the table and approached a group of guys that looked like they wanted to do damage anyway. I looked at Jasper and mouthed, 'What the hell?' He shrugged, eyes wide, watching. We never could hear what Emmett said which was shocking, so apparently when he was mad his voice lowered. We'd have to remember that. He looked furious and he was seething at them. I really wished he'd just leave it alone, I didn't want to have to deal with the backlash from it. We didn't need a bodyguard. When Emmett walked away though all of the guys he'd spoken to looked terrified. What the hell had he said to them?

Sitting back at the table Emmett had a shit eating grin on his face. "Emmett, what were you thinking? You could have just left them alone, ignored them." To me that was usually always the best choice unless pushed.

"No way, man. I know those kinds of guys, as soon as they saw you without me they would've made trouble," Emmett defended.

I sighed, "Emmett, you can't always be with us anyway. I've dealt with this for a long time, it's not a big surprise."

He gaped at me and said, "Edward, no one deserves to be looked at like that, to be threatened. You know as well as I do that they were going to try something." I was frustrated with him.

"Emmett, why do you even care? I mean I got the distinct impression that you didn't want to have anything to do with us either because we are together," I said hoping he'd realized he was overreacting.

"Shit man, I really like you guys. I was just... I didn't what to say or do or not say or do and every time I opened my mouth shit came out wrong. You are the only gay people I've ever met and I just keep saying all the wrong things," Emmett confessed.

Jasper laughed at him and pushed himself further back into the booth relaxed and said, "Emmett, be yourself. Trust me, if I don't like what you say I'll tell you. I'd do that anyway, gay or not." Emmett grinned back realizing how foolish he'd been.

Scooting closer to Jasper so that we were touching I looked up and met the eyes of the guys Emmett had spoken to. Two of them still looked terrified, one was pissed off and kept his eyes on me. He looked at me like I had personally affronted him. I had to look away. Emmett turned his head and looked in the direction I had at them. They chose to leave after that. Emmett looked relieved and dug further into his food.

Jasper put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. I didn't pull away from him. I was somewhat worried that I would after what had just happened, but as I'd told myself before it was time to be brave, to be strong. If I wanted Jasper then this was the price I would have to pay. Jasper squeezed my shoulders and whispered in my ear, "I love you."

"I love you, too," I whispered back. Emmett looked up from his food, his eyes were unfocused and he was frowning. What now? "What's up with you?" I asked him.

"I miss Rose," Emmett said. I wondered how often they were actually apart if they worked together and lived together.

"When is she coming back?" I asked.

"Late tonight," he moaned, both Jasper and I laughed at him. Needy much? His eyes narrowed and he shot back, "What? You can't tell me you don't miss each other." That shut us both up.

Changing the subject I asked Emmett out of curiosity, "So just exactly how much do you work out?" He looked like he could injure several people in this room at once.

Grinning he said, "Oh, all the time. I work out before and after work every day. I just don't do the same things every day. I mean I hit the gym and stuff, but I like to do fun outdoorsy stuff." Outdoorsy? Did he really just say that? I held in my laughter. "Anyway, I work out for hours at a time usually."

"Why?" That came from Jasper.

Emmett looked at him and then looked at all of his food and pointing to it said, "I like to eat, duh." Then Emmett took another big bite of his food. Jasper and I both snorted with laughter at that.

We finished eating and decided to play pool for a little while. That is, we decided until I got a phone call from the hospital telling me to come in as I was on call today. Fuck. "I've got to go, guys. I'll see you later, Jazz. Bye, Emmett."

As I was walking away I heard Emmett shout at me, "Edward, where the fuck do you think you're going? I'm not letting you walk out of here by yourself, not today." I rolled my eyes, I didn't need a babysitter or a bodyguard.

Emmett and Jasper caught up with me quickly as I headed out. We walked together down the street and happened upon the guys that Emmett had tried to scare off. Now that we weren't in a public, crowded place they seemed to be a little bolder. The one that looked the angriest called out, "Can't get away from meat-head? You have to have someone protect you just so you can kiss other guys?" This was what I was afraid of.

Emmett turned to him and seethed, "Don't you dare talk to my friends. You do remember what I said, don't you? That wasn't an idle threat. I can hurt you in more ways than just by violence, it will be permanent and no one will ever find out who did it." They turned tail and ran, even the one that looked like he still wanted to cause trouble.

"What exactly did you threaten them with, Emmett?" Jasper asked him.

Emmett grinned and said, "I'm not telling you. Hopefully you will never find out. It's better if I don't tell you." We were both dying of curiosity, but Emmett wouldn't budge when we badgered him about it.

Back at the apartment I changed into my scrubs there before heading out. Jasper caught me before I walked out and kissed me. I smiled wishing I didn't have to leave. Emmett spoke up, "I'll keep your boy here entertained. Bye." Jasper sighed looking defeated, I laughed in amusement.

"Jasper, you'll be okay. Now I've really got to go," I said and kissed him again before walking out the door. I think Jasper had had enough of friends and other people to last him for a while.

At the hospital we were extremely busy for some unknown reason, some days were just like that. When I walked in one of the nurses laughed at me and snickered, "You either had an awesome weekend or a terrible one." I didn't respond, for the most part I kept my personal life to myself when at work. "Here you go," she said and handed me some patients charts. Looking down at them I flipped through and tried to find the most serious ones to get to first. Between me and the other doctors we'd finally begun to thin out the herd after several hours. I was fucking exhausted.

Noticing a man on crutches with only one leg walking through the door I looked up. He was there with what looked like his wife and his children. He seemed extremely familiar to me. What the hell was he doing here? Other than his missing leg he looked completely healthy. That's when I saw the woman holding one of the children in her arms, her leg twisted at an odd angle. It looked broken. The man saw me and shouted out, "Hey doc, will you take a look at my little girl? She thought it'd be fun to race downhill in my wheelchair and fell out of it." I grinned, I was sure it hurt like hell for her, but that would be a funny story when she got older.

It was slow enough now that I could take them fairly quickly and led the girl to get her leg x-rayed. She must have been around six or seven. After her x-rays were completed I took her back to one of the beds. Normally someone else would have done all of this, but she looked terrified and I thought the fewer people that saw her the better. Waiting on the x-rays to be developed to be brought to me so I could set her leg properly I looked at the family again. There were two girls and a boy and the parents themselves. They looked happy and healthy, for the most part, and still extremely familiar.

The woman looked at me and mentioned, "I remember you. You were younger and still doing residency here, I think."

"I think I remember you, too. I just can't place the right memory," I mused.

Her husband looked at me and commented, "I remember. My name is Dan, I was run over by a train." Oh, fuck! Now I remembered.

"It's good to see you again. I always wondered what happened to you," I told him truthfully. He was the reason I chose to work in the ER. Flashing back to that day I saw all the panic on everyone's faces.

_Dan worked on trains and there had been a horrible accident where the train backed over him. His left leg was amputated by the wheels of the train immediately. His right leg wasn't, but it had been so badly shattered we were afraid he'd lose that one too. When the ambulance brought him in there was so much blood everywhere. He ended up having to have seventy-two units of blood before it was all said and done. _

_We wanted to take him back to the operating room immediately, but he wouldn't let us. He was fully awake and aware of his surroundings the entire time. He appealed, "You can't take me back until my wife gets here." We tried to argue with him, thinking the longer we waited the worse it would be. He never wavered, he was adamant that his wife was there first._

_When his wife got there she was shaking and crying. She came up to him and kissed him. He choked out, "I love you. If I don't make it, tell the kids I love them, too." Then he prayed for her, his kids and even the doctors and nurses working on him before he ever let anyone put him under. Everyone was in tears at that point, it was rare to be that moved by someone. _

_I never knew what happened to him after that exactly. I knew that he survived the surgery and that he'd been placed in a rehabilitation hospital. At the time I remembered that they only had two children, so he must have had one after the accident._

Coming back to the here and now I remarked, "You look like you are doing well."

Dan grinned at me and said, "Yep. I love my wife and kids. My wife and I built our house from square one ourselves. I still work for the same company in the office even though I don't have to. That accident made me a very rich man. Although I'd rather have my leg back, I can't sit around feeling sorry for myself. I'm not handicapped or disabled and refuse to be treated like that."

His wife snorted at him, "Yeah, except when it's time to make his own dinner. He seems to think he can't even put a sandwich together, yet he can paint the ceiling of the house. Does that make sense to you?" she asked me and I laughed.

"I still remember everything about that day clearly. I didn't want to be put under, I never thought I was going to wake up again. I was positive I would die that day," he told me.

"Well, you didn't and I can see you're happy in spite of it," I said.

"Yeah, well, when I was in rehab I couldn't stand the people in there. It was like they'd given up on life. Now I never thought I'd lose my leg at work or anything like that. I was always into extreme sports and thought if something happened to me it would be doing something like that, not my job, my job that I'd done for years. Anyway, I decided I wasn't going to become the bitter people they were even when I was in pain," Dan explained. I smiled, it was rare to see someone that strong. I wanted to be that strong. "Now... if I could just buy one shoe, that would be awesome, " he joked laughing. I laughed right along with him.

Finally his daughter's x-rays were brought to me and looking at them saw it was a green-stick fracture. Making sure it was set properly I bandaged her up in a hard cast. I thought it would be best as she was still a little girl that would probably bang around too much. I found child-size crutches and gave them to her. She looked at me and smiled and chirped, "Now I match daddy." We all chuckled at her.

I was sad to see them go, but happy that their life hadn't been ruined by such a terrible accident. I couldn't wait to get home to tell Jasper. He knew about them, he knew that's why I chose to work in the ER over anywhere else.

Once my shift was over I raced home quickly and found Jasper asleep on the couch. Shaking his shoulder I said, "Wake up." I was excited, I had to tell him. I was fit to burst. He didn't move, so I shook him again.

Groaning at me and opening one eye Jasper grumbled, "Edward, you'd better have a good reason to wake me up right now. Just because you want me to wake you up, that doesn't mean I feel the same."

Kneeling beside the couch I kissed his cheek and ran my hands through his hair, it was a total mess. "I saw him today."

"What?" he asked me confused and sleepy.

"My patient, the one that made me decide to work in the ER. Jasper, I finally got to find out what happened to him," I told him.

Jasper sat up and pulled me down next to him. "Edward... I know you are glad that you know now, but did you really have to wake me up at this hour to tell me?"

"Yes, I'm too excited," I said feeling happy.

Sighing Jasper said, "Okay, well then tell me all about it." So I did.


	10. Chapter 10

**Strange Desire: Chapter Ten**

**AN: **_Okay, I was blown away by the last chapter's reviews. I didn't even think the chapter was all that great, shows what I know._

_This is a long ass chapter, I hope you guys can follow. I hope you guys didn't miss me too much._

_Characters belong to SM_

**JPOV**

Getting rid of Emmett was not an easy task. He seemed to think since Edward wasn't there that I'd be lonely without him. All I wanted was to be left alone, I'd had enough of people for the past few days. It's not that I didn't like people, it's just that with them and especially new people I felt physically drained, exhausted from their energy, as though they sucked mine out of me. I had to regroup, to replenish the energy I had lost, that they had taken. I needed to go back to work just to recover from this weekend.

Turning the TV on to the History Channel, I thought I could bore Emmett to tears and make him want to leave. No such luck. He only asked me questions every five minutes about what we were watching and listened intently to my answer. He was much smarter than I originally gave him credit for, but fuck, I needed alone time. Eventually I'd resorted to feigning sleep on the couch so Emmett would get the hint and go back to his own apartment. Emmett did finally leave shaking my pretend sleep self awake and making his goodbyes before walking out the door.

I wasn't sleepy, shit, I'd slept the whole day nearly. I'd taken a shower and gotten my computer out to write some more and before I knew it, it was after three in the morning. Damn it, that meant I'd be sleepy all day. Leaving the TV on for background noise I closed my eyes to catch a few hours of sleep, it took me a while to actually fall asleep.

Edward shaking me awake was not welcome after so few hours of rest. I knew I was grumpy, like always when someone tried to wake me up. I'd already set the alarm on my phone to wake me when I needed to get up, so I knew it wasn't time. Edward's continued shaking was getting on my nerves and his happy excitement was irritating to me at that moment. At last I'd actually managed to wake up enough to hear what he was talking about and why he was so excited. I was happy for him, really, but did he have to wake me up so much earlier to tell me? I knew I was going to go about my day in a haze now.

"Jasper, I'm taking you to work today," Edward stated.

Shooting him a look I asked, "Why?"

"It's really foggy outside and it is supposed to get worse, so I'm driving you to work. I'll pick you up after, too," Edward explained.

"Edward, we live in Washington and have for a long time, so what makes you think I need you to drive me through the fog?" I asked him. He was babying me and I knew it.

"Because I need to," was his only reply.

Raising a brow at him I said, "Really? Well, I need you to stay home, so I'm not worrying about you driving in it too."

"No, I'm driving. I'll wait the fog out if I have to, but I can't risk losing you. I have more to lose now," Edward said adamantly.

Sighing I knew it was no use to argue. After Edward made up his mind about something it was hard to change his mind. If he thought he was right it was even worse, it was rare he changed his mind, no matter what it was about. He was just like his father in this way, I wondered if he even knew.

I got up to get dressed so we could leave a little earlier and get through the fog. When we got outside he was right, it was thick, dense fog. Holy shit, it was hard to see through it, hard to even see our cars. The fog made me feel like I had smoke in my eyes and they watered because of it.

Edward insisted on taking his car since he was driving. Fine, whatever, I was entirely too sleepy to argue with him. Placing my briefcase in the back on the floorboard and my jacket on the backseat I got in the passenger side. Looking over at Edward I wondered how the hell he was going to drive in this mess. The fog meant I'd have students arriving early because they left extra early to get there, some extremely late, some not at all. I didn't think I'd have a single student that would actually arrive on time.

Too sleepy to be truly awake and able to carry on a conversation I let Edward take it over. He seemed to be thoroughly animated this morning. I was happy for him, happy that he got to remember what drove him to do his job, even when it got bad. I'd kill to have that, but I didn't. Nothing ever made me want to get up and go there, there was no driving force that told me this is what I should be doing. It only paid the bills, which is more than some people had at the moment, so I should be more grateful, but I was miserable there. Occasionally I'd get a student that stuck out to me as worth wasting my time on, but that was rare.

Parking in a parking space between some other cars I was relieved that we'd made it in one piece. The cars next to us were barely discernible in this dense fog. Getting out of the car I opened the back door and pulled both my briefcase and jacket from the backseat. Turning around Edward was standing right next to me our chests touching. How did I not notice he was that close?

Grinning at me he took the things from my hands and put them in the front. He'd clearly been checking out my ass when I was bent over. "Edward, what are you doing?" I asked him.

He gave me a crooked smile, I'd missed that smile, and pulled me closer to him by my belt loops. His hard cock pressed into me making me moan. Edward's mouth found mine and kissed me hungrily. Pulling away he commanded, "Get in the back."

Sighing I said, "Edward, I'm not having sex with you in the backseat of your car. Especially not in the parking lot of the place I work. I'd rather not get fired."

Leaning his body heavily against mine he whispered in my ear, "I just want to taste you, Jazz." Then his tongue flicked out over my ear before he crooned, "Surely, you want me too. I can feel that you do." Holy shit! He was going to kill me now, right here in the parking lot. I just knew it. "Don't you want me to make it up to you for waking you up so early this morning?" he inquired. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Trying to argue my way out of this I claimed, "People will see us." My eyes darted around looking for an escape.

Shaking his head Edward countered, "No, they won't. You can barely see what's next to you, but if you don't want to get in the car we can give them more of a show right here." Then he chuckled, my eyes narrowed at him. He wasn't joking, that's exactly what he would do if I didn't get in. Hurriedly, deciding there would be less chance of getting caught in the car rather than standing outside of it, I got in. "Good choice, Jasper," Edward commented, his eyes dancing in amusement.

Instead of pushing me down like I thought he would Edward straddled my thighs. His hands found themselves in my hair pulling and tugging my head back, forcing my throat to be more exposed to him. Then his mouth found mine again as he moved his hands to loosen my tie. I moaned into the kiss, just letting myself feel what he was doing to me. He unbuttoned my shirt and pulled it open as my hands grabbed his ass and pushed him closer to me. Edward's hands roamed over my bare chest for a minute before he sat back and asked, "Why don't you ever wear an undershirt?"

I laughed at him. Was he really going to ask me a question like that _now_? I answered his question with my own, "Why should I have to wear two shirts when I don't have to?" Edward's hands resumed their touches and his lips made contact over my neck and shoulders. My own hands had slipped underneath his scrub pants and boxers squeezing his ass. Edward scooted backwards some so his lips could dip further and his hands traced over the muscles of my back. I had to move my own hands upwards over his back as he kept getting farther away from me. His talented tongue found its way to my navel making me growl. I could feel him smile when I made that sound.

Edward pushed me back against the door so that one of my legs was straight out over the seat and one foot was on the floor. Nimble fingers found my belt buckle and started unbuckling my belt right before they made their way to the button and zipper of my pants. Undone he pulled my pants and boxers down to my knees. I was heady with desire, I needed him now, in any way he was willing to give me. "So beautiful, " Edward murmured barely more than a whisper, I almost didn't catch it.

He stared at me for a long moment making me squirm, I felt more exposed than ever being this out in the open. My hand reached out to him so he'd stop staring. I saw him blink and give a soft smile before he lowered his head. Finally, finally, he was right where I wanted to be touched the most. I watched as his pink tongue darted out over the head of my cock. "Fuck!" I cried out.

Raising his eyes to mine Edward's tongue licked long lines upward along my shaft swirling over the tip. Fisting his hair with my hands I groaned in pleasure. He continued teasing me with his tongue over my balls. I could feel the stubble he still had rasping against my thighs. Keeping his eyes on mine he put a finger into his mouth and I watched his tongue suck and lick it before he pushed it inside my ass. Growling out in pleasure my body twitched. Edward pumped his finger in and out of me as his lips found my cock one more time, no teasing licks this time. His mouth enveloped me making me twitch more. I could feel his strong tongue pressing against my cock and the suction of his mouth. Then I felt his teeth just barely grazing along my shaft. He'd obviously done that before because so many people couldn't do that without it being painful, they just couldn't get the pressure right, with him it was just more intense pleasure. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I cried out, "F... fuck... Ed... Edward..." Releasing myself into his mouth he swallowed what I gave him. My head hit the window when I was done, spent.

Edward kissed my lips languidly, only skimming his tongue against mine. He helped me pull up my boxers and pants and pull myself together. I pulled him down to me a minute and could still feel his erect cock needing its own release. My hands made their way there, but Edward shook his head no. "Why not?" He could have me exposed for all the world to see, but I couldn't do the same to him? That hardly seemed fair.

"The fog is starting to dissipate, so more people can see what's going on. Now let's go, I'm going to stick around for your first class until I make sure the fog is really gone, so you'll worry less," Edward stated. He was right, I would still worry, but it wouldn't be as bad.

I knew my face was flushed and I was going to have to go into my classroom like that. My hair was probably a mess and my clothes rumpled. It would be obvious for anyone that had braincells what I'd been up to. Edward's hair and clothes were just as mussed up.

Putting my jacket on and grabbing my briefcase I made my way to my first morning class. Edward walked beside me, but I didn't touch him. He was the one that had more of a problem being 'out' when he was out where other people could see him. I knew part of that was his father's fault, but I wasn't going to push him into more than he was capable of. After the men at the bar last night, I wasn't sure what he'd do now. He had to come to terms with the fact that not everyone was going to approve of it. How was he going to handle telling our parents then? I could hear him muttering to himself, "You can do this, be brave, you can do it." Looking at him he gave me a tentative smile and instead of picking up my hand like I thought he would, he put his arm around my waist.

Once we got to my classroom we were still alone as none of my students had arrived yet. I placed my briefcase on my desk and felt Edward directly behind me grinding against my ass. Damn it, damn it, damn it. I fucking worked here, how would he like it if I did that at his work? His hot breath was on my neck and I heard him say, "I think you need to teach me a lesson, _Professor._" My head fell back against him and I moaned.

The next thing I knew he was standing in front of the desk. Apparently some students had ventured into the room early. My eyes were still hooded as I looked at him. Grinning at me, Edward said, "Jasper, I think I'm going to head to the bathroom before your class starts." Then he turned and walked out the door, fucker. I don't know if he wanted me to follow or not, but technically I couldn't when I had students in the classroom.

A couple of snickers brought my lust filled mine back to the reality of where I was. Looking in the direction of the sound I saw two girls sitting in the front row, two incredibly annoying ones. They were chatting to each other, firing off so rapidly I puzzled if they even understood each other. I sat down in my desk chair to hide the evidence of what Edward was capable of. I shouldn't be this turned on after just getting off, but I was. Great, with him in the class I wondered if I'd ever get any work done. I would just have to pretend he wasn't there.

One of the girls stood up and came over to my desk asking about finals, at least those were the words that came out of her mouth. Her body language was entirely different. She leaned down exposing her cleavage to me. Her questions were all asked in a husky tone, not the normal high voice she had. I frowned at her, what the hell did she think she was doing?

I heard someone come through the door and turned my head away from the girl to see who it was. Edward stood there looking completely pissed off. He only nodded at me and went to sit at the very back of the class in the corner. Surely he wasn't jealous, that wasn't him, that was me.

The girl in front of me cleared her throat and when I turned back she was sitting on my desk, her legs crossed. Her perfume was an insult to my nose, I almost choked on it. _Please go away, please go away,_ played over and over again in my head. Deciding I was going to have to say something to her I dismissed, "Please go back to your seat, if you have any questions for me just raise your hand and I'll answer them." I hoped she'd get the hint and move. She only gave me a nasty grin and leaned over my desk a little more once again showing off her cleavage, I groaned in irritation. I tried closing my eyes so she wasn't right in front of my face. I was going to have to move soon if she didn't.

When I looked up I could see Edward was standing, about to come back down to the desk, his hands were balled into fists and his face was red.

"Woman, what are you doing?" I heard a voice ask. I fully expected a question like that from Edward, but this came from a younger woman's voice. One of my other students had traipsed into class early, thank god. She looked at me, the girl and upwards at Edward. Grinning she defended, "Get away from the teach', you aren't even in the same hemisphere. He wouldn't want some hooker like you if he has the gorgeous doctor over there." I almost laughed out loud. Edward looked amused and his face had started to resume it's normal hue.

The girl on my desk got up looking sullen and went back to her seat huffing, grumbling to her friend. The other girl came up to me and commented, "Just looking out for my favorite teacher, teach'." She never did call me anything else other than teach' every single time she talked to me. I recognized her as being one of my better students. Granted she wasn't an A average student, but she was always there, listened to what I had to say and actually studied, which is more than I could say for some of the other students.

"Thank you," I said sincerely. She grinned brightly and took her normal seat.

There were still a few more minutes before class even began so I took out my papers from my briefcase. These had the questions that would be on the final. They wouldn't like it, but they were all essay questions. Either they knew the material or they didn't. If they did, it would be easy. If they didn't, I'd know who hadn't been paying attention, who hadn't studied.

I could hear the two girls in front of me talking about their weekend. The one who had been trying to come on to me was telling her friend, "Yeah, the party was _phenomenal. _The music was _phenomenal. _The food was _phenomenal. _The guys were _phenomenal. _I met this amazing guy and we had a _phenomenal _time together."

My entire body cringed at her using that word over and over again. Not everything could be phenomenal or the word lost all meaning. Who had decided that the word phenomenal should be downgraded to something as blasé as the word like? I would like to kill the fucker. My eyes looked up and I saw Edward shaking with laughter, he knew that was a pet peeve of mine. I rolled my eyes at him and he only laughed harder, trying to keep it quiet.

Eventually the class got started and I went over the questions that would be on the final, so they could at least look up enough to bullshit me into thinking they knew what they were talking about. I doubted most of them would even remember the information as soon as the test was over.

After the class filed out Edward came up to my desk leaning on it and said, "That was interesting..."

My brow furrowed as I asked, "What was?"

"That girl, Jasper. Are you really that naïve? I think that's the girl that was trying to get you into trouble," Edward told me. As soon as the words were out of his mouth the pieces of the puzzle started to click together. I was sure she was the one that did it now, she was failing my class. It had only backfired on her, which is why I supposed she thought it would be a good idea to make her lie a reality. Shit, even if I could think of anyone other than Edward, she wouldn't even be on my radar.

Shaking my head I sighed, "Yeah, I think you're right."

Grinning at me wickedly he retorted, "I know I am." Then he leaned over my desk and kissed me on the mouth hard, pulling me up from my seat. Letting go he came to stand in front of me and drawled, "I'll see you later, _Professor._" I rolled my eyes at him. Man, I really needed to stop doing that. He walked out the door and I watched his ass the whole way out.

The rest of the day passed in a blur, nothing eventful happened in any of my other classes and for that I was grateful. I was starting to get a massive headache and I was already incredibly tired.

By the time Edward came and got me the lights hurt my eyes and my head was pounding even more. I tried to push the pain aside, not letting it ruin my day. Edward had finally shaven, which I knew he was happy about. He didn't actually like having stubble, he only did it for me. Kissing me on the lips he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him. I moved to kiss his neck and inhale his scent.

"Come on, Jazz. Let's go home," Edward said. I was already at home, as long as Edward was there with me. I nodded and we walked to the car.

Driving home Edward told me, "We're meeting Mike tonight for dinner." It took my brain a few minutes to even remember who that was. Oh yeah, the lawyer.

"Why aren't we meeting in his office?" I asked him.

"Because he's doing me a favor, so that we can be there at the same time. Anyway, I'm not working tonight, so I thought this would be the best time to do it," Edward explained to me. I wasn't sure you actually needed to go through all of this for a living will or a medical power of attorney, but he seemed adamant that things were completely legal.

"Okay," was all I said. I wasn't sure I wanted to go out anywhere tonight, my headache seemed to be getting worse. Edward looked over at me frowning.

"What's wrong, Jazz?" he inquired.

Shrugging my shoulders I replied, "I just have a bit of a headache. I'll take something when we get home." He narrowed his eyes at me, but left it alone for now. I kept my eyes closed the entire ride home and struggled to get into the apartment.

Keeping the lights off Edward pushed me down on the couch and went to get a glass of water and some pain relievers for me. Handing them over to me I threw my head back and downed them quickly, my head swam when I righted my head.

Edward took off my jacket and put it in the chair and loosened my tie. That only reminded me of this morning and even with my head killing me I was hard. My hands felt like lead though, I could barely move. Edward unbuttoned my shirt just a few buttons down before he sat back. No, that wasn't going to work for me. Reaching out one hand slowly I traced his jawline. He covered my hand with his and leaned forward to capture my lips with his own. His hands finished unbuttoning my shirt and everywhere his fingers touched me my body felt the heat, the burn of them.

Frowning at me Edward pulled back and questioned, "Are you sure you want to do this right now?" I nodded my head at him. Oh, such a bad idea. My vision blurred when I did it. I felt like shit and I was incredibly turned on, I might as well fix one problem if I couldn't fix the other.

I tried pushing Edward's shirt up, but as my hands still felt like lead he ended up taking it off himself. He ended up being the one to remove all of our clothes. I watched as he went into his room and came back with a condom and some lube. Kneeling in front of me on the couch he licked up my shaft, making me moan. Then he pulled my hips towards him so that my ass was partly off the couch. His tongue found my entrance and started circling it. Oh thank god, I really didn't think I had it in me to fuck him right now. I wasn't even sure I had enough in me to do this, but I was going to anyway.

Putting lube on his fingers Edward pushed one of them into my ass and then another one as I tried to breath to make my muscles relax and open for him. Groaning for him, for his touch, for him to be inside me, I reached for the condom and he took it from me rolling it on. Putting more lube on the condom Edward pushed me down onto the couch. Spreading my legs I put one on the back of the couch and the other on the floor as he placed himself at my hole, pressing his head against it. Pushing inside he gently made his way further in.

The entire time I was just trying desperately to keep my head in this reality. I really didn't know what was wrong with me, but this wasn't a normal headache. Everywhere Edward touched me my skin burned like fire. It wasn't pleasant, it was incredibly uncomfortable. This wasn't the normal fire you got when you burned with desire, this was something else entirely.

Trying to bring myself back into the now I looked at Edward. His green eyes were dark with lust, his lips parted. My gaze traveled down his chest to that familiar trail of bronze hair on his stomach. One of my hands reached out to touch him there, it was a struggle to do it. Edward moved my hand away and commanded, "Jazz, lie still." Did he really say that or was I just that confused? He reached over and grabbed the bottle of lube and coated my cock with it. One of his hands stroked my shaft going over the head with his thumb, the other hand was on my hip steadying himself as he thrust into me. My body trembled with its orgasm before my mind even registered what was happening. I shot cum on both our stomachs and I felt Edward let go some time after my muscles stopped clenching around him.

I tried to come back down to earth, but I was struggling. Edward laid down on top of me and kissed me. Then he sat up frowning at me, I don't mean a slight frown either. His eyes narrowed and he felt my forehead. My body was trembling and my teeth were chattering by this time. Snatching his hand back as though I burned him he looked down at me concerned. "Jazz, you're not okay. What else is wrong with you?" he asked me.

"Nothing, at the moment, just my head," I answered honestly. Edward got up and came back wiping my body down from the mess we made. Instead of putting me in my old clothes he found clean boxers and pajama bottoms as well as a t-shirt. He had to help me get all of those things on. Then he came back with several blankets trying to stop the shaking.

Edward got out his cellphone and called Mike. "Hey, I think we're going to have to cancel today, Jasper's come down with something." I grabbed Edward's wrist with as much force as I could and he looked down at me.

"No, we need those papers signed. We can worry about the details later," I pleaded him, even in my slightly confused state I was positive that those papers needed to be signed and the sooner the better.

"Okay, Jasper. Mike would you mind coming over here?" Edward asked him. "Great, we'll see you then." It could have been ten minutes by the time he got to our apartment or ten fucking years for all I knew.

Mike stayed across the room, careful not to get too close to me. I only raised my head to sign what I needed to sign. They both talked a bit and I saw Mike notarize the documents. Then I heard them talking about a will, in case of death. Apparently Edward had had Mike draw one up that I knew nothing about. I mumbled out, "I already have a will."

Edward's head snapped to mine and he blurted out, "What? When did you get that?"

Struggling to remember I said, "A few years ago. My parents died when they were younger than me, so I had one made."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked me. I only looked at him, he didn't tell me about his either.

A few minutes later I heard the shuffling of papers and saw Mike stand up. "Okay, everything should be in order, let me know if you have any problems."

"I will, thanks, Mike," Edward said showing him to the door.

Mike left and I heard Edward say, "Hey, Emmett."

"Hey, Edward. Who was that guy?" Emmett asked him.

"A friend," Edward replied.

Questioning him, Emmett asked, "He's not more than a friend, is he?"

Edward snorted, "No, and just so you stop worrying he isn't gay and Jasper is here. Not to mention I wouldn't hurt Jasper like that." Then more quietly I heard him say, "I've waited too long for him."

Emmett laughed at himself, "All right, all right. I've gotta go now, I'm meeting Rosie later."

"Bye, Emmett," Edward said and shut the door, he turned around looking amused until his face fell on me. What was it? I couldn't possibly look worse than I had, could I?

Edward left me alone in the living room for a minute and came back with a thermometer. I didn't even know we had one. Both of us were rarely sick. Taking my temperature Edward exclaimed, "Holy shit, Jazz!" Looking at me again he asked, "Are you sure you don't have any other symptoms?"

"I'm fine, Edward. Maybe if I go to sleep I'll start to feel better," I suggested, closing my eyes against the almost blinding nonexistent light. I drifted off to sleep and woke up with a nightmare, sweating and shaking. In my dream I'd been running and running trying to get to Edward. I knew he was there, but I was lost and couldn't find my way back.

Opening my eyes I saw Edward watching me. He was eating something, the smell alone was enough to make me nauseous. Throwing off the covers I ran to my bathroom barely making it on time. Edward stood in the doorway watching me with his head tilted to the side, calculating. I knew he was adding this new symptom to his list.

Making it to my bed, I couldn't walk to the couch, I laid down. The room was spinning. Edward covered me again as I was still feverish and shaking. He got a cool washcloth and put it on my forehead, it wasn't even a few minutes before it was just as hot as the rest of me. Edward sat down with his back to the headboard and pulled my head into his lap. He rubbed my temples trying to soothe my aching head.

My neck hurt, it felt stiff. I must have slept on it wrong. Tilting my head this way and that Edward asked, "What are you doing?"

"My neck hurts, it's stiff," I told him. He gasped and I looked up at him.

"Jazz... I have to ask, did you ever get a vaccine for meningitis?" he questioned me. No. Why would I? Even though I work on a college campus, I didn't live in the dorms. When I told him this his face looked grim.

Edward got up and started moving about the room. I saw him pull out socks, a heavy coat and shoes for me. Pulling back the covers he started to put my socks on, then my coat and my shoes. Then he tried to help me up, it took several minutes for me to be able to stand. "Where are we going?" I asked him confused.

"To the hospital," Edward stated.

"No, I'm not going there," I argued with him. I was just sick, I didn't need to be there.

"Jasper, we are going whether you like it or not. The longer you stay here the sicker you're going to be and the harder it will be treat you," Edward prodded pulling me along.

"Edward, I'm not going," I stated loudly.

"You are, now come on," he argued.

"No! I'm too tired and too confused to go," I explained my rationale.

Snorting at me he shot back, "That's exactly why we're going."

Being obstinate I sat down on the couch, I wasn't going anywhere. I wouldn't become one of those hated patients that went to the ER when all they had was a cold or something. "Stop acting like a child, Jasper. You're sick, you need to be seen right away if you have what I think you do." I shook my head at him. Oh fuck, I shouldn't have done that. My head spun.

Kneeling in front of me he took my face into his head and explained, "Jasper, you can get even sicker, have seizures and suffer brain damage if you don't get seen soon." Yeah right, I just had the flu or something. I didn't have meningitis. He was overreacting and I told him so, loudly. I watched as his eyes filled with tears, but I didn't care, there wasn't anything seriously wrong with me.

Emmett banged on the door, there was no one else that knocked that loud. Edward answered the door and I dug my heels in even further. Emmett inquired, looking worried, "Is everything all right? We can hear you guys in our apartment yelling."

Sighing Edward said sadly, "No, everything is not all right." It almost broke my fucking heart to hear him talk that way, but he couldn't be right, I couldn't be that sick.

"You guys aren't breaking up or anything, are you?" Emmett questioned. Holding my head in my hands I snorted.

"No, we aren't, Emmett. Now please go away, I need to take Jasper to the hospital," Edward told him.

"For the last time, I'm not going," I shot back. Emmett shoved his way past the door and before either one of us could register what was happening he'd picked me up and was carrying me to the elevator. "What the fuck, Emmett? I said I'm not going," I shouted at him.

"If Edward is the doctor and he thinks you need to go, then you need to go," Emmett told me firmly, his grip was so tight I couldn't move. Edward got into the elevator behind us, he still looked sad. I hated seeing that look on his face. "I'll drive you both to the hospital," Emmett volunteered. Looking at me he said, "You're too sick, I'm not even sure you can tell just how sick you are." Then looking over at Edward he said, "You are too upset to be driving." Edward handed over his car keys. He must be upset if he was letting someone else drive his car, especially someone he'd never seen drive. That alone spoke volumes as to how seriously ill he thought I was. I still didn't want to go, but if it would appease him and make him feel better then I'd do it.

"I forgot something upstairs, I'll be right back," Edward told us and Emmett put me in the backseat of the car I told him was Edward's. Waiting on Edward, Emmett got in the driver's seat and adjusted everything. Edward came back with what I knew was the medical power of attorney over me. I sighed, I just signed my life away to him. I suppose he could have made me go to the hospital with it, even if I didn't want to. Climbing into the backseat Edward sat close to me, holding me. I could still see tears glimmer in his eyes, even if they didn't spill over. When I woke up this morning I had no idea my day would end this way, I was sure he didn't either.

Driving us to the entrance Emmett let Edward and I out of the car. This time I walked on my own two feet to the door, leaning on Edward. When one of the nurses saw Edward she asked, "What are you doing here? You aren't on duty tonight."

"It's Jasper, he's really sick. I think he might have bacterial meningitis," Edward told her. She looked at me and nodded her head. Thankfully they weren't that busy. She made us fill out insurance forms and paperwork that I could barely read by this point.

The nurse said, "Does he have any family members? You know you won't be able to be with him." Edward handed the papers over to her and had her make a copy of the medical power of attorney for my file. She took a good look at them and at us before handing back the original.

They took me back and started an IV of just fluids at first. The nurse looked at Edward and remarked "He's going to need a spinal tap. Do you want to do it?"

Shaking his head no Edward said, "I don't think that would be a good idea. My hands are shaking too much right now." Then he gave her another name of a doctor he wanted to do it. A spinal tap? That did not sound pleasant, at all. I was starting to panic, maybe I shouldn't have come.

"Calm down, Jasper. Everything will be fine, I'll be with you whenever I can be," Edward soothed smoothing back my hair.

They finally took me to another room to do the spinal tap. I was right, it was unpleasant. It hurt like a motherfucker.

When they were done they took me into a private room. They really must not be as busy today. Edward sat down beside me and we both waited for the results, drifting in and out of consciousness. When I woke up I couldn't figure out where I was. I wasn't at home, in my bed. As my eyes looked to the side of me I saw a man sitting there and I couldn't figure out who he was. This whole situation seemed like a dream to me. Where the hell was I? Who the hell was sitting there? I tried and tried to come up with the reasons and couldn't. The man beside me opened his eyes, they were beautiful. He reached out a hand to touch my face and I backed away from him asking, "Who are you?"

The man beside me sobbed and choked out, "You don't remember?" I shook my head no. Fuck, my head hurt.

"Jasper, I'm your partner," he said carefully, as though he was afraid to scare me away. Partner of what? In business? No, he wouldn't be here crying if that was the case. Then I gasped as recognition of what he said hit me. I had a partner? A _male_ partner? How the hell did that happen? Closing my eyes again I hoped to get my memories back soon. I was so confused.

Then I heard a loud male voice ask, "Is he awake yet?"

"Yes, Emmett. But..." At this I heard the man beside me sob as he continued, "He doesn't remember me."

"Well fuck, man. Did you tell him you were his boyfriend?" the man with the loud voice named Emmett said.

"Yes, I'm not sure he believes it though." the man with the green eyes said.

"Don't worry, Edward. He'll come around soon," Emmett said confidently. My boyfriend's name was Edward? Well, that's more information than I had before. "Have they started him on antibiotics yet?" Emmett asked Edward as though I wasn't even in the room. I might not know who they were, but fuck, I was right here.

"Yeah, they are giving him IV antibiotics," Edward told him. "They made me start taking them too as I'm so close to him. Now I guess the whole hospital knows my roommate is my lover as well," Edward sighed. I wondered why he'd care if we were together. Why couldn't other people know? It didn't make sense to me. Was he ashamed of me? That didn't sit well with me. I turned my head away heartbroken over someone I couldn't even remember. Shit, shit, shit. He should leave if he wasn't comfortable with everyone knowing we were together.

"Emmett, can you watch him for a minute? I need to call our parents," Edward added and Emmett took the seat Edward vacated.

Looking at him a minute I wondered how I knew him. "How do I know you, Emmett?" I asked finally.

"Oh, my girlfriend Rose and I live across the hall of your apartment. We're recent friends," Emmett explained.

"Can you tell me something?" I asked him.

"Maybe, what's the question?" he inquired.

"If Edward is my boyfriend, then why does he care if the hospital knows?" I asked him.

Emmett shrugged at me and said, "I think he has a lot of different reasons that you would know more than me if you could remember. What I do know is that he's a doctor here and that could cause him problems and he's calling your parents to come down here and they don't know about either one of you, much less you being lovers." He tried to explain the best he could, but I still felt like some pieces of the puzzle were missing.

When Edward walked back into the room he told us, "Our parents will be here in a few hours, Jasper." Then looking at Emmett, he asked, "Can I talk to Jazz, alone?" He called me Jazz? What a stupid name. Emmett nodded and left the room.

Coming over to sit beside me Edward said, "When our parents get here they don't know about us, yet. We were going to tell them when you got done teaching this year and visit them during the summer. Do you still want to wait to tell them or do you want to tell them anyway?" I was a teacher? What the fuck? I couldn't remember much, but I knew I never wanted to be one of those.

Glancing at him I still couldn't figure out what he meant to me, so I said, "We should wait. I want to remember you, me, them." I realized I didn't even remember who they were either.

"Are your parents coming?" I asked him.

Edward's face darkened and he said, "No, my parents kicked me out when I was fourteen. I moved in with you and your parents then and I've lived with you ever since." Okay, then why the hell did I not remember someone that significant in my life? I felt something, in my heart. My head though? There was nothing. I was frustrated. I hoped this didn't last long. Would I even remember my parents then?

When my parents came into the room the woman that I assumed was my mother was crying. She had honey colored hair and honey eyes. The man beside her was blond, his eyes were green. I didn't look like either one of them. Are they sure those are my parents? Whispering to Edward, I noted, "Those people don't look like they are my parents."

Edward turned his head to look at me and said sadly, "They adopted you."

So what happened to my real parents? "My real parents didn't want me?" I asked him, trying to make the pieces fit.

"No, your parents died in a car accident when you were four. The Cullen's took you in and raised you. They couldn't have any of their own children," Edward explained to me. I felt grief, as though my parents had just passed away and I felt love for the people that raised me. My emotions were running away with me, as each piece of my life was laid out before me, seemingly all at once.

"Jasper, honey, I love you so much. Please come back to us," the woman pleaded. She must mean my mind as I was still here. Then she gave me a big hug.

The man that I assumed was my adoptive father looked up at Edward and questioned, "What is wrong with Jasper? It's normal to be irritable or confused with meningitis, but this isn't normal." How would he know that? Was he a doctor too?

"I don't know, but his fever was outrageous and he argued with me for a good while trying to get him to the hospital. I don't think I would have gotten him here in time if it wasn't for Emmett," Edward told him. What about Emmett?

"Who's Emmett?" my father asked.

"Me," said a loud voice from the doorway. Emmett grinned happily, his dimples making him look a little less frightening than his size did. "I stole him from the house and put him in the car. What was he going to do? Fight me?" Then Emmett laughed at that, so did Edward.

"Hello, Emmett. It's nice to meet you," my father said sticking out his hand. "My boy sometimes needs a good kick to get him going in the right direction." I heard Edward snicker at that, I wondered what that was about and if I should hit him for it. My mother smiled at me and held my hand.

I felt surrounded by love even though I couldn't remember a single one of these people. They must love me though or they wouldn't be here.

My parents talked to me about my childhood, my father explaining that sometimes that could make people remember things. Eventually they had to go back home as I was starting to get better. I couldn't remember anything still, but I was due to go home soon. Maybe if I was around more familiar objects something would stir in my head. Edward never left my side over the time I was in the hospital, he was never more than a five minute walk from me. He talked to me about us, our life growing up, his parents, how we met, how we ended up together, I laughed outright at that, how I was starting to write a book, so I could leave the job I hated. I still had no memories of those things.

Finally it was time for me to go home. It had to be better than being here. My bed had to be better than a hospital bed. Emmett drove us home which surprised me. He seemed to think that Edward and I needed more alone time together so I could get my memories back. Who knew, he might be right.

In the apartment Edward showed me around. He showed me his bedroom and mine. "We don't sleep in the same room?" I asked him.

Smiling at me he said, "Of course we do, when we are both here. I work nights though, and I think I'd like us sharing one room, but we haven't gotten around to it yet." I nodded at him. I wasn't sure I could face doing anything with him when I couldn't even remember being with him in the first damn place.

Walking into my room I saw a picture on my shelf. In it I was a child and I assumed that Edward was the other kid in the picture. We were all wet, like we'd been dunked under the water. Edward came up behind me and put his arms around me, my body stiffened at the strangeness. Edward ignored it until I relaxed and he explained, "That was us after we fell out of a canoe. That was a fun day."

Surprising myself I leaned into him and liked how he felt against me. Edward kissed my neck softly making me shiver. Then he dropped his arms and stood back, looking at the floor he mumbled, "I'm sorry, Jasper. I shouldn't have done that when you can't even remember who I am." Then he turned from the room and walked away from me. My heart was in my throat and my eyes burned with unshed tears. I knew in that moment that when he walked away from me, that my heart had walked away as well. I had to stop him. Even if I never got one damn memory back, I knew he was supposed to be mine.

"Edward, wait," I called out and followed after him. His head was down unable to face me. Stepping close to him I lifted his head and before thinking too much about it I pressed my lips to his. Gasping at me Edward blinked and parted his lips in surprise. His lips felt good against mine, this was home, every part of me knew that it was.

Pulling away from me Edward breathed, "I love you so much, Jasper."

"I love you too, Edward," I said and meant it, the feeling of love nearly overwhelmed me. Then I kissed him again, this time our tongues tangling together. Edward moved his mouth down my neck taking this a little further. I wasn't sure how much I would allow today, but I didn't want him to go either. Then I felt his teeth sink into my neck near my shoulder, biting me. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I growled out in pleasure and heard Edward laugh at me.

"That growl is still sexy, you know," Edward told me. I paused, my mind was starting to catch up to the rest of me. I remembered those words in the Thai restaurant. I hate Thai food.

Gasping out loud I shouted, "I remember." Then I felt a barrage of memories come flooding back to me. The most important ones all had Edward in them.

"You remember? You know who I am?" Edward asked me. I smiled and nodded and he gave me the widest grin I'd ever seen on him and I knew that was true, I could remember the other ones.

Kissing me again Edward mentioned, "We have to tell everyone, they'll want to know."

"Maybe, but right now I plan on reliving some of my memories of just us. Come on, it's been too long since we were together," I told Edward and pulled him back into my bedroom, ecstatic that I could remember him. Pushing him down on the bed I breathed, "I think it's been a while since I got to fuck you. Do you want me to fuck you?"

"God, Jazz, yes. Please fuck me," Edward shouted. Wasting no more time we removed our clothes quickly. He was beautiful and all my memories of him came back to me in that moment. My lips sought his as my hands touched him everywhere, committing the feel of him to memory, to never forget again. "Oh, fuck," Edward groaned.

"Soon, Edward, soon," I replied. I heard a drawer open and saw Edward flipping open the lid on the bottle of lube. Putting it in his hand he ran it over his hard cock. It'd been a while since we'd been together with me in the hospital and all, so I wasn't sure either one of us would last very long. Taking the bottle from him I coated my fingers with the lube before pressing them into his ass.

Edward cried out, "Now... please." Looking around I saw the condom he'd placed on the bed as well and rolled it over my own erect cock. Putting more lube over my condom wrapped cock first I pushed into Edward's warm tight hole. I remembered this feeling, this sensation. It felt fucking awesome. "Oh god, Jazz. You feel so good inside me," Edward moaned out.

I picked up Edward's legs and wrapped them around me, his heels dug into my ass pushing me further in. When I leaned down to him once more before really thrusting his hard cock was trapped between our bodies. It felt good to slide against it. He must have thought so too because he started breathing more heavily. Putting my hands on his waist I slid my body over his, at the same time moving in and out of his ass. Edward's hands came down to my ass making me move faster. He was impatient. My body was too, it had been too long. Edward stiffened and his head rolled back as he cried out spilling his seed all over us. I continued thrusting after he came back down until I let go. Pressing my lips to his again I moaned into the kiss. Rolling us to the side I pulled out of him and threw the condom away, and reached for my shirt to wipe us off. I wasn't about to get out of this bed right now, Edward was back in my head where he was going to stay.

Nuzzling his neck I sighed, "We can tell people later, right now I just want to stay here with you, if that's okay."

"Anything you want, Jazz. That sounds great to me," Edward said and put his arms around me. We didn't get out of bed until the next morning, late.


	11. Chapter 11

**Strange Desire: Chapter Eleven**

**AN: **_Some of you were confused about the last chapter, but that would be because Jasper _was _confused. Anyway, this chapter is a bit shorter, but I hope I clear up anything you didn't understand._

_Characters belong to SM_

**EPOV**

Lying in bed I watched Jasper sleep. We were home, finally. Thank god all those papers had been signed before coming into the hospital. The past week had terrified me. Did Jasper even know he was in the hospital that long or even what day it was? He was so confused most of the time he was in the hospital and even before we got there. Today he should be giving out finals, which he obviously wasn't capable of doing. I'd had a tough time trying to get everything settled with his job. Our dad had taken the test materials from Jasper's briefcase up to the school. I hoped everything went all right there. As of yesterday I didn't even know if he was going to remember enough to grade the exams and tried to make arrangements in case it wasn't possible.

Calling our parents had been tough. Who wants to call someone to tell them their son was that sick, especially when you are closely attached to all of the people involved? Our dad asked me how I knew all that was going on before he even got there. I had to tell them about Jasper giving me medical power of attorney. I'd had to explain to them that I'd asked him to be mine first and that he wanted me to be his, since we lived closer than they did. Both of them exchanged meaningful glances at each other at that and at several other things either I said or Jasper did, which made me think that Emmett was right, they knew, they must. Neither of them said anything though, waiting for us to come to them. While Jasper was in the hospital and incapable of remembering I didn't think it was a good idea yet and was glad Jasper agreed to wait. I was still terrified of telling them, I needed him to lend some strength for when we did.

Right before Jasper had lost so much of his memory he'd had a seizure from his fever becoming too high. I never thought he'd lose big chunks of his memory like that though. He didn't even remember having the seizure, which was a good thing. It had scared the shit out of me, the seizure he'd had was severe. He's lucky that he didn't end up with permanent brain damage. I almost wondered if he'd had smaller seizures during the course of his illness that we weren't even aware of. Even though I knew it could happen, it's different when it's a stranger it's happening to rather than someone you love.

Jasper only acknowledged our parents, Emmett and me. Others had come to see him and spoke directly to him. It was as if they didn't exist. When he looked at them it was as if he was looking right through them, he didn't hear or respond to any of them, at all. Rosalie had come to see him with Emmett a few times and she tried to talk to him each time, no response. Bella had come with Jacob and she'd cried most of the time she was there. She kept looking at Jasper and then at me, so I didn't know if she was crying because Jasper was in here or because of what he meant to me and then him not being able to remember me. Even Jamie stopped by to visit and tried to joke around with everyone else, to cheer them up. I didn't know if he managed to cheer up the somber atmosphere in the room or not, I was too upset myself. He did manage to charm the hospital staff though. I could hear them laughing at whatever he told them.

Silently I thanked god that Emmett had forced Jasper into the car and on to the hospital. I don't think I ever would have gotten him there. If his fever and headache and stiff neck weren't alarming enough to me, his confusion and anger sent off warning bells in my mind. I knew what he had before it was confirmed. We'd just needed the right strain of bacteria identified to give him the correct antibiotics as well as myself. As we'd passed bodily fluids and lived together it was far more likely that I'd get it than anyone else. I wondered if the bacteria was running its course over the college campus. I hadn't actually been working while Jasper was sick, instead staying with him at all times and nearly coming unglued when they tried to remove me and tell me to go home. I couldn't go, what if something happened to him? What if I lost more of him than I already had? I was sure the hospital staff had figured out we were together by now. No one said anything to me though as I rarely ever shared my personal life with anyone there. Then again I hadn't gone back to work on a normal day without a sick lover.

Smoothing Jasper's hair back with my hand I decided we'd had enough bad stuff for a while. It was time to celebrate. Celebrate our love, our friends, our family, his getting well again. Thank god school was out for him, I wasn't sure he could handle going back to that right after this. Jasper burrowed himself into the bed more, comfortable finally after being in a hospital bed. Holding him close to me I kissed his forehead, it was cool under my lips this time. Jasper smiled at me and held on tightly, as well. Eventually his eyelids fluttered open and he smiled at me. "Good morning, Edward," he sighed happily. "I had the most wonderful dream," he told me.

"Yeah? What was it about?" I asked him.

"I dreamed that I was running after you. I could hear your voice, but I couldn't see you. Then I finally found you. You were there to catch me, this time," Jasper explained. Was I supposed to get the significance of this? As my brow furrowed he continued, answering my unspoken question, "I dreamed that I ran and ran after you before and I never could find you, before I lost my memory."

Smiling at him I swept his hair away from his face, moving one of the curls that had fallen over his eye, and kissed his lips. Jasper kissed me back before sitting up. When he looked down at me he tilted his head to the side and noted, "I just now realized I've lived with you more years than I've lived with our parents."

Laughing at him I sat up and said, "Yes, you have. Now I think it's time we called them to give them the good news that you are better."

"Okay, but don't forget we need to make arrangements to see them soon," Jasper reminded me, as if I could forget.

"Are you ready to tell them?" Jasper asked me.

"As ready as I'm ever going to be. I think Emmett's right though, I think they know." I told him about how they'd acted in the hospital and he nodded, picking at the sheets in front of him. He was just as nervous about that as I was, that could be a good thing as we were in it together or a bad thing if one of us fell apart.

"Before I call them what do you want to do today? We can stay in bed all day or do something else," I commented.

Wrinkling his nose at the thought of being in bed all day he grumbled, "I've been in bed too long. Let's go outside. I need to see the sky, it's been a while since I've been able to see it during the daytime." I laughed and agreed. What would we spend our day doing then? First, I had to call our parents. They were on top of the agenda of things to get out of the way first. Then we could spend the day together and then tell our friends after they got home from their respective jobs.

Finding my cellphone I called our parents house. Esme answered the phone, _"Hello? Edward, is everything okay? Is Jasper okay?"_

"Yeah, he's fine. He's better than fine, actually. Jasper got his memory back last night," I proclaimed.

Crying she said, _"Oh thank god. I wasn't sure he ever would. That must have been terrible for you." _

"Yes, but no worse than what it was for you," I replied.

"_Hmm... I know it was bad for us, for him not to remember, but you've been together so long, gone through so much and you live with him,"_ she remarked. To me it sounded like she was fishing. I would tell her, but not over the phone.

Changing the subject I asked, "Do you want to talk to Jasper?"

"_Sure, Edward. Oh and before I let you go, thank you for taking care of him. Don't forget to call Carlisle at the hospital, he's working today," _ she mentioned.

"No problem. We'll talk to you soon. Here's, Jasper," I said handing him the phone.

"Hey, mom," Jasper greeted cheerily, taking the phone. I could imagine Esme's smile as her son called her mom, that he remembered. He seemed like he was listening intently to something she had to say.

"Yeah, well we planned on coming to see you this summer while I'm not teaching." He nodded his head at her as though she could see it and then said, "Yes, I can't wait to see you too. Bye." Then he handed the phone back to me.

Looking at me he blew out his breath and said, "Now we have to make a trip home. She made me promise." I laughed.

Calling Carlisle at work I had to wait patiently before anyone could get a hold of him. In the meantime Jasper placed kisses on my chest making me moan. Fuck, I hoped Carlisle didn't answer when I did that. "Jasper, what are you doing? I thought you wanted to go outside," I bit out hoping to stop him.

Grinning at me he said, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm kissing the man I love. I still want to go outside, that doesn't mean I can't kiss you while I'm waiting, does it?" Without waiting for an answer he kissed lower and lower before pushing me flat on the bed. Fuck.

"_Hello? Edward?" _Carlisle's voice came over the phone.

"Yeah, I just wanted to call and tell you Jasper is better. He finally got his memory back," I told him trying not to moan out loud as Jasper was sucking on my balls.

"_That's great. How did he get it back? Do you know?" _he inquired. Grinning at me wickedly Jasper kissed the head of my cock before I saw his pink tongue swirl over it before taking just the head into his mouth. Fuck. I was on the fucking phone, with our parents no less. What the hell was he thinking? It was like he wanted to get caught. Maybe he did.

"_Edward? Are you still there?"_ Carlisle asked me. Oh fuck.

"Yeah..." I barely got that out as Jasper took in more of my cock.

"_And? How did he get his memory back?" _Carlisle sounded exasperated.

"Um... oh yeah, it was just something I said. It triggered another memory," I answered distractedly.

"_Okay, well what did you say?" _he pressed. I groaned both at Jasper and about telling Carlisle what I'd said.

"It's not important," I replied.

"_Of course it's important or it wouldn't have made him remember. Edward, it's okay if you don't want to tell me, I understand," _he responded gently. Shit, they knew. There was no denying it to myself anymore. At least they didn't reject me for it, but I still wasn't sure how much they knew. I mean they might have figured out I loved Jasper, but I didn't know if they knew we were truly together. If I didn't get off the phone soon though Carlisle would know without a doubt as Jasper was sucking on my cock, hard. I was biting back moans of pleasure the entire time I was on the phone.

"_I've got to get back to work, Edward. Why don't you two come see us soon?" _he asked and I laughed. I could feel Jasper smile around me when I laughed.

"You've been talking to Esme, haven't you? She's already made Jasper promise that we would come home," I replied.

"_That's good. Can I talk to Jasper now before I go?" _he asked me and I chuckled.

"Jasper, your dad wants a word with you. I think you're in trouble." I couldn't help teasing him, I'd missed it.

Frowning at me he let me go with a pop and I instantly missed the warmth, the wetness of his mouth. Handing the phone over to him once again he said, "Hey, dad." He was lying on me this time, our cocks brushing against each other. I ran my hands down his back to his ass. I really wished he was more comfortable with being fucked from behind, I loved to see his back and his ass, to watch his muscles ripple in movement. Gripping his ass firmly I kneaded the muscles there. "Yeah, I know I was lucky," Jasper said to his dad. "Really? I didn't know that could happen. I'll keep that in mind. Okay, bye. We'll see you soon," he said and hung the phone up, frowning.

"Jazz, what's wrong?" I asked him.

Shaking his head he promised, "I'll tell you about it later. Right now there is something that needs to be taken care of." Rolling off of me he grabbed the lube and a condom from the nightstand. Before I registered what he was doing he'd rolled the condom over my cock. I stared at him curiously. From the way he'd been acting I thought for sure he was going to fuck me. "Edward, please."

"Okay, but can I make a request?" I asked him hoping he'd agree.

"What is it?" he asked in return as I felt his fingers putting lube over my cock.

"Can I fuck you from behind? Please. I want to watch your beautiful back while I'm inside you," I pleaded. Taking a deep breath he nodded. Giving him a wide smile I kissed his lips before moving to my knees. Jasper got on his hands and knees as well. Picking up the lube I coated his ass with it before pushing a finger into him. He pushed back towards me so I put another inside and then another coating his walls with the lube. I could hear Jasper take deep breaths to relax the muscles for me to come inside. Kissing Jasper's back down to his ass first I could hear him moan, waiting, wanting. Placing my head at his entrance I pushed through. He was tight. This was the first time I'd been inside him in over a week. Groaning in pleasure I remarked, "Jasper, you feel so good." All I got was a grunt in response.

With my hands on his hips I thrust into him watching the muscles in his back move and strain against me. One of my hands extended out and traced the muscles as they moved down his back. I wasn't sure if he'd let me do this again, so I was going to memorize it.

Jasper lifted one of his hands to his mouth and licked his palm a few times before reaching down to grip his own cock. "Jasper, do you know how beautiful you are?" I inquired. He moaned at me, not answering. Leaning down some, the hand that had been tracing his back went to his head. Turning his head towards me so he could see me, I whispered, "Jazz, I've missed you. I missed your body, your touch, your mind, your friendship, your love." I hadn't meant to say all of those things right then, but they just came tumbling out. My breath hitching I admitted, "I wondered if I'd lost you forever, if what we'd shared was only temporary."

Blowing out his breath Jasper said, "I missed you too, I wasn't sure I'd ever get back to you. But right now please stop talking and fuck me." I chuckled, he always could make me laugh. I wasn't going to get off with the road my mind had taken. He was right. I needed to stop talking. I needed to fuck him.

"Okay Jasper, you asked for it," I teased and grabbed his hips thrusting in and out of him, quickening the pace. The feel of his warm, tight heat around my cock brought me pleasure. Jasper growled out as I hit his prostate, that was the end for me. Letting go I cried out, "Fuck... Jazz."

Pulling out of his ass I leaned my chest down against his back and kissed his neck. His hand was still pumping his own cock. I moved it and placed it on the bed. "Jazz, let me take care of you." Licking one of my hands as he'd done I placed it over his cock running it up and down. His skin was silky against my hand. Keeping my head on his back I brought my other hand around and tugged on his balls. Bringing my hand up to his mouth he licked it again and I placed it over his cock again. With the thumb and forefinger of the hand on his cock I made a ring pushing down on him tightly without being too tight.

"Edward... oh my god," Jasper cried out. I could feel his balls tighten in my hand before he let go, his cum spilling onto the bed, my hand and his stomach. Jasper fell in a heap on the bed, exhausted. His head was turned to the side as he followed my movements. I licked his cum off my hand and fingers sucking each one. I moaned at the taste, at his own unique flavor. Jasper groaned while I did that.

"So are we still going outside?" I asked Jasper. He looked too tired to move.

"Yeah, just not right this second. Give me a few minutes," he replied.

"All right," I said and got up to clean myself off and came back to Jasper to clean him up too. We would need a proper shower before we left the apartment.

Out of the blue Jasper mentioned, "The last time you fucked me I was on the couch and sick." What the hell was he talking about? That never happened.

We'd come home and keeping the lights off I'd sat him on the couch and brought him some water and pain relievers. Then I'd loosened his tie and his belt and undid the first couple of buttons on his shirt. When he went to undo the other buttons I stopped him and did it for him. His skin burned me like he was on fire. I left the room and came back to see him lying on his back on the couch moaning and muttering to himself. He was moving around too much and I commanded, "Jazz, lie still." Then trying to shake him I said, "Jazz, you're not okay. What else is wrong with you?" He told me nothing was wrong, I didn't believe him. I removed his clothes and put more comfortable ones on him. Then I placed several blankets on him to get the shaking to stop.

I'd called Mike and had him come to the apartment, I knew I needed those papers signed and legal right then. Jasper didn't seem too out of it while Mike was there.

"Jasper, what are you going on about? I never had sex with you when you were sick. The last time we did anything before last night was in the car that day," I explained, now I was the one that was confused.

After showing Mike out I'd taken Jasper's temperature, it was sky high. He needed to go to the hospital then, but he wouldn't go. He argued and argued with me as he drifted in and out of sleep right before throwing up. I'd had a time of it trying to get him out of the apartment. He kept telling me he was too tired and too confused to go to the hospital. Jasper couldn't even make it back to the living room, instead crashing on the bed.

"Are you sure? I remember you fucking me on the couch. I remember you eating something and the smell made me sick to my stomach," he said sitting up, his brow furrowed.

"Jasper, I'm positive. I never ate in front of you either. You were confused that night, but I didn't realize you were that confused, even then," I told him. Thank god he'd been lucid enough to sign the papers when Mike came over.

"Why do I think you did? What's that all about?" he asked me, stunned.

"Well, I know that meningitis can cause confusion. I'm not sure I've ever seen a case that severe though," I stated. He probably had been having some small seizures throughout his illness as well then.

Nodding at me he said, "Yeah, that's what our dad said. He told me I was lucky, that if I hadn't been treated in time I might have lost a limb, caused permanent brain damage, or even died."

"Yes, all of those things are true. It was lucky that Emmett made you go. You were angry and confused and fighting me the whole way about going," I told him.

"Our dad said the anger, confusion and exhaustion could last several weeks," Jasper told me sadly. "I don't want to be that way."

"I know you don't, Jazz, but it'll be okay. You'll be back to yourself eventually. At least you don't have to try and teach like that," I commented.

He laughed at me saying, "Yeah, that girl that tried to get me into trouble wouldn't have known what hit her."

Chuckling I pulled him close to me, it had been too long since I'd been able to do this. Eventually we did decide to get out of bed and take a shower. We managed just to keep our hands to ourselves and just take the shower. I don't know how we did, but we did. It had seemed like all night we'd been making up for lost time.

Getting dressed I asked Jasper, "So, where do you want to go today?"

"The docks, I think. I missed outside, the sky, the water, in the hospital," Jasper explained and I nodded. We'd have to drive part of the way there. We didn't live quite close enough to the water and Jasper was in no condition to do a lot of extra walking right now. I was actually surprised he wanted to leave the house at all, he should be too exhausted.

Once we got there Jasper seemed to be at peace. He sniffed the air and let his head fall back as the breeze from the water blew across his face. I smiled and hugged him before we decided to stroll along the docks looking at both the water and all the buildings surrounding Puget Sound. Today it was sunny and the sunlight glittered off the water and buildings making everything look bright and shiny. It almost hurt my eyes to look at it.

Suddenly I felt Jasper's arms around me as he turned me to him so that I was facing him. "Thank you, Edward," he whispered before kissing my neck.

"What are you thanking me for, Jasper?" I asked curiously.

"For being there when I needed you. For making me go to the hospital even when I didn't want to go. For keeping me from getting sicker. For not fucking me when I was so sick, like I thought you did, " he said quietly before kissing my lips.

Pulling away I said, "Of course I was there for you. Jasper, I love you more than you can possibly understand."

Closing his eyes he acknowledged, "I know. I know you do. I love you too, Edward. I love you more than you probably think I do, as well." Kissing his mouth I let my tongue taste his lips before tasting his tongue. His warm breath entered my mouth enveloping my insides. Our arms were wrapped around each other holding the other close.

Forgetting where we were a minute it took me a few minutes to recognize another sound besides us. Someone was hurling insults at us, I could tell by his tone before I registered what was said. A man was shouting, "Go back in the closet where you belong, faggots. Real men eat pussy, not suck dick." I was mad, but Jasper was shaking in rage. As far as I was concerned I'd continue kissing him and ignore the man. They were just words, granted they were hurtful ones, but words nonetheless. He didn't actually confront us. When Jasper turned to face him I could tell he had other ideas. No, no, no. Jasper was too weak right now to fight this guy and also too angry. He'd only manage to get himself hurt and possibly back in the hospital again.

Jasper shouted at him, "Maybe you are the one that needs to come out of the closet." He seemed pleased with himself at agitating the man.

Groaning I said, "Jazz, no. Ignore him and let him be on his way, you don't have to fight today."

The man chuckled and sneered, "Yeah, listen to your _girlfriend_ over there."

Looking at the man I warned, "If you know what's good for you, you will go away _now." _Jasper wouldn't be able to fight the man after being so sick, but I could. At that moment though I was holding Jasper back with my arms wrapped tightly around his torso and my feet were practically standing on his.

The man must have seen that I was serious and walked away still throwing insults at us. Jasper turned around his face full of rage as he yelled, "Why the hell did you stop me? He was rude. I think he needed to be taught a lesson."

Sighing at him, I said, "Because Jasper this isn't you, you'd regret it. The anger you feel is a lingering effect of your illness."

Shoving me away he shouted, "Don't tell me how I feel. I hate people like that."

"Okay, Jasper, if you feel that way then run after that man and beat him to death," I stated calmly.

He blinked at me a few times and his mouth gaped open. "What? I didn't say I wanted to kill him."

"Maybe not, but if you want people like that to stop hating you beating them up all the time isn't going to do it. It's not you anyway, Jazz. When you get better you'd hate yourself for it instead of them. I know you would," I insisted and turned away. He would either follow me or stay there to pull himself together. I hoped the anger didn't last long. I thought his anger towards that man was legitimate; I was angry, but I didn't think his reaction and probable overreaction if I hadn't been there was necessary.

Hearing shuffling feet behind me I turned around. Jasper was slowly catching up to me with his head down. Looking up at me through his lashes he said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be like that. I know better, I know this is already hard enough for you."

"It's hard for you, too," I claimed.

Shaking his head no he said, "No, it isn't. I don't have any doubts that I want you, that I want all of you, even in public. You do though and that makes me angry when people do that because it makes it harder for you to be comfortable with me in public. I know you are trying, Edward, and people like that just seem to put you back in the closet right after you've come out over and over again." Now it was my turn to gape at him. Did I really do that? Yeah, I guess I did. One minute I was bold and the next I was in hiding.

Holding out my hand to him he grabbed it, our fingers interlocking, and I tried to walk down the docks with the confidence Jasper was sending me.


	12. Chapter 12

**Strange Desire: Chapter Twelve**

**AN: **_Okay, so I said this chapter would be them telling their parents. They had other ideas, so don't blame me. Anyway, hopefully next chapter will be it. Thank you, Jen, for telling me to keep part of this chapter, for letting me know it was okay._

_Characters belong to SM_

**JPOV**

Edward kept his hand in mine the remainder of the time we were out on the docks. He was trying so hard to be strong, not to hide, but I could tell it was difficult for him. My personal experiences with being out were nowhere near as traumatic as his. His own parents threw him out of the house for it. Who does that? Shouldn't you love your kid anyway, even if you don't agree? I hoped that when we told our parents it would go better, that he'd have a different experience with it, a happier one.

"Let's get something to eat, I'm hungry," Edward interrupted my thoughts. I hadn't thought I was hungry, but my stomach's loud growl proved otherwise.

"Okay, where do you want to go?" I asked him.

"I don't know, just somewhere. Why don't we see what's over on that first street," he said leading me there.

We walked into the first restaurant we came across. Surprise, surprise, it was a seafood restaurant. As we were on the water I really didn't expect anything else. Seating ourselves at the bar we looked over the menu and quickly placed our order. Edward had long since dropped my hand, but he turned to me on the bar stool so our knees were touching. The bartender handed over our drinks and raised his brow at us, but he didn't say anything.

After we were done eating Edward remarked, "The food here was good. I think we should tell Emmett." Then he laughed.

"You think so? I wonder how someone that eats so much can be that picky," I commented. We paid our bill and walked out of the restaurant. "Edward, why is he the only friend that came to visit me in the hospital? I was there a week. I would have at least expected him to bring Rosalie," I said saddened, I felt alone.

Edward laughed at me, hard. "Jasper, he wasn't the only one that came to see you. Rosalie came, so did Bella, Jacob, and Jamie."

Looking at him, confused, I asked, "Are you sure? I don't remember them being there."

"I'm sure. They all came to visit you more than once. You looked at them without seeing them. You didn't hear anything they asked you, at all," Edward explained. Well, shit. How did I not remember something like that? Now I felt bad, like I needed to apologize to them.

We were now just walking around downtown, but I was getting tired rapidly. I wasn't too sure my legs would be able to keep up anymore. "Edward, let's go home. I think I've had enough for today."

Smiling at me, Edward said, "Okay Jazz, you managed more today than I thought you would anyway." Looking around Edward pulled me close to him and whispered, "But before we go I have to kiss you."

Shocked, I asked, "Now? After what happened? In front of all these people?"

"Yes, Jasper. I need to do it," he was almost pleading with me. Then his lips met mine, they were soft and warm and sent my blood racing. I grabbed his hips and pulled him closer to me. He felt good against me. Pulling away from me panting Edward smoothed one of my unruly locks that had fallen into my face. We stood there for a good five minutes, unmoving.

Deciding it was time to go we pulled apart completely and walked to his car. Driving home I couldn't help but remember Edward giving me a blow job the morning I got sick. "What are you grinning about over there, Jasper?" Edward questioned.

"Hmm... you, me and the backseat," I sighed and leaned over to kiss his neck. He chuckled and continued driving. Damn it. I wouldn't mind repeating that morning.

Hoping he'd give me what I wanted I began lifting my shirt up. "Jasper, what exactly do you think you are doing?" Edward asked glancing at me.

"Trying to turn you on," I stated.

Snorting at me, Edward confessed, "You already do. Now stop that, I want to be at home with you, no interruptions."

"Fine," I huffed. Then I let go of my shirt and crossed my arms across my chest. Edward laughed at me. He fucking laughed.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I hissed.

Trying to regain control of his laughter he choked out, "You. You're acting like a girl."

"No, I'm not. Drive the fuck home then so I can fuck you up the ass. I'll show just how much of a girl I'm not," I protested narrowing my eyes into slits.

Edward chortled at me, "I can't wait." Fucker.

When we finally got out of the car I pushed him against it and attacked him right there. "Jasper, please. Let's take this to our apartment." Growling at him I let go and grabbed his hand nearly running. I didn't even know I had that much energy left in me.

Getting into the elevator I continued my attack on his lips. The elevator opened on our floor and we stepped out to see Emmett and Rosalie leaving their apartment, they greeted us. I, on the other hand, was rude and claimed, "Emmett, Rose, sorry, but no time to talk right now. I have a boyfriend to fuck."

Edward's face turned bright red, Emmett spluttered at us, Rosalie only laughed. I was just trying to get the front door open. "Great, I'm happy to see you got your memory back. We'll see you later," Rosalie dismissed us nearly giggling now.

Pushing the door open I pulled Edward through and slammed it in Emmett and Rosalie's faces. Shoving Edward up against the door I crashed my lips to his. Pushing me away from him he asked, "Was it really necessary to be that rude?" Yes. Yes, it was. I needed Edward and I needed him now.

My answer was to shove him back up against the door as my lips attacked his neck and my hands unbuckled his belt. Pulling it off I threw it across the room and worked to get his jeans unbuttoned and unzipped. Edward's head fell back against the door and he moaned as my hand snaked its way into his boxers. I pushed both his pants and his boxers down and Edward kicked off his shoes so he could step out of them. Tugging his shirt upwards Edward lifted up his arms so I could take it off. "Jazz, bedroom, now," Edward panted.

Shaking my head no, I told him firmly, "No, I plan on fucking you against this door." Edward groaned at me. His hands pulled the hem of my shirt up, so I raised my arms to get it off. Kicking off my own shoes I quickly dropped my pants and boxers as well. My lips met his again and I pressed my body close to his.

Growling at him, at the way he felt, Edward breathed, "I love how I can feel that deep rumble of your chest against my own." I growled at him again as our hands roamed over each others bodies. "Jasper, I need to feel you inside me," Edward pleaded.

"Stay here," I commanded. Walking to my room I could feel Edward's eyes watching my ass the entire time. Grabbing a condom and the bottle of lube I decided to take my socks off while I was in there. Then I walked back to Edward, back to my home. His eyes raked over my body as I did the same to him. He'd removed his socks too. I almost laughed at that, but managed to hold it in.

Dropping the condom and the lube to the floor I took Edward's wrists in my hands and pulled them over his head. Kissing his neck I made my way to his ear and whispered, "I want you. Do you want me, too?" He nodded his head as I nipped at his earlobe. I smiled and said, "Good boy."

Letting go of his wrists I moved my hands down to his ass and pressed his hard cock against my own. Squeezing his ass first I slowly made my way to the crack of his ass before one of my fingers circled his hole. Edward moaned at the sensation, so I took my hand away. He whimpered at me and I grinned bringing my fingers to my mouth. Licking and sucking on them I watched as Edward's breathing picked up. I moved my hand behind him to push a finger inside, pumping him, feeling the warmth there. Then I pushed another finger inside as my other hand found its way down his chest, down his trail of bronze hair across his abdomen, down to his bronze curls. Tugging at his balls Edward writhed against the door and moaned, "Fuck."

Kissing him again I pulled my fingers out of his ass and stepped back. His eyes were heavy-lidded as he watched me. Turning around I bent over to grab the bottle of lube and the condom so he could get a good look at my ass. Edward groaned at me, "Jazz... please."

Turning back to him I smiled and handed him the bottle of lube. Tearing the condom packet open I rolled it over my cock. He poured the lube into his hand and reached out to cover my cock in it. This time it was my turn to moan at his touch. Shoving his back to the door again I picked up his legs at the back of his knees until they were wrapped around my waist. I rubbed my cock along the crack of his ass a few times before plunging in. "Fuck." I didn't know if that word came from me or from him or both of us. This is where I belonged. I was glad I'd found my way back home to him, that all of me had come back.

Keeping my hands under his ass and his back against the door I thrust inside him, making him moan. His own hands were on my shoulders, although one did eventually come to the back of my neck and tugged at my hair. My lips found his neck and kissed and nipped along it. At one point I bit him hard at the juncture of his neck and his collarbone causing him to cry out. He apparently liked that as his walls clenched around me making me moan. "Faster..." Edward breathed. One of his hands fell between us and gripped his cock using his pre-cum and our combined sweat as lubrication.

Picking up my own pace I felt my balls start to tighten and my stomach clench before letting go. My forehead fell to his shoulder as I tried to catch my breath. My legs were weak and trembling, I was exhausted. Letting his legs go I lowered them to the floor. I turned my head to kiss his lips before dropping to my knees. My legs couldn't take standing anymore. Pushing Edward's hand away from his cock I licked it, tasting the saltiness of our sweat combined together. Wrapping my lips around his cock I pushed down tonguing him all the way. Edward moaned and put his hands in my hair as I put mine on his hips. He took control and fucked my mouth as I teased him with my tongue. I could feel his body tense up right before he released himself in my waiting, hungry mouth. Swallowing his cum down first I sat back on my heels.

I had to let him go before I fell over. That took nearly every ounce of energy I had left out of me. Damn it, damn it, damn it, I didn't want to feel like that. I didn't want to be that weak, that tired. Edward slid down the door in front of me waiting for me to gather some strength. I wasn't sure I had it in me.

Crawling over to me Edward pulled me into his arms and I leaned my head against his shoulder. Leaning back so I was on the floor I brought Edward down with me, his head resting over my heart. I was sure he could hear it skip a beat at being so close to him.

Closing my eyes I thought about going home, about telling our parents, about their reaction. I didn't think they'd have too negative of one, but I was wary. You never knew what could happen and if it didn't work out between Edward and I, then what? Once the words were out there, they were permanent. You can't take something like that back. What if they wanted to know if we still liked women? Were they going to try and pull us apart so that we'd be 'normal'? My heart started to race as I began panicking over what might happen. Perhaps those were irrational fears, I hadn't had them before, but with coming fully out with it I couldn't help myself.

Edward lifted his head and looked at me saying, "Jasper, why is your heart racing?" I didn't want to tell him, he had a hard enough time dealing with his own fears.

I just shook my head in denial. "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing, Jazz," Edward said and kissed the jugular in my neck. "I can feel your blood racing right now." His hand cupped my face and he whispered, "Just tell me."

I couldn't look at him. I knew if I did it would break my heart and I wouldn't get the words out. Slowly I stumbled out the words, words that again I couldn't take back if he reacted badly to them. "Look at me, Jasper," Edward commanded and my eyes opened watching him carefully. He seemed relieved. That wasn't the reaction I was expecting, at all. "Jasper, this is normal, how you are feeling right now. I honestly have been a little worried that you hadn't fully come to terms with this, with us. Almost like I was good time until something better came along."

"Edward, I love you, but I'm terrified," I pleaded with him to understand.

Straddling me Edward leaned his head down to my ear and murmured, "I'm terrified too. Although I want you to know that I will love you the rest of my life. I'll be with you as long as you want me." Then he kissed my neck and pulled away, looking at me.

Taking a shaky breath I said, "I know you will. I want to be with you for good, too. I just can't help worrying right now." I hadn't meant to say all that, to let him know just how far I'd fallen for him.

Edward's body stilled above mine. Shit, shit, shit. I'd said too much. Getting off me he sat down and pulled me up so I was sitting in front of him. "Jasper, do you mean that?" he questioned me while passing a hand over his face.

Looking at him I decided I had two choices: back out and try and laugh it off or be honest. Whether it was to my own demise or not I was always honest. "Yes, I mean that. I want to be with you, but I'm scared."

Edward stared at me, speechless. It took him a good five minutes to move. I was becoming uncomfortable at the stare and silence and wished I could go back in time and eat my words. Finally, finally, Edward blinked and moved towards me wrapping his arms around me. My head lay on his shoulder and my own arms went around his waist. He held me there tightly, so I couldn't even twitch. I wasn't entirely sure, but I thought I felt something wet in my hair, his tears. What was he crying over? I was better, I loved him, so what was the problem? _Jasper, you're an idiot, that's _why _he's crying, dumb ass. _ I tried pulling away from him so I could see his face, no such luck.

We stayed locked in our embrace for a good while before Edward finally relaxed his grip on me. I sighed and let go of him. He got up and walked away from me, leaving me on the floor. Where the fuck was he going? I couldn't get up from here, I was too weak. Eventually returning to my side he removed the condom I still miraculously had on very carefully and cleaned me up before leaving again to get rid of the evidence of our time together.

Coming back to me Edward leaned down and put his hands under my arms to pull me up. "Time to go to bed, Jazz," he told me.

"I don't want to go to bed," I argued.

"Jasper, you can't even walk by yourself anymore. It's time for you to get in bed," he maintained.

Sighing I said, "I don't want to be in a bed anymore, if I don't have to be. Being in one for a week was enough for me. Just let me lay down on the couch or something instead," I battled.

"Fine, Jasper. Now pick up one foot in front of the other," Edward commanded and I realized I hadn't done anything but stand still. Tiredly I placed one foot tentatively on the floor, I didn't know if my legs would hold me up at all anymore. Walking very carefully I managed to sit down on the couch.

"I'll be right back, Jasper," Edward said before leaving me, again. For some reason this bothered me more than it normally would have.

Edward reappeared again wearing pajama pants and had another pair in his hands for me. How the fuck he thought I was going to get those on I didn't know. Sitting on the floor he placed one of my feet in each leg before shimmying them up. He had to pick my hips up to get them pulled up over my ass, I couldn't do it. I was wondering why he even bothered with them. Then I watched as he picked up our clothes that had been thrown haphazardly around the room. Was he expecting someone? I couldn't figure out why he couldn't just sit down and just be with me. "Edward, please sit down with me," I snapped out harshly at him. I hadn't meant it to come out that way, it just did.

Inhaling deeply he nodded and sat beside me. He didn't seem like he knew what to do with himself. "Edward, what the fuck is your problem?" I huffed.

"Nothing, really. I just know you are still dealing with some anger and confusion left from that illness. I'm trying to stay out of your way," Edward replied.

Actually angry now I hissed, "Well, that isn't helping, it's just making it worse." Edward sighed and looked at his hands. Yeah, that's going to make it better. Then I watched as he looked at me and smiled. What the fuck?

Picking up his phone he mentioned, "We have people to call." I groaned. I hoped he did all the talking, I wasn't in the mood. Edward sat on the end of the couch pulling me with him until my head ended up in his lap. Well, at least that was better than just walking out of the room.

Edward called Bella and Jacob first. As the phone rang he ran the fingers of his other hand through my hair absentmindedly. I think I might have actually purred at that, that was a new one. I must have because Edward looked down at me, his eyes wide. He had to shake his head when the phone was picked up on the other end. "Hey, Bella. I just wanted to let you know Jasper got his memory back last night," Edward told her. He was rolling his eyes at her as though she could see him before he said, "No, I couldn't tell you before now. We had... catching up to do." I felt a laugh bubble up in me and quickly quashed it. "I don't know. Let me ask," he said. Looking down at me he asked, "Do you feel up to hanging out with them tomorrow?"

Thinking it through I decided that I didn't. "No. Why don't we do something with them the weekend after we get back from home." He nodded at me telling her what I said. My main reason for not wanting to see them or anyone else was the irrational anger that still lingered. It wouldn't be fair to Edward if I fucked it up with his friends before we even knew each other. They wouldn't know or realize that wasn't the way I normally was. Now Emmett and Rosalie were a different story. I was sure they could take whatever shit I threw at them and would give it right back if they felt they should. Bella, on the other hand, I was sure would cry. Jacob I didn't know much about at all. Jamie might be able to handle it, but I wasn't willing to take that risk. Our upcoming trip home was making the anger and irritation worse.

After calling Jamie as well and getting no answer Edward got off the phone and looked down at me. His eyes softened and he ran his other hand down my chest. "Are you ready to go to bed yet?" he asked me. No, I didn't want to fucking move, at all. My relaxed yawn showed otherwise. Edward helped me up and back to bed. Lying down behind me he put his arm around my waist and kissed my neck. "Good night, Jazz. I love you," Edward breathed.

"Good night, Edward. I love you, too," I replied back before letting my eyelids close and relaxing into my lover.


	13. Chapter 13

**Strange Desire: Chapter Thirteen**

**AN:** _I struggled with this chapter, big time. Anyway, I have part of the chapter written for meeting the parents and all, but as I'm sick nothing was coming out quite right, so this is what you get instead. Amazingly I feel worse than when I had the flu. Nice Christmas present, isn't it? I'm feeling a little high as I write this, so I really hope this doesn't come out stupid. One of you requested this point of view anyway, you know who you are. I wasn't going to do it, I didn't think it was good enough. Anyway, Merry Christmas!_

_Characters belong to SM_

**EPOV**

Was it a dream? Did Jasper really say all those things to me yesterday? Looking down at Jasper he looked peaceful, that made me happy. While in the hospital, even when he was asleep, his brow was furrowed like he was in pain. This was the first time he'd looked at peace in a while.

Kissing Jasper's neck he sighed and pushed back against me. Still asleep his hand reached out and laid over the one of mine that was across his stomach.

Thinking back over last night I was worried that Jasper only said those things because he was still in a state of confusion, but I hoped not. Yesterday I could hear his heart race underneath my ear and asked, "Jasper, why is your heart racing?"

He just shook his head and denied, "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing, Jazz," I said and kissed the jugular in his neck. "I can feel your blood racing right now." It was moving rapidly as though his blood wanted to run even if his body couldn't. My hand cupped his face and I whispered, "Just tell me."

Jasper wouldn't look at me, his eyes were closed as he told me the fears he had. The fears he had that our parents would try to make us 'normal' again flowed from his mouth. The fears he had that he couldn't take anything back, that once it was out there, it was out there, and if we didn't work out then what would happen? "Look at me, Jasper," I commanded and his eyes opened watching me carefully. I was relieved, he had been taking this all a little 'too well' as far as I was concerned. It was nice to see that he had given this some thought. "Jasper, this is normal, how you are feeling right now. I honestly have been a little worried that you hadn't fully come to terms with this, with us. Almost like I was a good time until something better came along."

"Edward, I love you, but I'm terrified," he pleaded with me to understand.

Straddling him I leaned my head down to his ear and murmured, "I'm terrified too. Although I want you to know that I will love you the rest of my life. I'll be with you as long as you want me." That was true, I loved him and always would, no matter what happened to us. I had already loved him most of my life even when we weren't together, I didn't expect that to change. Kissing his neck I pulled away, looking at him.

Taking a shaky breath he said, "I know you will. I want to be with you for good, too. I just can't help worrying right now." He what? For good? No, surely it was the illness talking. He couldn't really mean that. That's what I wanted, but him? No, it couldn't be. I loved him so much, but I always had a niggling doubt in my mind that he didn't feel the same way, feel as much.

My body stilled above his before I got off him and sat down. I pulled him up so he was sitting in front of me. "Jasper, do you mean that?" I questioned him while passing a hand over my face. He couldn't mean it.

"Yes, I mean that. I want to be with you, but I'm scared," Jasper admitted searching my face. I didn't find any doubt or hesitation there as I did the same to him.

Speechless, all I could was stare at him. It took me a good five minutes to move. He loved me. I mean he really loved me. Jasper began to fidget under my gaze and I blinked and wrapped my arms around him. He laid his head on my shoulder and his own arms went around my waist. I held onto him tightly, so he couldn't move. I felt my heart swell at this beautiful creature who wanted me, loved me. He'd nearly been taken from me, but I'd gotten him back and he still loved me. I couldn't help the tears that flowed from my eyes. I didn't want them to fall, but they did anyway. I only held onto him tighter afraid that he was still a figment of my imagination, that he'd disappear when I let go. That all of this, all that we had shared would disappear, that it was just a dream.

We stayed locked in our embrace for a good while before I finally relaxed my grip on him. He sighed and let go of me. I got up and walked away from him to my room. Taking a few deep breaths to pull myself together I found a washcloth and cleaned myself up. Then I got a washcloth and went back out to him to clean him up. He still had the condom on, too exhausted to move from his position on the floor. Removing it I cleaned him off very carefully before throwing away the condom and putting the washcloth in the hamper.

Coming back to him I leaned down and put my hands under his arms to pull him up. "Time to go to bed, Jazz," I told him.

"I don't want to go to bed," he argued. Of course he argued, he had bouts of going back and forth between being angry, confused, to thoughtful or childlike.

"Jasper, you can't even walk by yourself anymore. It's time for you to get in bed," I maintained.

Sighing, he said, "I don't want to be in a bed anymore if I don't have to be. Being in one for a week was enough for me. Just let me lay down on the couch or something instead," he battled. Who was I to argue? He had a point. I know I'd be tired of being in the damn bed all day.

"Fine, Jasper. Now pick up one foot in front of the other," I commanded as he stood there, unmoving. Tiredly he placed one foot tentatively on the floor. Jasper walked slowly and carefully back to the couch.

"I'll be right back, Jasper," I said getting up again. Jasper made some sort of annoyed sound at me when I walked to my room.

Changing quickly into a pair of pajama pants I grabbed another pair and walked back out to Jasper, back to my home. He gave me an annoyed look and huffed to go along with the sound I'd heard earlier. Ignoring it I sat on the floor and placed one of his feet in each leg before shimmying them up. I had to pick his hips up to get them pulled up over his ass. He was too exhausted to do it himself.

Standing up I started to pick our clothes off the floor to get them out of the way and to stay out of Jasper's way for the moment. He was definitely annoyed with me and I didn't want to push his buttons, knowing that temper would still be close to the surface. It took weeks, sometimes months for the anger to subside. "Edward, please sit down with me.," he snapped out harshly.

Inhaling deeply I nodded and sat beside him. What should I do? I didn't want to make him mad, we'd just shared this really intimate moment and I didn't want it ruined. "Edward, what the fuck is your problem?" he huffed.

"Nothing, really. I just know you are still dealing with some anger and confusion left from that illness. I'm trying to stay out of your way," I replied honestly.

Angrily he hissed, "Well, that isn't helping, it's just making it worse." I sighed and looked at my hands. His anger was pretty outrageous for him sometimes, but sometimes it was pretty damn funny. I could still remember the looks on Emmett and Rosalie's faces as Jasper told them he had a boyfriend to fuck. The memory made me smile, it reminded me we had to tell our other friends that Jasper was better.

Picking up my phone I mentioned, "We have people to call." Jasper groaned at me. Apparently he didn't feel like talking. I sat on the end of the couch pulling him with me until his head ended up in my lap.

Calling Bella and Jacob first I waited while the phone rang and ran my hands in Jasper's hair without thinking. Jasper let out a deep purr. My hand stilled and my eyes were wide as I looked down at him, I'd never heard that sound before. I shook my head when Bella answered the phone.

"_Hey, Edward. What are you calling for? Is Jasper okay?"_ she sounded worried.

"Hey, Bella. I just wanted to let you know Jasper got his memory back last night," I told her.

She screeched and shouted at me, _"Why didn't you tell me before now? Last night, Edward? He got his memory back last night and you are just now getting around to telling me? You couldn't tell me before now?"_

I rolled my eyes at her over the phone before I said, "No, I couldn't tell you before now. We had... catching up to do." When I looked at Jasper he seemed amused as though he was trying not to laugh, my own lips twitched a little.

"_So can we do something with you guys tomorrow? I'd like to see you together with both of you healthy, so would Jake," s_he told me.

I could hear Jacob in the background saying, _"Leave me out of this."_

"I don't know. Let me ask," I told her. Looking down at Jasper I asked, "Do you feel up to hanging out with them tomorrow?" I really hoped he'd say no. I didn't want to share Jasper with anyone else for a while, he was mine. Nor did I think he'd be the best company right now.

Contemplating he said, "No. Why don't we do something with them the weekend after we get back from home." I nodded at him and relayed what he said. She sounded a little disappointed, but I thought it was for the best. The anger he had was still just there lying right under the surface ready to explode at any time. They never had hung around Jasper enough to know that he wasn't normally that way. For the most part, he was calm and collected unless it came to me or something really made him angry. It seemed as though our upcoming trip home was making the anger and irritation worse for him.

After calling Jamie as well with no answer I got off the phone and looked down at him. My eyes softened and I ran my other hand down his chest. "Are you ready to go to bed yet?" I asked him. He probably didn't want to, but his yawn said it was time. I stood up and helped him get up and led him back to bed. Lying down behind him I put my arm around his waist and kissed his neck. "Good night, Jazz. I love you," I breathed. I did, I loved him more than anything in the world.

"Good night, Edward. I love you, too," he replied back before closing his eyes and relaxing into me.

Coming back to the present I stroked Jasper's bare stomach hoping to wake him up. This was the only day other than yesterday I would have with Jasper for the next two and a half weeks. I would be working every night starting tonight until then after not working for a week while Jasper was in the hospital. Then when I'd finally be off again we were going home to finally tell our parents we were together. I wanted to enjoy this short amount of time we had.

Kissing Jasper's shoulder I worked my way up to his neck and to his ear where I whispered, "You are beautiful. Wake up for me, Jazz." Pressing my obvious erection against his ass I heard him moan.

Stirring against me I could see the corner of his mouth tilt upwards in a smile before he slowly turned towards me. "Eager this morning?" he questioned me.

I laughed and replied, "For you, always. Please spend time with me today, we won't get much time together for a while after today." Then I kissed the corner of his mouth. Having nothing to do with a barely there kiss Jasper captured my bottom lip between his and nibbled and sucked on it. This I needed, I felt like I was melting into the bed, into him. I was becoming part of him, no longer separate from him.

Pushing Jasper's shoulders flat to the bed I sat up. Jasper frowned at me and asked, "Where are you going?"

Grinning at him I retorted, "Nowhere." Then I threw the covers off that had been around our hips to the bottom of the bed, out of the way. Crawling between his legs I let my hands skim up his thighs over the fabric of the pajama bottoms, feeling the muscles there. They had softened a little after being sick and in bed for so long.

Kissing his stomach first, my lips moved down dipping into his navel. Jasper laughed at the feeling and put his hands in my hair. Jasper's voice came out in a hoarse whisper, "Please, stop." I didn't. Stopping for only a second I kissed around his belly button before my tongue licked it again. This time Jasper laughed harder and barely got out, "Fuck, that tickles." Smiling against him I continued to tease him a little more before finally giving him mercy. Jasper's breathing was ragged from laughing so hard.

"I didn't know you were ticklish there," I commented.

Jasper rasped out, "Neither did I. No one's ever done that to me, other than you. You must be doing something different, it didn't tickle last time."

Smiling at him, I noted, "I'll have to remember that then." Jasper groaned at me. Where was I before I got side-tracked? Oh yeah, on my way to making love to my boyfriend.

Placing my hands on Jasper's shoulders I kissed his neck, softly sucking. Moaning at me, Jasper's hands ran down my back and past the waistband of my pajama pants to grab my ass. Why did I think we needed to put these on again? He squeezed my ass pressing me into him and I came back to thinking just about him and him alone.

Kissing his lips gently at first our mouths molded together before our tongues danced against each others. Capturing his tongue in my mouth I sucked on it, hard. Jasper writhed underneath me and groaned.

Lifting my head up I looked at his blue eyes, they had darkened from baby blue to a steely blue color. That was the first time I'd ever noticed that color in his eyes. Licking his lips I skimmed his tongue before kissing his eyelids. "Edward, please..." Jasper begged.

"Please what?" I taunted.

If looks could kill I would be dead right now. "Please make love to me," he pleaded.

My lips made their way down from his own lips, down his chest, stomach and finally to the top of his pants. Using my teeth I carefully pulled his pajama pants down slowly revealing how much he wanted me. Tugging his pants off I stared at him, at my beautiful man. Beautiful isn't a word you'd normally use to describe a man, but to me it was the appropriate term. "Beautiful," I said out loud and heard Jasper moan at me.

Removing my own pants quickly I went back up to his lips kissing him gently as our bare bodies grazed against the other. Pulling away from him my arm reached out to the bedside drawer before Jasper inquired, "Looking for this?" He held a condom in his hand and the bottle of lube was beside him. When did he get a chance to do that without me noticing? Shaking my head and coming back to reality I took the condom from him.

Scooting down his body my mouth took in the head of his cock licking around it. Grabbing the bottle of lube I poured some onto my fingers and spread his ass cheeks just for me. Circling a finger around his hole I felt Jasper squirm under me. Pushing one finger into his ass he moaned as I pumped it in and out. Replacing one finger with two, I scissored his hole as he relaxed into it. Using my other hand I tugged on his balls before pressing into his perineum. "Fuck..." Jasper growled out, he liked that then. Sucking the head of his cock just a little longer I finally let go and removed my hands from him as well.

Picking up the condom I tore the wrapper open and rolled it down my cock. Jasper groaned watching me. Then he picked up the bottle of lube and covered my cock in the lube before begging me, "Now. I need you, now."

Placing my head at his entrance I pushed in slowly making sure he relaxed enough for me to go in further. Buried in him finally I started thrusting in and out as Jasper wrapped his arms around me and rolled us over. He grinned at me, on top now, before taking control. Fuck, he moved faster than I ever would have. I would have been afraid of hurting him.

With his knees on either side of me he pushed himself up and down my cock letting me watch him. He felt so good, so warm, so tight around me. My eyes traveled down from his face to his chest and abs to his beautiful cock. Yes, I even thought his cock was beautiful too. Licking my hand I reached down to stroke him watching as Jasper's eyes rolled back and he growled out. As he moved faster and faster over me I pumped him faster. I could feel him starting to tighten up. Jasper looked down at me and smiled sucking his finger into his mouth. Reaching behind him he pushed that finger into my ass sending me right over the edge. Breathing a sigh of relief that he'd gotten me off he concentrated on himself. My hand had slowed down on his cock as my body had gone rigid with my own release. He placed his hand over mine and moved it for me before letting go and shooting his load over both our hands and stomachs. Leaning down he sighed in contentment. Kissing my lips he murmured, "I love you."

"I love you, too," I replied not wanting to move. Holding Jasper close to me I kissed his lips before whispering, "Beautiful." Jasper rolled his eyes at me, but I didn't care, that's what he was to me.

Eventually we got up and took a shower to get cleaned up. The rest of the day we spent alternately sleeping, making love or eating with no interruptions. It was, all in all, a good day. Time for me to get ready for work I got out of bed and went to my room to take a quick shower and put on scrubs. When I walked back out to the living room Jasper was sitting there on the couch with his laptop next to him. He was reading intently. "What's got you so interested in that screen?" I questioned him.

Looking up at me Jasper smiled and said, "Some of my students sent me e-mails telling me to get well. It's just nice to know some of them actually cared." Sitting down next to him he asked, "Do you remember the girl from my class that stood up for me the day you were there?" I nodded at him, how could I forget anything about that day? "She told me she was going to beat me up if I didn't get better because she had to take my other history class. Apparently she's already taken this class with another professor and failed it and was happy she finally understood what was going on."

"That's great, Jazz. I know you don't like that job most of the time, but at least you are having some positive influence over a few of your students," I encouraged, happy that he'd finally felt a little bit appreciated. Everyone needed to feel that way, even if they didn't say so.

Putting the laptop on the coffee table Jasper turned to me and said, "Tomorrow I'm going up to the school to get my students finals. I don't trust someone else to grade them right."

Frowning at him I asked, "Are you sure? You are still a little bit confused sometimes about things."

Fury passed across his face and he seethed, "I'm not confused about history. I didn't forget a damn thing about that, not one damn thing. I still remember the names and dates of everything. It's everything else I seem to have forgotten."

"Okay Jasper, calm down," I said attempting to soothe him. Standing up Jasper went to his bedroom and shut the door, sulking. Sighing I wondered what I should do now. Should I leave him there to sulk or apologize? In the end I decided to leave him there, I had a feeling if I tried to apologize it would only add to the fury.

Leaving the apartment I made my way to the elevator and punched the button. "Edward, wait," Jasper shouted down the hall at me. Catching up to me he put his arms around saying, "I'm sorry. I overreacted." His lips met mine before he pleaded, "Forgive me, please."

"It's okay, Jasper. It's okay. I know you aren't yourself right now," I replied. Attacking my lips this time he kissed me hard in front of the elevator doors. Forgetting that we weren't the only two people in the world we didn't pull apart until we heard an 'oof' from next to us as someone walked straight into us.

Pulling apart we looked at each other before looking to the side. Jamie was standing there rubbing his forehead as he'd apparently walked into us when he stepped off the elevator. "I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention," he apologized before he even looked up. Recognition passed over his face before he grinned widely and turned to me asking, "I take it Jasper is better then?"

Annoyed at him Jasper said, "I'm not invisible, you know. I'm standing right here, Jamie."

Gasping at Jasper, Jamie asked, "You remember me?"

Snorting at him Jasper answered, "How could I forget someone like you?" Oh crap, I hoped Jamie didn't take that the wrong way. Jasper would explode if he did.

Looking amused Jamie said, "I have no idea. I'm unforgettable, you know." Relief washed through me at his answer.

"_What _are you doing here?" I asked him.

"Oh, I'm on my way to visit Em and Rose. I thought I'd check up on Jasper too while I was already here," he replied. He was visiting Emmett and Rosalie? Did I miss something in the hospital? How the hell had they become friends? More importantly, how the hell did Emmett become friends with someone like Jamie? He had trouble accepting us in the beginning, so I was more than confused by this.

Emmett stepped out of his apartment door and shouted, "I thought I heard familiar voices."

"Hey, Em. I was just coming to see you when I ran into these guys, literally," Jamie greeted back. Jasper chuckled. Damn, I had to go to work. I think I'd much rather stay here right now.

"Well, come on, then. Jasper, you might as well come over too seeing as Edward has to work," Emmett offered.

"Just a minute," Jasper said and turned back to me before his lips landed on mine. "I'll miss you. Have fun at work."

"I'll miss you, too," I said before punching the elevator button again.

The doors opened and I stepped in as I heard Emmett shout, "Don't worry about Jasper. I'll get him back into shape while you're working." I laughed when I heard Jasper groan and the elevator doors shut leaving me alone.


	14. Chapter 14

**Strange Desire: Chapter Fourteen **

**AN:** _Okay, so one of you likes my writing better when I'm sick. They think it comes across better when I'm delirious or feeling high, haha. That might just be because I'm more careful about posting it though. I'm absolutely high from medication right now as I'm writing this... so, don't blame me for what comes out. I'm telling you right now I'm high as a fucking kite from all that shit. You should ask OCDJen, she had to put up with some of the craziness. Some of you won't like what I did to Jasper, but that wasn't the medication talking, I'd already planned that out before._

_Characters belong to SM, except Jamie, he's all mine. Thanks to the real one for letting me use his name._

**JPOV**

Standing beside the bed I had a box of condoms in one hand and a bottle of lube in the other, debating on whether or not to pack it. Would I even be comfortable enough to be with Edward in my parent's house? That was what I was having an internal debate over. Feeling strong arms wrap around me and a kiss on my neck I dropped them in the bag and turned around. Kissing Edward just once I noticed he was still in his scrubs. "Are you almost ready to go?" he asked me. Yes, and no.

Nodding my head I said, "Yeah, I'm almost finished packing."

Smiling sleepily at me he said, "Great. I'm going to go get changed, then we can go." He walked out the door to his bedroom. Edward had already packed his things last night before leaving for work, they were on the bottom of the bag.

The past two and a half weeks Edward worked every night nearly without a break. He stayed home with me the first day I'd gotten out of the hospital as well as the next, but after that it was constant. After not working that week I was in the hospital and then with us going out of town now he wanted to get work in somehow. I missed him.

Ready to leave we walked out of the apartment passing by to say bye to Emmett and Rosalie before they left for work. Heading out to the car I took the car keys and Edward frowned at me and asked, "What are you doing, Jasper? I'm driving."

Snorting at him I refused, "No, you're not. You've been up all night, let me drive. You should get some sleep and then if you want to drive I'll let you, but not right now." No fucking way was I letting him drive, his eyes had big dark circles under them and his eyes looked like he could barely keep them open. Thanks, but I'd rather not have an accident just because he fell asleep at the wheel.

Instead of arguing with me he just got in the passenger side. It was a good thing too, I was already on edge. I know I would have exploded.

The past two and a half weeks I'd barely seen Edward and it was wearing on me, especially now. Most of the time had been spent in the company of myself, Emmett, Rosalie, or Jamie. Emmett seemed to think I needed to exercise every damn day no matter how tired I was. He insisted on waking me up before the sun came out. I'd taken to just not going to bed until daytime when he wasn't home and Edward was. Emmett was full of energy though and always wanted to go overboard. He had me running one day until I thought my legs were going to fall off. It wasn't that I wasn't used to running, it was that he wanted me to go further than I ever did, even before I got sick and I wasn't exactly lazy. He drove me up the fucking walls. Whenever I tried to argue with him he'd put a stop to it and tell me to take my anger out on the pavement. Fucker.

Rosalie had been a little easier to get along with. She'd insisted on coming over and cooking for us, under the pretense that I was the one doing it. To be honest, at the moment I don't think I could have done much cooking other than making something simple. It was good food though, much better than the hospital's.

The night Edward went back to work I'd gone to Emmett and Rosalie's apartment. The entire apartment was covered in football paraphernalia, at least what I could see of it. The kitchen, living room and dining room had something football related in it. When I looked to Rose I asked, "I take it this is all Emmett's stuff?"

She laughed at me and answered, "No. I love football just as much as Emmett, maybe more." I was shocked, she didn't look like someone who'd enjoy that, but was anyone who they appeared to be on the outside?

We ordered pizza with all of us there and Emmett complained to me, "I can't wait until you feel better. I'd like something better than take-out and pizza and whatever mess Rosie cooks." Rosalie shot him a dirty look, smacked him on the head and turned to look at me and winked. I could see Jamie holding back a snicker. Did he know about all that stupid shit Rosalie had us lying over? It was my guess that he did.

Rose turned to look at Emmett and said sarcastically, "As much as you eat I'd think you'd learn to cook yourself by now. Why don't you try it sometime?"

"Aww, Rosie, don't be like that. You know I'd burn it or some shit," Emmett moaned. Rosalie rolled her eyes at him.

"Okay, so I'm confused. How did you guys meet? I mean you obviously met at the hospital, right?" I asked. They all nodded their heads, mouths full.

"Oh, I wanted to apologize for not knowing you were there, I was really out of it," I said sincerely apologizing.

"It's okay, Jasper. We understand. Just don't forget us again," Rosalie laughed.

Emmett spoke up with his mouth still full, "Hedidnforgeme." He was lucky all of us understood what the hell he said. Swallowing hard he said again, smug, "He didn't forget me." I rolled my eyes. I don't know how I didn't forget him, but I didn't. Maybe because he's the one that practically got me out of the apartment as I was nearly kicking and screaming.

"Again, are any of you going to tell me how you met exactly?" I asked, then shook my head no and tried again. "I mean I know how you met. How the hell did you become friends?"

"What do you mean? Why wouldn't we be friends?" Emmett asked, it was his turn to be confused. I was frustrated. No one was answering me. If they didn't tell me soon I knew I was going to explode in anger.

"Emmett... you had trouble accepting us. And let's face it, Jamie isn't exactly in the closet," I accused hoping I didn't offend any of them, but I knew I probably did.

"Hey, I'm sitting right here, you know," Jamie protested frowning at me. God damn, what was the deal with all the you knows? If he said it one more time I was going to throttle him. He'd already said it two or three times when he was talking to Edward and I in the hall.

"Jasper, it's probably because of you and Edward that we are friends in the first place. I mean aside from the fact that you know him," Emmett smoothed over carefully. Hmm... he must have known I was nearly ready to blow.

Rosalie finally took pity on me and came to the rescue. She glared at both Emmett and Jamie, pissed off, she had to know about the anger thing then. God, I hated it. It wasn't like me to get upset over stupid shit. "Jasper, we all met in the parking lot at the hospital," Rosalie relented. Yeah, and? "Some guys were messing with Jamie because according to them he looked gay," she continued. I turned to look at Jamie again. What the hell were they talking about? How do you 'look' gay? To me Jamie didn't look any more gay than Emmett did, at least not until he opened his mouth.

"Anyway, Emmett broke up the fight and walked us into the hospital," Rosalie finished off before Emmett shot her a dirty look. What was that about?

"Yeah... like I'm the one that finished that," he huffed.

What the fuck were they talking about? If they didn't hurry up and tell me I swear I would smack them all. _Jasper, take control of yourself, you can't do that._ _Yeah? Watch me._

Finally I exploded with, "What the fuck are you guys not telling me?"

From beside me I heard Jamie whisper, "Rose kissed me." When I looked at him he still seemed like he was in shock over it. Emmett crossed his arms over his chest and huffed again looking at Rosalie.

"You did _what_?" I shouted at her. Rosalie didn't look like she felt guilty, at all.

"I did what I had to. They still wouldn't leave Jamie alone, so I told them he had a girlfriend and kissed him," she tried to explain. Shaking my head at her, I still couldn't come up with a logical explanation as to why they were friends. Logic didn't always make friends though.

Jamie was frowning beside me as he moaned, "Yeah, that's the most action I've gotten since my party." I snickered. It hadn't been that long. Then he grumbled, "And with a woman, too." He acted like that was pure torture.

"But you're not..." I started and Rosalie and Jamie both shot me a warning glance and looked at Emmett. My mouth snapped shut. Yeah, it was probably better if Emmett didn't know Jamie was pan-sexual. I didn't even think he could grasp the concept.

Remembering that Jamie had liked some guy at the party I asked him about it hoping to change the subject. "What about the guy at the party? The one that said he'd take your nude pictures." Emmett choked on his food at that.

"Well, what happened?" I asked impatiently, it was difficult to wait for all their answers. Holy fuck, what was wrong with me? Seriously I needed to calm myself down.

Jamie smiled and answered with, "Oh, he took them alright."

"And?" Damn, it was like pulling teeth.

"And nothing. He didn't do anything." Then Jamie sighed and complained, "I'm beyond frustrated, you know." Oh fuck, he said you know _again_. "We've been out a couple of times, but he hasn't even tried to kiss me." I started laughing, hard. "What the hell are you laughing about?" he spat, pissed off. Emmett and Rosalie seemed curious about that too.

"Don't I remember Bella warning you about that guy, whatever his name is? She told you he dated guys first, that he wasn't your type," I reminded him, trying to get my laughter under control, it was really quite inappropriate.

"His name is Grant and I thought I could break him by now, at least a little," Jamie sighed in frustration.

"Well, did you ever think he was trying to break you?" I asked him. He looked at me in surprise. Who knew I could be so insightful, especially right now? I knew I was a little confused at the moment and not thinking clearly, but I didn't think I was wrong about that.

When the evening ended I walked out of Emmett and Rosalie's apartment with Jamie. He asked me, "Do you want some company tomorrow morning?"

"Uh, don't you live like forty-minutes away?" I retorted. Who would want to drive that far home only to come that far in the morning?

Jamie snickered, "I'm not going home, I'm going to Grant's house." I raised a brow at him. "Yeah, don't give me that look, nothing's going to happen, you know." Then he muttered under his breath, "Even though I wish it would."

"Why do you keep saying you know?" He was driving me up the fucking wall with it. "Do you always say that?"

"Huh, never realized I said it." Then he admitted, "I think I got that from Grant, he says that a lot."

"Yeah, well it's annoying as hell, just so you know," I commented and he laughed at me for saying you know as well. Damn.

"Bye, Jasper. I'll see you tomorrow morning," Jamie said waving at me and walking off.

Jamie did come back in the morning after my torture with Emmett and Edward going to bed. He seemed to have a spring in his step. "So, what happened? Did you finally get what you wanted?" I asked him.

"Nope, but I will. Eventually," he mused still looking happy. His eyes were bright and I put two and two together, he was falling for the guy, hard.

Deciding I'd better not push the subject I changed it and inquired, "Do you want to go with me to the University? I need to get my kids finals." Shrugging at me he agreed.

When we were in the car I asked, "Do you work anywhere? I mean I know you go to school, but are you working during the summer or anything like that?"

"No. I've been looking for a job, but they are scarce these days. I'm probably going to end up doing summer courses instead. I'm behind everyone else my age as I didn't exactly finish high school like I was supposed to with my parents kicking me out and living on the street and all that," Jamie replied sadly.

Looking at him I asked, "Have you tried to contact your parents since then?"

Nodding at me he answered, "Yeah, they don't want anything to do with me." I felt bad for him. God, I hoped my meeting with my parents wouldn't end up like that.

Picking up my kids papers we went and ate lunch so that we wouldn't disturb Edward until he got a good amount of sleep before going home. I swear Jamie flirted with everyone and I do mean _every_one. Was he even aware he was doing that? I doubted it.

Getting back to the apartment I sat down and started going through my students papers. I'd already told Jamie he could leave, but he said he didn't have anywhere else to go until Grant got home from work. Letting him stay I told him he had to be quiet with Edward still sleeping, he looked at me liked I'd grown another head and become an idiot as he hissed, "I _know_ that." I rolled my eyes at him. _Jasper, seriously you have got to stop rolling your eyes just because everyone else does it. Yeah, but it gets my point across, doesn't it?_

He picked up some of my kids papers and laughed at some of their answers. Some of them were laughable, but for the most part I felt sadness. One of the papers even had an easy bonus question on it, so easy I thought anyone could answer it. The question was, 'Who is the current President of the United States?' The answer I got was, 'Um, George Washington or Abraham Lincoln or Colin Powell.' They couldn't even answer the fucking question and they gave me three answers to boot. What the hell was wrong with them? I looked to see who they were and find out if perhaps their first language wasn't English or something, thinking maybe they didn't understand the question in the first place. No, this person had no excuse. Were some people really that stupid or were they just that lazy?

Jamie got a big kick out of their answers and poured over the ones I graded. "Jasper, I haven't even taken that class yet and I think I could pass with my eyes and ears closed."

Surprised I said, "Well, you'd better get a move on and take it then."

"Maybe I will, maybe I'll sign up to be in your class," he responded, laughing.

"Hmm... I don't know about that, it might look bad," I said remembering to try to keep myself clean, especially after all the trouble I'd had this year.

"Don't worry, I'll act like I don't know you. I might even act like one of your worst students," he snickered.

At that moment Edward came out of my room as he'd been sleeping on my bed, he only had boxers on. Two rounds of "Fuck" came out of both mine and Jamie's mouth. I glanced at him in warning to back off. He shrugged and pouted "What? I can't look? You aren't going to be able to stop me." Okay, now he was making me mad. I already had a hard enough time feeling jealous of the men Edward had fucked, and they weren't even friends with him, just random people. Jamie though? They already had a connection somewhat and it pissed me off no end.

Before I lost it Edward mumbled, "What's going on?" He blinked a few times, still sleepy.

"Oh, nothing," Jamie sang. I glared at him. He rolled his eyes at me and picked up the papers I'd been grading and announced, "Although we've been making fun of some of his students."

"Give those back," I demanded, snatching them from his hand. Edward looked back and forth between us and burst out laughing. What the hell was he laughing for?

Coming over to stand behind me he leaned down and kissed my neck making me shiver before he soothed, "Don't be jealous, you're the one I love." How the hell had he figured out I was jealous from that short span of time?

"I've gotta go, guys. I'll see you later," Jamie called out and rushed off either to get away from me or not miss any time with his new interest. I didn't care. Surprisingly I hadn't run Jamie off like I thought I had, he still came and visited a few times in the following couple of weeks.

Edward woke up from his slumber in the passenger seat bringing me back to the present. Groggily he asked, "How much longer?"

"We're more than halfway there." Answering him I looked over and smiled, his hair was a total mess.

He grunted at me and remained quiet, still not completely awake. When he started fidgeting I asked, "Do we need to stop?"

He looked at me surprised and answered, "No, why?"

"Because you keep fidgeting, what's got into you?" I questioned.

Looking out the window he admitted, "I'm just worried, that's all. What if they reject us? I don't want them to reject you, you still need them. Me? It doesn't matter. I've been through it before, I'll live. Although I'd rather it not turn out like that. I love your parents, they feel like mine."

Thinking it over I reasoned, hoping I was right, "I don't know what their reaction will be, but I don't think they'd reject us, at least not as people or as their children. As far as accepting us being together, I don't know what their reaction will be to that. I'm not in their heads." Edward looked over at me and bit his lip before looking back out the window. The rest of the drive was almost in total silence. It didn't put my mood any less on edge.

We'd decided we'd tell them together at the same time after dinner tonight. As far as Edward was concerned it was probably the last meal he'd ever have there. I didn't think it would be, but I knew why he'd think that way. If they kicked us out of their home then we'd stay in a hotel and drive home tomorrow. We would have more alone time that way, but I didn't want it to turn out like that. I trusted my parents a little more, I think, than he did.

Pulling into the long drive Edward was shaking he was so nervous. Shit, even I wasn't that nervous. Then again I had no negative experiences to draw from. Putting my hand over his I said, "Calm down, Edward." How many times had he told me to calm down lately? It was something I usually said to him, not the other way around. Fuck being sick, I wanted control over my emotions already, it didn't seem like I was going to get it. Parking the car I kissed him once on the lips and squeezed his hand. If anyone was bothering to look out the windows they would have seen it. Did I care at that moment in time? No, I didn't.

Edward got out of the car more slowly than I did, I could see his heavy steps loaded with dread. He looked like he was walking to his execution. I hoped we weren't.

Walking up the porch steps to the two story house I began to get a little more nervous. Now that we were here, actually here, the fear started to set in. Opening the door I called out, "Mom?" I knew my father would still be at work.

"Jasper!" my mom exclaimed excitedly from what sounded like the kitchen. She came running out with her hair falling around her eyes. My mom stood there beaming at me for a few seconds before she hugged me tightly to her. Patting my hair she sniffled, "Oh, Jasper, honey, I'm so glad you're well. We were worried about you." Stepping back from me she looked me up and down and commented, "Well, at least you've been taken care of. You look better already than you did in the hospital." I rolled my eyes at her. Yes, between Emmett, Rosalie and Edward, I was well taken care of.

Edward stood almost behind me trying not to intrude. She wouldn't have any of that. My mom came up to him and hugged him too. "Thank you for keeping Jasper healthy. I don't want to lose my sons, either one of you." Rolling my eyes at her, I wanted to say 'MOM' in a childish imitation of irritation.

"I saw that, Jasper," my mom reprimanded, still turned away from me. How the hell did she know?

"Okay, now off with your shoes and socks," she commanded. What the fuck for? Edward and I exchanged a look before she wandered back into the kitchen.

Removing our shoes and socks off in the entryway and placing them out of the way I stepped out and was nearly blinded by the living room. What was the deal with all the white? White carpet covered the floors, the chairs and couch were white, as well as the walls. The only thing that was not white was one gold throw on the couch and the green of the few flowers she had in the living room that were also white. I hated it, it reminded me of the hospital. It looked sterile. I was afraid to touch anything in here. Damn, it was a good thing there were no children in this house, that carpet wouldn't stay white for two seconds.

Sitting down gingerly on the couch I made sure my hands didn't come into contact with any of the material, I was afraid I'd soil it. Edward sat down next to me, but not too close. The all white was making my head hurt. When my mom came back into the room she sat in one of the chairs and I questioned her, "Mom, what's the deal with all this white?" I sincerely hoped the rest of the house didn't look like that.

"What? I like it, it looks clean," she defended. Not for long, it doesn't. I grunted noncommittally at her answer.

Changing the subject she explained, "I hope you boys don't mind, but seeing as how this is a white couch neither one of you can sleep down here. Edward's old room is my design room now, so that leaves Jasper's old room. I turned it into a guest room. Do you have a problem sharing the same bed?" Oh, she was good. She knew, I knew she knew.

Shrugging I dismissed it, "It's fine." I wasn't prepared to get into that now. We'd tell them at one time, so as to only go through it once.

Smiling at us she said, "Good, good. Now I'm going to go finish up dinner before your father gets home. Why don't you guys go check out the room."

Edward hadn't said a word during this whole exchange, but I hadn't looked at him either. When I did he was completely still and his mouth hung open. Snapping my fingers in front of his face I teased, "Earth to Edward, are you there?" He shook his head and finally looked at me. Standing up first he followed and I went upstairs to see what used to be my room. The last time we'd been here everything looked the same as when we'd left it.

Walking into the room I was relieved to find that it wasn't all white, nor was it completely feminine. The carpet here was a warm brown, the walls were a muted dark blue. The bed had a brown and blue bedspread that had square patterns to match the carpet and walls. The colors were too exact, my mom must have made it herself. I was just thankful I wouldn't have to endure an all white room while sleeping.

Lying down on the bed I closed my eyes with my arm over them and sank into the mattress, it was incredibly comfortable. The next thing I knew I could hear Edward's soft snore next to me. He'd fallen asleep with his arm around my waist and his head on my chest. I curled my other arm around his shoulders holding him to me and fell asleep myself. Drifting in and out of my dream state I thought I heard conversation, it didn't come from Edward or me. I could hear far off comments of, 'Don't they look cute together?' and, 'Do you remember when they used to sleep like that when they were younger?' As well as, 'Do you think they are finally going to tell us they are together? I mean we've known for a long time. What are they afraid of?' I thought I must be dreaming these things.

Stirring awake I felt Edward nuzzling my neck and his lips kissing it. I sighed and he became more insistent as he climbed on top of me. "Jasper, wake up. Esme is calling us down to dinner," Edward prodded. Groaning at him I didn't want to get up, staying right here was preferable. Opening my eyes I looked up at his green ones right before his lips attached to mine.

Pulling away from him I claimed, "Edward, if you don't stop doing that, I'm not going down to dinner." He chuckled and got off me. When I stood up I noticed the bedroom door was wide open. Either we hadn't shut it or someone else had opened it, I just wasn't sure which. That made me a little uncomfortable. What if they saw us like that? If my dreams were real and not dreams, then they did.

Walking down the stairs I made sure I was behind Edward so I could see his ass. He had a nice one. Snorting at myself, could I be anymore obvious? No one else saw it though as they were all in the dining room.

Seeing my father at the head of the table I began to get nervous all over again. Could I really do this? Could Edward? He'd be the hardest person to win over. Edward stood there shifting his weight on his feet, nervous too. Standing up to greet us, my father came over to me and hugged me before hugging Edward. He said, "I'm happy to see you got your memory back, son. We were really worried."

"Yeah, me, too," I responded. Edward looked like he wanted to touch me, but decided against it.

We all sat down to dinner with Edward on one side of the table and me across from him, the way it had always been after he moved in here. Thinking back from before he moved in with us he always sat next to me, not across. What changed?

My parents kept the conversation light, which I was grateful for. I was incredibly nervous and becoming more so with each passing second. Picking at my food I barely ate it, my stomach was in knots. Edward looked at me over the table and all I wanted was to be with just him, the rest of the world could go to hell. Shaking my head I came back to reality. We finished dinner and I told my mom we'd wash dishes, almost trying to put off the inevitable.

Clearing the table I put the dishes in the sink and Edward came up behind me kissing my neck. I nearly broke the dish in my hand as I jumped. Turning around in a panic I looked around and took a deep breath when I realized we were alone. "Jasper, let's hurry up and finish. We need to tell them, the longer we wait the worse it's going to get." I knew he was right, but somehow I wished my parents would let us know it was okay before we told them. _Yeah, Jasper, like that will ever happen._

We finished the dishes quickly in silence. Edward squeezed my hand and kissed my lips before turning us into the living room where mom and dad were waiting. Right now I was a nervous wreck. Edward seemed to have calmed down, but I didn't know how. It was almost as if I took on all the negativity he had into myself, which helped him, but it wasn't doing me any good at all right now.

My parents were sitting in the arm chairs leaving us to the couch. I vaguely wondered if they'd done that on purpose. Sitting down on the couch close together this time we looked at my parents, perhaps for the last time. My mom was on the edge of her chair almost as if she knew what we were about to tell her. My father had leaned back in his chair looking tired, trying to relax.

Edward opened his mouth to speak, but I took a deep breath and picked up his hand first. He glanced at me and let me take over. "Mom, dad, we have something to tell you. Edward and I are together." Clearing my throat I amended, "I mean we are partners." My parents exchanged a look before they turned their heads back to us. Oh, shit. That didn't mean they were taking this badly, did it?

My mom looked at us and said somewhat happily, "We know. We've known for years now, we're just glad you finally told us." I couldn't help the anger that boiled over at that, it was completely irrational. All of the anger, fear, nervousness and frustration came out in that moment. I couldn't help it, no matter how much I didn't want to feel that way.

Standing up and yanking my hand away from Edward's I yelled, "_What_? How the _hell_ did you know? I didn't even fucking _know_." My voice was loud, angry, and disrespectful. I didn't care. My parents and Edward had shocked looks on their faces. I couldn't breathe. I had to get out of there. If I didn't my fist would be in one of the walls.

Running out the front door without bothering to put my shoes and socks back on I vaguely registered Edward's disappointed look. I couldn't stay here right now though, I couldn't. Pounding down the stairs and out to the trees I slowed down and took all my anger out on a tree. The anger started to slow as my hands began to burn with all the abrasions from the bark.

In my head there were two constant thoughts running simultaneously. The first thought was if someone had mentioned that I liked Edward before now then I could have been with him for much longer, years maybe. The other, more negative thought was, had people around me influenced me into liking him and I never would have otherwise? This was the thought that made me run out of that room. I never liked any other guy, never, so was it possible that others had that much control over me?

As my breathing slowed and the anger started to slow I began to get angry again, only at myself this time. Why did I have to run out of there? I wanted this to go better for Edward than his own parents and yet here I was outside, without him, beating a stupid fucking tree. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

After a few minutes I heard another pair of feet behind me. Turning towards him I knew who it was automatically. Edward. "Jasper?" he questioned me calmly. His eyes flickered down and he noticed my bloody knuckles. His jaw tightening he picked up my hands gently and asked, "Why?"

Shaking my head at him I didn't want to tell him. "Tell me," he commanded.

Looking down I couldn't see his face when I told him, he'd be hurt and I couldn't bear it. "You won't like what I have to say," I stated quietly.

"Jasper, just tell me," he pleaded.

"Okay... but remember you asked," I reminded him before taking a deep breath. Speaking very carefully I explained, "I have two thoughts in my head right now. One of them being, did other people influence me to like you as more than just a friend? I mean I never liked any guy other than you." Edward dropped my hands and stepped back. When I looked up at his face it was pale. Why couldn't I keep that information to myself? I reached up and he flinched as I placed a hand on his face, it was cold.

I half expected him to walk away from me, but he just stood there, stunned. The sight broke my heart and I mentally kicked myself for being such an idiot. Putting my other hand on his face as well he flinched away from me again, but I wouldn't let go. "Edward, please listen to me," I was pleading with him now. I didn't know if he was listening or not, but I began speaking anyway, hoping to crawl out of this mess. "Do you want to know what the other thought I had was?" I asked him and wasn't surprised at getting no reply. "The other thought was if I had known, if people had told me, would we have had more time together already? Would we have been happy together before now?"

Moving my hands away from his face I wrapped my arms around his waist and placed my head on his shoulder. What the hell was I thinking? Why was I panicking? This was my home. I loved this man, so why did I let my mind get carried away like that? Kissing his neck I breathed, "Edward, I love you."

Only barely managing to hug me back Edward stepped back and stated quietly, "Let's go back to the house." Then he started walking away from me towards the house, he didn't look back to see if I followed or not. Fuck. I was going to have to fix this. This was worse to me than if my parents had kicked us out, much worse.

Walking up the porch stairs I noticed a bowl of water and some towels there for us to wash our muddy feet off. Why did my mom think white carpet was a good idea? Sitting down beside Edward I grabbed a towel and instead of cleaning my own feet I grabbed his. He looked at me startled as I began removing the mud from them. That meant he hadn't taken the time to put on his socks or shoes either when he came out to find me. Shit, shit, shit.

"Edward, I'm sorry," I apologized softly, unable to look at him. He didn't say a word, not one fucking damn word. I only had myself to blame for this. Why couldn't I get my emotions under control? Maybe if I had or maybe if we'd waited until I was better this might not have happened. The thoughts would have been the same, but my reaction might not have been so over the top. Edward had been good putting up with all of my angry outbursts, I knew that, but this was just one too many and too important for him to ignore it.

Drying off his feet first Edward got up and went inside the house still not speaking to me, leaving me to clean my own feet. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

After I was done I walked back inside the entryway and walked into the living room. Edward was sitting on the couch with my mom beside him, her arm around his shoulders. He was staring off into space.

"Jasper," my father interrupted me. "Come into the kitchen."

Following him I sat down at the breakfast table. He had stuff already laid out on the table to clean my hands with. Looking up at him I asked, "How did you know?"

My father sat down and said grimly, "Edward." Fuck, he was taking care of me even if he couldn't do it himself right now. Tears stung my eyes. I felt like total shit.

My father cleaned up the cuts and removed the splinters from the bark from my hands before putting some ointment on them. I think the tree won that fight, my hands were a mess.

When my father was done he spoke up saying, "Jasper, Edward is good for you. Don't do anything stupid." Too late, dad. I've already done it. It didn't hit me until much later that he accepted us as a couple.

"Thanks, dad," I said looking down at my hands.

"You're welcome," he replied cleaning up the mess. I walked up to my old bedroom passing by my mom and Edward. They were still sitting there not having moved much. It hurt me to see Edward like that and knowing I'd been the one that did it, that I couldn't give him the comfort he needed, that it was my fault.

Sitting down on the side of the bed I put my head in my hands trying not to think of what I'd done, it was only giving me a massive headache. I felt the bed dip slightly next to me and looked up to see my mom sitting there. Putting her arm around me like she had done to Edward she pulled me in and inquired, "What happened?" Instead of speaking I sobbed. "It's okay, honey," she soothed, rubbing my back. "Just tell me what happened," she prompted again.

Pulling away from her I wiped my eyes and tried to choke out what I'd felt, what I'd said to Edward. I wasn't sure she could understand me, but she did. Pushing the hair that had fallen in my face away she said, "Jasper, we have known you loved each other for a very long time. Edward told us how long you'd actually been together. We were a little shocked, to tell you the truth."

"Why?" I asked her.

Biting her lip as though she wasn't sure how much she should say she came to a decision and explained, "When you were younger you used to sleep together all the time, just like you did this afternoon." So they did see us. "It was only after Edward moved in that that stopped. At the time I assumed it was because he wasn't living with his father anymore. We always found you like that when he came over because something bad happened at his house." What was she talking about? I didn't remember that at all. "Then when you got older and you started dating girls it almost seemed like you dated them to cover up how much you wanted Edward. He did the same thing too. We wondered if you were secretly dating and were just too afraid to tell us." My mom was too observant sometimes.

"We weren't dating," I whispered, even though I wished we had been. The thought of the other men Edward had fucked burned and ate away at my insides.

"We know that now," she noted and kissed my head as though I was five. "Well, I'm going to bed now. I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight, mom," I said as she got off the bed.

"Goodnight, Jasper," she said and walked out the door.

Still sitting on my bed, not having moved an inch, my head still in my hands, I heard footsteps and looked up. Edward stood in the doorway seemingly unsure if he wanted to walk into the room or not. "You might as well come in, Edward," I sighed. He only responded by walking into the room and laying down on the other side of the bed. He was completely clothed on top of the covers turned away from me. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I was an idiot.

Lying down myself, also completely clothed, on top of the covers I lay on my back staring at the ceiling. It seemed like we were two strangers sharing a bed, instead of two people that had been best friends for so long and were now lovers. It was horrible. We lay like that for hours. When I turned my head to see if Edward was asleep, even though I knew instinctively that he wasn't, I could see his eyes open in the dark looking at the wall.

Reaching out to him I put my arm around his waist and kissed his ear before saying, "I'm sorry."

Edward shrugged me off and speaking to me for the first time since the whole incident implored, "Please don't, not right now." My heart breaking at the rejection I got off the bed and headed downstairs. I wasn't going to be able to sleep anyway.

Finding the whiskey I poured one shot and downed it in half a second, letting the liquid warm me. I still felt cold. Pouring another I downed it just as quickly before pouring another and sitting down at the table. Staring into the darkness of the room I hoped Edward would forgive me, that he'd come back to me, that he'd understand. If he didn't... I didn't want to think about that.

"Throwing yourself a pity party?" my father guessed a little while later as he came into the kitchen.

"Yeah, something like that," I managed.

"Jasper, it'll be okay, you'll see. You haven't survived this many years together without a few fights and you always made it back to each other," he reasoned. I held onto his words like a lifeline.

When I noticed him for the first time he was fully dressed and looking like he was ready to walk out the door. "Going somewhere?" I asked.

"Work. I got called in," he said. Yeah, it was probably him being a doctor that was the only reason I could handle Edward being one.

A few minutes later my mom came in also dressed with a happy smile on her face. I was not in the mood for happy this morning. My mom kissed my dad and told him, "Have a good day at work. I'll see you when you get home." He smiled and kissed her back. Gag me with a spoon. I was in no mood to see this either.

My father left a few minutes later and she turned to me, her smile still evident. "So Jasper, honey, I'm going out for a few hours today. One of my clients is rethinking some of their designs and trying to do something insane. I hope I can talk them out of it," she ranted.

"Okay, mom," I said. Great. That would leave Edward and I alone in the house and still strained.

Sitting next to me my mom started, "Jasper, I know you guys are fighting right now." No, fighting would be an improvement, that would mean he was speaking to me. The silence was killing me. "But, don't let that stand in the way if you love each other. Your father and I fight even if we don't let you see it, it's normal when you have two individual minds." Then, as though she couldn't just end it there she had to go on to say, "Make-up sex is the best." Lalalalala, get that out of my head right now.

"MOM!" I whined loudly. I didn't need that image in my head.

She only laughed and quipped, "What? At least we still love each other." Ahhhh! Please no more, no more.

"Mom, please, just stop," I begged.

"All right, all right. I'm going anyway. Help yourselves to whatever you want for breakfast. I should be home by lunchtime, but I'm not making any promises," she said as she walked out of the kitchen. Then a little more loudly she called out, "We put your overnight bag by the door. We got it out of the car last night for you." Yeah, sure you did. I wondered if she snooped around in it. Probably. My face burned as I heard the front door shut behind her.

Deciding to make breakfast I went to the refrigerator and got out some eggs to make for Edward and I, assuming he'd eat it. I proceeded to make omelettes. They weren't that hard to make, but seemed like it. They were simple enough for me to make in my lack of sleep addled mind. I made toast as well, again not too difficult. I was starving after picking at my food last night.

"Esme, are you making breakfast?" Edward asked wiping his face as he walked in.

"No, I'm making breakfast," I responded and he looked up and froze for a second before I saw him try to relax.

"Where's mom?" he asked me.

"Apparently, both our parents are working today," I said. Were they really though? I almost wondered if this was a set-up, to try and force us to talk.

Edward frowned at me and asked, "Why? They knew we were coming here to see them. They couldn't have rearranged their schedules?" He sounded annoyed now. I didn't care, it was the most I'd heard from him since we'd told our parents and I'd stuck my foot firmly in my mouth.

Sliding an omelet onto a plate I handed it over to him before turning back to make mine. "Thanks," he mumbled and picked up some toast.

Finished with mine I sat down at the table next to him, he didn't flinch or pull away from me being this close this time. Opening my mouth to speak I started, "Edward, I'm..."

Looking at me sharply he snapped, "Don't fucking say you're sorry one more time, I can't handle it." I was surprised I didn't snap back at him with the way things had been. Going back to my food I had to think of something else to say. The silence was unbearable, not comfortable. The tension in the room would need a machete to cut it.

Clearing my throat I tried another tactic. "Edward, my mom mentioned something to me yesterday, but I don't remember it. I wondered if you did," I piped up, reaching for something to say.

"What is it, Jasper?" he asked warily.

"Do you remember us sleeping together before you moved in here?" I asked.

He looked confused for a minute and said, "What? Of course we slept together." I didn't think he caught what I meant.

"No, I mean in each others arms. My mom says we did, especially when you came from a fight at your house," I explained.

"Oh, that," he stated and I could see his neck turn red before it reached his face. Why?

"What do you mean oh, that?" I asked.

"I mean I remember it," he added. Argh! I could feel my temper starting to rise again at the lack of answers. _No, get a hold of yourself, Jasper. Don't explode again. _

"I don't," I countered and looked at him waiting for some sort of explanation.

"We slept like that until I moved in. Even though I loved it I stopped doing that when I moved in afraid you'd turn from me, just like my parents, " he admitted sadly. I didn't think he was thinking about us anymore, he was thinking about them.

Pulling him into my arms I wouldn't let go even when he tried to move away from me. I wasn't about to let him go again, not now. I had things I needed to say and I hoped he listened. "Edward, I know you don't want to hear it, but I am sorry." His body stiffened at my words, but I pressed on. "I love you, so much. I know you felt like I was rejecting you yesterday, but I wasn't. I was angry, confused and afraid. I know your parents kicking you out hurt you. I know my reaction hurt you. Just remember that I love you, no matter what. I may do or say stupid, idiotic, fucked up things sometimes, but I still love you. I want to be with you. I can't imagine being with anyone else," I let it all out and waited while Edward absorbed what I'd said, assuming he heard it at all.

Lifting up his head he sighed, "I'm tired. Let's go back to bed." I knew he meant he was sleepy, neither one of us had slept last night. I nodded and we both got up.

Remembering my mom saying that our bag was by the front door I went to get it and brought it upstairs placing it by the bed. Edward was already stripping off his clothes down to his boxers. Fuck me. I wasn't entirely sure he'd let me near him right now though. He got under the covers first and I finished removing my own clothes and slid in under them as well. He was still turned away from me, but when I put my arm around him and had his back to my chest he didn't pull away. I thought I noticed a ghost of a smile on his face before sleep overtook me.

Waking up a few hours later I felt grimy, like I needed a shower. Edward was still asleep in front of me. Lifting myself on my elbow I kissed his neck and licked the shell of his ear. He shivered at my touch. I whispered, "I'm going to take a shower." He moaned at me, but didn't move. I wasn't sure I'd managed to wake him up.

Getting out of bed I stripped off my only remaining clothing, my boxers. Opening our bag I got out my soap and shampoo and headed to the bathroom. The bathroom door fortunately had an entrance into my bedroom, so I didn't have to walk out into the hall. It was between mine and Edward's old room.

Turning on the hot water I enjoyed the feel of it cascading down my body, relaxing me. I wished Edward would come and enjoy it with me, but I was positive that he was still mad at me, even if it wasn't as much as before. Trying to get rid of those sad thoughts I washed my hair and my body and stood under the spray to rinse off.

The next thing I knew I was being pressed face first into the tile wall. Cold seeped through the tile to my skin making me jump just as much as being pressed into the wall. There was only one person who would do that. "Edward?"

"Were you expecting anyone else, Jazz?" he asked me laughing bitterly. Fucker.

"What are you doing?" I hissed, he still hadn't let up. His hands were holding mine against the tile and his cock was pressed into my ass.

Kissing my neck first, he then bit it, marking me. "I'm showing you who you belong to. Me, " he said aggressively. Fuck.

"I know who I belong to," I contested.

"Really? Are you sure, Jazz? Yesterday, you seemed to think that you belonged to everyone else, that they were the reason we are together," he seethed angrily.

"I'm sure, Edward. Please, just let me turn around," I pleaded. He had me up against the wall so hard I couldn't move.

"No. I don't think I'll let you. You're going to make it up to me." Damn, he was aggressive. I liked it. "How are you going to make it up to me?" he inquired. I pushed my ass against his hard cock in answer. "That's not good enough. Tell me," he commanded. Oh my fucking god.

"Let me make love to you." It was the only answer I could come up with, I couldn't think clearly.

Edward scoffed at me, "Make love to me? I don't think so, Jazz." Then he bit me again and confessed, "I'm going to fuck you senseless without you being able to look at me." Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Close your eyes." I let them slip closed, not knowing what else to do. "I want you to feel me, feel what only I can do to you." I moaned at his words or quite possibly the feel of his cock between the crack of my ass, I wasn't too sure which. I didn't even contemplate opening my eyes.

He still had hold of my hands as I felt his mouth moving across my arms, my shoulders, my neck. Letting go of my hands he warned, "Don't move your hands or I will stop doing what I'm doing and take matters into my own hands." Fuck.

His hands moved down my sides as his lips kissed down my back. He licked some of the indentations where the muscles seperated along the way. I couldn't see him, but I felt his hands on my hips and a nip at my ass. Yelping in surprise I pushed my body uncomfortably into the tile, which only caused me to yelp at that and push my ass closer to him. He laughed at me. Fucker. He was the only one who could do these things to me, he was right about that.

His lips made it between my thighs sucking on the soft skin there. "Fuck..." I breathed. The next thing I felt was his tongue licking the crack of my ass asking for entrance. Taking a wider stance I felt his hands pull my ass cheeks apart and his tongue slip inside. Fuck. His tongue was warm and wet as it touched me inside. I wanted more. "Edward, please..."

Moving his mouth away from there I felt him bite my ass again. Then I could feel a lubed finger in my ass making me moan, and then another one. His fingers pumping inside me felt good, but that's not what I wanted. Pushing against his hand I pleaded, "Please..." He slapped my ass, the water adding its own sting.

Removing his fingers from my ass Edward stood up and pressed his cock against my ass asking, "Is this what you want?"

"Fuck, yes," I growled. Unable to see what he was doing I waited impatiently. His head was finally at my hole waiting to come inside and I almost cried out in relief. Pressing against him, he pushed into me slowly. My body wanted to climb up the wall away from him, the feel of him inside me was a sweet burn, the pleasure was too painful. He wouldn't let me. He did as he promised and began fucking me into oblivion. I was in pain up against the wall, I needed to touch myself to get some relief. Not wanting to move my hand without his permission as I didn't think it would be tolerated I begged, "Edward, please, can I touch myself?"

"Don't even think about moving your hands, Jazz," he warned. Fuck. How was I going to put up with this?

He continued fucking me and I was in even more pain than before. I could feel Edward close to his release and I was relieved. If he didn't come soon I was going to die right here, right now. My eyes were still closed when I felt his strong fist around my cock. He pumped me quickly trying to get me off as he was about to come. My balls tightened and I shot my load on the shower wall and his hand, my ass clenching around his cock. My forehead fell against the wall as I felt Edward let go, shooting his warm cum into the condom he was wearing. I was exhausted and probably bruised from being fucked between a hard body and a hard wall. Edward pulled out of me and placed a soft kiss on my neck that was completely incongruous to what he'd just been doing to me.

When I turned around Edward had a completely innocent look on his face and I snorted. He raised a brow at me and didn't say anything, just going along taking his own shower. Fucker.

We both eventually got dressed and went downstairs to find both our parents home. They both looked like they were trying not to laugh. My mom spoke up and inquired, "Did you boys kiss and make up?" My face turned bright red, I couldn't even look at her.

Edward hummed happily, "Yes." I glared at him. My parents laughed and he whispered in my ear "What's wrong, Jazz? That's what they wanted to hear." Then he kissed me full on the mouth letting his tongue slip inside. We were still in front of my parents. When he pulled away from me he slapped my ass and my parents stared at us with their mouths open. I'll say it again, Edward is a fucker, but he was still mine.

**AN: ** _Anyone feel bad for Jasper or Edward? I know I do._


	15. Chapter 15

**Strange Desire: Chapter Fifteen**

**AN:** _Okay, this is to all of you that didn't get the last chapter. I know I was drugged, but really it makes me sad that some of you didn't actually READ what I wrote. Most of you did, but seriously, I think some of you need to go back and read EVERY word I write. I don't put any words there at random, ever. Some of you seem to be under the impression that Edward raped Jasper at the end of that because he was angry. No, he didn't. Edward was angry and will be both angry and sad in this chapter. Edward gave him a way out if you read what I wrote, and also he would have stopped if Jasper told him to, which he didn't. Just because you are angry and fighting that doesn't mean the love stops. Jasper LIKED the aggressiveness, read it, it's in there. As far as the pain is pleasure thing, some people like it like that. Who the hell is going to make slow sweet love after a fight like that? No one I know, no one. Edward is the more dominant one in this relationship and always has been, but Jasper likes to take that control too, on occasion. There is a time and a place for all different kinds of pleasure. _

_Now because of that I decided I'd rewrite that same lemon from Edward's point of view. It's something I haven't ever done, but I feel it's necessary with this one and with some of your responses._

_Some of you seem a bit shocked by Jasper's thoughts, let alone his actions. I didn't pull those thoughts out of my ass. One of my friends had them, he was just smart enough not to tell his partner that. Those thoughts, if you read what I wrote previously, weren't out of Jasper's realm of reality either._

_Jasper's moods and his reactions or, more importantly, his overreactions to things are mostly due to the leftover effects of his illness. Both Edward and Jasper understand that. If you are wondering, they actually have support groups for people that have been through meningitis. Sometimes they come across as bipolar for a while. You are incredibly lucky if it doesn't effect your mind as that's one of the most common lingering symptoms._

_Now to the rest of you that understood what I wrote, thank you, this is for you._

_Now we get to see into Edward's mind and what he was thinking as all that shit panned out with Jasper. I'll say sorry in advance if I make you cry with this chapter._

_On with the story boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen._

_Characters belong to SM_

**EPOV**

Our parents looked at us, mouths open. I wanted to laugh, but I knew it would only come out bitter. Jasper and I had made up, in a way, but I knew, just as he knew, it wasn't over yet. We still had a lot to recover from after his outburst.

The last day and a half had been a living nightmare for me. I started thinking back to what led up to this, what led up to my anger.

Waking up from my nap in the car I asked, "How much longer?"

"We're more than halfway there," Jasper answered me looking over and smiling at me. I was too tired to respond to the smile.

Grunting at him I remained quiet, still not completely awake. My thoughts wouldn't quit. What would his parents say? What would they do? What would Jasper do? Would he decide I wasn't worth it and and not tell them anything? Did his parents already know? I knew they knew I at least liked guys, as that's the reason I ended up in their house, but what about Jasper? Would they think I'd somehow taken advantage of him? Damn it, my mind wouldn't just shut the fuck up and I really needed it to stop. All this worrying was wearing on me, I felt more than a little nervous and a whole lot nauseous. When I started fidgeting Jasper asked, "Do we need to stop?"

I looked at him surprised and answered, "No, why?"

"Because you keep fidgeting, what's got into you?" he questioned.

Looking out the window I admitted, "I'm just worried, that's all. What if they reject us? I don't want them to reject you, you still need them. Me? It doesn't matter. I've been through it before, I'll live. Although I'd rather it not turn out like that. I love your parents, they feel like mine."

Jasper looked thoughtful before he reasoned, "I don't know what their reaction will be, but I don't think they'd reject us, at least not as people or as their children. As far as accepting us being together, I don't know what their reaction will be to that. I'm not in their heads." I looked over at him and bit my lip before looking back out the window. The rest of the drive was almost in total silence. I was restless and nervous.

We'd decided we'd tell them together at the same time after dinner tonight. As far as I was concerned it was probably the last meal I'd ever have there. Jasper didn't think it would be, but he knew why I'd think that way. If they kicked us out of their home then we'd stay in a hotel and drive home tomorrow. I really hoped it didn't turn out that way, but you never knew.

Pulling into the long drive I was shaking I was so nervous. Jasper put his hand over mine as he said, "Calm down, Edward." I couldn't calm down. Now that we were here on the precipice of telling our parents reality set in. This wasn't a fairytale. Jasper, my lover, my friend, got sick and nearly died making me realize I didn't want to live without him. My own parents didn't accept me for who I was and now I was walking into the lion's den. If they didn't approve, then what? Would Jasper leave me so he could have his parents back? If that was the case, then I'd lose everything. I would have no one. My parents, my pseudo parents, and my best friend and lover would be gone. I was terrified of what the outcome would be. Parking the car Jasper kissed me once on the lips and squeezed my hand, offering reassurance.

Getting out of the car slowly I walked towards the house, knowing this could be the end. Jasper didn't seem as concerned as I did. Walking up the porch steps to the two story house I was terrified. Jasper opened the door and called out, "Mom?" Carlisle was still at work.

"Jasper!" Esme exclaimed excitedly from what sounded like the kitchen. She came running out with her hair falling around her eyes. Esme stood there beaming at Jasper for a few seconds before she hugged him tightly to her. Patting his hair she sniffled, "Oh, Jasper, honey, I'm so glad you're well. We were worried about you." Stepping back from him she looked him up and down and commented, "Well, at least you've been taken care of. You look better already than you did in the hospital." Standing behind Jasper I smiled to myself. Everyone had taken turns taking care of Jasper. It made my heart swell with pride that we had met such good friends. Jasper and I couldn't have asked for any better neighbors than Emmett and Rosalie, even though it was an uncertain friendship at first. Jamie had taken to Jasper anyway and put up with his shit, calmly for him, surprising even me.

Standing behind Jasper I tried not to impede on his and his mother's private reunion. Esme wouldn't let me. She hugged me and said, "Thank you for keeping Jasper healthy. I don't want to lose my sons, either one of you." What else was I supposed to do? I loved Jasper.

"I saw that, Jasper," Esme reprimanded, still looking at me. Jasper must have rolled his eyes, he was predictable.

"Okay, now off with your shoes and socks," she commanded. What the fuck for? I looked at Jasper knowing he was thinking the same thing before Esme went back to the kitchen.

We removed our shoes and socks and walked into a nearly all white living room. Who would have an all white room? It'd only get dirty and look dirtier than any other color.

Jasper sat down carefully looking as though he was afraid to touch anything. I sat down next to him, but not so close that people would think anything of it. Even though I was positive his parents knew, I wasn't going to confirm it before Jasper was ready. It was one thing to know in the back of your mind, but it was altogether different to actually be faced with it.

When Esme came back into the room she sat in one of the chairs and Jasper questioned her, "Mom, what's the deal with all this white?" I wondered that too, it was blinding and uncomfortable. It didn't lend itself to a relaxing environment. I wondered if she knew white was the color of death in many cultures. Was that an omen? I hoped not.

"What? I like it, it looks clean," she defended. It looks like one spill and it's ruined.

Changing the subject she explained, "I hope you boys don't mind, but seeing as how this is a white couch neither one of you can sleep down here. Edward's old room is my design room now, so that leaves Jasper's old room. I turned it into a guest room. Do you have a problem sharing the same bed?" I resisted the urge to narrow my eyes at her in suspicion. I think my mouth dropped open in shock, she knew and blatantly said it in a roundabout sort of way.

Shrugging at her Jasper dismissed, "It's fine." Was it really fine? I didn't know how comfortable he'd be with me here even if his parents accepted us.

Smiling at us she said, "Good, good. Now I'm going to go finish up dinner before your father gets home. Why don't you guys go check out the room."

Jasper snapped his fingers at me in front of my face teasing, "Earth to Edward, are you there?" Shaking my head I finally looked at him. Jasper stood up waiting for me to follow. We went upstairs to check out what would be our room during our stay, assuming they let us stay. The room here was brown and blue, much better than the white room of awaiting death. This was much more calming, soothing.

Jasper laid down on the bed and closed his eyes with an arm over them, he looked comfortable. I needed to be near him. I had a sinking feeling it might be the last time. Lying my head on his chest and placing my arm around his waist I fell asleep. I needed the sleep. I hadn't slept much these past few weeks, first with worrying over Jasper, then with work and now with worrying over our parents reactions.

Fortunately for me work had gone relatively well. If my coworkers knew I was with Jasper they either just accepted it or ignored it. It wasn't as though they knew much before about my personal life anyway. No one said much about it, which I was grateful for. They might not care, but a patient might reject my care because of it, even if they needed it.

"Boys, dinner's ready. Be at the table in five minutes," Esme called up the stairs.

Nuzzling Jasper's neck and kissing it I heard him sigh. He still didn't fully wake up. Climbing on top of him I prodded, "Jasper, wake up. Esme is calling us down to dinner." Jasper groaned in protest, not wanting to get up. I couldn't blame him. I'd much rather sleep the rest of the day away and forget about the worry of telling anyone anything. I also knew that wouldn't work with Esme, so I kissed his lips trying to wake him up more.

Jasper pulled away from me claiming, "Edward, if you don't stop doing that, I'm not going down to dinner." Chuckling at him I got off him and missed his warm body.

Walking down the stairs I tried not to laugh, I could tell Jasper was checking out my ass. That's what I would have done. I wished he was in front of me instead.

When I saw Carlisle I almost started shaking. I was nervous, but Jasper seemed to be getting more anxious by the second. Shifting my feet I watched as Carlisle stood to hug Jasper, then me. He said, "I'm happy to see you got your memory back, son. We were really worried."

"Yeah, me, too," Jasper responded. Me, too. I was more than worried about Jasper, he got off lucky. I'd never been so scared of losing someone in my entire life, not even my parents. I wanted to touch him, to feel him, to remind myself he was still here, still living. I couldn't do it though. We had agreed not to let them know yet and I wanted at least one last good conversation before the floodgates were opened.

Sitting down at the table I was across from Jasper. We had sat this way since I moved in here, by my choice. I didn't want any accidental touches giving me away if I sat next to him, or more importantly, my response to his touch. It would be too much if I lost my best friend too.

Carlisle and Esme didn't talk about anything too serious, mostly work related things. I could tell they were trying to put us at ease. Watching Jasper I could see him pick at his food, he was so nervous. I wanted to reassure him as he did earlier for me, but I couldn't from across the table. Jasper volunteered us to do the dishes, what the hell was he waiting for? It wouldn't get any better the longer we waited.

Watching Jasper put the dishes in the sink I wanted to give him the reassurance he needed, that I needed, that we clearly hadn't been able to show at the table. I kissed his neck, scaring him. He jumped, looking around in a panic, looking to see if his parents had seen it. "Jasper, let's hurry up and finish. We need to tell them, the longer we wait the worse it's going to get,." I pointed out. If they accepted it I didn't want to hide these touches or be afraid of what they might think. I was finally tired of hiding, from everyone. I was out with my friends, definitely with Jasper, with my coworkers, Esme and Carlisle were the last obstacle in my way. Jasper was the reason I was tired of it. He was the reason I came out in the light of day, for all the world to see. I wondered if he was even fully aware of this.

We finished the dishes quickly in silence, I was lost in my own thoughts. Squeezing Jasper's hand I kissed his lips just once before turning to the living room. I was calm, finally. This was the end, once this was done I would have that weight off my shoulders. Jasper seemed to have taken all of my nervousness from me, and now he was projecting it.

Carlisle and Esme were sitting on the chairs. I wondered if that's where they always chose to sit or if they wanted us on the couch together. My guess was the latter. Esme was on the edge of her seat in anticipation. Carlisle just looked tired, he looked like me when I came home from work after a long, grueling day. I almost snorted out loud, but kept it to myself. He was almost my hero, both him and Esme. They had not only taken me in to live with them in a time of need, they had loved me and taken me as long as they'd known me. They were the parents I wanted, that I needed, that I never had. That thought almost made me choke back tears. I loved both of them. I loved their son. I wanted _this_ family.

Opening my mouth to speak I heard Jasper take a deep breath and then felt him grab my hand. I glanced at him unsure he was the one that wanted to take the initiative here, but as it was his parents I let him. If he wanted to back out now I wouldn't stop him, even if it made me sad. That would just mean more hiding and I didn't want to hide anymore. Jasper started speaking, "Mom, dad, we have something to tell you. Edward and I are together." Clearing his throat he amended, "I mean we are partners." Carlisle and Esme looked at each other in silent communication. Jasper seemed to be holding his breath waiting, it almost looked like he was bracing himself for their disapproval. I knew he was close to exploding now. He hadn't had too many outbursts today, choosing instead to remain mostly silent. This was it, I knew it was coming before he even did, I think.

Esme looked at us and said somewhat happily, "We know. We've known for years now, we're just glad you finally told us." Yeah, I was right, this was it. Jasper's face started to color as his temper began to rise. I knew he wished he could get that under control, but it just couldn't be helped. I, personally, wanted my more calm, rational Jasper back.

Jasper stood and yanked his hand out of mine as the explosion began. He yelled, "_What_? How the _hell_ did you know? I didn't even fucking _know_." Jasper was angry, he was probably angrier than I'd ever seen him in my entire life. His parents didn't have a negative reaction, so what was the problem? I didn't get it. Carlisle, Esme and myself were all shocked. Jasper ran out the front door, away from us, away from me. What the hell just happened?

Esme blinked a couple of times and turned to me. "Edward, what's going on?" Shaking my head at her I ran out the door, after Jasper. Why did he leave? Why did he leave me?

Running down the stairs barefoot I finally felt the soft damp ground underneath my feet. If I hadn't been so worried about Jasper I might have enjoyed the feel of it, enjoyed the feel of nature away from the city.

I could hear the noise as Jasper's fists met the tree. Cringing inwardly at the physical pain I came at him slowly, not wanting to scare him away. He was like an animal that had been held captive for too long and angry. He was breathing heavily as I approached him.

Jasper turned towards me. He must have heard me. "Jasper?" I questioned him calmly. My eyes flickered down to his knuckles as I picked them up, they were bloody. Why would he hurt himself this way? My jaw tightened afraid of his answer. I automatically knew I wasn't going to like his answer as I asked, "Why?"

He shook his head at me. "Tell me," I commanded.

Jasper looked down, he couldn't or wouldn't look at me. "You won't like what I have to say," he stated quietly.

"Jasper, just tell me," I pleaded. I knew I wouldn't like it, but not knowing what was going on in his mind wouldn't help us either.

"Okay... but remember you asked," he reminded me taking a deep breath. Speaking very carefully he explained, "I have two thoughts in my head right now. One of them being, did other people influence me to like you as more than just a friend? I mean I never liked any guy other than you." He was right about one thing, I didn't like it. His words put a wrecking ball through my chest. Dropping Jasper's battered hands I felt my heart drop. My blood rushed to the center of my body protecting me as best as it knew how, leaving everything else cold. Ice replaced the warm blood in my veins.

Anger couldn't even begin to cover how I felt, fury and hurt was closer. I almost felt betrayed by Jasper. How could he act that way? How could he say those things? How could he hurt me that way knowing what had happened with my own parents? How could he think people somehow made him want me? Did he think I was taking advantage of him?

I knew his illness was responsible somewhat for his response, but not his thoughts. The thought that others made him like me was ridiculous. I couldn't make a supposedly straight man like me, no matter how much I wanted it. That is, unless he wasn't straight. It didn't make sense.

I know Jasper said something to me after he told me that he thought other people had influenced him into liking me. I didn't hear it. I was too stunned. My feet wouldn't cooperate and get away from him as though they were fighting what he wanted. He didn't want me, other people wanted him to want me, that's what I heard. He was touching me? Why? All I'd heard was he thought other people made him like me, that he didn't. What was he kissing me for? Was this goodbye? I couldn't let go of the thought that he didn't want me. It was a horrible realization. Why had we gotten involved again? Why hadn't we just left well enough alone? We were okay with the way things were before, so why did we put ourselves through all this drama?

Stepping away from Jasper I stated quietly, "Let's go back to the house." His last hug would probably be the last time he ever touched me, ever let me touch him. I could barely breathe, but I held myself together. I would not cry in front him, I wouldn't. He wouldn't see what a loser I was for loving him that much. I walked away from him, not looking back, still holding back the tears as long as I could.

Walking up the porch steps slowly I could hear Jasper behind me. I chose not to acknowledge him. There was a bowl of water and some towels for our feet awaiting us there. I almost decided to fuck it and walk off into the woods giving myself time to think. Before I could truly contemplate doing so Jasper picked up my feet startling me. Why wouldn't he stop touching me? He didn't want me. This had to be a parting gesture.

"Edward, I'm sorry," Jasper apologized softly, unable to look at me. He didn't want me, he didn't want me, he didn't want me. That mantra kept repeating itself in my head. I couldn't speak to him, if I did only sobs would come out. He wouldn't get the better of me, he wouldn't see how weak I was for him.

Drying off my feet first I got up and went inside the house, still not speaking to him. It was better this way.

When I walked into the house both Carlisle and Esme had concerned looks on their faces. When they saw me Esme's face fell. I must have looked awful to get that response. If it matched my heart and my mind, then I was sure that I did.

Esme came over to me and led me to the couch. She held me in her arms rocking me. I wasn't even entirely sure this was real. Did that really happen? Did we come here? Did we tell them? Did Jasper just tell me he didn't want me? It was difficult to breathe. Telling them was apparently a waste of time, he didn't want me.

Carlisle looked angry himself as he asked, "What happened?" I shook my head. I couldn't answer that, not fully. That was Jasper's job, I wouldn't do it for him.

Remembering his hands though I spoke up and said, "Carlisle, he beat up a tree and cut his hands all up. Maybe you should fix them. I can't right now." Those words barely made it past my lips. He didn't want me, but I still loved him, I still wanted to take care of him. Fuck my life! It would make my life so much easier if I didn't love my best friend, hadn't loved him for years now. Maybe that's what his parents had picked up on, my love for him. Maybe that's why they thought we'd been together longer and I was just reading into signs that weren't there with Jasper.

Carlisle got up and started gathering up a few things for Jasper's hands taking them into the kitchen. Esme stayed beside me, she said, "Edward, no matter what happens I love you. Carlisle loves you. We will always love you like our own son." Her words made the tears flow. Jasper rejected me, his parents didn't. Unlike my own parents they accepted me for who I was, it was a small gift in my heartbreak.

Esme wiped the tears from my eyes and kissed the top of my head. I was starting to feel numb as I stared into nothingness. The numbness was preferable to the pain right now. Esme said, "Edward, Jasper loves you. I don't know what happened or why he reacted like that, but I'm not stupid, he loves you whether he wants to or not." No, he didn't love me. He as much said that other people had made his decision there. I shook my head no. "You don't have to believe me. I know in my heart that it's true."

"So... apparently you haven't been together for years. We thought you had been, the looks, the touches, they aren't normal between two friends. Carlisle and I both knew that and we also knew you liked men, so it wasn't hard to figure out. Tell me, just exactly how long have you been together?" Esme asked.

"A couple of months," I answered her. A couple of months? Really? Why had we felt the need to tell them after only a couple of months? We probably should have been a little more stable than that and Jasper less sick. Oh well, if this had continued I only would have fallen deeper, harder and it would be worse than this. This was already bad enough.

Esme gasped, "Really? That's all?"

"Yes, why?" I asked her.

"It seems longer to me. I think I've been waiting for you to come to us for so long that it never occurred to me that you weren't actually together," she explained.

"Well, it doesn't matter anymore," I stated just barely above a whisper.

"What do you mean it doesn't matter? You guys love each other, it matters," Esme insisted. I almost snorted at her.

"It doesn't matter. It's over. He doesn't want me, he doesn't love me. No matter how much I love him I can't make him love me back," I lamented starting to get angry. Sadness, numbness, now anger. Hmm... I wondered what I'd do if I actually saw Jasper right now.

"I don't think that's true. He loves you, Edward. He may be confused, but he loves you," Esme reiterated attempting to soothe me. "There is no way I'd ever believe he came out to us about you if he didn't. No way." I did. He didn't want me, he didn't have to say it for me to know it.

Jasper walked past us after Carlisle fixed his hands, going up the stairs. I was hyper-aware of every move he made, no matter how much I didn't want to be. Esme left me after a few minutes I assumed to talk to Jasper. It wouldn't make a difference. He didn't want me.

Carlisle came over and sat down next to me. Placing a hand on my shoulder he said, "I know Jasper probably said something stupid, but he loves you." I tried to shake his hand off. I couldn't handle anymore of this. They were trying to give us advice and the only people that mattered in our relationship right now, or lack of one, was Jasper and me.

Sighing at me Carlisle repeated, "He loves you." I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at him. Jasper didn't want me. He didn't want me. Carlisle got up saying goodnight after a couple more minutes.

I couldn't stay down here forever. Starting my way up the stairs I didn't know what I was going to do before I got there. Standing in the doorway of Jasper's old room I saw him on the bed, his head in his hands. Did I even want to come in here? I seriously contemplated sleeping in the hallway or the bathroom, anywhere but the same room he was in. "You might as well come in, Edward," Jasper sighed. I decided to fuck it, I probably wouldn't sleep no matter where I was. Right now I deserved at least a comfortable place to lie down.

Lying down on the opposite side of the bed from Jasper I turned to the wall, not looking at him. I felt the bed shift as he lay down as well. I couldn't sleep. Silent tears fell and I hoped he couldn't see them in the dark. For hours we lay like that. I knew Jasper wasn't sleeping either. Did he wish we'd never started this thing? I didn't start it, he did. That's when the tears slowed and I felt rage take its place. I didn't start this, he was the one that came to me. He could have said no, but he didn't. He said he wanted this. He wanted me. He wanted us. So then, what changed?

Jasper put his arm around my waist kissing me before saying, "I'm sorry." Stop fucking touching me.

Shrugging him off I finally spoke the first words to him since we were outside, "Please don't, not right now." I couldn't handle his sorries. I didn't want to hear them.

Jasper got up leaving me alone in the bed, leaving me in silence. Turning over in the bed I fell asleep. Tired and exhausted from the lack of sleep from working and the stress of being rejected my body shut down.

Waking up I found my head on Jasper's pillow with my arms around it holding it close to me. It still smelled like him. That must have been the catalyst to lull me to sleep. I threw the pillow against the wall. Jasper didn't need to see what a pathetic loser I was sniffing his pillow, desperately holding onto something that smelled like him when he didn't want me.

The smell of eggs wafted up the stairs to me and I sat up on the bed rubbing a hand across my face attempting to wake up a little more. Esme always made the best omelets, something she'd taught Jasper to do. Jasper hadn't made them or even cooked much since before he was in the hospital. He really couldn't and I was afraid the apartment wouldn't survive if he tried, so I was grateful for Rosalie's help there. She tried to teach Jasper the things she cooked while she was there anyway. I had to say though that I missed Jasper's cooking, it was like eating Esme's cooking, like eating at home.

Would we ever eat together again? Would we still live together? Those thoughts rolled around in my head. What I did know is that no matter what happened I still wanted my best friend. I would do whatever it took to keep that part of him. I'd nearly lost him once, I knew I couldn't live without him in my life.

Deciding I'd go down to see Esme I made my way down the stairs. "Esme, are you making breakfast?" I asked wiping my face as I walked in, in an attempt to wake myself up further.

"No, I'm making breakfast," Jasper responded making me stop in my tracks. Try to relax, try to act normal. Don't let him see how much he hurt you, don't do it.

"Where's mom?" I asked.

"Apparently, both our parents are working today," Jasper said.

Frowning at him I asked, "Why? They knew we were coming here to see them. They couldn't have rearranged their schedules?" I was definitely annoyed. That would mean I was stuck in this house with Jasper without any other outlet. I was suspicious, that sounded exactly like something they would do to us on purpose, interfering again.

Sliding an omelet onto a plate he handed it over to me before turning back to make his. "Thanks," I mumbled and picked up some toast. Sitting down at the table I noticed the whiskey bottle and the shot glass on the table. Jasper had been drinking his stress away. Fuck, shouldn't that be me?

Jasper sat down next to me when he was done making his own omelet. He was very close, but I wouldn't let him see the effect it had on me. The only thing that kept me there in that seat was our many years of friendship that I didn't want to lose. If he had been anyone else and had said those things to me I would have been long gone, never speaking to that person again. Opening his mouth to speak he started, "Edward, I'm..."

Looking at him sharply I snapped, "Don't fucking say you're sorry one more time, I can't handle it." The anger he'd been having had transferred itself to me I knew. If he said he was sorry one more time I thought I was going to deck him. Stabbing my food angrily I ate quickly trying to get out of there and away from him, away from the tension.

Clearing his throat he tried another tactic. "Edward, my mom mentioned something to me yesterday, but I don't remember it. I wondered if you did," he piped up.

"What is it, Jasper?" I asked warily. Even if I decided I wanted to keep our friendship alive, I wasn't ready to forgive him. I didn't want to talk to him right now.

"Do you remember us sleeping together before you moved in here?" he asked. Huh?

Confused for a minute I said, "What? Of course we slept together." We'd only been friends forever, so I didn't know what the hell he was getting at.

"No, I mean in each others arms. My mom says we did, especially when you came from a fight at your house," Jasper explained.

"Oh, that," I stated. I did remember that.

"What do you mean oh, that?" Jasper asked.

"I mean I remember it," I added. He was getting angry I could tell. Bring it on, because right now I could really take my anger out somewhere.

"I don't," he countered looking at me and waited for some sort of explanation.

"We slept like that until I moved in. Even though I loved it I stopped doing that when I moved in afraid you'd turn from me, just like my parents," I admitted sadly. Briefly I glimpsed his face, it was full of sadness, before turning my thoughts to my parents and the first time Jasper ever held me...

_Lying on my bedroom floor when I was about five I was playing with my legos trying to build a skyscraper out of them. I'd never actually seen a skyscraper before except on TV. It was then that I heard my parent's raised voices. Their voices only continued to get louder and louder from downstairs._

_My parents had never fought, or I'd never heard them fight until now. They were scaring me. Slowly I crept out of my room to listen to what they were saying. Sitting down on the stairs I listened as my parents raged on. My mom was shouting at my father, "How could you do that to your own brother?"_

_My dad's voice was just as loud as he scoffed, "Do that to him? What about what he did to me? It's going to ruin everything." I was confused. What were they talking about? I knew I had an uncle somewhere, but he lived too far away, so I'd never met him. What did it matter what he did from that far away?_

"_You don't just throw blood out just because they do something you don't like, Eddie," my mom's voice was still raised._

"_Watch me," my father sneered at her. My mom opened her mouth again until she spotted me._

"_This isn't over. I'm going to take Edward over to Esme's, he doesn't need to hear this," she said to my father as she came over to me. He huffed and glanced at me before stalking away mumbling, 'it won't change anything'._

"_Come on, sweetie, let's get your jacket on and I'll take you over to see Jasper. You boys can play together, that will be more fun than being by yourself," she told me grabbing my jacket. I didn't want to see Jasper right then, I wanted to know what was going on._

_We piled into the car as Jasper lived too far away to walk there, neither one of us had close neighbors. "Mom, why are you fighting?" I asked her knowing I probably wouldn't get an answer._

"_Edward, sometimes people fight. Now why don't you not worry about it and have fun playing. Can you do that for me?" my mom asked. She looked sad though and it made me sad._

_My mom rang the doorbell to Jasper's house and told me to be a good boy for them as if I didn't already know that. Esme answered the door smiling before it started to slip at the look on my mom's face. "Esme, can Edward stay here right now?" my mom inquired still holding my hand._

"_Of course he can. He can stay here whenever he wants to," she answered smiling down at me._

"_Thank you. Eddie and I are fighting right now and he doesn't need to hear it," my mom confided in a hushed tone as though I couldn't hear her. Esme nodded her head._

_Jasper came running up to Esme and asked, "Who is it?" When he spotted me he smiled widely, his blue eyes dancing._

"_Jasper, honey, Edward is going to play with you for a while, if that's okay," Esme told him. _

_He looked at her like she'd lost her mind. "'Course he can. Wanna play legos?" Jasper asked me and I laughed. "What's so funny?" he asked frowning._

"_That's what I was playing before we came over," I explained and he smiled at me brightly._

_Tugging on his mother's pants he needled, "Mom? Mom? Mom?"_

_Esme sighed in exasperation, "What is it, honey?"_

_Bouncing up and down on his feet Jasper begged, "Can Edward spend the night? Pretty please?"_

"_If that's all right with Edward and his mom, but you'd better ask them," Esme answered._

_Turning to me he asked, "Do you want to spend the night?" I nodded my head. I'd never spent the night with anyone before. Actually I never saw Jasper much except at school._

"_Is it okay?" Jasper looked up asking my mom._

"_Sure, but he doesn't have any pj's," my mom told him. Did that mean she didn't want me to stay?_

"_I've got pj's, he can wear some of mine. Please let him stay," Jasper pleaded with my mom._

"_Oh, all right. Have fun, Edward, and stay out of trouble," my mom relented before hugging me goodbye._

_Jasper and I ran up the stairs to his bedroom. He already had the legos spread out on the floor. "What do you want to make?" I asked him._

"_A house," he stated firmly._

"_Okay..." I trailed off. That didn't seem cool, at all._

"_Well, what were you making then?" Jasper asked me._

"_A skyscraper," I said proudly and Jasper whistled._

"_Wow. Now I want to build that too," he said, impressed, and we got to work building our skyscraper, only arguing occasionally on where the pieces should go._

_When we were done I told Jasper, "One day I'm going to live in one of those."_

_Jasper frowned at me and remarked, "You can't live in one of those. Those things only have offices in them."_

"_No, they don't. I've seen people on TV that live in them," I argued._

"_Really? Then I want to live in one too." Jasper looked awed that anyone could live in a place like that. Then he looked up at me and said, "We should live in one together when we are old enough."_

_Laughing at him I said, "We can't live in one of those together. When we get old we have to live in a house with a girl." I didn't know much about life, but I did know that's what big people did._

_Jasper gagged, "Ugh. I don't want to live with a girl."_

"_Why?" I asked, confused._

"_'Cause girls have cooties," he stated matter-of-factually._

"_Your mom is a girl, does she have cooties?" I asked him. If they were catching I didn't want them._

_Thinking it over he decided, "No, she's a mom. Mom's don't have cooties." Okay, now he was just making stuff up._

"_Jasper... what are cooties?" I asked him curiously._

_Shrugging at me he admitted, "I don't know. I just know girls have them." That was stupid, but I wasn't about to tell him that. What if he was right?_

"_Jasper, Edward, dinner's ready," Esme called up the stairs. We weren't done playing, but Jasper told me that we had to go down or she'd come and get us. Sighing we ran down the stairs skipping every other step._

"_Go sit down at the table. I made you boys hamburgers," Esme told us and that made Jasper look happy. We sat down at the table eating, talking, and giggling with our mouths full, making a mess. Sitting side by side we were actually turned facing one another which meant all our crumbs landed on the floor instead of our plates._

_Neither of us could finish what was on our plates, so we asked if we could go play some more. Esme told us we could as long as we got ready for bed first. Letting us go we raced upstairs trying to see who got to Jasper's room first. It was a tie._

_Jasper opened one of his drawers and threw me some pajamas and pulled some out for himself. We changed our clothes in a hurry to get back to playing._

"_Whatcha wanna do now?" Jasper asked me._

"_Um... I don't know," I said, not knowing what he had here or what he liked doing._

_His eyes brightened as he asked, "Do you like Superman?"_

"_I guess," was my reply. If Jasper liked Superman, then I was going to like Superman._

"_We have the movie. Want to watch it?" he asked me. Shrugging at him I agreed._

_Running back downstairs Jasper asked, "Mom, can we watch Superman?"_

"_Again? Honey, aren't you tired of that movie?" Esme asked him._

"_No. Besides, I haven't watched it with Edward," he told her._

"_Okay, okay. Let me put it in for you," Esme relented. She put the video in the VCR and we sat down on the floor of the den to watch it, probably entirely too close to the TV. I was somewhat fascinated by it and the colors, but I still didn't see why Jasper loved it so much._

"_Jasper, why do you like Superman?" I asked him._

_Looking at me seriously he explained, "'Cause I wish someone like that was real."_

"_Why?" Why did he need someone like that?_

"_If someone like that was real then maybe I'd still have my real parents," he told me. I didn't know what to say to that, so I just patted his arm._

_Yawning and sleepy Esme told us to go upstairs to bed. Our eyes drooping closed we made it slowly to Jasper's room and laid down on the bed. A few minutes later Esme came in and wished us, "Goodnight, boys." Then she gave Jasper a hug and a kiss on his forehead before doing the same to me. I couldn't figure out why she'd give me those things though._

"_G'night, mom," Jasper said._

"_'Night," I mumbled. She closed the door leaving it slightly open with the light shining in from the hall along with Jasper's nightlight. I could just barely make out Jasper, he looked creepy in the weird light. "Jasper?" I questioned to see if he was awake._

"_Yeah?" he said turning to me._

"_Why do you call your mom, mom? I mean she's not your real mom," I asked him curiously, hoping he didn't get mad._

"_She's mom and then I have dad. My real parents I called mama and papa, so I don't get them mixed up," he claimed. Those were weird things to call your parents. Years later Jasper told me his parents were from the south, that they moved up here after they got married. It was one of the few things he could remember about them._

"_Oh," I stated before we fell silent. The silence only made me think back to my parents fighting. Why were they fighting now? They never did before. My eyes started to well with tears and I tried to brush them away. Boys don't cry, or at least that's what my father always told me. Jasper noticed them, but instead of asking what I was crying over he put his arms around me pulling me close. My tears and snot made his shirt all wet and gross, I doubted he'd want me to spend the night here anymore. We fell asleep like that and woke up the same way. Jasper never said anything whenever he held me, just being content to lie there. That's what I needed when my parents fought and they fought often. Neither of us ever mentioned it, never thought it was abnormal._

It was that memory more than anything else that made me listen to Jasper, to actually _hear_ what he had to say.

Jasper pulled me into his arms and I tried to get away. I couldn't figure out for the life of me why he wouldn't stop touching me if he didn't want me. "Edward, I know you don't want to hear it, but I am sorry." My body stiffened. He was sorry? He said he was sorry, again? After I told him not to? "I love you, so much." Yeah, as in a 'let's be friends' sort of way. You don't love me like I love you. "I know you felt like I was rejecting you yesterday, but I wasn't." Really? That's what I heard, you rejecting me, that's what it felt like. "I was angry, confused and afraid." Yeah? Me, too. I didn't go around half cocked though. "I know your parents kicking you out hurt you. I know my reaction hurt you." That's an understatement. "Just remember that I love you, no matter what." Really? Are you sure about that, Jasper? "I may do or say stupid, idiotic, fucked up things sometimes, but I still love you." You certainly said some stupid, idiotic, fucked up things to me yesterday. "I want to be with you." Yeah, right. "I can't imagine being with anyone else." Jasper let it all out and waited while I absorbed what he'd said. He couldn't imagine being with anyone else? I thought he didn't want me. Fuck, I was confused. This conversation was exhausting and I was too sleepy for this.

Lifting up my head I sighed, "I'm tired. Let's go back to bed." He nodded and we both got up.

In the bedroom I stripped down to my boxers and saw Jasper come into the room with our bag. He looked at me with lust. He wanted me. Right now I was still too angry to act on it. Slipping under the covers first Jasper followed quickly. I was turned facing the wall. He put his arm around me pulling me to his chest. This time I didn't pull away. If he didn't want me surely he wouldn't do that. Remembering the first time he held me in this room I smiled.

Finally allowing myself sleep, real rest, I sank deeper into the mattress and against Jasper's chest. Somewhere far away I felt a kiss on my neck and then someone licking the shell of my ear making me shiver. I heard a whispered, "I'm going to take a shower." Mmm... I wasn't entirely awake when I thought about being in the shower with Jasper.

Hearing the shower running I imagined Jasper naked and wet in there. My cock twitched at the thought. Damn it. My mind was not ready for that, but my cock won that battle. I was still waffling between I loved Jasper, I needed to forgive him and I hated Jasper, I needed to tell him to go to hell.

It was those conflicting thoughts that I carried with me into the shower. My feet led me right to him, only pausing long enough to grab a condom and the bottle of lube from our bag and slipping out of my own boxers.

When I walked into the bathroom I saw Jasper standing there under the running water. Fuck me, he was beautiful. I watched as the water ran down his toned body and made me want to lick every part of him. Swallowing hard I couldn't let him see that. I couldn't let him see that I still loved him, that I wanted to make love to him. No, that wasn't going to happen. Not today.

Stepping into the shower I pressed Jasper against the tile wall away from me and felt him jump. Good. "Edward?" Jasper asked.

"Were you expecting anyone else, Jazz?" I asked him laughing bitterly. You belong to me to Jasper, no one else.

"What are you doing?" he hissed as I still had him pressed against the wall. My hands held his against the wall as my erect cock pressed into his ass wanting nothing more than to be buried deep inside him.

Kissing his neck first, I then bit it, marking him. "I'm showing you who you belong to. Me," I said aggressively.

"I know who I belong to," Jasper contested. Yeah, right.

"Really? Are you sure, Jazz? Yesterday, you seemed to think that you belonged to everyone else, that they were the reason we are together," I seethed angrily.

"I'm sure, Edward. Please, just let me turn around," he pleaded. I held him against the wall so he couldn't move.

"No. I don't think I'll let you. You're going to make it up to me," I told him aggressively. "How are you going to make it up to me?" I inquired. He pushed his ass against my hard cock in answer.

"That's not good enough. Tell me," I commanded. I needed to hear his words, needed to hear him tell me that he even wanted to make it up to me, that he still wanted me.

"Let me make love to you," he said and I wanted to laugh. Right fucking now I was in no mood to make love to anyone.

I scoffed at him, "Make love to me? I don't think so, Jazz." It was hard to believe he even wanted to make love to me after yesterday or do anything else for that matter. Then I bit him again and confessed, "I'm going to fuck you senseless without you being able to look at me."

"Close your eyes," I commanded, unable to look at him with them open. It hurt too much. He let them slip closed. "I want you to feel me, feel what only I can do to you." He moaned at my words. Jasper needed to remember that even though I was the only guy he'd ever liked that he was still affected by me, by my touch. No one else could make him feel that way for me, no one else, just him and him alone.

Still holding onto both his hands I moved my mouth down to his arms kissing and sucking, working my way across his shoulders, across his neck. Letting go of his hands I warned, "Don't move your hands or I will stop doing what I'm doing and take matters into my own hands." If he didn't like what I was doing then he could move them and I'd stop, taking care of myself without him. He never moved them.

My hands moved down his sides as my lips kissed down his back. I'd forgotten I wasn't going to do it, but I did anyway, I licked the indentations where the muscles of his body separated along the way. I couldn't resist doing it. Working my way down his body I ended up on my knees with my hands on his ass. It called to me and I nipped at it. Jasper yelped in surprise and then yelped again as his body hit the cold tile before pushing his ass closer to my face. I laughed at him before getting back to what I was doing.

My lips made it between his thighs sucking on the soft skin there. "Fuck..." Jasper breathed. He was right where I wanted him. My tongue licked the crack of his ass asking for entrance. He took a wider stance, wanting me, allowing me to touch him, to feel him. My hands pulled his ass cheeks apart and I let my tongue slip inside. Fuck. He felt good against my tongue, and warm. I wanted to be inside him.

Moving my mouth away from there I bit his ass again, the ass that belonged to me. I hoped he never forgot it again. Grabbing the lube I put some on my fingers before entering one into his ass. I was impatient, I wanted to feel him around my cock instead. Adding another finger and then another pumping him I heard Jasper moan at me, wanting me. Jasper pushed against my hand and pleaded, "Please..." You'll get it when I'm ready for you to. I slapped his ass, and even I could feel the sting of the water against my hand so I know he felt it against his ass. The sensation was probably heightened as his eyes were closed.

Removing my fingers from his ass I stood up and pressed my cock against his ass asking, "Is this what you want?"

"Fuck, yes," Jasper growled. Fuck. I couldn't resist that growl. Tearing open the condom package with wet hands was difficult so I used my teeth instead. Rolling it over my cock I added a little more lube to it before I was at his hole. Jasper sighed in relief as I pushed into him slowly. Even though I was angry still I didn't want to hurt him, so I continued slowly until I couldn't take it anymore and started fucking him in earnest. I knew Jasper needed relief, but I wasn't willing to let him touch himself. He was going to get off on my touch alone, mine, not his, no one else but mine. He belonged to me. Jasper begged, "Edward, please, can I touch myself?"

"Don't even think about moving your hands, Jazz," I warned.

Continuing fucking him I was nearly ready to let go as I felt my balls tighten. Jasper was going to come with my hand around his cock, not his. Wrapping my hand around his cock I thought I heard a small whimper of relief. Stroking him hard I continued fucking him. He was close, so very close. Picking up my pace around his cock I felt him tense against me right before he let go. He let go at my touch, he got off from mine alone. That thought pleased me as his ass clenched around my cock, his forehead resting against the shower wall. Shooting my own load into the condom I pulled out of him. Placing a soft kiss on his neck I was exhausted and felt a little bit guilty, then again I didn't.

Rearranging my face so I didn't appear guilty, I had an innocent look on my face. Jasper snorted at me when he turned around and saw it. Raising a brow at him I dared him to question it and went along with my own shower. Did he notice I didn't call him anything but Jazz during that entire time? Jazz was my name for him, it belonged to me and me alone. It was mine. He was mine. Mine. Fuck, when did I become jealous?

We both eventually got dressed and went downstairs to find both our parents home. They both looked like they were trying not to laugh. They must have heard us. Esme spoke up and inquired, "Did you boys kiss and make up?" Jasper's face turned bright red, he couldn't even look at her.

I hummed happily, "Yes." Jasper glared at me. Carlisle and Esme laughed, probably at both him and me. I whispered in his ear, "What's wrong, Jazz? That's what they wanted to hear." Unable to stop myself and unwilling to hide it I kissed him full on the mouth letting my tongue slip inside. We were still in front of his parents, I didn't care. When I pulled away from him I slapped his sweet ass and his parents stared at us with their mouths open.

Recovering first Esme said, "I guess you did make up." Then she shook her head trying not to laugh again and said, "Lunch is on the table, we've been waiting for you."

We all walked into the dining room and I went to take my usual seat across from Jasper. He put his hand on my arm, stopping me, and pulled me to the seat next to his. "Sit next to me, please," Jasper requested. I smiled slightly. He was still trying to make up for what he'd said to me. I still wasn't entirely over it.

Sitting down Jasper pulled his chair closer to mine and put a hand on my thigh, keeping it there during the entire time. I wanted to laugh watching him eat with only one hand, but I wasn't about to remove his hand this time. I missed his touch.

Carlisle and Esme could clearly see that and smiled at each other often. I almost wondered if they were happier that we were together than Jasper and me. Huh, Jasper might not have been so far off in his assumptions then. "Okay, boys, we've got some other things we need to get done today. So enjoy yourselves and stay out of trouble," Esme said and I snorted to myself. Right... When she said stay out of trouble it reminded me of what my own mother said to me the first time she brought me here. It made me a little sad to think about her.

Jasper's parents left us alone in the house again and he turned to me asking, "What do you want to do now?" There wasn't much to do in this small town and it was raining too hard right now to really enjoy being outside.

"I don't know. Watch a movie?" I asked.

"Sure. Let's see what my parents have," Jasper said walking into the den. This room was more comfortable than the living room, but that couch was so old you could barely get out of it. I wondered why Esme still kept it when she had changed everything else.

Looking through their DVD's I spotted Superman. Oh, we had to watch that one. Pulling it out I showed it to Jasper. He gave me a funny look and snorted, "Superman? Really?"

Nodding my head I was adamant, "Yes, really. That's what I want to watch."

"Okay..." Jasper trailed off taking it from me. He put the movie in and I moved the coffee table away from the couch. Sitting down I leaned my back against the couch deciding that sitting on the floor would be safer than actually sitting on the couch. Jasper joined me.

Grabbing my hand Jasper held onto it tightly as though he was afraid I was going somewhere. Kissing my neck Jasper breathed, "I love you, I'm sorry I was being an idiot." He wanted me.

Turning my head towards him I replied, "I'm sorry, too. I wasn't listening to you." Then I kissed his soft lips gently sucking on the bottom one. Pulling away I murmured, "I love you too, Jazz. I've never loved anyone more than you."

Smiling at me tentatively he turned his head back to the movie. "Do you remember when we used to watch this as kids?" he asked me. "I think I drove my mom crazy watching it over and over."

"Yeah, I remember it," I laughed, that's exactly why I chose to watch _this_ movie over any other.

"Too bad there aren't any real Supermen in real life," Jasper sighed.

"Oh, really? Are you sure about that one, Jazz?" I teased.

Frowning at me in confusion he asked, "What are you talking about?"

"I think Emmett might be yours," I chuckled. Jasper's mouth popped open before he slapped my arm lightly.

"You think he saved me?" he asked me.

"No, I don't think it. I know it," I answered.

"Edward, you saved me, too," Jasper stated quietly. Swallowing hard I couldn't respond to that. I'd do anything to keep him with me.

We ended up lying on the floor finishing up the movie. My head lay on Jasper's chest like it had countless times before, my arm around his waist. Then I heard Jasper gasp and felt him shift as he shot up nearly crushing me, I rolled out of his way quickly. "What the fuck, Jasper?" I shouted at him.

He looked at me with wide eyes and stated softly, "I remember."

"You remember what exactly?" I asked him trying to calm my heart down.

He reached out to me and pulled me back down with him. Then he said, "I remember this." He ran his hand through my hair and I sighed in contentment. He wanted me. My home was holding me in his arms. I never wanted to get up from there.


	16. Chapter 16

**Strange Desire: Chapter Sixteen**

**AN:** _Well, I got a lot of responses to my last chapter. I'm not sure if it was due to the actual story or my author's note, haha. I do find it amazing that some of you didn't think I could bring them out of a fight like that. I was always going to do that part of the story from both points of view, it was just the lemon that I wasn't. Now it's going to be hard to top the last two chapters, I think. I hope I didn't set myself up with that. This chapter wore me out._

_I'm ecstatic that I'm some of you guys very first slash story. I'm not entirely sure how you'd end up reading mine first out of all the ones out there, but I'm happy you did._

_Characters belong to SM_

**JPOV **

Holy crap, I was embarrassed. Edward just stuck his tongue in my mouth and slapped my ass in front of my parents. Why would he do that? The looks on my parent's faces weren't making me feel any better about it. This was it, wasn't it? They were fine when we told them, but seeing it was a whole other thing altogether. Edward was lucky I didn't punch him. If I hadn't already so royally fucked up I probably would have, but I managed to keep it together. I was proud of myself for that.

Recovering first Esme said, "I guess you did make up." Then she shook her head trying not to laugh again and said, "Lunch is on the table, we've been waiting for you." Oh thank god. At least I knew they weren't going to freak out on us.

Would my own biological parents have been so understanding, so accepting? I didn't know. Would I even be with Edward or any other man if they hadn't died? I didn't even know if I would have met Edward otherwise. I sighed inwardly to my unanswered questions, they weren't going to get me anywhere. The questions would probably always stay with me.

We all walked into the dining room and Edward went to take his usual seat across from me. I wouldn't let him. Putting my hand on his arm to stop him I pulled him to the seat next to mine. "Sit next to me, please," I requested. Edward smiled slightly. If he didn't want to hide anymore and my parents were okay with this, then we weren't hiding it, either one of us.

Sitting down I pulled my chair closer to his and put a hand on his thigh, keeping it there during the entire time. Eating with one hand was difficult, but I had to make sure he was real, that he was still with me, that he wouldn't shove me off again.

Carlisle and Esme could clearly see that and smiled at each other often. They at least looked happy we were together. "Okay, boys, we've got some other things we need to get done today. So enjoy yourselves and stay out of trouble," Esme said. Yeah, right...

My parents left us alone in the house again and I turned to him asking, "What do you want to do now?" There wasn't much to do in this small town and it was raining too hard right now to really enjoy being outside.

"I don't know. Watch a movie?" Edward asked.

"Sure. Let's see what my parents have," I said walking into the den. This room was more comfortable than the living room, but that couch was so old you could barely get out of it. No one could even make out the original color anymore. The couch had always been here, but I couldn't figure out why my mom hadn't had it removed or redone.

Looking through my parents many DVD's Edward picked out a movie. Pulling it out he showed it to me. Why would he want to watch that? Giving him a funny look I snorted, "Superman? Really?"

Nodding his head he was adamant, "Yes, really. That's what I want to watch."

"Okay..." I trailed off taking it from him. That was an odd movie to pick out of the hundreds that my parents owned. I put the movie in while Edward moved the coffee table away from the couch. Edward sat down leaning his back against the couch and I sat next to him.

Grabbing Edward's hand I held onto it tightly reminding myself that he was still here with me, that I hadn't completely lost him. Kissing his neck I breathed, "I love you, I'm sorry I was being an idiot." I was determined not to fuck everything up again. Edward didn't need anymore doubts that I loved him.

Turning his head towards me he replied, "I'm sorry, too. I wasn't listening to you." No fucking kidding? Then he kissed my lips, gently sucking on the bottom one. I wanted more, but Edward pulled away and murmured, "I love you, too, Jazz. I've never loved anyone more than you." Me neither.

Smiling at him tentatively I turned my head back to the movie. "Do you remember when we used to watch this as kids?" I asked him. "I think I drove my mom crazy watching it over and over." I had probably seen this movie hundreds of times, could quote every line.

"Yeah, I remember it," he laughed.

"Too bad there aren't any real Supermen in real life," I sighed. I remembered wanting him to be real, to have saved my parents.

"Oh, really? Are you sure about that one, Jazz?" he teased.

Frowning at him in confusion I asked, "What are you talking about?"

"I think Emmett might be yours," he said chuckled. My mouth popped open before I slapped his arm lightly. I was really trying not to laugh, Emmett was probably the closest I was going to get to a real life Superman. I wondered what he'd think about that. Knowing him he'd probably pat himself on the back.

"You think he saved me?" I asked Edward.

"No, I don't think it. I know it," he answered.

"Edward, you saved me too," I stated quietly. He saved me more than in just a doctor sort of way. He'd saved me from loneliness, from isolation. I knew I wouldn't have had much to do with other people if it wasn't for him.

We ended up lying on the floor finishing up the movie. Edward's head lay on my chest, his arm around my waist. The first time we'd watched this movie was the first time Edward had ever stayed the night here. His parents had been fighting. We'd gone to bed and Edward cried himself to sleep lying with me just like this. I held him just like this. Shit, I held him like this after every fight his parents had. How the hell did I forget that? Gasping I shot up and Edward barely made it out of my way. "What the fuck, Jasper?" he shouted at me.

Looking at him with wide eyes I said softly, "I remember."

"You remember what exactly?" he asked me. You.

Reaching out to him I pulled him back down with me. Then I said, "I remember this." Running my hand through his messy hair I heard his soft sigh.

"Edward?" I asked to see if he was listening.

"Yeah, Jasper, what is it?" he asked warily as though he was still trying to protect himself. Damn it, damn it, damn it. Would he ever completely forgive me? Could we ever glue all the pieces back together again?

"Do you think if I hadn't been in denial and you hadn't been hiding what you are, then we would have been together for a long time already?" I questioned him, still confused. Our whole relationship made very little sense to me. I loved him and that was enough, but some answers would be nice.

"I don't know, maybe," he mused as his hand made its way under my shirt and was stroking my stomach, paying more attention to my belly button. Then he scooted his head down my chest so it was right where his hand was. I felt his lips kissing my stomach and his strong tongue licking my belly button. Fuck. A deep growl erupted from my chest at that. Edward moaned at the sound and bit me lightly, making the growl that much deeper.

Sitting up I pulled him up with me. I pushed him so his back was leaning against the couch with his legs straight out in front of him. Straddling his legs with my own I placed my elbows on the cushions of the couch behind his head and my hands in his hair. Looking at him I wondered what I'd done to deserve him, I didn't. He was a work of art. One of my hands moved to his face, feeling the stubble across his jawline. Keeping it there I leaned down and pressed my lips against his. Edward's hands worked their way under my shirt, caressing my back as he kissed me in return. Parting my lips I inhaled his warm breath and felt his tongue against my own, felt the roughness of it. We continued just kissing for a while, pausing only for air. No words were spoken. If I didn't speak and he didn't speak, then we couldn't fuck it up.

Pulling away from him I could see his lips were bruised and swollen, mine probably were as well. Both my hands cupped his face, my thumbs caressing his cheeks. Edward pulled my hands away from his face and looked at them, still all cut up. Fuck, I was an idiot. He frowned at them. Shit, shit, shit. Was that only going to remind him of yesterday? I half expected for him to throw me off him. He didn't. Edward brought my hands to his lips and kissed each bruised knuckle. My heart only felt like it grew that much bigger, letting him inside. When he was done Edward's green eyes met mine as he whispered, "I love you."

Throwing my arms around his neck I breathed in his ear, "I love you, too, so much." Nibbling his ear first I made my way down his neck with open mouthed kisses. Edward tried tugging my shirt up. I pushed him back to the floor and removed it for him. His eyes darkened and burned bright as his hand reached out to touch my chest. He touched nearly every part of me he could see, leaving a trail of fire.

Moving his hand away from me I lowered my body so that I was between his legs and my mouth was poised right over his zipper. Blowing warm breath over him I moved myself upwards. My nose pushed his shirt up as my lips and tongue followed, up his happy trail and between his pecs. He groaned at me probably unhappy that I didn't go lower. Edward sat up a little so I could pull his shirt off as well, throwing it somewhere behind me.

Pushing him down again I kissed his lips, my hands running along his sides. Edward had his legs wrapped around mine bucking up against me seeking relief, as much as he could get as we still had pants on. His hands were still caressing my back as we continued kissing.

"Oh," I heard my mom's voice. Edward and I stopped, completely still. All the sound left the room. When did she come home? I didn't hear her. Thank god we hadn't gotten to our pants.

Looking up at her, my face and neck bright red, I noticed both her and my father were standing there. Edward tilted his back to look at them too and muttered, "Fuck." I was probably the only one that heard it.

"Um... I'll be right back. I want to show you boys something," my mom said pulling my dad away along with her.

Groaning I rolled off Edward and looked for my shirt. It wasn't as though they hadn't seen us without shirts on before, but after that I felt like I needed more cover, more protection. With our shirts on we sat next to each against the couch. I was still as horny as hell, as though getting caught like that made it worse. Edward started laughing and I shot him a look. "What the fuck is so funny?" I snapped at him, making an attempt to hold in my anger; my anger at getting caught, my anger at not being able to finish what we started.

Edward only laughed harder at the look on my face. "What's so funny? Jasper, do you realize we just got caught by our parents making out like a couple of teenagers? It's something that should have happened when we were teenagers and never did. I never thought that would happen as that's backwards from where we are in our relationship." I couldn't help but laugh too, that is, until my mom and dad walked back into the room and my face turned red in embarrassment again. Any longer and they would have caught us doing more than making out.

My parents sat down on the old, decrepit couch. My mom had a thick book in her hand as she said, "I wanted to show you something." I'd never seen that book before in my life, not even in all my meanderings around the house.

My dad rolled his eyes at her saying, "I doubt they want to look at pictures, Esme."

"I know they probably don't _want_ too, but they _need_ to see them. Maybe it would address some of their confusion," she argued. What the fuck was she talking about? I turned to Edward to ask him about it, but he looked just as confounded as I felt. "Go ahead, look," my mom encouraged, handing the book over.

Opening it there were many pages filled with pictures. The entire book only had pictures of Edward and I, no one and nothing else. The book started with us as children, going all the way up to now. I wasn't even sure how or when they'd gotten some of these. None of them were posed. In all of them neither one of us was aware our picture was being taken. Some of them were recent. The book showed our love for each other chronologically. It showed my love for Edward, showed that I'd always loved him, always.

The thing that stood out the most were the intimate touches, ironically, not by Edward, but by me. Holy fucking shit, how had I not noticed that? Damn it, damn it, damn it. Looking through it I saw as we got older Edward hung back more from me, but I didn't, it was almost like I was taking his place there. There were a few pictures where he was touching me intimately or looking at me like someone that was in love or jealous, but only when I wasn't paying attention to him.

I think I looked through that book ten times in shock that our love had been recorded like that and we weren't even aware of it. If we had seen these before now would it have answered a lot of our questions? Fuck, fuck, fuck. My anger was starting to rise again, I could feel it coming. I didn't want it to, but it was. Edward looked over at me, he must have seen it happening. Closing the book and putting it to the side Edward wrapped his arms around me and kissed my lips. "Jasper, it doesn't matter. We are together now, it doesn't matter," Then he said, "I love you."

Swallowing my anger back I replied, "I love you, too." I sighed in relief. I didn't lose my temper this time. Edward made sure of it. I wasn't sure my relationship with him or my parents could handle another outburst like yesterday's right now.

Hearing sniffling behind me I turned to see my mom wiping tears away from her eyes. What was she crying over? "Mom? Why are you crying?" I asked her.

"I'm just so happy. W... I've been waiting for my boys to realize what I've known for a long time," she answered. Yeah, why didn't she help us along there then? No. No, she couldn't have. I'd already thought other people had influenced this relationship, if she'd interfered, then I'd know it was fact.

My dad got out of the couch carefully and came over to help my mom out of it. He said, "I think we need to give them a little time, Esme." Nodding her head she let him help her up.

"Mom, why do we still have this couch?" I asked her. The thing really needed to go.

"You don't remember?" she questioned. Fuck, what else was I forgetting?

Shaking my head no I inquired, "Should I?"

Looking at me sadly she answered, "It came from your parent's house, it was theirs."

Sucking in a breath I looked at it again. I didn't remember this monstrosity, then again it probably wasn't that ugly and abused when my parents had it. Running my hand along the itchy fabric I said, "Mom, you don't have to keep this. I don't even remember it." She nodded at me once and walked out of the room.

"Jasper, are you okay?" Edward asked me concerned.

Leaning into his shoulder I sighed, "Yeah." I was as okay as I was going to be. My mom loved me enough to hold onto this for me?

We stayed like that, not speaking for a while. I didn't know where Edward's thoughts were, but mine swirled around my biological parents and around how the hell Edward and I hadn't figured out that we liked each other before now. No, how the hell had I not figure out I liked him? He knew he liked me. I knew I was good at pretending, but damn. Apparently I was good enough to pretend things about myself to myself.

"Boys?" my mom called quietly from the doorway. Looking up at her she said, "Dinner's ready, if you want it." I wasn't sure that I did, but I got up anyway. Edward sat next to me again without me asking him to, which made me happy.

The dinner was good, the conversation light, until my mom blurted out, "Are you going to move?" What the fuck was she talking about? Move? Why the hell would we move? I didn't want to move. I liked where we lived now. Where did she want us to move to? Turning to look at Edward to see if he knew what she was getting at I saw him frowning at her. My dad had the same expression on his face.

"Mom, what are you talking about? Why would we move?" I asked her in confusion, as I always seemed to be now.

"Well... you can't get married in Washington," she stated as though that answered the question. Married? Who said anything about getting married? Did either one of us ever mention it? No, I didn't think so. Fuck, we'd only been together a couple of months. _Women._

All three of the rest of us of the male gender had our mouths hanging open, dumbfounded. At least I knew the rest of us were on the same page. I was irritated. Pulling myself together I spoke up, "I don't want to move." I hoped Edward would be right along with me there.

He blinked a couple of times before agreeing, "I don't want to move either."

"But don't you want to get married?" she pressed. I wasn't sure either of us knew the answer to that one.

My father rescued us from this conversation, thank god, as he commented, "Esme, even if they moved and got married where it was legal as soon as they left that state their marriage wouldn't be recognized anymore. There is no point in pushing the issue." Was that true? I didn't know.

My mom sighed, "I just want my boys to be happy." Since when did marriage equal happiness? Sure, my parents were happy, but Edward's clearly weren't. I doubted he even saw marriage as a good thing. Did it make a difference? I wanted to be with Edward, period. I didn't need a piece of paper to tell me we belonged to each other, I knew we did.

We eventually got the topic of conversation back to more normal, less life-altering things. Shit, what did they want from me? I'd just come out to them _yesterday_. Wasn't that enough for now?

Helping clear the table my mom was at the sink washing dishes. I saw her surreptitiously wipe her eyes. What was she crying for _now_? Maybe she wasn't as okay with this as she made out to be. "Mom, why are you crying?"

She was still turned away from me when she denied, "I'm not crying." Yeah, sure you aren't.

My temper started to rise again, but before I could say anything else Edward spoke up. "Yes, you are. What's wrong?"

Turning around, her eyes still had tears in them as she choked out, "Now I won't have grandchildren." Laughter bubbled up in my chest, I couldn't contain it. I laughed so hard my sides hurt. Edward gave me a reproving look which only made the laughter worse. "Why are you laughing?" my mom asked me looking hurt.

Taking deep breaths I tried to get my laughter under control. She was crying over it and I was laughing, that probably wasn't very nice, but I couldn't help it. Did she realize that neither I, nor Edward, was their flesh and blood child?

Finally calmed down I mentioned, "Mom, even if we were with a woman that doesn't mean we'd have children." That was preposterous.

She looked befuddled as she said, "Of course you would."

Shaking my head no I stated, "You didn't."

Her mouth popped open and her eyes got wide as the light-bulb went off in her head, she muttered, "Oh."

"Yeah, oh. I'm your adopted child, not your biological one. Edward is your child, in a way, even though you didn't adopt him. Again, he's not your biological son," I countered, explaining the obvious.

My mom wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled at me and Edward. Fiercely, she agreed, "You're right. _Both_ of you are my sons." I sighed in relief. I wasn't sure I wanted kids, or that Edward wanted them, but this was ludicrous. Why did she think I could handle talking about marriage and kids when I wasn't sure I wanted either one and we'd just come out to them fucking _yesterday_?

God damn, I'd had enough for one day. I was fucking exhausted. Marriage and kids? Just this morning Edward and I were still not speaking; I wasn't sure he'd speak to me again, or even if we were still together. It was as if she wanted us to hurry up already. Couldn't we just enjoy this and not rush it? Why did people always want you to move things faster? That seemed to me like you missed things along the way by doing that.

When we were done Edward and I sat down in the living room with my dad, talking. My mom had gone into the den. She came back carrying that photo book and asked me, "Jasper, are you sure you won't mind if I change the couch?"

"No, I don't care," I answered her. It wouldn't bring my parents back and as I didn't remember it as even belonging to them I didn't know why it mattered.

"Okay, if you're sure," she said and sat down with us. Then she rattled off, "I think I'll keep the frame of it though, they don't make them that strong anymore." Yeah, whatever, I didn't care.

Edward and my dad talked about some interesting cases they'd had lately while my mom looked through the photo album. I didn't participate in the conversation, choosing instead to just listen. Fuck, I was tired.

My mind wouldn't let go of something though, it played over and over in my head. Where the hell had those pictures come from? Some of them were from when we were in Seattle and I knew my parents weren't there at those times. One of them had us kissing, that one was of the first time I'd kissed Edward in public on the street. "Mom?" I asked.

"Yes, honey?" she asked back.

"Where did those pictures come from?" I questioned her. Gulping at the question her eyes diverted to my dad, then Edward. What the fuck was going on?

Taking a deep breath my mom mumbled, "I can't tell you that." The explosion was coming, I could feel it. I'd held it in for so long that I lashed out, there was no way in hell that anyone was going to stop it this time.

"What the fuck? Why can't you tell me?" Standing up I shouted at her. There was a definite lack of privacy here and had been for a long time. I wanted answers, right fucking then. My chest was heaving and I was doing everything in my power to stay in that room, to not run. My patience for the day had finally run out. Although I think I still would have been angry or at least suspicious under normal circumstances about this. Rounding on Edward I shouted, "Did you know about this?" The surprise on his face was enough answer for me. At least I wasn't mad at him.

"Jasper, honey, please sit down," my mom petitioned me. I was in no mood to sit down. Touching my hand Edward swiped his finger across my knuckles, the slight sting reminding me of my outburst yesterday; it was that that made me sit down. My mother had nothing to do with it. "Edward doesn't have anything to do with this. He didn't know either. Just trust me when I tell you I can't tell you," she said. What the fuck was she hiding? Now I was dying with curiosity. "Don't go looking for the answer either, please. I'm begging you, both of you, don't look for it." Fuck, would we ever find the answer? I was more than frustrated.

"Fine. I'm going to bed," I huffed.

Leaving them I went up the stairs to my old room. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and looked in the mirror half expecting to find my hair had turned completely white after the stress of the last two days. It hadn't, it was still as blond as ever.

Stripping off my clothes I got under the covers and put my arm over my eyes. Shit, shit, shit. What the hell was going on? Too much was going on. I really wanted to go home where life was less complicated. This trip was wearing on me.

Edward came in not long afterward. I could hear him moving about, but I was too fucking exhausted to talk to him right this second. He flicked the light off and got into bed beside me. Moving my arm from over my eyes I asked, "Did I miss anything else?"

He snorted at me, "No, I think you ended the conversation." Good.

My head was swimming with too many thoughts, they only added to my confusion. Fuck, when was my mind going to be normal again? Why would my mom even ask us about marriage and kids _knowing_ I was not completely myself? I was right, she was impatient for things I wasn't sure I even wanted and I had no idea what Edward thought about those things either.

Closing my eyes I sighed. The next thing I felt were Edward's lips kissing my eyelids. My eyes fluttered open and I saw Edward's green ones in the dark looking at me in concern. What the fuck for? "Are you okay, Jasper?" he asked me. No, I was not fucking okay, but I'd get over it.

"No. Aren't you a little freaked out about those pictures?" I questioned him.

Smiling at me he kissed my lips before saying, "No, I'm not."

"I am, why aren't you?" I shot back in bewilderment. Someone had been following us around our entire lives with a camera and we didn't even have a fucking clue.

Chuckling at me he hummed happily, giving me his crooked grin. What was he so happy for? Fuck, maybe if my mind was all there I could figure this out for myself. "Jasper, those pictures... we might not be able to go looking into it, but I'm, without a doubt, positive that my mother had something to do with them," he informed me. Gasping at him I knew his words rang true, that he was exactly right. That was heady information. That meant his mother still cared. But if she cared, then why hadn't she tried to contact Edward in some way? That was a thought for another day, I was too tired to dwell on it now.

Pulling Edward into my arms I fell asleep, tired and exhausted. The absurdity of my entire day had finally worn me down, taken its toll on me. The day led me down the path of crazy dreams.

_Edward and I were teenagers and together as a couple, just not publicly. One day we skipped class together to make-out in Edward's car. We got detention for skipping, but when Edward's dad asked the principal what we'd skipped class for I knew that was the end. His dad looked at me full of hatred. Yanking Edward down the hall with him he was yelling at him, "You aren't a _fag_. No son of mine will be a _fucking fag_."_

_Running down the hallway after them I shouted, "Edward?"_

_Edward's dad rounded on me and shot his fist out, punching me in the face. His gaze was murderous when he seethed, "Don't talk my son again. Don't come near us or I will take you out. You might be a _fag_, but my son isn't." T hen he accused, "You made him want you, he wasn't a _fag _until he met you." Every single time he said fag, he spit the word out._

_Edward kept his head bowed and mumbled, "I'm sorry." His father had taken away every ounce of confidence he'd ever had. I was certain his dad would beat him when he got home._

_I didn't see Edward for months or hear from him. I wondered what happened to him, but as this was a small town, it didn't take long to find out. The whole town knew about us, about what happened. Edward's dad decided to send him to some rehabilitation camp, to 'de-gay' him. Even in my dreams I laughed at that. That was the most moronic thing I'd ever heard of._

_Most of the kids at school liked the gossip, and ridiculed me for it. I didn't care. They weren't worth my time. I moped around, missing Edward. _

_Then finally, finally, I saw him walking down the hall. My heart squeezed tight when I saw him, he looked pissed off. "Edward?" I called out._

_Looking at me for the first time since that day he said loudly so everyone could hear, "Don't talk to me ever again, Jasper." His voice was angry._

"_But..." I was trying to hold myself together, to not fall apart. I reached out to him. We were attracting an audience._

"_Jasper, don't touch me either," Edward warned menacingly. Then he put his hand on my shoulder and shoved me into the locker behind me, his hand took the brunt of the shove though. Leaning closer to me his eyes burned and I was sure everyone else thought he was threatening me. He wasn't. His mouth close to my ear he whispered, "I still love you, Jazz. Those psychos didn't take that away from me. Please tell me you can handle this . If my father finds out about us again he'll send me away, permanently." I nodded my head imperceptibly and felt his lips barely brush my neck before he walked away._

_The rest of high school went like this. To the outside we were mortal enemies. In our private lives we were even closer than we had been before._

_On Edward's eighteenth birthday he left home to come live at my house where he would be loved, accepted. We had planned this out beforehand. His father was livid. _

_Showing up at the door his dad was shouting at him, "Go back home where you belong. You don't belong with this _fag_, you aren't a _fag_."_

_Edward laughed in his face. "I AM a fag, and I'm not going home. I'm eighteen now, I can do what I want," he defended, shouting right back at him._

"_You won't be able to go to college without my help," his father argued. Yeah, in my dream we'd already thought about this._

"_Yes, I will. Now get the fuck out of my life. You won't accept me for who I am, so just stay the fuck out of it," Edward shook with anger._

_Edward's father turned his fury onto me and lunging at me knocked me to the floor. He was punching me in the face and shouting, "I told you that you'd pay for this. You took my son away, you had no right."_

_I could feel the warmth and wetness of blood drip from the corner of my mouth as Edward was shouting at me, "Jasper?" His voice was getting louder. Edward's dad had me pinned down, I couldn't move. Struggling against him Edward's voice was even louder as he yelled, "Jasper! Fuck, wake up, Jasper."_

Snapping my eyes open it took me a minute to realize where I was, that that had just been a bad dream. Edward was on top of me holding my arms down. The warmth and wetness that I'd felt and thought was blood in my dream were my tears. The dream seemed so real, as though it actually happened. It could have easily, but I was happy our life together hadn't turned out like that.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked me, finally letting my arms go. I nodded my head. Shit, that dream had probably taken only a few seconds, not the months it felt like. His hand reached out to touch my face. One of his fingers touched the tears on my cheek and he brought it to his lips. Then he leaned down and licked my lips removing any remaining tears before kissing me. I could taste the saltiness. Why the fuck would I dream that? What I did know is that we were still together, still loved each other, even in that dream. _No one_ could take that away from us.

Wrapping my arms around him I pulled him closer to me. "Why were you holding me down?" I asked him.

"Jazz, you were thrashing about so much I thought you were going to hurt yourself or me. Or at the very least dump one of us out of bed," Edward explained. "What were you dreaming about anyway?" he questioned me. When I got through telling him everything in my dream he started laughing. Every movement of his laughter made me aware that we were both completely naked. "Oh my god, if my dad knew a place like that existed he probably would have sent me there," he said, still laughing. I could feel myself get harder.

"You mean those are _real_ places?" I queried. I thought I'd made that up in my dream, maybe I'd heard it somewhere before.

"Yes, Jasper, those are real places," he sighed. Fuck, I was glad no one had sent him to one of those. Then he burst out with, "My father is an asshole."

"What?" I asked him thrown for a loop.

"You heard me. He's an asshole," he replied. Yeah, I knew that, but where was he going with this?

"No argument there, but is there a reason you are mentioning this now?" I questioned.

"Yeah. Your mom," he stated. Fuck, I was going to murder him if he didn't just fucking tell me.

"Yeah, and?" He'd better hurry up and tell me or I would throw his ass onto the floor.

"Jasper, I don't want any children," he stated flatly. Okay... This time I didn't ask him why or push it, he'd tell me on his own without my prompting if I left him to it. If I asked him he'd only become defensive, I knew this. I was pleased with myself for waiting for his answer like my old self would have. Sitting up, still straddling my body, he closed his eyes and spoke softly, "I don't want to end up being like my father."

Reaching up to his face I placed my hand there and waited until he opened his eyes. I wanted him to look at me when I said this. Opening his eyes I could see the green of them in the dim light as the sun was starting to rise. "Edward... if you don't want children, then we won't have any. All I want is to be with you. But... I don't think you'd be anything like your father. You wouldn't be like him in any way, you would know better."

Sighing he said, "Thank you. One day I might change my mind, but not right now." He sounded so sad that I couldn't think of anything else to do except comfort him. He needed me, I needed him. My hand on his face moved to the back of his head and threaded through his messy hair. Pulling his head down to mine I captured his soft lips with my own, they were a nice contrast to the hardness of his chest against me. My tongue slipped past his lips and explored every inch of his mouth, sliding along the roof of his mouth, his teeth, his cheeks, finally tangling with his tongue. He let out a long exhale and pulled away from me. Kissing my lips gently Edward breathed, "I love you."

"I love you, too," I replied, his green eyes meeting mine. How many times had we told each other we loved each other today? It was almost as if we weren't sure the other one believed us. I knew he loved me, deep down nothing would ever convince me otherwise. Did he know I loved him the same way? Sometimes I didn't think he did, especially not after his reaction to me earlier.

Lowering his head Edward kissed my neck, sucking gently, as he shifted his hips so our hard cocks brushed together. I tilted my head back to give him better access. He licked my Adam's apple before sucking it between his lips. I growled at him.

Edward moved his lips down to my shoulders, but I pushed him back. Looking up at me in bewilderment he opened his mouth to speak. Before he could say anything I placed my hands on his shoulders and scooted my body down his, he was still above me. He lifted a little more weight off me so I could slide easily beneath him. My lips kissed his neck and made their way down to _his_ shoulders. Licking down his chest I could feel the smooth skin against the hard muscle, taste the slight saltiness of his skin. Flicking my tongue over his nipple first I then bit down, hard. Edward jerked and grunted above me.

Lowering my hands to his waist I slid further down his body kissing along the way. His body was gorgeous, it should be worshiped. Just as I was his, he was mine.

The hair of his happy trail tickled my face as I worked lower and lower. Finally, finally, I was at his cock, right where I wanted to be. The tip was glistening with his liquid. Darting my tongue out I lapped it up and licked my lips, he tasted good. I kissed the head of his cock before swirling it lightly and taking just the tip in. Edward moaned at that and I pressed my tongue against the underneath side of his head right below its ring. "Fuck... Jasper."

Taking all of him into my mouth slowly I remembered to breathe. I waited a second as I built up saliva in my mouth to make him slick. Putting my hands on his hips I squeezed tight encouraging him to fuck my mouth. Edward groaned in relief as he started to fuck my mouth. I took him down as far as he could go, swallowing around him as he hit the back of my throat.

While he was still thrusting into my mouth I placed my right hand underneath him and spreading two fingers wide on either side of his cock I shoved those in my mouth too. I could feel his wet rigid cock between my fingers. Edward looked down to see what I was doing, meeting my gaze. I'd been watching his body as his muscles contracted with every thrust of his hips.

Removing my fingers from my mouth I let my lips completely close around him again creating a tight suction. Sliding my wet fingers between his ass checks I pushed one in his anus feeling it clamp down around me before Edward relaxed the tense muscles. Pushing the other one inside I tried to time my fingers thrusting with his cock's thrusts. As he sped up I hummed and swallowed around him one last time as he hit the back of my throat. His balls were tight against my lips as he shot his load down my throat and I drank it down.

Legs trembling above me from that position he slowly rolled over onto his back. "Fuck... Jazz... that was... fuck..." He could barely get those words out, as he breathed heavily. That made me smile. Positioning myself between his legs I kissed the head of his softened cock before I kissed his mouth again. He looked too tired to move.

Damn, I was as hard as a rock though. Finding the lube I decided I was going to have to take care of myself. Opening the bottle I was about to pour the lube directly over my cock until Edward's hand shot out and gripped my wrist. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he questioned, perturbed.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" I snapped in annoyance. Yep, there was my temper again, just waiting to be released.

"No," he drawled, the word almost slurred.

"Why not?" What the hell was I supposed to be doing then?

"Please... Jasper..." he breathed. Please what? I tried to wait patiently for him to tell me what he wanted. "Need... feel... inside..." _Duh, Jasper. You are stupid sometimes, you know that? Yeah, yeah._

Reaching down to the bag that was still beside our bed I grabbed a condom and came back to Edward's side. Rolling the condom down my rigid length first I picked up the bottle of lube and poured it over my cock this time. Running my hand down I spread the lube down it and used what was left to caress Edward's hole, pushing my fingers in one more time. Between his legs now I pressed my lips against his one more time before spreading his legs wide, spreading them open for me. Picking up his hips the tip of my cock slowly pushed into his ass and I groaned wanting more of him. Pushing further into him I felt the tight heat surround my cock. I knew I wouldn't last long as I thrust into him repeatedly. He felt too good and I had already been too turned on. The muscles in my stomach clenched as my cock pulsed releasing my cum into the condom. Collapsing on top of Edward, both of us sweaty, I kissed his lips languidly. We stayed like that as the sun rose a little higher in the sky.

We showered and got dressed, the house was completely silent. I could hear each tick of the clock announcing every passing second. I wanted to throw the damn thing out the fucking window.

My mom was going to be disappointed that Edward didn't want children, but if that's what he wanted, then I'd respect it. It's not like it'd be easy for us to adopt one anyway, I was already aware of that fact.

"Edward, can we get out of here, at least for a little while?" I asked him. Technically I could leave without him, but I wanted him to go with me. This house felt like it was closing in on me. Too many things had gone on here and I was starting to feel like I couldn't breathe. My parents wouldn't be up for hours as it was Sunday and they always slept in, they wouldn't miss us.

"Yeah, Jasper. Where do you want to go?" he questioned me.

"How about the diner?" It was the only place open this early in this small town and also the only restaurant.

"All right, let's go, " he agreed, heading out the front door with me in tow.

Taking a table by the window of the diner we waited on someone to take our order. There were a few people here, but not many. A strong, almost overpowering, smell of cigarette smoke hit my nose. I tried not to choke on it. Looking around I wondered who was smoking, since you couldn't actually smoke in here. That's when I noticed our waitress standing in front of us, she smelled like smoke.

"What can I do for ya, fellas?" she rasped in a smoker's voice. When I looked up at her face I could tell she looked older than she was from the smoking, her hair had been doused in peroxide.

I heard her take a sharp intake of breath before she asked in surprise, "Jasper?"

"Yeah. Do I know you..." I glanced at her chest to see the name-tag there, "Molly?"

"You sure as hell better," she huffed, indignant. Turning to Edward in question to see if he knew who she was I noticed his jaw was tight and the hand that was on the table was clenched.

"I'm sorry, but I don't remember," I confessed.

Blowing out her breath in exasperation, she reminded me, "We went to prom together." Did we? I didn't recognize this woman, at all. I also had a strict 'I don't date smokers rule', that I never broke for anyone, so that seemed impossible unless she started later. If that was the case then she had to be smoking something like three packs a day. She had not aged well.

"Oh, so what have you been up to?" I asked her in an attempt to be polite. It was probably pretty damn rude to admit to someone you didn't remember them when you fucked them. Shit, was I drunk when I did that? No, but I was pretty damn angry because Edward left me there to, in my mind, fuck Bella. _Jealousy even back then Jasper, what kind of planet of denial were you living on? Oh, shut up._

"Married, divorced, ex in prison, three brats," she ticked off. Fuck, what a life! "What about you? Are you married?" she purred, placing her hand on my shoulder and running it down my arm, I assumed, in an attempt to flirt. I tried not to shudder on the outside, even though my insides were.

"No, _we_ aren't married," I answered her hoping she'd catch onto the 'we' of my statement. She didn't.

Barely sparing Edward a glance she asked, "Aren't you guys like brothers or something?" Edward, I could tell, was mad when she called us brothers. I wanted to laugh at the or something.

"No, we aren't brothers." Then I placed my hand over his and repeated, "We aren't brothers."

Looking back and forth between us she hissed, "You're together?" I nodded my head, now she got it. She started laughing and insisted, "Jasper, you aren't gay."

"Never said I was," I snapped at her. Jesus, what difference did it make?

She crossed her arms under her breasts pushing them up as she leaned down to my face. I had to turn away so I wouldn't choke on her smell. "As soon as you're done fooling around with this farce, call me." No way in hell was I ever going to do that. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to wear rings to get people like this viper off our backs, then again some people just found that more of a challenge. Shaking my head to myself I decided no, that wasn't the right reason to wear them.

"Molly?" her manager shouted at her, thank god. "Get a move on and take their order, stop scaring off the customers." She grimaced and took out her pad and pencil to get our orders.

Turning to Edward I saw his eyes were narrowed looking at her as she walked away. I pleaded, "Please tell me she wasn't like that in high school."

He snorted at me, "No, she wasn't like that. I actually used to be jealous of her."

My brows shooting up I popped out, "Why?" I couldn't imagine anyone being jealous of... that.

"She had you and I didn't. Why else?" he asked as though he was stating the obvious.

"She didn't have me. You did, I just didn't realize it," I admitted and squeezed his hand. The rest of our meal went by in relative silence. Fortunately the diner started to get more of an influx of customers, so Molly couldn't give us too much attention.

Before we left though she slid her number on the table, right in front of Edward. She didn't have any shame, none at all. "Call me when you come to your senses." Yeah right, not in a fucking million years would that happen. Then she ran her hand in my hair. Great, now I'd have to wash it again. It was going to smell like cigarette smoke.

Edward had finally had enough and stood up seething. His voice was low and angry as he hissed, "Get your fucking hand out of his hair. He doesn't belong to you." She looked at him stunned and unmoving. "Did you hear what I said? Remove your hand." He looked menacing. I guess she didn't move it fast enough as he put his hand around her wrist, forcibly removing her hand. I wasn't even sure how long the confrontation lasted, but I think only a few seconds. Holy shit, when did he become that jealous?

Letting go of her hand he grabbed mine and pulled me towards the door. Pausing at the door he looked at her to make sure she was watching and fisted both his hands in my hair and pressed his lips to mine. The diner went completely still, silent. Pulling away from me he repeated the same words he'd told me in the shower just yesterday quietly, "You belong to me."

He opened the door for me and as we walked out I could hear the sound of conversation pick up. I laughed to myself, Edward certainly gave this tiny town something to gossip about.

**AN:** _I will assume if you are reading slash then you probably know camps like the one Jasper dreamed Edward went to exist. One of my friends actually volunteered himself for that when we were in college. I had to ask him why he would do something like that since his family didn't care one way or the other. His response to me was that he didn't want to be gay. It didn't make a difference. The only thing that came of that was before he went he just thought he was probably gay, when he got out he knew he was definitely gay. _


	17. Chapter 17

**Strange Desire: Chapter Seventeen**

**AN:** _So, I wasn't too sure I was going to do the last chapter from Edward's point of view or not, but as I have pneumonia and didn't want to leave you with nothing, I decided to anyway. Don't skip over it, there are important pieces in here even if it's similar to the other chapter._

_Can anyone tell me what the deal is with so many of the slash writers getting flamed lately? Skip right on by if that's not what you want, duh._

_Okay, Jen, I told you I was going to get my leather whip out if you didn't get to crackin' on your next chapter, haha. I know I'm being mean, aren't I? Hey, you have more readers than me and they want their fix. You're their drug._

_Characters belong to SM_

**EPOV**

"Oh." I heard Esme's voice.

Jasper stilled above me, his face and neck burning red. Tilting my head back to see both our parents standing there I whispered "Fuck." They had caught us on the floor, no shirts on, and making out. Next time we need to find a room with a lock on it, shit.

"Um... I'll be right back. I want to show you boys something." Esme said pulling Carlisle away along with her.

Groaning in embarrassment Jasper rolled off me. He seemed like he was in a panic looking for our shirts that had been thrown to the other side of the room behind us. I didn't know how he thought putting our shirts on was going to make everything better. The thought made me laugh in my head as I remembered him fully dressed after walking out of the bedroom naked when Emmett was there. With our shirts on we sat next to each against the couch. When I started laughing Jasper shot me a dirty look and snapped "What the fuck is so funny?"

The look on his face was priceless and made me laugh harder as I said "What's so funny? Jasper, do you realize we just got caught by our parents making out like a couple of teenagers? It's something that should have happened when we were teenagers and never did. I never thought that would happen as that's backwards from where we are in our relationship." This made one of my teenage fantasies come true, making out with Jasper, of course, not getting caught.

Our parents sat down on the old, decrepit couch. Esme had a thick book in her hand as she said "I wanted to show you something." What the hell was that book?

Carlisle rolled his eyes at her saying "I doubt they want to look at pictures, Esme." Who the fuck wanted to look at pictures? They interrupted us for that? I was surprised those words didn't come out of Jasper's own mouth.

"I know they probably don't _want_ to, but they _need_ to see them. Maybe it would address some of their confusion." She argued. Jasper looked at me to see if I knew what she was talking about, I didn't. I was just as confused as he was. "Go ahead, look." Esme said handing the book over to Jasper.

Holy shit, the whole book had nothing but Jasper and I in it as we grew up until present day. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to freak Jasper out, but I knew automatically where they'd come from. There was no doubt in my mind that my mother had something to do with it. My question now was why? Did she have more of these photo albums that had me doing other things in them?

Jasper must have flipped through that book ten times or more in shock. I was shocked too. Those pictures clearly showed his love for me as we grew up. Swallowing I almost wished he'd seen these before, then maybe he wouldn't have acted like an ass. He must have been thinking along the same lines too. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Jasper's jaw tighten, his hands clench and the color start to creep up his neck. Closing the book and putting it to the side I wrapped my arms around Jasper and kissed his lips. "Jasper, it doesn't matter. We are together now, it doesn't matter." Then I said "I love you."

Jasper swallowed his anger back and said "I love you, too." He sighed in relief. He'd managed to hold himself together, to not lose his temper. It was a big step for him to get better, even if he couldn't control the anger yet, he could control his reaction.

Hearing sniffling behind us Jasper turned to see Esme wiping tears away from her eyes. What was she crying over? "Mom? Why are you crying?" Jasper asked her.

"I'm just so happy. W... I've been waiting for my boys to realize what I've known for a long time." She answered. When she started with w... it only confirmed what I'd already deduced. My mother knew, she had those pictures taken. My father wouldn't be happy about this, so it must have come from her.

Carlisle got out of the couch carefully and came over to help Esme out of it. He said "I think we need to give them a little time, Esme." Nodding her head she let him help her up.

"Mom, why do we still have this couch?" Jasper asked her. I wondered why she had the hideous thing too.

"You don't remember?" She asked him.

Shaking his head no he asked "Should I?"

Looking at Jasper sadly she answered "It came from your parent's house, it was theirs."

Sucking in a breath Jasper looked at it again. He ran his hands across the old, itchy fabric and said "Mom, you don't have to keep this. I don't even remember it." She nodded at him once and walked out of the room.

"Jasper, are you okay?" I asked him concerned. Would that open his heart again only to have it ripped out? Sometimes that's how I felt with things like that about my own parents.

Leaning into my shoulder he sighed and said "Yeah."

We stayed like that, not speaking for a while. For some reason all of these things made me think about my father and the first fight he'd had with my mother. It was about his brother, but what was it about his brother that caused the rift in the first place?

Remembering back to the following day after the fight I heard my dad on the phone with someone, someone that I now knew was my uncle.

_My father was standing in his office on the phone, the door ajar. I knew I shouldn't be listening, but I was curious. Peeking an eye through the opening I saw my father's face, it looked grim and angry. He spoke into the speaker and asked "How could you do this to me? To my family?" _

_Waiting for the answer on the other end my father closed his eyes and said "If you needed money, why didn't you come to me? I would have given it happily, no questions asked." _

_I watched as my father's face purpled in anger before he exploded out "I don't care about your fucking pride, what you did was unforgivable." _

_He was shaking his head at the response on the other line. "You cost me the election, everything you did. I loved you, it didn't have to be like that." _

_Then his shoulders started shaking, my father was crying? "I want you to stay out of my life and my family's life." He spoke down the phone. _

"_No, it's too late now. Just don't contact us anymore." My father said and hung up the phone. He had tears running down his face right before he caught me peering in. Wiping his face he set his jaw and looked right at me and told me "Edward, boys don't cry." If that was the case, then why was he crying?_

_My mom saw me standing there and took my hand saying "Come on, sweetie, your father needs some time alone."_

"Boys?" Esme mom called quietly from the doorway, interrupting my flashback. Looking up at her she said "Dinner's ready, if you want it." My head still couldn't wrap itself around the memory. Clearly I wasn't the first person that he'd disowned. What I did know is that I had to find my uncle to make sense of my fucked up life. I wanted to tell Jasper, but this wasn't the time or the place. He was still angry and confused and being here was making it much worse.

Sitting next to Jasper we had a good dinner, nothing out of the ordinary until Esme blurted out "Are you going to move?" Move? I knew what she was on about before Jasper did. Frowning at her I wondered why she would bring that up now.

"Mom, what are you talking about? Why would we move?" Jasper asked her confused.

"Well... you can't get married in Washington." She stated. Yeah, I was right, I knew where she was going with this. Fuck, way to freak Jasper out. This made me uneasy. What would Jasper do when he fully realized that we couldn't be married without either leaving the state or the country? I didn't care about getting married, but I knew he did, he always thought he would be, albeit to a woman. Would that just make him question his decision to be with me more? Fuck. Why would she bring that up? I'd only just gotten him back.

All three of the rest of us of the male gender had our mouths hanging open, dumbfounded. Jasper was irritated as he said "I don't want to move."

Blinking a couple of times first I said "I don't want to move either." Did that mean Jasper didn't want to be with me like I wanted to be with him? As far as I was concerned, he was my forever.

"But don't you want to get married?" She asked us, pushing. No, I really didn't want to get married, but I wanted to be with Jasper.

Carlisle rescued us from this conversation, thank god, as he said "Esme, even if they moved and got married where it was legal as soon as they left that state their marriage wouldn't be recognized anymore. There is no point in pushing the issue." Fucking hell, why wouldn't these people just drop it? I fully expected Jasper to explode at some point by this time.

Esme sighed and said "I just want my boys to be happy." I was happy, I didn't need to be married to be happy. That was clearly insane. If marriage made people happy then their wouldn't be near as many divorces.

Holy shit, married? Jasper and I had just told them we were together fucking yesterday, he didn't even know at that point that they knew he loved me. Why did women think you had to be married to be happy? That was nonsense.

Helping clear the table Esme was at the sink washing dishes. I heard Jasper ask "Mom, why are you crying?"

She was still turned away from him when she said "I'm not crying."

Jasper was starting to color again, muscles tensed, we didn't need that right now. Speaking up I said "Yes, you are. What's wrong?"

Turning around, her eyes still had tears in them as she said "Now I won't have grandchildren." Jasper started laughing, he laughed so hard he clutched at his sides. Fuck, why was he laughing? Great, now I felt guilty. I'd taken away her chance to have grandchildren, I knew without a doubt that I didn't want children. I would not project the things my father did out onto a child, it wasn't fair to them. I knew for certainty that I never wanted to have a child that came from me, ever. If I ever changed my mind then I always thought I'd adopt, there were too many children out there without parents, but with a man... it would take much longer to do it. Giving Jasper a reproving look for laughing at his mother Jasper laughed harder. Why was he still laughing? This wasn't something to laugh about. "Why are you laughing?" Esme asked him looking hurt.

Taking deep breaths Jasper tried to get his laughter under control. Finally calmed down Jasper said "Mom, even if we were with a woman that doesn't mean we'd have children." I almost snorted out loud then, he was right.

She looked befuddled as she said "Of course you would."

Shaking his head no he stated "You didn't."

Her mouth popped open and her eyes got wide as the lightbulb went off in her head, she said "Oh."

"Yeah, oh. I'm your adopted child, not your biological one. Edward is your child, in a way, even though you didn't adopt him. Again, he's not your biological son." Jasper said explaining the obvious.

Esme wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled at Jasper and me. She said "You're right. _Both_ of you are my sons." Jasper sighed in relief. I felt my heart squeeze feeling more guilt, if it wasn't for me then I knew Jasper would be with a woman, probably married, in a house, with kids by now.

When we were done Jasper and I sat down in the living room with my dad, talking. Esme had gone into the den. She came back carrying that photo book and asked Jasper "Jasper, are you sure you won't mind if I change the couch?"

"No, I don't care." He answered her.

"Okay, if you're sure." She said and sat down with us. Then she rattled off "I think I'll keep the frame of it though, they don't make them that strong anymore." Why was that even relevant enough to mention?

Turning to Carlisle we talked about some of the more interesting cases we'd had lately. I shared with him my story of the patient that had been run over by a train, that I'd finally gotten to see him again. He was probably the only one that could understand how important that was to me. Jasper tried, but he just couldn't. Jasper had his head leaning against the back of the couch with his eyes closed, looking tired.

"Mom?" Jasper asked.

"Yes, honey?" Esme asked back.

"Where did those pictures come from?" He questioned her. Gulping at the question her eyes diverted to my Carlisle, then me.

Taking a deep breath my mom said "I can't tell you that." Jasper's temper was rising, he'd held it in over the marriage and children conversation, but this was just one too many things on top of everything else he'd dealt with.

"What the fuck? Why can't you tell me?" Standing up Jasper shouted at her. Rounding on me Jasper shouted "Did you know about this?" I looked at him in surprise. Fuck no, I didn't know about that. If I'd seen those pictures before now then I probably wouldn't have held in how I felt for so long.

"Jasper, honey, please sit down." Esme petitioned him. Jasper's fists were clenched making the abrasions on them stand out. Surely he didn't want to storm out of here like yesterday. He'd be angry with himself if he did that again. Touching his hand I swiped my finger across his knuckles, he sat down like I knew he would. "Edward doesn't have anything to do with this. He didn't know either. Just trust me when I tell you I can't tell you." She said. Now I knew more than ever that I had to find my uncle, had to find out what had happened. Somehow all these things seemed to be connected. "Don't go looking for the answer either, please. I'm begging you, both of you, don't look for it." I wasn't making any promises I couldn't keep. My mother might need to be left out of this, but surely if my uncle was disowned then it shouldn't be a problem. Maybe I'd finally have a real family member in my life.

Huffing Jasper said "Fine. I'm going to bed."

Jasper left us and went upstairs. Esme looked disappointed, Carlisle looked resigned. Deciding I'd retire with him too I left them alone downstairs.

Jasper was laying on the bed when I came in with his arm over his eyes. Getting ready for bed first I turned off the light and got into bed beside him. Moving his arm from over his eyes he asked "Did I miss anything else?"

Snorting at him I said "No, I think you ended the conversation."

Closing his eyes Jasper sighed. He looked so tired, what happened to the innocent man I'd fallen for? I wished he was better, that all of this hadn't been so stressful. One day I'd get him back, I knew, but it seemed a while in coming. Kissing his closed eyelids his eyes fluttered open and I looked at him in concern. "Are you okay, Jasper?" I asked him.

"No. Aren't you a little freaked out about those pictures?" He questioned me.

Smiling at him I kissed his lips before saying "No, I'm not."

"I am, why aren't you?" He asked. To me, that was one of the best things, aside from Jasper, that had occurred in several years. My mother was out there somewhere watching me, observing my life, even if it was from a distance. In a twisted, fucked up way it made me feel that she still loved me.

Chuckling at him I hummed happily, giving him my crooked grin. "Jasper, those pictures... we might not be able to go looking into it, but I'm, without a doubt, positive that my mother had something to do with them." I told him. Jasper gasped at me and I watched as several expressions crossed his face.

Pulling me into his arms he fell asleep, tired and exhausted. He was far more tired than I was. Jasper started panting hard and shouted out "Edward?" I sat up and looked at him, was he dreaming?

He called out my name again"Edward?"

He was thrashing around trying to get something away from him, he nearly hit me in the face. Straddling him I held his arms down and shouted "Jasper! Fuck, wake up, Jasper." He had tears running down his face.

Snapping his eyes open it took him a minute to realize where he was, that that had just been a bad dream. "Are you okay?" I asked him finally letting his arms go. He nodded his head. Jasper still looked like he was in pain, I didn't want to see him like that. One of my fingers touched the tears on his cheek and I brought it to my lips. Then I leaned down and licked his lips removing any remaining tears before kissing him.

Wrapping his arms around me he pulled me closer to him. "Why were you holding me down?" He asked me.

"Jazz, you were thrashing about so much I thought you were going to hurt yourself or me. Or at the very least dump one of us out of bed." I explained. "What were you dreaming about anyway?" I questioned him. What could possibly give him a nightmare like that? When he got through telling me everything in his dream I started laughing. "Oh my god, if my dad knew a place like that existed he probably would have sent me there." I said still laughing.

"You mean those are _real_ places?" He queried.

"Yes, Jasper, those are real places." I answered sighing. Unfortunately, those were real places. My father would have sent me to one I knew if he had known they existed. "My father is an asshole." I burst out.

"What?" He asked me thrown for a loop.

"You heard me. He's an asshole." I replied.

"No argument there, but is there a reason you are mentioning this now?" He questioned.

"Yeah. Your mom." I stated.

"Yeah, and?" He was getting impatient with me I could tell.

"Jasper, I don't want any children." I said flatly. Instead of pushing me Jasper waited for my answer, waited for me to tell him what was weighing on my mind. Sitting up still straddling his body I closed my eyes and spoke softly "I don't want to end up being like my father."

Reaching up to my face he placed his hand there and waited until I opened my eyes. Opening my eyes he said "Edward... if you don't want children, then we won't have any. All I want is to be with you. But... I don't think you'd be anything like your father. You wouldn't be like him in any way, you would know better."

Sighing I said "Thank you. One day I might change my mind, but not right now." I was grateful. He knew the right words to say, this time. He made love to me after that which surprised me after the day we'd had.

Showered and dressed Jasper asked "Edward, can we get out of here, at least for a little while?"

"Yeah, Jasper. Where do you want to go?" I questioned him. I knew he was starting to find this house oppressive.

"How about the diner?" It was the only place open this early in this small town and also the only restaurant.

"Alright, let's go." I said heading out the front door with Jasper in tow.

Taking a table by the window of the diner we waited on someone to take our order. There were a few people here, but not many. God damn, the waitress smelled like a chimney.

"What can I do for ya, fellas?" She asked in a raspy smoker's voice.

I heard her take a sharp intake of breath before she asked in surprise "Jasper?"

"Yeah. Do I know you..." Jasper glanced at her chest to see the name-tag there "Molly?" Molly? Fuck. I hoped I'd never meet her again in my life. I took some sick satisfaction that she had not turned out well.

"You sure as hell better." She said huffing. My jaw was tight and my fists clenched. This woman was one of the many reasons I'd started fucking random men. Thinking about Jasper ever having been with her twisted a knife in my heart.

"I'm sorry, but I don't remember." He told her.

Blowing out her breath she said "We went to prom together."

"Oh, so what have you been up to?" He asked her trying to be polite. Fuck, I wish he'd tell her to go to hell. That wasn't very nice, but it's how I felt. He'd never do something like that though.

"Married, divorced, ex in prison, three brats." She ticked off. Snorting in my head I wondered uncharitably if her ex was happier in prison. "What about you? Are you married?" She asked placing her hand on Jasper's shoulder running it down his arm. I was going to fucking kill her if she didn't leave Jasper alone, he's mine.

"No, _we_ aren't married." He answered her hoping she'd catch onto the 'we' of his statement, I knew. She didn't. I wasn't surprised, she didn't seem like the sharpest tool in the shed.

Barely sparing me a glance she said "Aren't you guys like brothers or something?" No, we are _not_ fucking brothers, get your hands off_ my_ lover.

"No, we aren't brothers." Then he placed his hand over mine and repeated "We aren't brothers."

Looking back and forth between us she hissed "You're together?" Jasper nodded his head, now she got it. She started laughing and said "Jasper, you aren't gay."

"Never said I was." He snapped at her.

She crossed her arms under her breasts pushing them up as she leaned down to his face. Jasper turned his head away so he wouldn't choke on her smell. "As soon as you're done fooling around with this farce, call me." Even if Jasper wasn't with me, there was no way in hell he'd ever be with her, no way.

"Molly?" Her manager shouted at her, thank god. "Get a move on and take their order, stop scaring off the customers." She grimaced and took out her pad and pencil to get our orders.

Watching her walk away I narrowed my eyes at her. Jasper turned his head to me and said "Please tell me she wasn't like that in high school."

Snorting at him I said "No, she wasn't like that. I actually used to be jealous of her."

His brows shot up before asking "Why?" Did he really have to ask that question?

"She had you and I didn't. Why else?" I asked stating the obvious.

"She didn't have me. You did, I just didn't realize it." He said and squeezed my hand, putting a healing balm over my heart. The rest of our meal went by in relative silence. Fortunately the diner started to get more of an influx of customers, so Molly couldn't give us too much attention.

Before we left though she slid her number on the table, right in front of my eyes. I wanted to strangle her right there in front of everyone. "Call me when you come to your senses." Then she ran her hand in Jasper's hair, my hair.

Finally having had enough I stood up seething. My voice was low and angry as I said "Get your fucking hand out of his hair. He doesn't belong to you." She looked at me stunned and unmoving. "Did you hear what I said? Remove your hand." Why wasn't her hand moving out of his hair? Wrapping my hand around her wrist I removed it forcibly, I'd been nice enough and this was the last straw.

Letting go of her hand I grabbed his and pulled him towards the door. Pausing at the door I looked at her to make sure she was watching and fisted both my hands in Jasper's hair and pressed my lips to his. Jasper was mine and I wanted the world to know it. The diner went completely still, silent. Fuck them all. Pulling away from him I repeated the words I'd said in the shower just yesterday quietly "You belong to me."

Then I opened the door for Jasper and as we walked out I could hear the sound of conversation pick up. I didn't fucking care. Jasper was mine, I wasn't going to hide it anymore.

We got in the car and with nowhere else to go went back to our parent's house. Parking in the driveway we got out and I noticed the sun was out for the first time in a while.

Jasper was leaning against the side of the car with his hands behind him on the hood. His face was tilted upwards, eyes closed, letting the sun hit his face, a serene smile on his lips. The sun made his hair look like a halo of spun gold. He was beautiful and he was mine, mine. Nothing could stop my feet from propelling forward to touch him. Picking up his right hand with my left I turned his arm over and kissed the skin from his wrist and up his arm, pausing at the inside of his elbow when I felt him shudder. My right hand worked its way under his shirt exploring the planes of his chest. His own hand found itself in my hair, gently tugging. Placing open mouthed kisses across his bicep and up to his shoulder I heard him groan. Nuzzling his neck I moved up to his ear and grazed it with my teeth. Jasper growled at that and I felt the vibration under my hand. My lips met his, they were soft and warm and I couldn't get enough. Opening my eyes I saw his own gazing back at me, they were shining bright, happy. I had missed this. Pulling away from him I smiled and kissed his lips once more. Placing my forehead against his I murmured "I've missed you."

Frowning at me in consternation he inquired "What are you talking about, Edward?"

"You look peaceful, happy." I replied.

Grinning at me widely he pulled me closer to him by my belt loops, so that I was standing between his legs and said "Of course I am, you finally showed people you don't give a fuck what they think." When did I do that? Oh, the restaurant. No, I didn't give a shit, but I did worry that might cause problems for our parents. My grin was just as wide as I pressed myself closer to him, gripping his ass. "Fuck..." Jasper breathed. "Edward, I want you to fuck me."

"Right here?" I asked to be sure.

"Yes, right here, right now." He answered huskily.

Taking out a condom and the small bottle of lube I'd put in my pocket earlier I placed them on top of the hood beside him. Originally I intended to do something else, but that could wait, I wanted this just as much as he did. He raised a brow at me in question and I said "What? I came prepared." I thought I heard him try to hide a snort at me.

Jasper wasted no time in removing my shirt, pushing it up and kissing up the center of my chest. Raising my arms over my head he pulled it completely off before returning his mouth to my chest. He kissed across my pecs softly sucking the skin into his mouth. Turning his attention to my nipples he flicked his tongue over the tiny buds making them harden when the breeze blew across. Groaning I placed my hands on his head and lifted it to mine. Kissing him deeply our tongues danced together as his hand lowered between our bodies and palmed me through my jeans. Already hard, that just made me harder. I wanted to be buried inside him.

Sitting on the hood of the car he ran his hands down to the waistband of my jeans and dipped inside grabbing my ass and squeezing it. Fuck. His shirt needed to go yesterday. I thought I heard a slight tear in my haste to get it off him, I didn't care, it was offensive to cover up this beautiful creature before me. Pushing him back so he was lying against the hood I admired each turn, twist, and plane of his body. The sunlight turned the hair on his chest that I normally couldn't see a fiery gold. My breath caught in my throat as I choked out "Beautiful..."

Impatient, Jasper pulled me down to him kissing me right before commanding "Fuck me, please..." Nodding my head I lowered my head placing soft kisses down his stomach as my hands worked with the button and zipper of his jeans. Slowly pushing the jeans and his boxers down at the same time I revealed his cock to my eyes. Taking him into my mouth I sucked further down as more of the material was pushed away. "Fuck..." Jasper panted. My eyes met his when I looked up. He was on his elbows watching me. Swirling my tongue over his cock I watched as his pink tongue darted out licking his lips. Fuck.

Jasper kicked off his shoes as my hands had shoved his pants down as far as they would go. Letting his cock go with a 'pop' I pulled them from his legs quickly and returned to my position between his legs. Taking one of his balls into my mouth I rolled it gently around my tongue before doing the same to the other side. Jasper grunted out "More..."

Picking up his legs I pushed the back of his thighs closer to his chest, opening his ass to me. Running a line up the crack of his ass with my tongue I heard Jasper's head hit the hood of the car. Poking through his anus with my tongue he moaned loudly. When I looked up I noticed his hands were clenched into fists, turning white, trying to delay his release.

Straightening up I pushed my own jeans and boxers down watching him watch me with darkened hooded eyes. Tearing the condom package quickly I rolled it down my cock and put the lube in my hand running it up and down giving myself a few firm strokes. Holding his legs up I ran my cock between the crack of his ass. It was sweet, but I wanted to be inside him. Pulling back a little I pushed a finger inside him and another gently thrusting. Jasper growled out "Now, fuck me now."

Placing my head at his entrance I pushed slowly in, past the tight ring of muscle. He clenched around my cock slowly bringing me further in as I pushed more. Fuck, he felt good. "Tight, Jazz, you feel so good around my cock."

Leaning down I pressed my lips against his lightly touching his tongue with my own. Standing back up I began to roll my hips forward, thrusting into him, adjusting so I hit him just right. Jasper looked at me and bit his lip before gasping out "Oh my god." A light sheen of sweat had begun to build over my body. Jasper's hand reached out and dragged itself down my chest gathering the sweat on his hand. Bringing it to his mouth I watched as he licked the sweat away. Fuck. Lowering his hand he gripped his cock and pumped it in upward strokes running his thumb over the head.

Looking down in fascination I watched his hand pump himself, my cock moving in and out of his ass, our balls and thighs slapping against sweat soaked skin. It was too much. "Jazz, I'm about to cum..." He moaned loudly at me and picked up the pace on his cock as I tried to slow my own movements. With a loud cry on his lips he shot his cum onto his stomach, his chest, his hand. He continued to pump himself milking it to the end. He looked up at me and drew a line through the cum on his stomach with his finger and brought it to his lips, sucking on it, tasting himself. I groaned watching it. Drawing another line through his chest he brought his finger to my lips, tracing them. My tongue licked up the cum he'd placed there before sucking his finger into my own mouth. He put his hand over the back of my head and brought his lips to mine, tasting both of us as well as his cum. "Jazz, you taste so good." I breathed out. He gave me a lazy smile and lay back as I picked my thrusts up again. The warmth, the tightness around me brought me my own orgasm not that much later. My legs trembled and shook at the strength of it. Twitching I held onto his hips tightly.

When I finally calmed down and my breathing slowed I pulled out of him carefully taking the condom with me. Pulling my pants back up I looked around for the trashcan I knew was by the garage. Throwing it away I came back to Jasper, he still hadn't moved. Leaning over him I lapped up the remaining cum, cleaning him.

The breeze that blew through felt cool blowing the sweat from our bodies. Reaching out to Jasper I pulled him up and brought his chest flush with mine. Running my hands through his golden curls I brushed my lips against his and said "I love you."

Wrapping his own arms around me he said "I love you, too." I wanted to stay like this forever, but I knew we had to get dressed before our parents woke up. Sighing we put our clothes back on, but we didn't go back inside.

Jasper kept shooting the door of the house dirty looks, so to distract him I held him close to me and said "We don't have to go back inside now, let's just stay out here and enjoy the sun." He relaxed under my words and pushed his face into my neck breathing in deeply.

**AN:**_ Got twitter? If you want to follow me my name is the same as on here Ealasaid77_


	18. Chapter 18

**Strange Desire: Chapter Eighteen**

**AN: **_I know, I know, you are all wondering what happened to this update. Sorry, had a serious plot bunny with a one shot that would NOT go away and leave me alone until it was done. It's been a major distraction for a while. Anyway, it took some of my time away from writing this one. _

_Okay... most of you seemed to like the last chapter anyway. It couldn't have had anything to do with that lemon... nah, none of my readers are THAT horny, haha. I hope you paid attention to the other things going on in that chapter too, they may not come up yet, but they will. Blaculicious this chapter is for encouraging me about getting it out and writing and smacking my ass to write you some smut, haha. Thanks for the inspiration. And yes, you too, Jamie. Although if it wasn't for you, I'd probably have been done sooner._

_Normally Jasper doesn't have flashbacks, but in this one he will, this one I think is more important told from his point of view than Edward's as he'd probably recall more of it._

_Characters belong to SM, I'm just playing around with the boys, hehe._

**JPOV**

The front door loomed large before me, taunting me, teasing me, daring me to come inside once again. What else could possibly happen there? Hadn't all the major shit been dragged out into the open whether we wanted them to be or not? Coming out to them and then my mom's incessant talk of marriage and kids, I wanted to kill her. Then to top it off finding out people were essentially sneaking around taking pictures of our life together. That really pissed me off, damn it.

Shooting the door of the house dirty looks I really didn't want to walk in it again. That was crazy, as the house didn't actually do anything personal to me, but shit... what did people want from me? More than I could give them. Edward noticed it and held me close as he said "We don't have to go back inside now, let's just stay out here and enjoy the sun." Relaxing under his words I pushed my face into his neck and breathed in deeply.

Ignoring everything around us I kissed Edward's soft skin on his neck gently sucking, going up to where his jaw met his ear feeling the stubble there. Then I nipped his ear with my teeth and Edward pushed me back. Placing his hands on either side of my face he threaded his fingers through my hair behind my own ears. His eyes were a clear green with the sun shining through them. Edward's lips descended upon my own slowly. The kiss was languid, and lacked the frenzy of need as we'd already met each others' this morning.

Pulling his lips away from mine he kissed my jaw and when he got to my ear he whispered "You are beautiful." No, I wasn't, he was. Maybe one day I'd believe him, but for the most part I had to stop myself from laughing whenever he said it. To me, men weren't beautiful, except Edward.

Edward's hands moved down my back and I winced slightly at the unexpected soreness. Note to self: having sex on hard surfaces, especially ones that aren't flat is hard on the back. Would I do it again? Hell yes.

Stepping back away from me Edward frowned as he asked "Are you okay?" Seriously I wanted to roll my eyes at him, but amazingly I didn't.

"Yeah, I'm fine, back's just a bit sore." I answered. He bit his lip furrowing his brow as he looked at me and flicked his eyes to the car and back again. I could see he was regretting doing that because he thought he hurt me. God damn, that was a memory I'd carry with me forever, it wasn't something I was likely to forget. "Edward, please chill out, I'm fine." Starting to get extremely annoyed with him I wished he'd stop babying me so much, damn it.

He nodded his head and I reached out for him and pulled him back to me. As I put my own arms around him I felt his hands barely skim over my back as though he was trying to see where I was the most sore without me catching on. Yeah right, I knew that's exactly what he was doing. I wondered if he had been like that with everyone he'd ever dated or if that was the doctor in him that he couldn't just put away or if he was just like that for me. Whatever it was I wished he'd stop it.

Thinking about Edward and being on the car with him I smiled to myself. That is, until I fully remembered that someone had been following us around taking pictures with us unaware. Holy shit, did they see that? Rattled and creeped out my head snapped up and my eyes darted around trying to see through the trees to see if anyone was there. "What's wrong with you?" Edward was watching my face concerned.

"Those pictures..." I breathed out. "What if they saw us?"

Edward snorted at me and I nearly kicked him, this wasn't funny. "Jasper, so what if they saw us? They either turned away or got a good show, depending on who they are."

"Yeah... and what about your mom seeing that?" I snapped at him.

Edward's jaw clenched and he said "Surely they would keep that to themselves." I wasn't entirely too sure, but I hoped to god they did.

Anger was pouring through me at the thought that someone was fucking with us. Looking around from all angles I tried to determine if someone was really there. Fuck, now I was going to always be paranoid. I had to get away from here, but I wasn't ready to go back inside the house.

Turning away from Edward I started towards the woods at the back of the house. I couldn't stay there. Slowing I asked "Are you coming?" He was still standing there, not having moved, looking at me, speechless. Shaking his head no at me his feet came forward towards me anyway, I kept walking.

The trail we were on was overgrown as it hadn't been used in many years. Edward took my hand as we stepped through the underbrush trying to remember what had once been our home away from home. It wasn't until we hit the end of this trail that I realized that neither one of us had stepped off it and we were nearing the end. Shit, shit, shit. I didn't want to be here and I knew Edward didn't. Trying to steer him away either further into the forest or back towards my parent's house I tugged his hand and started in the opposite direction. Too late. He'd seen the house, his parent's old house.

He stood there staring at it in silence, that couldn't be good. His parents moved out of that house shortly after kicking him out. The story around our small town was that his parents were moving, so they let him stay with my parents so he could finish out high school in the same place he'd grown up. No one seemed to mention that he never visited his parents, nor did they visit him. Neither of us even knew who spread that story around, we just went along with it.

"Edward?" I questioned to see if he was still with me. "Are you alright seeing your old home?"

Barely above a whisper, so quiet that I nearly missed it, Edward said "This was never my home, my home has always been where you are."

Turning into him I placed my arms around him and held him while he stared at his old house. I wanted to leave, but it almost seemed important that he was here, like he was letting go of something, so I waited patiently with him. _Patiently, Jasper? Yeah, that's a good one. You haven't been patient in a good while. Oh, shut up, for this I will be._

My eyes watched Edward to make sure he was alright. I was turned toward the trail, not looking at the house. That trail had been carved out by my own feet as a kid. Wanting a way to get to Edward's house that didn't involve a road my parents didn't think it was safe to walk on I started slowly making a path between our two houses. Normally it took thirty minutes to get between the two houses by foot, each direction, so an hour total. Reminiscing about that day I finally showed him the path I held him tighter, reflecting on the fear and terror I'd felt for him then.

_The path I was making was a secret, Edward didn't know anything about it. I was hoping to surprise him and I got more and more excited the closer I got to making the path clearer and closer to his house. This would make it so much easier to see each other whenever we wanted to._

_One Saturday rolled around and as I was twelve now my parents decided they could leave me at home alone that afternoon while they went on a date. I tried not to gag at the idea of my parents on a date. My dad had come into my room and said "Your mom and I are going out on a date. I can trust you not to burn the house down, right?" _

_Snapping my head up I gaped at him, this was the first time they'd left me alone in the house. "Yes, dad." I answered. This was awesome, I finally felt more grown up. They'd gone on dates before, but I had a babysitter or I was at Edward's for it, which was rare. I almost never was at Edward's house if his dad was there and never spent the night there unless he was out of town, he preferred coming over to my house and stayed as long as possible._

"_Good. Edward's mom is out of town visiting her mother in the nursing home, so I didn't want you going over there." My dad told me seriously. He didn't like me over there at all I knew. Then what about Edward? Where was he? My dad didn't seem to know the answer to that._

_Leaving me alone in the house I watched TV that I shouldn't be watching and ate almost every junk food I could find in the house. What every teenager left alone would do with no way of bringing friends over, not that I had many. Desperately I wished Edward was here, this was starting to get boring._

_Laying on the couch and watching some movie on cable I was startled when the phone started to ring. Who would be calling now? People didn't call here much, if my father needed to be reached they just paged him. Picking up the phone I said "Hello? Cullen residence."_

_There was almost no sound on the other line except ragged breathing. At first I thought someone was trying to play a prank and nearly put the phone back on the receiver. Then I heard a sniffle and said again "Hello?"_

"_J... Ja... Jazz." Those were almost the only words Edward spoke over the phone, no matter how much I tried to get him to talk to me. _

"_Edward, where's your dad?" I asked him carefully._

_Whispering he said "Passed out." That was the full extent of our conversation as I started to panic. What happened? What was wrong with him?_

"_Look Edward, my parents aren't here." I told him and he choked out a sob. He couldn't stay there, that was clear. "Go outside to the back of your house and meet me by the woods. I'm coming to get you." I didn't even wait to hear his response to me. Hanging up the phone I scrawled out a messy note in case my parents got home before I did and raced out of the house and ran as fast as my legs would go, trying to get to him._

_Sunlight streamed through the trees whose sighs sounded as though they ached, as if they felt his pain too. I was at Edward's house in seven minutes flat, panting, trying to catch my breath. He was standing there looking forlorn and... Oh my god, his nose was bloody, his eye was black and swollen shut already, and his jaw had a bruise on it. What the hell happened?_

"_Edward?" I whispered out afraid of scaring him. _

_Scowling at me he said "Let's get out of here." His jaw was hard and set, his mouth was pressed in a firm line. The anger and fear radiated off him to me. _

_Not knowing what to say I nodded and led the way back to my house. This wasn't how I wanted him to find out about all the hard work I'd put into making this trail, but... I was incredibly grateful that I'd done it now. Edward followed behind me in complete silence. _

_Debating on whether or not I should page my dad I led the way into the house. Deciding I'd wait until he got home and Edward had calmed down I went and got the first aid kit anyway. There really wasn't much else I could do for him other than hand him some ice. The blood had finally stopped flowing by the time we got to the house and I got a washcloth and wet it so it could be removed. Snatching the washcloth in his own hands away from me he wiped away the blood gently, but still angrily. The furrow between his brows couldn't get any deeper._

_I wanted to know what happened to him, but he was still too pissed off to tell me I knew. "Come on, let's watch some TV." I said and then grinned at him saying "My parents aren't here, we can watch whatever we want."_

_Edward snickered and immediately regretted it, and put his hand on his nose. Frowning at him I started to speak, but Edward wouldn't listen and just shoved past me to the den. Sighing I figured he'd tell me or my parents whenever he was ready, it's not like he could hide the evidence. _

_Sprawling on the floor I turned the TV back on and flipped through the channels trying to find something to watch. Edward laid down on the couch with the ice still pressed to his face. He didn't even look like he was in the room with me._

_Staring intently at the TV watching the screen with my eyes, but not comprehending the storyline, my thoughts kept drifting back to Edward. I was impatient and wanted to know what happened. His father apparently did that to him, but why? As far as I knew of his father had been verbally abusive, but never physically._

_The entire movie played out and we were on the next one before Edward spoke to me again. "Jasper?" He called out and I turned my head to look at him. My hands itched to touch his face, he looked so sad and heartbroken. Shoving the thought away I clenched my hands to keep them where they were. That wasn't right for me to want to touch him, so I wrapped it up and buried it deep down, hopefully for good, pretending it was never there in the first place._

"_Yeah?" Swallowing hard I wasn't sure I wanted to know what he was going to tell me now._

_Letting out a shaky breath he said "I... my... well..." He was never going to get out what he wanted to say like that, so I decided to help him out by asking questions this time. He would either answer if he wanted to or not, I wouldn't push, just steer the conversation._

_Sitting up I faced him and asked "Why didn't you go with your mom?" That was probably the easiest question he could answer._

"_Why would I want to go there? I barely even remember my grandmother and she doesn't remember me or my mom at all." He said frowning, I think he wished he'd gone and endured it over what happened when he was left alone._

"_Edward, is this the first time you were left with your dad by yourself?" I asked him wonderingly. He only nodded at me._

"_You said he passed out?" This came out as a question, not a statement._

"_Yeah, he'd been drinking, a lot." Did he normally do that? "My mom usually stops him before it gets out of hand." Okay..._

"_Edward, why did he hit you?" I wanted to say beat you, but for some reason I thought he'd shut himself off if I did._

"_I... I... I don... don't know." Edward stuttered and his voice shook. He was quiet for a while before he said "I don't think he even knew it was me he was punching."_

"_What do you mean?" I asked him curiously._

"_I mean he acted like he didn't even recognize me as his son." He explained. So then who'd he think he was?_

"_Jazz... don't make me go back there, I don't want to go back." He pleaded with me. As far as I was concerned he'd never go home, but his parents wouldn't let him stay here indefinitely. When his mom got back he'd have to go back to his house._

_Opening my mouth to speak I heard the front door open. Running to it I tried to intercept my parents to let them know what was going on. They'd either flip that I had a friend over when they weren't there or they'd flip when they saw Edward, I wasn't too sure which._

"_Mom, dad, Edward is here right now. I hope that's okay." I decided to get just that part out first._

"_It's okay this time, Jasper, but we'd really rather you didn't have anyone here when we aren't. What if something bad happened?" My dad said. I snorted, something bad did happen, but it didn't happen here._

_My parents stood stock-still in front of me looking behind me. Well, it looked like I wouldn't have to tell them myself after all. Edward must be standing behind me for them to look like that. He truly looked terrible. My mom's eyes started to tear and she pushed past me to hold him in her arms. Holding him carefully she asked "Honey, what happened? Who did you fight with?"_

_My father looked at me and my hands to make sure I wasn't the one that did it. I knew we roughhoused, but we never got that out of hand, so I was more than a little offended. _

_Edward still hadn't answered my mom, so I answered for him. "His dad." Both my parents gasped and my mom sobbed harder, my dad was furious I could tell. _

"_Son, you are going to stay here a while." My dad spoke firmly and Edward visibly relaxed at his words. I didn't even know when his mom was coming home as this was summertime. She might be gone all summer for all I knew, he didn't need to go back to his ass of a father. Yep, ass, ass, ass. That's when I first started cussing in my head and almost always in threes. My parents would wash my mouth out if I said that out loud._

_Edward stayed and I tried to make it feel like one really long sleepover, so it wouldn't be as weird, so he wouldn't feel like we were just pitying him. My father called CPS, and as Edward's father was well-known in the community and respected, not to mention extremely powerful, they of course did what they thought was best. They ignored it, swept it under the rug, and left Edward to fend for himself._

_Edward's mom came home finally, so Edward had to go home. By this time I'd told my dad about the path I'd made between our two houses and instead of being upset like I thought he might be, he seemed pleased. I wasn't sure why until he handed Edward a key to our house. "Edward, always come over here when you are left alone with your dad, or any other time it gets to be too much for you over there. Even if we aren't here, you are welcome here, always."_

_Edward sucked in a deep breath and took the key with shaky hands saying"Thanks."_

_It'd been long enough by the time Edward's mom got back that the bruises had disappeared, I doubted he was ever going to tell her they were there in the first place. It was unlikely his father even remembered giving them to him as drunk as he was, or if he did he might have thought he was imagining it._

_Walking down the path with him I wanted to make sure he was okay, and I was going inside his house regardless this time. If his dad was still going to be violent then Edward was going home with me. I would bet anything that his mom would let me take him._

"Jazz?" Edward's voice brought me back to him, back to the here and now.

"Yeah? Are you ready to go now?" I asked him.

"In a minute." He said quietly and looked at his old house and then back at me. Putting his hands around me he held me to him tightly as his lips touched mine in a passionate kiss. It was almost like he was thumbing his nose at the old house and his parents, maybe he was.

Breaking our lips hold Edward pulled me even tighter to him hitting a particularly sore spot. Remembering not to wince so he wouldn't overreact to it I still couldn't stop myself from stiffening. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

Dropping his hands from me he stepped back and looked at me sadly then back at the house. That's when it hit me what was bugging him. He didn't just think he hurt me, he was equating my pain with the beating his father had given him. That was absolutely absurd.

"Edward, look at me." I commanded. He brought his eyes back to my face and I could see the internal struggle he was going through in his eyes.

Placing my hands on either side of his face I held him still willing him to listen as I said "My back is sore, that's all, nothing more. It's an unfortunate side effect of having fun, which by the way I asked you to do. I _wanted_ it."

Blowing out his breath he said "I know, but..."

"But nothing. You aren't your father. If you'd beaten me like he did, you'd be just as injured right now. I promise you that, because I wouldn't put up with that shit." Raking my hands through his hair I tugged on it painfully and pressed my lips to his as I kissed him hard and rough and bit his lip, on purpose. Pulling away I said "Now tell me that wasn't painful, and you didn't enjoy it." He could lie to me all he wanted to, but I felt the effect of the kiss against my thigh.

Sighing at me he said "Alright, alright. I get it." You sure about that?

"Good." Then I put his hands around my back once again, he wasn't getting away that easily. Enough of this sadness, I was finally ready to go back to my parent's house. "Edward, let's go back to the house." I said softly in his ear before I flicked my tongue out over his earlobe and sucked it between my teeth. Hissing at me he pulled back and grinned wickedly before he attached his lips to my neck and bit down hard, marking me. I knew it wasn't going to be a small mark either. Great. I just hoped my parents didn't say anything about it, but as of right now I was sure my mom at least would. Shit, shit, shit.

Scowling at him he laughed at me, fucking laughed. "Catch me if you can." Edward taunted me smirking before he smacked my ass and took off running. Fucker. _Jasper, what happened to being calm and patient? Shut up, you knew it wouldn't last long._

Watching him run I forgot to try and catch up, I was enjoying the view too much, his beauty was fluid. That is, until he rounded a corner and I couldn't see him anymore. No, that wasn't going to work. My legs pumped fast to catch up or at least see his backside. To be honest, I didn't care if I caught up with him as long as he was in my line of sight.

Edward looked behind him to see me checking out his ass. His laughter floated back to me as he began to run even faster. Fucker.

In no time at all we were in the yard of the house. Edward was turned towards me laughing because I never even tried to catch up with him. Narrowing my eyes I attacked him so that we were both on the ground. He chuckled beneath me, his eyes crinkling in the corners, the green sparkling. He didn't attempt to get out from under me. The messy bronze hair, the wide crooked smile, the joyful, carefree eyes for a change were mesmerizing. Smiling at him I leaned down to kiss his still wide smile.

Hearing someone clear their throat I looked up to see my mom standing in the doorway of the house. She was grinning from ear to ear and made me wonder just exactly how long she'd been watching us. "Boys, lunch is ready." Lunch? Didn't we just eat breakfast? My stomach's rumble told me that more time had passed since then than I thought. Laughing even harder at the sound of my stomach Edward pushed me off of him.

Walking into the house we took our shoes and socks off. My mother's lips were twitching until she couldn't hold it in anymore. "I think you boys need to change clothes, they're filthy." Those were the words that came out of her mouth, but she was looking right at the mark Edward had given me. "You've been having a little fun, I see." She said before she burst out laughing. Eww, mom. I knew she would say something.

Shaking my head at her I went up the stairs to find some cleaner clothes than these, she was right, they were filthy. Edward changed his clothes so fast I nearly missed it, what the fuck was the hurry? He gave me a mischievous smile, winked and walked out of the room. What the hell was that all about?

When I made my way down the stairs Edward was talking to my mom in hushed tones, before glancing at me, his eyes dancing. He was up to something, I'd know that look anywhere. I was sure I'd find out what it was eventually.

Entering the dining room I saw my dad sitting there reading the Sunday paper. He didn't seem too happy, but I didn't know if it was over what he was reading or not. Shrugging it off for now I took my seat and waited for my mom and Edward.

Sitting beside me Edward grinned and squeezed my hand before tucking into his food. My mom made too much, as per usual. Emmett should be here I thought inwardly, nothing would go to waste then.

Chewing my food I tried to enjoy the flavors in my mouth, as we'd be going home late tomorrow, I knew I'd miss my mom's cooking. Interrupting me my mom said "So Jasper, I hear you saw Molly this morning. You know I always thought you two would hit it off and be happy together." She had to be joking, right? Edward snorted beside me, but as I wasn't looking at her when she said it, I had to look up to see the mirth in her eyes.

"Yeah... you know me. We would have lived happily ever after." I told her dripping with sarcasm.

"Can you tell me just exactly why you were making out at the table in the diner?" She said becoming serious. What? Furrowing my brow in confusion I looked at Edward, he had the same disbelieving look on his face.

Turning back to her I asked "Mom, what are you talking about?"

"Well, since you haven't been in the house, you wouldn't know, but we've gotten a stream of phone calls by people that were disgusted by your behavior at the diner." She explained, almost like she was scolding us. Why? I thought she was happy for us.

"What behavior? I kissed Jasper once on our way out the door, and that was more to show Molly that Jasper belongs to me. I don't care about the town." Edward stated. Stupid ass small town, this is why I didn't live here anymore. I'd love to live in a small town, but not at the expense of everyone knowing your business.

"Really? That's all you did?" She asked us, her brow shooting up in surprise. Well, that's the only thing that we did that would set their tongues to wagging. I nodded at her. My mom's eyes narrowed and she looked pissed, so did my dad. What the fuck for?

"Mom, what else is going on?" I asked.

Releasing her breath she said "I've had two clients pull out of business with me because they didn't want to give their business to someone that would raise and allow their children to behave the way you did. I got the impression that they were under the delusion that you were too physical in the diner, don't know if they didn't like that, or if it's because it was you two, no one said."

My father spoke up and said "Yeah, we've gotten over twenty phone calls this morning." Wait, what? There weren't even twenty tables in that diner. Stupid ass small town gossip, that shit spread like wildfire. I bet everyone in the town would say they were there. I was so glad we were going home, but I felt bad for my mom losing her clients.

Edward's lips were turned down and he looked... guilty? He shouldn't feel guilty. "Esme, I'm sorry I caused you trouble." He told her apologetically.

Smiling at him she said "You didn't cause me trouble. I don't want to deal with assholes like that anyway." My mom said assholes? Okay, who was she and where did she hide my mother? "Besides, I already have two more clients to take their place, people that were proud of you for standing up for yourselves. I'd much rather deal with them." Wow, I guess even in this small town not everyone was as close-minded.

After lunch Edward and I made our way to the den to watch TV, something we rarely did at home and just do nothing. Tomorrow we'd be leaving, so today we were going to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon together. Inwardly I wished we were spending that at home, because I knew we'd be in the bedroom, but I also knew we couldn't hide ourselves away in the bedroom with my parents here, even if they weren't in the same room as us.

Lying on my back on the floor I quickly realized that wasn't going to be a comfortable position and rolled over onto my stomach and laid my head on my arms. Edward groaned behind me and I turned my head to look at him. He was sitting with his back against the couch, legs apart, with elbows on his bent knees. His eyes were roaming over my backside, I held in a snicker as I was currently not in a much better state of mind. My eyes were directly in front of his crotch. Licking my lips I wanted to feel his hard length in my mouth. Letting out a ragged breath I crawled my way between his legs. Edward looked down at me in surprise, but before he could do anything I was kissing his cock lightly through his jeans. Lifting his shirt up part of the way I popped his jeans button open and unzipped his fly. Without pushing them down I put my hand inside his boxers and pulled his cock out. Smacking my lips I licked the underside of his cock and swirled my tongue around his head. I watched in fascination as he got harder for me. Edward moaned out "Fuck..."

Lifting my eyes to his I said "Hush. You have to be quiet." He nodded and bit down on his lip, he was going to draw blood I knew. Edward closed his eyes for a second before he turned his head towards the door watching it to make sure we didn't get caught again.

Turning my attention back to him and his incredible cock I licked him slowly at first. Moving my lips to kiss the skin of his abdomen that was exposed to me my hand pumped up and down his cock. Edward's groans came out almost strangled as he tried not to make too much noise.

Letting go of his cock I placed my hands on his inner thighs rubbing slowly up and down as my mouth took in his cock. My hands moved further inward until I cupped his balls with my right hand. Fuck, I wanted to feel that in my mouth too. Taking Edward down as far as I could I sucked him a few more times. On the last suck I let his cock go and kissed the head, he whimpered at me. Not letting him go for long I wrapped my hand around his cock and began stroking him, my thumb placing more pressure on the underneath side. With my left hand I pushed his jeans and boxers further down so I could suck on his balls. Bringing one into my mouth I rolled it around loving the way it felt. Edward's hands had since found their way into my hair and were tugging at it, willing me to go faster. Picking up my pace I let his balls go from my mouth and licked a line between them. "Fuck..." Edward breathed out. I smacked his thigh for not being quiet which made him moan. Licking his head a few times I swirled my tongue around it before going back to his balls, my hand still pumping him. Sucking one ball into my mouth I rolled it around my tongue before doing the same to the other side. Edward's hands gripped my hair more forcefully and I growled around him. Tightening in my mouth his balls signaled his release was coming and I let my mouth go back to his cock to drink his cum down, that was just for me. Continuing to pump him I swallowed every last drop of cum he gave me. Kissing his softening cock I looked up and smiled at his flushed cheeks. Edward pulled me to him and kissed my parted lips, letting our tongues meet.

Placing my own hands around his neck I sucked his tongue into my mouth and pressed my chest against his. Hearing the damn phone ringing in the background I pulled away from Edward, unhappily. Sighing I could hear my mom talking to someone that unfortunately wanted to talk to me. Apparently it was my cellphone that was ringing, fuck. Who the hell would be calling me? Everyone that normally called me was in this house right now. With no time to right Edward's clothes I pulled his boxers back up and turned around between his legs, covering up his unzipped jeans. Edward put his arm around my waist and pulled me back towards him. Turning my head I put my hand on the back of his and kissed him again, then scooted my body down so my head was lying on his shoulder. Edward's arms came around my waist and I placed my own hands over his.

"Honey, it's your friend Jamie on the phone for you." My mom called out as she walked into the room. What? She handed me my phone and left. Looking down at it I turned my head to look at Edward, he seemed as baffled as I was. What the fuck was he calling me for? He never had before. Why would he call me instead of Edward?

Raising my phone to my ear I could hear Jamie talking to somebody, before I could even say hello he was telling someone else _"I'm the new in thing, I'm a pocket gay, I'm small enough you can stick me in __your pocket and take me home."_ I could hear the humor in his voice when he said it, as well as a cackle and someone else snorting with laughter. Huh? Edward heard it, my head was moving up and down as he was chuckling. I rolled my eyes, Jamie was so weird sometimes.

Forgetting to say hello I asked "Come again?"

Jamie quipped _"If you were with me you'd come again and again and again."_ See what I mean? Weird. The other people he was with were laughing hysterically too. Edward laughed harder behind me, and kissed my other ear. Damn it, why was I on the stupid phone?

Sighing in annoyance I asked "Jamie, is there a reason you called me?"

"You don't have to be so rude, you know." He replied. Was he still on the you knows? God damn.

"Yeah, yeah, but why'd you call?" I asked again. Edward was still laughing behind me as his hands traveled down to the waistband of my jeans, his fingers dipping inside them. "Move it." I hissed under my breath at him and pushed his hand out of the way, it was distracting.

"_Well, excuse me for caring."_ Jamie snapped at me. God damn it, why the fuck did he call me? I still didn't know.

"Spit it out." I snapped right back.

"_Rose forced me to call you." _ He told me. What the fuck? Why would she do that?

I could hear her voice in the background saying _"I did not. I didn't _make_ you do anything, but damn I was tired of listening to your worrying about what happened with his parents."_

"Okay... so you want to know if my parents disowned me?" I asked.

"_Well, duh, that's what I was calling for, you know." _ He answered as though I was stupid. Idiot, I wasn't the one that kept saying you know over and over. Edward was only laughing harder, not at Jamie, but at me, he knew things like that annoyed the shit out of me.

"Obviously they didn't as we are still here and my mom was the one to answer my phone." I wished he could see my eyes roll to go along with that statement.

"_Dude, I was just freaked out, you know. My parents and Edward's parents didn't exactly take it well, you know. Wish my parents were more like yours anyway, they were nice at the hospital." _He said seriously this time. Fucking hell, now I felt like shit. I'd forgotten he'd come to see me while I was in there. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

Rubbing my forehead I said "I'm sorry, it's just been... not quite a picnic around here. My parents don't care though, that's true."

"_What do you mean, not a picnic?"_ He asked peaked by curiosity. Shit, shit, shit. Why'd I say that? I really didn't want to get into that, didn't want to get into nearly losing Edward for good because of my own stupidity.

Blowing out my breath I said "I'll tell you about it later, okay?"

"_Fine, fine." _ Jamie answered. _"Em, Rose and me are meeting Grant this afternoon anyway. I'll talk to you later."_

"Yeah, later. Say hi to them for me. Bye." I told him before getting a reply and ending the call.

Suddenly I felt tired, all the stress of the weekend was finally catching up to me, a heavy burden had been laid on me and I just couldn't shake it off. Closing my eyes I leaned more into Edward. I could feel one of his hands ghost over my cheek and turned into it. "Jazz, let's go upstairs." He spoke softly.

Standing up I pulled Edward off the floor with me. He zipped his jeans back up, but left the button open. As we walked by the kitchen I saw both my parents sitting at the table looking disgustingly in love. It was nice and all that they loved each other after all these years, but still I didn't want to think about my parents like that. Edward had a slightly awed and jealous look on his face at the display. They didn't notice us at all as we passed by them and walked up the stairs.

Walking into the bedroom something looked off, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was. Edward had a huge smile on his face, making me wonder what the hell I was missing. Sitting at the edge of the bed on the end of it I threw my phone into our bag, it wasn't likely I'd need it again.

When I looked up I saw Edward behind me waiting for our eyes to meet before taking his shirt off. Wait. He was behind me? In front of me was a full length mirror that I _know _hadn't been there before. "Um, Edward?"

"Yeah, Jazz?" He was smirking at me through the mirror as he got on the bed behind me. He was on his knees and his hands rubbed my shoulders, his eyes watching me in the mirror.

"Where did this mirror come from?" I asked him, wondering what the fuck it was about.

"It was in your mom's design room. I saw it when I sneaked a peek in there the other day." He told me, as his lips kissed my neck.

"How'd it end up in here though?" Holy hell, I knew why he wanted it in here, I hoped to god he didn't tell my mom that.

"I told your mom it would look good in here, and she agreed." He explained. "Now I want to make love to you and since your back hurts I thought this would be a good alternative so you wouldn't be on it. I still fantasize about taking you this way in our bathroom at home." His voice got huskier the longer he spoke. Yeah, I remembered that day well.

Edward's hands moved the fabric of my shirt up and I lifted my arms so he could get it off. He kissed along my back as his hands moved up and down my chest and abdomen. My own hands went to my jeans and unbuttoned and unzipped them. Edward pushed my hands away as he kissed my shoulder and slid his hand inside my boxers. Moaning at him I turned my head to capture his lips with mine, making me spin on fire.

Pulling away from me Edward's hands rubbed up and down my jean clad thighs and his voice whispered "Watch in the mirror, see what I see, see how beautiful you really are." Fuck. Somehow I knew this would be different, in our bathroom we could only see from the waist up, but this time... we could see everything at once.

Edward moved in front of me on the floor and I could see his entire exposed back in the mirror, watch how it moved with each gesture. Damn, was this what he saw when he looked at me this way? No wonder he liked it. Looking up at me with hooded eyes his tongue traced my nipples as his his hands went inside my boxers grabbing my ass. Lifting my hips I let him remove them and my boxers at the same time. Returning between my legs Edward gave me a dazzling smile and kissed my erect cock. His lips slid down over it as his hands were on my thighs almost holding me in place. My hands threaded through his bronze locks and I could see the contrast between it and my hands, dark against light.

The feeling of his warm wet mouth around my cock was wonderful as he worked his strong tongue over it, tasting me like he'd never had anything better. Moaning at him his green eyes looked up at mine, they were dark with lust and hungry. I'd never felt more wanted in my life than I did right then. One of his hands moved so it was tugging on my balls as he sucked up and down my cock, the other moved up my arm and down over my chest. "Edward... I need you now." I breathed out.

Standing before me Edward smiled down at me and I kissed his chest. Unzipping his jeans I pushed them down with his boxers and let them drop to the floor. He stepped out of them and looked down at me, his hand caressing my face. The look of love on his face took my breath away.

Edward sat on the bed beside me and I could see us in the mirror side by side, we were beautiful, both of us. This time I wasn't laughing. Edward bent forward and took the lube and a condom out of our bag and set it next to him. Turning back to me he kissed my mouth tugging on my bottom lip. "Edward, please..." I moaned. He kissed down my neck and across my shoulder, then lifted my arm kissing the inside of my bicep and down my arm pit and ribs, making me squirm with pleasure.

"Jasper, do you want me?" Edward asked me, what a dumb question.

"More than anything, please." I begged.

"Get on your knees for me then." He commanded. On my knees now I watched in the mirror as Edward got behind me. His hands caressed my ass and I could see the delight on his face as he looked at it. Pulling my cheeks apart he licked the crack of my ass circling my entrance. I could feel his tongue poke through the ring of muscle and growled at him.

Looking at me through the mirror he sucked on one of his fingers and pushed it gently inside me as he watched my face. "More..." I pleaded. Instead of removing that hand he sucked on a finger on the other hand and pushed it inside. He moved them in opposing directions which created a new pleasure ridden torture. "Fuck..." Edward watched his fingers moving in and out of my ass.

"Now, I want to feel you inside me now." How much more was I going to have to beg?

Edward smiled at me and kissed my back removing his fingers from my ass. Opening the bottle of lube he poured some directly over the crack of my ass. Pumping his hand over his own cock a few times he tore open the condom package and rolled it on. Pouring more lube in his hand he pushed his fingers in my ass again coating the inside. Removing them he replaced them with his cock slowly rubbing between my cheeks and just pressing the head in on a few passes. Damn it, I was fucking ready. "Edward, _now_." I growled out.

Chuckling at my impatience he pushed slowly forward, filling, stretching me, making me feel whole. His hands at my hips he thrust in and out gently making me moan and grip the sheets beneath me. Edward's eyes met mine in the mirror and I could see the pleasure on his face as he felt the tightness of my ass around his cock. Rocking my hips back into him I pleaded "Faster..." Smirking at me he picked up the pace hitting my prostate each time he thrust into me. I could feel my testicles fill with semen as he did it. Reaching down I stroked my cock as his thrusts got harder.

Changing position I leaned my chest forward, so he could get a better angle. Fuck, fuck, fuck. "Jazz, you always feel so good." Then I watched as he swallowed hard and nearly choked back tears saying "I don't know what I'd without you."

Shaking my head at him I said "Me either, now get on with it and fuck me." Shit, if he kept that up he'd never get off and I was already nearly there. That, or he'd make me cry and I didn't want that.

Putting one hand behind me I squeezed one of his ass cheeks and left it there as he kept up his thrusts. Watching us in the mirror I could see the essence of two performers, doing a dance. My balls tightened at all the sensations around me, the grunts Edward was making, the sound of our bodies slapping together, the look on our faces as we gazed at each other through the mirror, the feeling of him inside me connecting us, they all combined to make me cry out in pleasure, in wonderment. My muscles clenched around Edward's cock as I shot out a stream of cum, trying to squeeze out every drop.

Edward's face scrunched up in pleasure as he let go inside me and he cried out "Jazz!" His body weak at the expended energy he kissed my back lazily and pulled out of me taking the condom with him. Getting up he threw it away and came back with a warm washcloth to clean up the evidence of our love.

Lying beside me Edward pulled me to him facing him and kissed me full of passion and love. "I love you, Jazz." His voice was quiet and almost fearful as though he was afraid I didn't love him back.

Giving him a radiant smile I tried to push confidence into him and said "I love you too, Edward."


	19. Chapter 19

**STRANGE DESIRE: CHAPTER NINETEEN**

**AN: **_Don't blame me for part of this chapter, the boys hijacked the story from me for a moment. I had no intention of writing part of this at all, but when I sat down they told me this is how it had to be. We went round and round about it._

_For all of you that know the shit that's gone on in my RL, thanks for your support, I've really needed it._

_Characters belong to SM, I've just borrowed the guys for my own amusement._

**EPOV**

Lying beside Jasper I watched him sleep, a contented soft smile on his face. My god, I loved my beautiful man. I don't think I could or would ever love anyone as much as him. Tracing a finger over his soft lips I watched as he sighed and smiled wider. Smiling to myself I knew I was the one that made him feel this way, the one that fucked him twice today. Well, I say I made love to him, he would say fucked. He never seemed all that comfortable with his emotions, which is why all this craziness messing with his mind had turned his head upside down.

Jasper was mine, he belonged to me and I knew that, but should he? He would never have the things in life he always thought he wanted. We wouldn't be allowed marriage, at least not for the time-being, so... would he be better off with someone he could marry? I was positive he wanted children even though he said he was okay without them. I didn't, never did. I couldn't fathom placing the same sort of shit on a child that my father did to me. Standing outside of my house today just drove that home more. All the negative memories of my father came back full-force and I do mean _all_ of them. Maybe he'd be better off if I let him go, better off if he could live the life he thought he'd have, the life he should have.

Even though it hurt my heart to think about those things I wondered now if my head should have thought of them before we were ever together. He was beautiful, I loved him more than anything or anyone, but I would always hold him back, I knew that. I didn't want to let him go, but his mom brought home to me all the things that wouldn't be if we stayed together. I had to let him go. Could I do it? I didn't want to, but I would, he would have a happier life if we weren't together and he was free to be with a woman. I knew he wasn't likely to be with another man, but I suppose anything was possible.

Yes, I'd let him go. Today had been a good day, and I didn't want it to end badly. I'd tell him tomorrow before we went home, that way if he didn't want us to stay in the same apartment we could part ways then. Today, right now, I'd pretend everything was okay and we'd be fine. Tomorrow he could tell me to go to hell if that's what he wanted and I'd stick by whatever decision he made.

Opening his eyes to look at me Jasper asked sleepily "What's wrong with you?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked confused, I thought I'd hidden the way I felt a little better than that.

"Edward.... you aren't as good at pretending things as I am, so something is up, otherwise you wouldn't have that look on your face." Jasper said pushing on my furrowed brow that I hadn't even realized was furrowed.

"It's nothing. We don't have to worry about it right now." I said hoping he'd drop it.

Rolling me over he was straddling me and pushing my shoulders down into the mattress with his hands. "It's not nothing, I can tell." Then Jasper gasped and sat up. I was busily trying to memorize the way he looked in my mind as we wouldn't be together any longer. Slapping the middle of my chest hard Jasper got out "You're breaking up with me, aren't you?"

I didn't want to say yes, but I didn't want to say no either as I didn't want to lie. "Are you stupid or something?" He shot at me angrily.

"No, I'm not stupid." I was defensive.

Blowing out his breath he closed his eyes and it looked as though he was trying to calm himself down. "I won't accept it." He stated calmly, flatly.

"What do you mean you won't accept it? If I do it, it's done." I replied, he wasn't going to make this easy.

His blue eyes burned into mine as he said "If you didn't love me then I'd accept it, but you do. I _know_ you do. That's what this is about, isn't it? You think you are doing the right thing by letting me go." I said nothing, that is what I thought. Nodding his head at me he said "Okay, break up with me then, but I want to know all the reasons you think I'd be better off without you first."

I didn't want to go over the reasons, I just wanted him to move on and be happy. Right now I was at a serious disadvantage in this position. Pushing Jasper off me, I sat up. Looking around for my boxers, jeans, anything, I finally spotted my boxers to put them on. I wasn't about to have this kind of conversation without any clothes on.

Jasper was trying to bore a hole through the back of my head I knew, I could feel it. About to put my foot in my boxers he grabbed them from me and threw them across the room. "No." That was the only word he said, which surprised me. By this time I fully expected him to throw some sort of childish tantrum.

Blinking at him I wondered just why he would do that, wouldn't he feel better clothed? He seemed to be far more easily embarrassed about that sort of shit than I was. Looking at me intently, he was impatiently waiting for my answer. Crossing his arms across his chest after about ten minutes of me not speaking he said "You're stalling." Fucking right I was stalling, he should just let it go, move on, be happy without me, he could be happier than with me. I'd just... well, I didn't know what I would do. Perhaps find someone else that I didn't feel like I was taking part of their life away, but that would be a long time in coming. I knew without a doubt I'd never love someone as much as Jasper, never. He'd been a part of my life too long.

Knowing I'd never be able to get out of the house without telling him I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Closing it I cleared my throat and tried again, still no words. Damn it. My head kept telling me he'd be happier without me as anything more than a friend, my heart was pissed off and shouting at me. I'd wanted Jasper for too long to give up now when I had him, when I never thought I would. Battling it out between each other I still tried to push words out of my mouth, any words.

Jasper raised a brow at me, still waiting. Opening my mouth again I made some sort of weird strangled noise and Jasper snorted at me. "You can't even tell me, I really don't think you want to break up with me." He told me, his arms still crossed.

Angry now I knew I wanted to leave him, he'd be better off, so I finally found the words. "Jasper, I do think we should break up." It was a statement and a clear one. Jasper's eyes narrowed and his jaw flexed, but he was still sitting there. I fully expected him to leave by now. Why couldn't I have figured this out a couple of days ago when he went off? Then it would be easy just to say that's why I didn't want him anymore. Fucking hell.

Releasing a long breath Jasper asked "And just what makes you think that?"

Looking away then down I answered "You won't be able to be fully happy with me." Jasper looked at me in shock first before bursting into laughter.

"Happy? Are you insane? I am happy, happier than I have ever been." He finally got out when the laughter subsided.

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean you should be happily married with kids, I'm sure you would be by now if I hadn't been around." I explained my side of things. My guilt at taking those things away from him ate at me.

Eyes wide Jasper just stared right at me before he began ranting "What the fuck are you talking about? Damn it, damn it, damn it. This is because of my mother, isn't it? I knew she shouldn't have brought that stuff up."

"Maybe she shouldn't, but they are things we needed to hear. I'm fully aware of what I'm giving up, but you I don't think are." I really wanted him to understand and to let go, then again I didn't, part of me was still selfish.

Shaking his head at me he said "Edward, don't you think I thought about this stuff before? I'm not a complete idiot. I knew what I was getting myself into." Opening my mouth to protest he placed a finger over my lips commanding my silence. "Now, as far as having kids goes, I already know how you feel about that and why. I told you I was okay with it as long as I had you, you were more important." Yeah, but... he'd have them if it wasn't for me. "Just like I'll still be here if you change your mind too." That was extremely doubtful. Hell would probably freeze over first.

"As for the marriage thing? Who said I wanted to get married to anyone? I never mentioned that, not one time in our entire lives together." Jasper told me and I tried to remember if that was true. Well, fuck, it was true. "I distinctly remember wanting to be settled down with someone because that's what I thought I should do, but married? Fuck no."

"Does that mean you never want to get married to anyone?" I asked astonished. His parents were always so happy together that I was jealous of it, jealous of having a love that lasted like that. I assumed he'd want that too.

"To a woman? No. I never understood why until I was with you. I loved you, I could never love them right." He was quiet when he answered me, as if he was afraid of the words.

"Okay, so you never wanted to marry a woman. Jasper, we can't be married, you do realize this?" I asked him, I was not sure he fully understood the implications of that.

Jasper's eyes looked down and I thought I'd lost him now. Then he raised his head his blue eyes blazing bright and scooted closer to me. Taking my hands in his he said "Edward, listen to me and listen to me carefully, because it's unlikely I'll ever say this again. I'm not sure you realize that in my mind we already are. I've never and will never love anyone as much as you. You are my partner, my lover, my best friend, no one else is going to take your place." My mind reeled at that, sometimes I didn't think he loved me as much I loved him. Swallowing he spoke softly "Edward, I love you. I don't want anyone else but you." Tears started to well in his eyes and I knew then that he did love me, loved me as much as I did him, he just didn't show it the same way.

Sighing in relief and joy, my heart stopped shouting and punching me. I wasn't going to let him go, I'd just had a crazy freaked out moment. Smiling slightly at Jasper I whispered "Thank you."

"Thanks for what?" He asked me bewildered.

"For telling me I was stupid, for talking me out of making one of the worst decisions I'd ever make, one I know I'd regret." I told him grinning.

"Oh, well anytime you feel like being a jackass I'll let you know just how stupid you are being." He was joking, but... that made me feel slightly guilty. He was a jackass to me and I'd shut him out and shut down, no longer listening. Jasper stayed and listened and talked sense into me. He was definitely slowly going back to his old self, his old self would have done that.

"Now get dressed, you wore me out today and I'm starving." Jasper commanded and I laughed, he had been insatiable today in more ways than one.

"Why can I get dressed now and not before?" I asked him pulling a shirt on.

"Because if this was our last time together I wanted to remember the way you were." He responded quietly, unable to look at me.

Coming up to him I tilted his chin up and saw the sadness in his eyes, on his face, the sadness I was responsible for, that I put there. Damn it. Embracing him I kissed his lips softly before whispering "Forgive me? I love you more than anything, I only thought I'd be doing the right thing and giving you what you needed by leaving."

"Yes, but next time, don't do the right thing without talking to me first. Got it?" He demanded pushing me back.

"Got it, talk to you first." I acknowledged. Sniffing the air we both could smell dinner cooking downstairs and finished getting dressed.

Esme and Carlisle were in the kitchen cooking. It was nice to see them together, but I knew Carlisle was more in the way than actually helping as he wasn't home that often to help cook. I think he was just there to sneak bites of food past Esme. They were laughing at something and I felt a little lighter, I needed the laughter after bringing myself down so fast. I was sure the old memories of my father hadn't helped my mood any.

One distinct memory kept playing over and over in my head today.

_Running, I was running through the woods near my house. Feeling the wind on my face I felt free, freer than I ever did at home. The ground on the trail was soft and damp beneath my feet, I was barefoot and didn't care, it felt wonderful. Taking deep lungfuls of air I smelled the wet earth and felt elated. There was no need to fear anything out here, anything here was safer, calmer than my house. Peace was my illusion out here._

_Stopping at a clearing I paused and took it all in. Flowers of all colors grew thick and heavy here, the opening giving them sunlight to flourish. My mom would like them I knew, so I began picking the best ones, trying to get all the different ones in my hand. Once my hand was as full as it could possibly get I walked back to my house slowly, holding the flowers out and away from me, not wanting to crush or mess them up. My mom deserved better than that, the past few days had been hard on her, her and my father were constantly fighting._

_Walking into the yard, the flowers still intact, I was proud of myself. They made it in one piece and would make my mom happy. I was excited to give them to her. I should have known better, should have known my father would ruin it, like he always did._

_He'd just gotten out of his car and saw me before I could hand them off to my mom. Glaring at me and then the flowers and back again he stepped up to me and ripped the flowers from my hand. Throwing them down he ground them out with his foot and seethed at me "You aren't a pansy." What? My father needed medication or something, I know I'd seen him give my mom flowers whenever they'd been fighting, so what was the big deal? "Real men don't pick flowers." Even though I knew I shouldn't have I rolled my eyes at him. "I'm doing you a favor by telling you this stuff, you don't want to grow up with people hating you." Shooting daggers at him, right now I really hated him._

"_What are you doing?" My mother screeched from the doorway._

"_I'm just teaching Edward a lesson." My father shot back at her._

"_No, you aren't. Why would you do that? He's just a boy." She said sidling up to me._

"_You coddle him too much. If I left him alone with you he'd grow up to be gay." He told her pointing his finger right at her in a gesture I didn't like. Gay? What the hell did that even mean? Sometimes I felt as though my father was mad at me for stuff I'd never done._

_My mom said "Go to your room, sweetie. Your father and I need to have a discussion right now." Discussion equaled fight in this household. I walked away feeling deflated as I wasn't able to give my mom those flowers. I'd go back and get some more and make sure my father never saw them. _

_Going up the stairs to my room I was bored as usual and wished my best friend lived closer to me. Could there be a way to get to him in times like this when I just wanted to get away from all of this? "Sweetie, are you alright?" My mom asked me pushing the door to my room open._

"_Yeah." I didn't cry anymore when my father acted like an ass, I just felt the bricks fall into place adding a new one each time._

"_Do you want to go to Jasper's? It might be more fun than being here right now." She asked and I looked up at her and nodded. It would be more fun than here, sometimes I felt like I was walking on eggshells or felt like I was at a funeral, mine._

_My mom drove me to his house and when Esme opened the door she said "He's up in his room." That's all it took for me to run up the stairs barely giving her a backwards glance. I was sure that was rude, but I didn't have it in me to be nice anymore today. Look where that had gotten me._

_Knocking on Jasper's door I pushed it open slowly. He was laying on his bed listening to music with his eyes closed. Opening his eyes he quirked an eyebrow and asked "Bad day?"_

"_Yes." Was my only reply before I laid on the bed beside him. Pulling me into his arms so my head was on his chest like usual I let out a sigh. "Jazz?"_

"_What?" His voice was soft._

"_I wish there was some way we could see each other without our parents." I was serious, I needed to see him far more often than I was allowed, needed to get away from that place._

"_Hmm... I'll think of something." He told me and I relaxed knowing he would._

A few months later I figured out what he'd been so excited about for a while, that trail he made between our houses. I think I forgot to thank him for that. Maybe I'd make it up to him later.

My father was a complete asshole. Something I figured out a long time ago, but knowing I wasn't the first family member he'd disowned was both disturbing and a relief. Why'd he do it though? I knew that question would gnaw at me until I knew the answer.

"Edward, what's gotten you so far away?" Jasper asked me snaking his arm around my waist and turning to face me.

"I forgot." I stated.

"You forgot what, Edward? In case you haven't noticed I'm the one that keeps forgetting shit, not you." Jasper was frowning at me and looking sober. I chuckled at him, he was right, he did forget stuff, unless it was absolute fact, that stuff he never forgot. Sometimes I wondered if he forgot things deliberately. If he couldn't remember then he wouldn't lie about stuff, he didn't like lying and he wasn't good at it, so maybe it was easier if he tried to erase it to start with.

"I forgot to thank you for making that trail, for coming to rescue me, for being there and taking me in." I hadn't meant to say all that, but the words spilled out. God damn, this had been an emotional day for me, I was really kind of tired of it.

"You're welcome, but you need to thank my parents for taking you in, they could have said no all those times." He told me. That was true, other kid's parents didn't take someone else's child on that often.

"No, he doesn't, we know he's grateful and it's not like we didn't want him here." Esme said looking over at us. Then coming up next to me she hugged me and said "You've felt like my son since the first time I laid eyes on you." Overwhelmed, all I could do was hug her back. She hadn't been able to have any of her own children, miscarrying each time she got pregnant. So to her I was sure I was like a second son she never thought she had, I certainly had spent enough time here.

"Now, there are too many cooks in the kitchen, you boys get out of here. Dinner will be ready in a few." Esme said shooing us out the door.

We laughed at her and walked out of the kitchen. It was going to be a while before dinner was ready, so instead of heading to the dining room we ended up outside on the back porch. Passing the living room I didn't want to be there, it was... still uncomfortable with all that white, I hoped Esme wouldn't keep that for long. As we passed the den Esme had apparently already been taking the couch apart, why she would do that in here I didn't know, but the room was a mess. We were essentially relegated to outside or upstairs. Jasper wanted to go outside, I think he missed it after being in the hospital so long.

There were a couple of chairs out here and a table, but they were pushed back in the shade. Jasper only glanced at them before he sat on the wooden beams and let his legs swing out looking out over the woods surrounding the house. Joining him I sat down beside him and looked out, we'd be heading back to Seattle and the city tomorrow afternoon, so I fully intended to enjoy the peace while it lasted. "Jasper?" My voice was quiet, afraid to disturb the nature around us.

Turning his head to me he said "Yeah? Got something on your mind?" I'd had a lot of things on my mind today, but not this.

"Do you remember the trail we made from your house to the clearing?" I asked him. We made it so I wouldn't have to get there from my parents house anymore, I wanted to see it as little as possible.

He snorted at me and said "Yeah, I remember it. We both ended up covered in scratches and cuts from head to toe because we were too impatient to do it slowly." I laughed, we did make it pretty damn fast.

"Anyway, do you think it's still there?" I asked.

"If what's still there? The trail? Or the clearing?" He questioned.

"The trail. The clearing is probably still there, it didn't seem like it was going anywhere." The only way that was gone was if the forest had encroached on it.

"Don't know. Want to find out tomorrow morning before we leave?" He asked me with a gleam in his eye. It didn't take a genius to figure out what he was up to.

"Hmm... maybe. Are you gonna be a good boy for me or not?" I teased.

Laughing at me he said "I'm not making any promises I can't keep. Besides, why should I be good? I've been good all damn day. You, on the other hand... I think you might need some sense knocked back into your head."

Snorting at him I said "I think you've already done that."

"Well, maybe I'll just _drive_ it home more." The double entendre wasn't lost on me.

Smiling at him I winked and said "I can't fucking wait."

"Oh, you'll wait alright and I'll fuck you until you can't remember who you are anymore." Jasper shot back at me. I groaned, damn it, why did he have to tease me this way? I think I must have said that out loud because the next words out of Jasper's mouth were "You've teased me like this before, turnabout is fair-play." Then he slid his hand beneath the waistband of my jeans only brushing against my growing erection. He had a wide grin on his face and was having entirely too much fun at my expense.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked pleading with him for more.

"Why? Do you really have to ask? I'm having my fun with you, Edward. You totally ruined my blissed out high, now I'm going to get it back by torturing you." Jasper's hand slipped lower and cupped my balls lightly tugging before removing his hand completely and laughing. Fucker.

Jasper stood and started walking back into the house. "Where the fuck do you think you're going?" I demanded.

"I'm hungry, I'm going to get food, you can stay out here and take care of yourself or join me." Jasper was so going to pay for that. What the fuck was I thinking trying to break up with him? As soon as he walked his ass away from me just like he did now I would have been a goner and been all over him.

Standing up I caught up to him and wrapped my arms around him, trapping him there, pressing my erection into his ass. Hissing at me he asked "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? You can't just leave me like that." I was begging now.

"Oh, I can and I will." He said turning around to face me, I could feel his own erection against my thigh. Good, that meant his resistance would be weak. Grabbing his ass I pulled him closely to me and kissed him roughly. Pulling away from me he told me "It won't be happening anymore today." He grinned and backed away. I was frustrated beyond belief. After we got home I didn't know how much alone time we'd have when real life came back and my job that took so much away from me. I wanted him now, damn it.

Dinner was uncomfortable as Jasper's hand kept rubbing my inner thigh, I had to adjust myself a couple of times. What the fuck did he think he was doing? It was one thing to do that at home, but here? With his parents at the same table seemed like an incredibly stupid thing to do. The fucker had an innocent face the whole entire time. His parents knew what he was doing, they were both trying not to look and laugh.

Polishing off my food I stood up and told the table "I'm going to bed, I don't want to be too tired to drive home tomorrow." Mostly I was hoping Jasper would follow me upstairs, the smirks on his parent's faces let me know exactly what they thought.

Pushing his chair back from the table Jasper stood and said "Yeah, me too and I need a shower."

"Okay, we'll see you in the morning, boys." Esme said her lips twitching.

Jasper was in front of me and about to put his foot on the bottom step of the stairs before he turned around. Grabbing the back of my neck with his hand he brought me to his lips, our tongues tasting each other. Grinning widely at me he pulled away and ran up the stairs, I groaned watching him. He was too good looking and too tasty for his own good.

Following up the steps I shut and locked the door behind me. Pulling Jasper to me I turned him around so he was against the door. My mouth met his and I swept my tongue inside and pushed his shirt up, my hands running along his ribs. Jasper moaned into my mouth and let me remove his shirt before he pushed me away. "It's not going to work, I'm in control right now." Jasper said walking past me and dropping his jeans. Fuck, how did he expect me to keep my hands to myself? The rest of his clothes went after them and he stepped into the bathroom. Maybe if I could get my hands on him in the shower then he couldn't say no. Removing my clothes quickly I walked into the bathroom and watched the water run down Jasper's face. His wet blonde hair reminded me of the day he found out I liked him, with the rain soaking it and his clothes.

Stepping into the shower I pressed myself against his back and kissed his neck. Snorting at me he shook his wet hair in my face so I backed away. "What the fuck did you do that for?" I shouted.

"You're not listening to me, I _said_ not today." His voice was strong, commanding, until he came up to my ear and whispered "I will have you begging for it."

"I am begging, Jazz. Please?" I was desperate and hard.

Smirking at me Jasper answered "No, if you think you need to get off then do it, right here, right now, while I watch." Then under his breath he muttered "Fucker." Oh, he was still mad about the time I watched him in the shower after leaving him high and dry. Damn it. I needed to get off badly.

Raising a brow at me Jasper tapped his foot impatiently and said "I'm waiting." Yeah, like that was going to help. Shaking his head at me he grabbed the bottle of soap and poured it in his hand, lathering his entire body. I watched as he looked right at me and began stroking his cock with soapy hands.

Closing my eyes I leaned my head against the tile and moaned. Opening them again I let my own hands wander lower and matched the speed of his strokes on my own cock, imagining it was his hand there and not mine. Looking at Jasper's face it was flushed pink from the heat of the warm water. My eyes traveled down to his arm watching the muscles move and flex as he jerked himself off. Watching him stroke himself he brought his other hand around to cup his balls tugging on them. Fuck, I wish he'd let me suck on them. Taking a step forward Jasper's steely gaze was enough to make me step back to where I was. So instead of touching him, I mirrored what he was doing. Jasper closed his own eyes and grunted before biting his lip and letting go. That was my undoing. I sped my hand up and shot my load on my stomach soon after.

Jasper stood in front of me and placed his hands on the back of my head, his forehead resting on mine. "I love you." He breathed before pressing a soft kiss to my lips.

"I love you too, Jazz." I sighed.

Finishing up our shower soon after we went to bed and I fell into a deep sleep, a peaceful one. That was good, real life would come when we got back to Seattle. I wasn't looking forward to it, but I was looking forward to whatever Jasper had planned for tomorrow.

**AN:** _So... I think I'm going to make you guys suffer for the real lemon until next chapter. This one already took so much out of me after the week I had. Don't complain, I think I outdid myself with the last couple of chapters and I plan to do the same with the next one._

_Here is my blog page, as FFN is cracking down on fics like this. All my slash will be posted there as well, so if this one disappears you can still read it. .com/search?updated-min=2010-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&updated-max=2011-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=39_


	20. Chapter 20

**Strange Desire: Chapter Twenty**

**AN:** _So I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, after reading it you'll realize why I didn't put it in the last one, it'd make it to too long. Thanks for all the other writer's that did WC'ing with me, it really helped me push this one out, as well my other slash story. Thank you to JessDS for this idea three weeks ago, it just took that long to make it work. I hope I did you proud._

_Characters belong to SM_

**JPOV**

My eyes snapped open as fear gripped me, my heart racing. The dream I had was fading fast, I barely remembered what happened, except that I lost Edward in it. Looking at Edward still sound asleep and looking for all the world at peace I was angry. How the hell I managed to keep myself as calm as I did when Edward wanted to leave me I didn't know. The entire time fury under-laid everything I did and said, but I held it in check. Somehow I knew if I lost it, then I'd lose him forever. That was just not happening. He was supposed to be with me, deep down no one could tell me otherwise.

Today I was going to make him pay for that. He would be at my mercy, begging for me. I wasn't going to let him forget how much he wanted me, how much he loved me. The fucker thought I'd actually be better off without him, what a joke. I knew I wouldn't be, knew I never would have been okay without him in my life, even if I wasn't fully aware of it growing up.

Watching him sleep I drank all of him in. Starting at the top of his head I took note of his tousled bronze hair that wouldn't look any better even if he combed it. His brow was smooth and at rest instead of worried, his eyes closed, showing his bronze eyelashes. I really wished I could see the green of his eyes. Edward's nose was slightly crooked I think from when his father hit him, it wasn't like that before. Swallowing back the bile at the thought of his father and how much he messed Edward up I pushed the thought away and continued taking him in. His pink lips were parted as though they wanted to be kissed. Deciding that's exactly what I was going to do I pressed my body against his feeling his morning wood against my own.

Edward stirred awake as I pressed my lips to his. Becoming more awake he deepened the kiss, our tongues swirling and dancing together. Groaning he pulled away and opened his eyes, I finally got to see the green I missed. Giving me a lopsided smile he asked "Can I wake up like that every day?"

Smiling back at him I popped off "Sure, anything you want."

Grinning at me widely he questioned "Anything?"

Snorting at him I said "Within reason."

"I want to fuck you." He said almost laughing, he knew I wasn't going to cave like that.

"Yeah? We both know that won't be happening this morning, but you _will_ be begging me to fuck you." I stated flipping him onto his back and straddling his waist. Now he was laughing, the vibration made me groan. Edward turned us over so I was on my back and I immediately hissed and flipped us back. My back was still sore and even if it wasn't he wasn't going to get the upper-hand, this was my day to fuck with him and I was going to fuck him senseless.

Encircling both his wrists I placed his arms above his head. Giving him a stern look I told him "You will want me so much you will forget you wanted to throw me away yesterday." Yeah, I was still pissed off about that.

Opening his mouth to speak I covered it with mine, I didn't want to hear it, although I was sure he'd tell me anyway, the fucker. I was right. Instead of kissing me he tried to speak around my lips "I wasn't throwing you away." That's what he said, but it came out all mumbled.

Pulling away I narrowed my eyes at him and asked "Are you sure you want to bring that up?"

Nodding his head at me he answered "Yes. Don't ever think I'd throw you away, Jazz. I love you. I just wanted you to have what was best for you."

"Edward, I know what's best for me. You. Now let me show you what's best for you." I grinned wickedly trying to change the subject, Edward groaned. I didn't like all that sappy shit, it embarrassed me to say or hear it. The only reason I managed to push it past my lips was I knew he did.

Starting at the top of his head I kissed his hair, resuming what I'd been doing before he woke up, only adding my lips to every place I looked. Moving down I kissed his forehead, between his brows, and each of his eyelids as they fluttered closed. My lips pressed against the slight crook in it and I tried hard not to think of how he'd gotten that. His eyes opened and his lips parted wanting to taste each other, complying I wound my tongue around his before pulling back. Kissing his chin I nipped his jaw feeling the stubble there. Tilting his head back I sucked on his Adam's apple. My lips continued their descent down the center of his body. Nipping, kissing, and sucking down the center of his chest I scooted down to keep going down his stomach, to that trail of bronze hair. Skipping his erect cock my lips sucked on his hip bone and down to the sensitive skin of his inner thigh on his left leg. "Jazz, please, I can't take this anymore. I'm begging you to fuck me." Edward grunted out.

"No, I don't think I will right now." I told him going back to his leg and working down it, my hands following the outside of his legs. He groaned at me as I kept going and picked up his foot kissing the bottom of it. Edward tried to jerk it away, but I held firm and smiled before putting it down and picking up the other one. Kissing the bottom of his right foot he squirmed, but he didn't jerk it away this time. Carrying on my lips worked over the inside of his right leg, sucking as I went.

Between his legs I looked up to see Edward on his elbows watching me. "Please..." He pleaded. Not yet, he was going to earn it, besides this was amusing that I had that much power over him. Pushing his ass cheeks apart with my hand I licked the crack of his ass, poking my tongue through the tight ring of muscle. He still tasted like soap from our shower the night before. Edward's hands ended up in my hair tugging at it, but I removed them as I licked up the underneath side of his cock, ending in a swirl around the head and me sucking just the head a few times before I pulled back completely and grinned. "No... Jazz, please. I want you now, please..." Ignoring his pleas I put one arm behind his back and thread my other hand through his hair, bringing his head closer to me and crashed my lips to his. Kissing him hard and hungrily I pulled back and let him go, letting him drop to the mattress and bounce. He glared at me and I laughed slapping his thigh.

Getting off the bed I went to the bathroom to get ready for the day. Looking at myself in the mirror reminded me of Edward trying to make me more comfortable being taken from behind. My biggest problem with fucking him or being fucked by him that way wasn't the position, because damn it felt good, it was the connection. When all I could see was nothing or all I could see was the expanse of his back, it could be anyone I was fucking or being fucked by. I wasn't attracted to random men, I was attracted solely to Edward and needed to be reminded of that fact. However, if Edward liked it and bent over backwards trying to make me enjoy it too I would try harder, try to remember that it was Edward. This morning I planned on taking him that way, I just hoped he'd let me know just exactly who it was I was fucking, otherwise I didn't think I would get off. Yes, I would make an effort, that is, if he didn't murder me first for teasing him relentlessly.

Walking out of the bathroom Edward was still glaring at me. Chuckling I picked up his hand and pulled him up to me, pressing our bare bodies together. "Get dressed, don't shave." I commanded and slapped him on the ass. He was going to listen to me today. Shuffling off to the bathroom he gave me a dirty look, I called out "No touching yourself either, you're mine this morning." I could hear a groan and a murmured 'asshole'.

"Yeah, I am. So are you." I shot back. Glancing down at my own morning wood I told my erection "Don't worry, you'll get to play later. I promise." Then I laughed at myself and shook my head, that was idiotic.

Rummaging through our bag I found Edward's favorite pair of jeans on me. I saved them just in case I was going to need to do some serious groveling. Putting those on I knew he wouldn't be able to resist looking at my ass in them, something he wasn't getting today. Snorting at myself I knew I was being evil, but I was having fun toying with him. Finding my tight light blue t-shirt I pulled that over my head, I knew that color made my eyes bluer, I also knew it was tight enough to show off my chest. Edward wouldn't know what hit him when he saw me.

Picking out some socks I didn't put them on just yet and walked down the stairs without him. If he saw me in here he would probably attack me before we got out the door. I was happy I didn't have to wear monkey suits the rest of the summer unless I absolutely wanted to, but as I wasn't teaching this summer they weren't necessary. That thought made me relax. Edward had insisted every single one of my suits was tailored to perfection. He claimed it made people look ridiculous or unintelligent when they wore suits that didn't fit well. Looking back on it I think he just wanted a better view of my ass in them, the sneaky bastard.

In the kitchen I found my parents sitting at the table talking quietly and eating breakfast. My mom gave me a smile that I was not comfortable with, but I wasn't sure why. Skirting around them I went to get a plate and grab my own breakfast before joining them. "So what do you have planned for today?" My mom asked me.

"Uh..." What do I say? What if she wanted us to stay here and spend time with her before we left?

"I have some appointments today and your father has to go to the hospital, so I won't get to see you until late this afternoon. Maybe we can have a late lunch before you boys leave. It's supposed to rain on your way home, but it's not this morning, just cloudy." My mom babbled making me wonder what was wrong with her.

Right then Edward came into the kitchen looking irritable and grabbed his own plate. Sitting beside me he gasped as he noticed the jeans I was wearing. Leaning into me he whispered "Are you trying to embarrass me in front of your parents?" I shrugged, maybe I was.

Whispering back I said "You embarrassed me in front of strangers." I thought back to our first time having dinner with Emmett and Rosalie. I was surprised they ever came back.

"Yeah, but they could have just walked away, these are your parents." He shot back in a hush.

"It's all part of my fun, Edward. I will have fun with you today." I said in his ear before nipping it.

"Boys, I hate to interrupt, but I need to talk to Jasper." My mother told me. Sure she hated to interrupt. Uh huh, I wouldn't believe that in a million years. Standing up she walked out of the kitchen and I followed her. Edward let out a loud groan behind me as I walked away from him. Turning my head to look at him, his face was red and his eyes wide as he shot glances at my father, who had his nose in the paper he just opened pointedly ignoring the sound.

Finding my mom in the entry hall, she was standing there with a backpack in her hands. Narrowing my eyes at her I wondered how much she knew about today. "What's this for?" I asked pointing at the backpack.

She gave me a nervous smile and said "I thought you could use this today. I've already put the things in it I think you'll need for this morning."

Crossing my arms over my chest I demanded "How do you know what we are doing today?"

Chuckling she responded "I accidentally overheard you yesterday." At the look on my face and the explosion that was surely going to come she rushed out "I was only going to tell you dinner was ready, but then I heard you talking and thought I should probably stay out of it, you'd come to the table when you were ready."

Taking some calming breaths I said "Okay, but what is this for? I think I could have done that myself."

Shrugging at me she answered "I just wanted to show my support."

"Mom, you already have. Accepting us is enough, this is just creepy." I told her looking at the backpack. What the hell was in it?

"Fair enough. Here, take it anyway." She said shoving it into my chest. "There is food at the bottom in case you get hungry." My mom told me as she began to walk away. Wondering what the hell she had put in it I unzipped it. There was a blanket in it, but even more disturbing was on top in plain sight she had put a box of condoms and a bottle of lube. My face was hot, it couldn't possibly get even hotter or redder than it probably was. This was taking acceptance a little _too_ far. Her voice floated back to me as I stood there stunned "That lube is messier than some of the others, but you don't have to use as much of it. Don't drop it." Oh my god, I didn't even want to know how my mom knew that. This was probably going to be on my list of most embarrassing moments, ever. Damn it, damn it, damn it. Closing my eyes I tried to will the blood away from my face and neck. If I thought about this anymore there was no way I'd be able to be with Edward.

Edward padded into the entry hall with me a few minutes later, I still hadn't moved. My mouth was gaped open in shock when he saw me. His hand pushed my chin up making my teeth clack together, bringing me out of it. "What's wrong?" He asked concerned, I just pushed the backpack into his arms, it was still open. Looking down he choked and stuttered out "Wh... what?" Yes, that was intelligent, that's what would be coming out of my mouth if I could speak at all.

Shaking my head I zipped it closed, hiding it and hoping I wouldn't think of my parents when we pulled any of this stuff out. Taking it from Edward I placed the backpack on the floor and sat down to put my socks and shoes on, so did Edward. I couldn't even tell my father goodbye before he left, I couldn't face either of my parents right now. "Let's go." I said picking up the backpack, but Edward shook his head at me and took it instead.

He was looking at my ass appreciatively and clearly wanted me to walk in front of him. Snorting I opened the front door, he could look all he wanted, my plan for him to beg me to fuck him was still in place. I would fuck him this morning and make him beg and plead for it. The fucker deserved every single thing I did to torture him, after trying to dump my ass because he thought I'd be better off. He was lucky I didn't punch him in the face, because I really wanted to.

Leading the way down the stairs and out to the trail that led to the clearing Edward followed closely behind, not speaking. The trail here wasn't as clear as when we made it as kids, but it was clear enough. We had to step high over some plants and fallen logs in the way, but we made it. The clearing was still there, the grass tall and flowers still in bloom, a slight breeze was in the air. I remembered coming here with Edward when he wanted to get away from it all, away from his parents, more importantly, away from his father. We'd lay in the grass and look at the clouds or if it was late enough and not too cloudy sometimes the stars. It was in here that we told our deepest, darkest secrets, ones we didn't want anyone else to know. "Edward?" I asked softly.

"Yeah, Jazz?" He asked stepping in front of me and dropping the backpack.

"Why didn't you tell me you were bi here? You could have." I told him.

Biting his lip he looked away and back at me. "You know I couldn't, you still wouldn't know if you hadn't walked in on me watching gay porn on accident." Smiling at him I kissed the lip he was biting until he let go of it. No, he wouldn't have told me. I was grateful now that I'd walked in on that as it lead us down this path, the path where I was happier than I'd ever been. No longer was I fighting and denying and pretending that I loved Edward, that I wanted him as my lover.

Attaching his lips to mine he walked us backwards until my back hit a tree. Jumping away from it, as my back still hadn't fully recovered, I stepped out from the tree and turned him around. Pushing him into it I pressed my body fully against his. "Edward, don't forget I'm making you beg. I need to know you want me, I need to hear it." Groaning at me his eyes closed before he opened them, I noticed the green had darkened a little. Good. Licking the shell of his ear I tugged at it with my teeth and felt his arms wrap around my waist. One of his hands slid down to my ass squeezing my left cheek, kneading it.

Exhaling I kissed the soft skin of his neck before going up to his jaw, the jaw I told him to leave his stubble on. I wanted to feel that on me. His eyes took in my chest before he tore my shirt off in one swift move. I stood there in shock, not expecting to feel the rush of air on my skin. Fuck. Pulling me closer to him his lips found purchase on my neck, leaving bite marks across it. Damn, it was a good thing I didn't have classes this summer. Edward's tongue swept across my left nipple before he ran his stubble across it, which was the whole reason I didn't want him to shave today. Growling at him he did it again before going to the other side. His pink tongue darted out circling the nipple before sucking it between his teeth, then he ran his stubble along that nipple too. My growl was so loud that the birds scattered.

Stepping back I pushed his shoulders back so he would break his hold on me, I was in control here, at least for right now. Edward's eyes were hooded as he took in my bare chest. Looking him up and down I stepped further back and commanded "Strip, slowly." His brows raised in surprise, but I was impatient. "Now." There goes my demand for him to be patient and beg if I couldn't be.

His hands were at the hem of his shirt tugging it up, and I watched as he was slowly revealed to my eyes. The bronze trail of hair on his stomach demanded my attention. Reaching my hand out I ran my fingers across it, feeling the softness. He raised his shirt a little more and my hand followed up his abs and chest before he pulled his shirt completely off. Both of my hands raised to his chest tracing the muscles there. Running my hands down his arms my lips met his and I sucked his bottom one between my teeth. Edward's head lolled back and my lips trailed down his neck to his chest across to his right nipple. Moaning at me, I kept going down his side kissing his ribs and just like this morning did the same thing on the other side in the opposite direction. His breathing was heavy as my mouth closed in on his again, warm breath fanned into my mouth and I shivered wanting him.

My hands started to unbutton his jeans, but his hands clamped down on mine. "What do you think you're doing?" He asked, his brow furrowing. Bewildered, I didn't know why he would stop me. Hasn't he been begging me all morning to fuck him? "I thought you wanted me to strip for you." Oh, that's right, I did. Shaking my head to clear it I stepped back from him and watched as his own hands unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. He raised his eyes to me and slowly, so slowly I thought I might kill him he pushed his jeans down, taking his boxers with him. Letting them drop to the ground he toed his shoes off and pulled off the jeans and boxers and socks. God, he was gorgeous. I know we'd been together before outside, but it wasn't the same, I could see all of him this time. This was... he was beautiful, the natural light illuminating every curve of his body, every tiny scar he might have gotten, most of which I could remember him getting doing something with me.

Toeing off my own shoes and removing my socks I felt the soft grass and earth beneath my feet. Leaving my jeans on I circled his body taking in every inch of him. My hand caressed his ass as I made my way back to his front. Without hesitation I dropped to my knees and took his erect cock in my mouth, tasting the pre-cum that had gathered there. I pressed my tongue against his cock as I bobbed my head up and down his length. Edward's hands thread through my hair and he let fall a whispered "Fuck." That wasn't good enough, I wanted him begging for me. Letting his cock go I began stroking it as my mouth sucked on his balls. Rolling them across my tongue first I began sucking on them loving the soft feel of his skin in my mouth. Looking up at Edward his eyes were dark and his breathing was becoming labored. That was better. With my left hand wrapped firmly around his cock stroking it, I reached up with my right. He took my fingers into his mouth sucking on them making me wish he was sucking on my own cock instead. Today wasn't about that though, today was about him begging me, wanting me, I never wanted to hear him say he was going to leave me again. Turning my body I let go of his balls and kissed along his hip and side as I pushed a finger into his ass. Slowly I pumped my finger inside him before adding a second. Biting his ass Edward groaned out "Fuck." Removing my hands and lips from his body I stood up. He wasn't begging me to fuck him, so I wouldn't.

Turning away from him I walked to the backpack and bent over. The next thing I knew Edward's arms were wrapped around my waist and his cock was against my ass, I could feel him even through my jeans. Groaning I stood up and he breathed in my ear "Where did you think you were going? I thought you wanted to fuck me. God knows I've been waiting all damn morning for it."

"You must not want it that much, you aren't begging for it." I said turning in his arms.

Snorting at me he said "I actually forgot all words except fuck." I laughed and he smiled. "Please fuck me, Jazz. I want to feel your hard cock inside me."

Turning back around I bent over to the backpack again and pressed my ass against his cock, wiggling it. "Jazz, if you don't stop that I will take you instead."

Looking back at him I teased "Maybe later." Pulling out the bottle of lube and the condoms I set them on the ground before getting out the blanket. Spreading it out in the center of the small clearing I sat down and tilted my head watching his naked body move towards me. Sitting beside me he put the lube and condoms next to him.

Pushing him onto his back I straddled his waist like I did this morning and asked "Do you want me to fuck you?"

He groaned out "Fuck, yes." His hands went to the button of my jeans undoing it and unzipping the fly. He gasped when my cock sprang free, I had chosen to go commando. As he pushed down my jeans with one hand the other touched my cock making it harder. I let out a groan.

Kicking the jeans off I settled between his legs. If that lube was really that slick I thought I'd better put the condom on first. Opening the new box I pulled one out and tore the package open. Rolling it down my cock I pumped it a few times before deciding to open the lube. It didn't take much as I poured it into my hand and ran my hand over my cock, coating it. That stuff was slick, and messy, I had to hurriedly close the lid. Spreading Edward's thighs apart I pushed them up, opening him up to me. Spreading the lube along the crack of his ass I pushed a finger into him, quickly followed by the second. He groaned and said "Fuck... please... I need you." Entering a third finger in him slowly I began thrusting them in him and he breathed out a ragged "Fuck.... Jazz..."

Removing my fingers from his ass I commanded "On your knees."

Edward's eyes were huge as he let out a shocked "What?"

"You heard me, on your knees. Do it before I change my mind." I demanded. He was hesitant as he got on his knees. Running my hand over his ass I spread his cheeks apart as I pressed my head against his entrance. "Do you want me? You have to tell me." This was more a plea than a command, I needed to hear it in this position.

"Yes. Jazz, I always want you, in any way you're willing to give." He said with his head turned looking back at me. That's what I needed to hear, to hear it was okay if I couldn't continue with this this way. Taking a steadying breath I pushed the head of my cock past the tight ring of muscle. "More, please." Edward begged, so I slid further in, my cock becoming harder at the feel of his tight heat around it. Buried in him I pulled back and slid back in, slowly at first. "Jazz, fuck me harder." He implored. Putting my hands on his hips my fingers dug into them as I began thrusting harder. Edward leaned forward on his arms changing his position and thrust his own hips back at me. I couldn't hear the sounds of nature around us anymore, all I could hear was the slapping of our skin. "I'm so close..." Edward moaned out and I slowed my pace, I wasn't ready for him to come yet. Getting back on all fours he sat up and turned his head to mine. Placing a hand behind my head he kissed me thoroughly, letting me know exactly who I was fucking. My moans filled the air at that. He bent forward and was back on his arms in no time as he thrust against me again "Fuck me hard, Jazz. I want to know how much I'd miss you, so I won't do anything stupid again." Thrusting into him I slammed into his ass hard, he'd remember this alright. The sounds of skin on skin and moans filled my head, clouding everything else. Edward's hand reached down to stroke his cock, but he didn't seem to be stroking it very hard or fast. The pace he was thrusting his ass against me was though. "Jazz, I... come... soon..." The words were barely intelligible.

Stretching out one hand I turned his head towards me so I could see him. I needed to see him if we were going to get off anywhere close to the same time. He smiled at me, a light sheen of sweat was on his face. Placing my hand on his side I continued my thrusts watching him, watching the sheer joy on his face. Edward placed both his hands flat in front of him, but stayed with his head turned. Closing his eyes, obscuring the green, his pants were loud. The muscles in his back flexed and contracted as I watched him thrust back into me. He felt so good around my cock that I wasn't going to be able to hold off much more. "Edward, come for me, please... so close..." Now I was begging.

"Fuck... Jazz..." He moaned out as we both thrust faster. What I noticed the most was he didn't touch his own cock again. His face turned as though he was in pain and pleasure. "I'm gonna... cum..." He breathed out right before he shot his load on the blanket we were on and his stomach.

His walls closed tight around me and I slowed my pace as he came down from his high only to pick it back up again. My entire body shuddered as I let go, unable to hold it anymore. My cum filled the condom, making Edward feel even warmer than he already was. With legs trembling I kissed his back and up to his shoulders before even attempting to pull out of him. Taking the condom with me I pulled out of Edward and collapsed beside him. Satisfied I looked at Edward, he had a pleasant, at peace expression on his face, that made me feel good. We laid there for a few minutes not speaking, just catching our breaths.

Eventually I had to get up though, I wondered what the hell I was supposed to do with this condom. Removing it from my cock I went to the backpack and rifled through it. Groaning I pulled out a Ziploc bag and some wet wipes. My mother had entirely too much time on her hands if she put all of that in here, not that I wasn't grateful, just grossed out. Placing the condom in the Ziploc bag I took the wet wipes over to Edward and cleaned off his stomach and his ass. I put all of that in the Ziploc too and closed it off.

Trying not to think about anyone but Edward I went back to his side and pulled him close to me. He was what was important. Kissing him softly I sighed into his mouth. We let the breeze cool our bodies, removing the sweat. Facing each other I stared into his eyes, hoping to convey what I felt for him, the love I felt, something I know he didn't always get from me. Neither one of us spoke for so long that both of us drifted into sleep. The warmth of the sun and the contentment and satisfaction of our love made us both lazy and relaxed enough that sleep was inevitable.

Edward's lips were on my neck waking me, bringing me back to the day, to the fact that we were outside. Sitting up abruptly I nearly shouted "Fuck!"

Frowning at me Edward asked "What is your problem?"

How the hell did I forget someone was taking pictures of us? Shit, shit, shit. No, please I didn't want to see those. Well, maybe I did, but I didn't want other people to. Gathering my clothes I began snatching them up before Edward wrapped his arms around me, trapping me. "Let me go." I demanded loudly.

"No. Calm down, Jazz. If you're worried about people following us with a camera then they've already got plenty of us, so please, just calm down. Please don't hide yourself from me." Edward both soothed and plead at the same time. Taking a few deep breaths I calmed my racing heart and turned around in his arms. Searching his eyes alone I tried to let the rest of the world fall away. He kissed me making me forget, forget everything but him.

Backing away from me Edward started to gather his own things, but he didn't put them on. "What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Moving." He stated gathering up the blanket and backpack in his arms too. I took the backpack from him and picked up my own clothes. Where the hell were we moving to and like this?

Stepping through the stand of trees surrounding the clearing on the other side there was a small stream there. I had completely forgotten its existence. Edward set his clothes aside and spread the blanket next to the stream's bank. Taking the clothes from my arms he set them with his and grabbed the backpack setting it on the blanket. "Come here, Jazz." Edward said sitting down and patting a spot beside him.

Sitting down close enough to him that our shoulders touched Edward started removing what was left in the backpack. Apparently my mother had thought to put a small insulated cooler in there. What the fuck kind of food did she put in it? Edward opened it up and pulled out normal looking stuff. Sandwiches, some cut up vegetables, bottles of water, and cut up pineapple. When Edward got to the pineapple I could feel his shoulders shaking against mine. What the fuck was so funny?

Moving so I was in front of him I heard him chuckle, so hard I wasn't sure he could even answer me. "What's so funny?" I asked.

He was still looking at the pineapple in his hand and back at me. His laughter was uncontrollable and he ended up on his side attempting to take in air.

Snatching the pineapple from him I couldn't figure out why that was funny. Was I missing something?

Finally pulling in lungfuls of air Edward retorted "You mean you don't know?" I shook my head, should I?

Taking mercy on me Edward answered "Pineapple is _supposed_ to make your cum taste better." My mouth dropped open.

"Wh... what?" I stuttered out.

"Yeah, and I bet you anything your mom knew that when she packed this too." Edward stated laughing hard again, the fucker. Yeah, my mom definitely had entirely too much invested in our relationship, more than I thought was healthy.

**AN:** _Anyone mad at me for ending it there? Haha._


	21. Chapter 21

**Strange Desire: Chapter Twenty-one**

**AN: **_Okay, so I know I haven't posted this in a while, so I left the end of the last chapter up here for you if you don't remember it. I've been busy with real life doing good fun things, so I haven't had time to sit down and work on this. Anyway, this chapter nearly kicked my ass, so I really hope you appreciate it. _

_Thanks must go out to everyone that WC'd with me during this and there were quite a few of you. Also, thanks to OCDJen and Mrs. Aggett for prereading some of this telling me to keep it. _

_Congratulations Jen on being nominated for two slash awards._

_Alright guys, on with the story._

_Characters belong to SM_

**Previously: **_Sitting down close enough to him that our shoulders touched Edward started removing what was left in the backpack. Apparently my mother had thought to put a small insulated cooler in there. What the fuck kind of food did she put in it? Edward opened it up and pulled out normal looking stuff. Sandwiches, some cut up vegetables, bottles of water, and cut up pineapple. When Edward got to the pineapple I could feel his shoulders shaking against mine. What the fuck was so funny?_

_Moving so I was in front of him I heard him chuckle, so hard I wasn't sure he could even answer me. "What's so funny?" I asked._

_He was still looking at the pineapple in his hand and back at me. His laughter was uncontrollable and he ended up on his side attempting to take in air._

_Snatching the pineapple from him I couldn't figure out why that was funny. Was I missing something?_

_Finally pulling in lungfuls of air Edward retorted "You mean you don't know?" I shook my head, should I?_

_Taking mercy on me Edward answered "Pineapple is supposed to make your cum taste better." My mouth dropped open._

"_Wh... what?" I stuttered out._

"_Yeah, and I bet you anything your mom knew that when she packed this too." Edward stated laughing hard again, the fucker. Yeah, my mom definitely had entirely too much invested in our relationship, more than I thought was healthy._

**EPOV**

The look of utter mortification on Jasper's face over Esme's antics made the tears flow down my face as I laughed hard clutching my chest. Crossing his arms over his own chest he narrowed his eyes at me and huffed "That is so not funny." That only made me laugh harder, so hard I almost couldn't breathe anymore. "You just wait, that's going to scar me for life." Oh my god, would he please stop talking? I thought I was going to pass out if he made me laugh any harder.

"Stop laughing at me. I'm disgusted." Jasper said before scrunching up his nose, a look I hadn't seen in a while. Drawing in oxygen I tried to calm myself down, but the more I tried the worse my laughter became. Jasper's expressions at me weren't helping, until he started laughing too.

It had been a very long time since I'd laughed that hard. I would have to thank Esme for that later. Jasper was embarrassed by her, I knew. I, however, was not. Her show of support was a little over the top, but it was support nonetheless. That was more than I'd ever gotten from anyone that wasn't gay in my life. Although I could see Emmett and Rosalie becoming those people more and more. Sure Bella was there for me when we were younger, but the older we'd gotten the further apart we became. Jamie was... supportive for everyone, anytime, anywhere, as long as they weren't being complete idiots. But family support? Well, I certainly wasn't going to get that from my own. I did wonder about this uncle of mine though, where the hell was he? Could I find him? Would he even want me to? Did I even remember his name? I tried to go back through the recesses of my mind to see if I could figure out what I knew of him. He was important, somehow I knew that.

"_Jasper, I've gotta go home." I told him. He looked a little hurt that I wasn't staying tonight. Normally I would stay, but I was more than a little confused by my attraction to him and had to get away. It was a Friday night, and we'd completed our homework together in the kitchen, so we could have the rest of the weekend to do whatever the hell we wanted to. I was sure he wondered why I'd leave now and not just stay the rest of the weekend. It wasn't like I needed to go home to get clothes or anything, over time things had slowly found themselves at his house. _

"_Are you sure you want to go home?" Jasper asked me worriedly. Oh, shit. No, all I wanted to do was kiss him and more and that scared the hell out of me. That was wrong, I'd only been told that in as many ways as possible throughout my life, so why would I think I wanted those things with him? _

_Closing my eyes to hide him from view I nodded my head and said "I have to. I have to make an appearance at least, so they know I'm still alive."_

_Jasper snorted and I opened my eyes to look at him. He had his arms crossed over his chest and a brow raised in question. "Okay, okay. My mom needs to know I'm still alive, my dad... well, I don't care." I amended. That wasn't entirely true and Jasper knew that, but he didn't call me out on it. I did care what my father thought. All I wanted from him was to love me, but I never got the impression that he did. He might have when I was little, but not anymore._

"_Fine, let me walk you home." Jasper argued with me._

"_What? No, no. You don't need to do that. Besides, I just want some time to think." I reasoned._

_Letting it go Jasper nodded his head and said "See you around, then." Then he turned on his heel and left me staring after his retreating back in the kitchen as he ran up the stairs. Well shit, did I offend him? Yeah, I guess I did. I was basically his only friend that he wasn't forced into being friends with and I'd just blown him off. Sighing I decided it was better this way, he didn't need to see the confused mess I was becoming over him._

_Packing my schoolbag back up I left the house quietly and walked slowly and deliberately down the path to my house thinking. Thirteen year old boys were not supposed to like boys, especially not boys whose names were Jasper and they'd grown up with. Kicking a rock out of the path a little harder than necessary to dislodge it, it ricocheted off a tree and came right back at me landing in the same spot. Fuck you, rock. That was like my life, I tried and tried to remove my feelings for Jasper, but they only came back stronger. Damn it. Maybe I'd be less confused if I only liked boys, then I'd know without a doubt that I was gay. No, not me. I couldn't make it easy on myself. I had to like both boys and girls which only doubly confused the hell out of me. _

_What the hell was I supposed to do with that information? Sure, I was confused, but I'd already figured out that girls weren't going to like that I liked boys too. Even if they said they were okay with it as I got older, they were lying. The same went for gay men, they were usually not okay with it. Everything sounds good in theory, but reality is much harsher than fantasy._

_Picking up the rock I threw it away from me as hard as I could. Why couldn't I just be straight? Why couldn't I just be gay? Anything would be better than in this confused limbo._ Whoa, Edward, are you finally admitting to yourself that you are anything but straight? Yeah, I guess I am. Who are you going to tell that to? Who said I was going to tell anybody? I can keep it to myself. Right... you are going to keep that to yourself? That might work for now, but it won't forever. Shut the fuck up, I can't deal with this right now. Of course you can, you are arguing to yourself in your own head. I said shut the fuck up. Okay, but I'll still be here reminding you. Fucking hell, shut up.

_As I neared my house I could hear my parents arguing through the open windows. What else was new? I never expected to come home to a house without arguing unless my mom was home alone. Sometimes if I stayed at Jasper's too long and I got used to the lack of arguments it made coming back here ten times worse._

_Hearing their raised voices I chose to remain outside, I could hear every word anyway. My ears didn't need to be blasted by their yells. My mom was shouting at my father "Don't you think it's time you forgave him? It's been eight years."_

"_I will never forgive him, never. He knows why I won't, so I don't know why you would even try to make me." He shouted right back at her._

"_It's time you forgave him, it's past time. You used to be happy at one time. You haven't been happy since you cut him out of your life." My mom said a little more quietly._

"_No, I haven't been happy since he was such a shit brother, that had nothing to do with me cutting him out. I didn't have to, if he'd come to me first then this never would have happened." He told her icily._

"_You know why he didn't come to you. He didn't want to make things hard on you for the sake of your family, you know the family that you've been angry at ever since. I've never done anything to you to make you that way and neither has Edward." She was attempting to get him to change, but he'd been an ass for far too long to change now. That just wouldn't happen in my lifetime, I didn't think. She must have figured that out at some point in the shouted conversation because the next words out of her mouth were "You're an asshole. I really hope you haven't permanently harmed your only child." Then softer, so soft I doubted my father heard her she said "Thank god for Carlisle and Esme." What I still couldn't figure out is why she didn't leave my father and take me with her. That seemed to be the best solution to me. We wouldn't make my father angry anymore and we would be much happier without him in our lives. Now I was angry, not over my father, but my mom for putting up with this shit._

_My father exploded then. "Hard for me? He made it harder on me, but he was selfish and didn't think his actions would affect me or our family, did he? No. I won't forgive him for that, so don't ask again. He's out of our lives where he should be. I told you before not to mention him, I have no brother."_

_From outside I could hear my mom's loud sigh and her footsteps as she walked away from my father. Deciding this would be my best chance to get into the house without hearing screams I opened the front door. Glancing around I snuck upstairs to my bedroom, hoping my father didn't hear me or if he did he'd think it was my mother. _

_In my bedroom I let my schoolbag sag to the floor and sat on my bed. My head was already a confused mess before I even got here, but at least the argument my parents had got me off of thinking about Jasper for a while. What was going on? I only had vague memories of my father even having a brother. We'd been forbidden to talk about him or even speak his name. I wondered if he could love me more than my own father obviously did. Where was he? The questions all wanted to tumble out, but I didn't know who to ask._

_Hearing a soft knock on my door and a whispered "Edward," I looked up._

"_Yeah, mom?"_

"_Hey sweetie, I thought I heard you come home." She said, and I could see the signs of stress on her face. My mom worried so much of the time and my father was so hard on her I didn't think she was going to age well._

"_Yeah, I was trying to avoid dad." I told her._

"_I thought so. So you heard us arguing then?" My mom questioned._

"_Uh, yeah. It was a little loud, I could hear you outside." I answered her as she came and sat beside me on the bed._

_Frowning at me she said "I'm sorry, Edward. I'm sorry you have to put up with this."_

_Blowing out my breath at her statement I was more than a little pissed off. "Sorry? If you were truly sorry we wouldn't still be living here."_

_Giving me a sad look she said "Sweetie, there are things you don't understand and I can't explain them all. I know you think we'd be better off elsewhere, but everything I do and will ever do is to protect you. Never think I want you to endure this, on purpose." Her eyes had tears in them and she tried to hug me, I pulled away. What did she mean? Getting out of here would help us both. She thought we had to stay here and take this? _

_Standing up I faced her and shouted "Mom, we don't have to stay here. I don't know what you are thinking, but this is not the best place for either one of us."_

_Looking thoughtful she said "No, it isn't, but this is where I must stay."_

"_You must stay? What about me?" My hands were balled into fists as my bad day went from bad to worse. Why must we put up with the abuse from my father, either one of us?_

"_Yes, I will always stay with your father. You, on the other hand, don't have to." She said calmly. What the hell was she talking about? Where in the world would I go?_

"_What are you talking about?" I was still shouting, I came by that naturally. The only one that ever made me calmer was Jasper._

"_If you ever want to leave Edward, I won't stop you. I wish you were in a better place than here, right now." She explained._

"_So... you don't want me anymore?" I asked her, unable to believe my ears. That's what she was telling me, wasn't it?_

"_No, sweetie, that's not what I meant. I can't leave, but I would do anything to keep you safe. Anytime you want to leave I will let you go. It would be better for you." Her eyes swam with tears that threatened to spill at any moment._

"_Where would I go? I don't have anyone else." I told her confused._

"_Yes, you do. I know Carlisle and Esme would be happy to have you, and so would Jasper." When she added and so would Jasper, I snorted. Yeah, he'd be happy until he figured out I loved him as more than friends. After that? Who knows._

"_Mom, they aren't family though. I don't know why they'd take me in." Was my response._

"_Edward, sometimes family aren't the people that gave you life, they are the ones that love you. Carlisle, Esme, and Jasper all love you. If you want blood, then you can look up your uncle, I'm sure he'd love to hear from you, but not until you are grown. You should meet him once at least. I know you don't remember him, but you had yourself wrapped around his little finger." Then so softly I almost didn't catch it she said "Maybe he can explain what happened."_

"_Mom, I don't remember him or his name or anything about him." I wanted to know all I could about him, but I doubted she'd give me answers._

"_He's a lot like you, Edward. His name is Francis, goes by Frankie." I couldn't hide my snort this time, and here I thought Edward was a terrible name. "You'll find him when it's time for you to find him, I know he'll be waiting for you to." How would she know that? She didn't talk to him, did she?_

_Opening my mouth to speak she cut me off "That's all I can tell you for now, sweetie. I'm sorry." Then she got up to leave my room and before walking out said "I love you." I didn't tell her I loved her back._

_Flinging myself across my bed all the thoughts of the last couple of hours whirled around in my head, making me more confused than I even was before. I thought leaving Jasper's would help, it didn't. All I wanted was to be back there, at his house, at what felt like my home, my true home, not this whatever this place was._

"Edward? Hey Edward?" Jasper was kneeling between my legs and hovering over me. How the hell did we get in this position? Was I really that lost in thought?

Looking up at his concerned expression I said "Yeah, Jazz, I'm still here. I just got lost for a while."

Smiling at me he said "Yeah, I can tell. Where did you go?"

Shaking my head at him I said "I'll tell you later. It'll give us something to talk about on the way home. Right now I want to enjoy our peace and quiet." Then I pulled his head down to mine and pressed my lips to his. We kissed for a while just tasting each other until Jasper's stomach grumbled and I chuckled. "You must be hungry." I said pushing him up and getting in a sitting position myself.

"I am, but not for food." He told me as his eyes darkened. I groaned, but his stomach began rumbling loudly.

"I think your stomach disagrees with you. Eat first, then we can have some fun." I said smirking at him.

Jasper just sat there staring at me, unmoving, only his eyes were roving. He didn't even try to reach for the food or me. I had to look away, if I looked at him like that we'd never eat anything. Picking up a sandwich and a bottle of water I threw them in his direction hoping he'd catch them. I picked up my own and opened the cut up vegetables between us. Right now, I couldn't even look at that pineapple or I know I'd start laughing hysterically again.

When I turned my body around to face Jasper he was still looking at me, the water and sandwich untouched. "Are you going to eat?" I asked tipping my head towards the food. Jasper glanced down at the food that he hadn't even realized was there and slowly picked it up. What the hell was he staring at me over? This wasn't lust like before, this was fear. Sighing I asked "What's up, Jasper?"

Taking a swig of his water first I watched as he swallowed it down before he answered "I'm worried about whatever it is you are going to tell me on our way home."

Laughing at him I questioned "Why would you be worried about that?" He looked at me incredulously and I had to remind myself that I had made him worry in the last twenty-four hours, that I had nearly left him. When that finally dawned on me I said "Oh."

"Jasper, it was just a flashback, and an important one, but nothing for you to worry about." I explained. He nodded his head and took a bite of his sandwich. My eyes raked over his naked body and took in what I could while we were outside. Jasper was still beautiful, even if he had trouble accepting that, he was. I ought to know, after all the men I had been with none of them compared to him. Maybe I was blinded by love, but I didn't think so. "You're beautiful." I blurted out, Jasper quirked an eyebrow at me. Then I watched as a wide smile spread across his face. It was one of the few times I'd been able to say that without him being too embarrassed over it, and I relished it.

"So are you." He said trailing a finger down the center of my chest making me shiver. Picking up his hand I sucked the finger that had been touching me into my mouth, Jasper hissed at me. The taste of his skin on my tongue made me forget all about the food and I left it discarded next to me. I wasn't hungry anyway. Jasper closed his eyes and moaned before pulling his hand away when his stomach protested once again.

Polishing off his sandwich and a few of the vegetables he looked at the pineapple and reached over for the container. Opening the container he picked up a piece between his thumb and forefinger and narrowed his eyes looking at it. Inwardly, I was a little panicked, just like I was when he first showed me what was in the backpack. I mean his mom packed that whole bag which was funny, at least to me, if not him, but... Jasper was freaked out over people influencing us to be together only a couple of days ago. "Do you really think that's true?" He asked me. For a minute I wondered what the fuck he was talking about. I had forgotten what I told him about the pineapple.

"Uh... I don't know, never tried to find out." I answered when I remembered that conversation.

Nodding at me Jasper leaned forward and breathed in my ear "I love the way you taste, I don't need this."

Grabbing his upper arm with my right hand I breathed "I love the way you taste, too." Then I nipped his ear with my teeth earning a growl for my effort. Smiling I pulled back and so did he.

Instead of putting the whole chunk of pineapple in his mouth Jasper bit into it, and I watched as the juice spread down his lips and chin and across his fingers. I wanted to lick it off, which I think might have been his intention. Coming close to him I sucked his finger and thumb into my mouth taking the pineapple into my own. Licking around his fingers I pulled back and chewed and swallowed the pineapple before bringing my lips closer to him. Running my tongue along his chin and up across his lips I tasted the sweet juice before pressing my lips to his.

Moaning into his mouth I pulled him down with me as I laid back down. Without clothes as barriers between us I was rapidly becoming more and more aroused and so was he. Jasper sat up on his knees and grinned at me. When I reached out for him to bring his body back to mine he slapped my arm away. "Edward, I realize you may have forgotten, but I am still in control today." Jasper told me with mock-seriousness, and I laughed. Jasper frowned at me for laughing, but I could see his lips twitch in the corner of his mouth before he laughed too.

Before I even saw what he was doing I could see the mischief in his eyes. Jasper had picked up another piece of the pineapple and run it down the center of my chest like he had his finger, stopping just above my happy trail. The fruit was still cold, so when his warm tongue started to lick the juice off starting at my stomach and worked its way up I shivered at the contrast. Jasper's lips closed over my Adam's apple and I tilted my head back groaning. Placing the chunk of pineapple in between his teeth Jasper leaned down to my lips and I bit into it both of us kissing tasting the sweetness before pulling away to chew and swallow. When I brought my lips back to his I sucked his tongue into my mouth. Jasper growled at me and I pushed his chest down to mine so I could feel the way it rumbled. Somehow when I did that Jasper got the upper-hand and began sucking my tongue into his mouth scraping it with his teeth. Fuck.

Pulling away from me Jasper placed his hands on my shoulders keeping me flat. Turning to grab another piece of the fruit he brought it to my lips first, but didn't let me bite into it before he swept his tongue over my lips. Then I felt him drag the cold fruit across both my nipples and circle them. Fuck. My nipples weren't nearly as sensitive as Jasper's, but they were still sensitive. I'd discovered over time that all men were different in regards to that. One guy I'd been with said he couldn't feel it at all, and another told me not to touch him there or he'd cum immediately. Yeah, the latter one I remembered because the sex had finally gotten boring and I just wanted it over with already. So I bit down on one of his nipples, he wasn't lying, he came right then. _Edward, what the fuck are you doing thinking about other people right now? I don't know, got distracted. Then get yourself undistracted, idiot. It's not like you even liked being with those people you are thinking about. I know, I know._

During my mental retreat Jasper had circled his tongue over my nipples. To get away from what I was thinking about I grabbed the fruit from his hand and sat up pushing him with me. I wasn't too sure I wanted the fruit against his skin, I liked tasting pure Jasper. His skin was all I needed. Deciding to at least try it I ran the cold fruit over one of his nipples and then my tongue licking off the sticky juice. Then I rasped my stubble across it as well. The cold, the warmth, the slickness, the roughness must have been too much for him as he growled out loudly and nearly yanked my hair out of my head. When I did the same thing to the more sensitive side he did the same thing only his hips bucked this time too.

"Fuck, Edward." Jasper groaned out and pushed me back down roughly attacking my mouth.

Against his lips I breathed "I want to taste you, just you." Jasper's eyes turned a deeper blue and he sat up and straddled my shoulders. He brushed the head of his cock against my lips and I darted my tongue out to lick around him. Pushing his head into my mouth I sucked on it and could taste his slightly salty pre-cum on my taste buds and moaned. Placing my hands on his thighs I tried to bring him closer to my mouth, but I still wasn't close enough to take as much of him as I wanted to. Jasper placed one hand under my head to keep my neck from straining trying to reach him. Pressing my tongue against the underneath side of his cock I sucked up and down hollowing my cheeks.

"Fuck...." Jasper breathed out as he reached behind him and fondled my balls. When he did that I nearly lost my rhythm and had to pick it up again. What I really wanted was Jasper's hand on my cock. Eventually he stopped playing with my balls and brought his fingers to his mouth. Oh fuck. He ran his finger down the crack of my ass and then pressed it against my entrance. Breathing in I relaxed the muscles there so he could push his finger in. Slowly he pushed his finger all the way in and I had to let go of his cock to breathe.

Taking a deep breath I felt him push another finger inside me and instead of pumping in and out he turned his wrist so I could feel him sweeping me inside. "Holy fucking shit!" I shouted out.

Jasper's eyes grew wide as he looked down at me. "I take it you like that then?" He asked me clearly amused, the fucker.

"Jasper..." All I could do was moan out his name. I wasn't sure how what he did inside me made me shout out like that, all I knew was that it felt fucking great. Tightening my grip on his thighs I pulled him closer to me and sucked on his balls closing my eyes concentrating on the difference in texture between them and his cock. Jasper's moans filled the air as I moved on and swept my tongue along the sides of his cock.

Removing one hand from his thigh I looked up at him and sucked a finger into my mouth. His breath hitched when I put my arm between his legs and ran the wet digit against his perineum before pressing it against his puckered hole. Pressing my finger farther in past the tight ring of muscle Jasper groaned out "Fuck..."

When I paused for just a second Jasper turned his wrist again and I felt his fingers against my prostate, I could feel my balls start to fill with semen. "Jazz..." I moaned out again. If he didn't stop that I wasn't going to be able to hold off for long. Trying to push what he was doing out of my mind I covered his cock with my mouth once again. My tongue ran along every ridge, every vein of his cock. Taking his head into my mouth I ran my tongue along his frenulum.

"Fuck..." Jasper gasped out and let my head go. I knew if I had kept going he would have come in my mouth, I kind of wish he had.

Removing my finger from his ass first he moved down my body, but kept his fingers inside me. When he got to my mouth he kissed me hard. He whispered in my ear urgently "I'm going to fuck you again. Do you want that? Do you want me to fuck your ass?"

"Fuck Jazz, please. Please fuck me." I begged. His cock was the only thing that would feel better than his fingers in my ass right now. Jasper nipped my ear and sat up. Moving he got out the box of condoms and lube, his fingers still remained inside me. Looking down at me he threw them in my direction indicating I should put them on. Tearing off one of the condoms I tore it open and rolled it over Jasper's cock quickly. Opening the lube I poured some in my hand and ran it over his cock. He held out his hand that wasn't inside me and I poured a small amount into it. Removing his fingers from me finally he spread the lube on his other hand against my ass.

Trying to relax I took a few more deep breaths and pleaded "Now Jazz, fuck me now." Pushing my thighs back with his hands he ran his cock along the crack of my ass a few times before pressing the head against my entrance. He pushed the head of his cock past the tight ring of muscle and pulled out. Taking another deep breath he did the same thing pushing further in this time. He did the same thing a few more times until he was fully seated inside me. Honestly I wished he'd hurry up, I was ready for him a long time ago.

Finally he began thrusting into me and I cried out "Harder!"

Grinning at me Jasper asked "Are you sure you want it harder?" When I nodded my head he picked up the pace and pounded into me hard.

"Oh fuck... that feels so good." I moaned out. My hand that still had some lube on it wrapped itself around my cock and I had no conscious decision of doing that, it was just there. Jasper's eyes roved down to where my hand was moving up and down just as fast as he was thrusting into me. His eyes came back up to meet mine and I moved to my elbows so he could lean down and touch his lips to mine. I knew he needed that physical connection far more than I did. Touching his lips to mine he kissed me hungrily at first going along with how fast he was driving into my ass, then his kiss slowed and he pulled away giving me a small smile. Lying back down I just let myself feel, feel what he was doing to me, how he hit my prostate at each pass, both of our moans and grunts filled the air surrounding us. My hand picked up its pace again as I pumped my cock. My orgasm was coming, I could feel it rapidly approaching as my balls tightened. "Jazz, I'm gonna... cum..." The muscles of my ass tightened around his cock and I shot cum across my stomach. I watched as he thrust into me a few more times before I could see his stomach muscles contract as he shot his load into the condom.

When he pulled out of me I couldn't move, I didn't want to. Instead of cleaning me off with the wipes he swept his tongue along my stomach and lapped up every drop of cum as I watched. Jasper's lips met mine and he kissed me languidly, I could taste my cum on his tongue.

Jasper got up and I missed the warmth of his body against mine. Closing my eyes I could hear him shuffling about cleaning himself off and only opened them again when I felt him begin cleaning me up. When he was done he laid down beside me on his side and placed his head on my chest, the same position that I normally took. Running my fingers through his blond curls I heard him let out a soft sigh, he was out moments later. Closing my own eyes I tried to catch snatches of sleep, but I couldn't. If I did it wasn't more than five minutes. Deciding I'd watch him sleep instead I opened my eyes and saw his chest rise and fall, his hand splayed over my stomach. He was still struggling and trying to cope with getting well and got tired easily. I wondered how long that would last, I hoped it wasn't months on end like I knew it could be. More than that though I wanted his calmness back, for some reason I felt as though I was going to need it. "Jasper, I love you." I told him quietly knowing he wouldn't hear it in his sleep.

Mumbling back at me said "I know." I wasn't sure if that was a response to me or something random he was dreaming about.

Needing to get up so we could get back to the house and say our goodbyes I shook Jasper awake. "Jazz, we need to get up. Come on, get up." Grumbling for five more minutes I said "No, we've got to get up." His eyes slowly slid open and he looked pissed that I woke him up. What else was new? I knew he hated when I did that. Giving him a chaste kiss I said "Wake up, we need to get ready to go home. You can sleep in the car, if you want to. I'll drive."

Slowly he sat up and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. Packing all our stuff up we got dressed and Jasper looked at his shirt and back at me. In my haste to remove it in the clearing I'd ripped it. He stuffed it in the backpack and was left shirtless. I couldn't say I minded, I got to see his back and his ass in those jeans. Taking the backpack from him I flung it across my shoulders and told him to walk in front of me, just like he had on our way out here. He snorted at me knowing I was going to check out his ass all the way back. I might not be able to do anything about it right now, but that didn't mean I couldn't appreciate it.

Jasper was still sleepy I could tell as he stumbled along the path, I tried to catch him when he stumbled a little too much. When he reached the end of the trail and the yard of the house Jasper was finally a little more awake. Slapping him on the ass I passed by him on the way to the steps of the house laughing. "Fucker!" Jasper shouted at me.

Esme had stepped onto the porch at that moment and laughed at us, instead of reprimanding like I know she would have done when we were younger for the bad language. "Come on up, boys. Carlisle will be home soon to have lunch before he has to go back to work. He wanted to say goodbye to you two." Esme's mood was infectious and even spread to Jasper as he chased me up the stairs, finally awake.

As soon as we stepped over the threshold Esme said "Off," and pointed at our shoes. I groaned, I couldn't wait to go home to our apartment where we could do whatever the hell we wanted to wherever we wanted. Removing our shoes and socks we still had dirt on our feet from being barefoot outside. Esme handed over washcloths to both of us to wipe our feet off and took them away from us, I assumed to put in the laundry. God forbid the house was ever dirty.

All of us gathered in the kitchen waiting on Carlisle just talking about nothing. When Carlisle got home he looked worn out already and I knew his day wasn't over yet. I wasn't looking forward to going back to work after being off the last few days.

Sitting down at the kitchen table that Esme had already laid out we chatted passing the time in a relaxed manner, something I'd never gotten from my own parents. If we ate together at all it was strained and silent and uncomfortable. When we were done eating Carlisle looked at Esme and asked "Do you have something to tell me?" He looked a little angry. What was going on? I looked over at Jasper and he seemed just as clueless. I was worried, my stomach twisted in knots. I don't know why I was worried, this was Carlisle and Esme, not my parents.

Esme's cheeks flushed and she answered "You know I don't have anything to tell you. You know what I did or you wouldn't be asking me."

"Did I or did I not tell you _not_ to pack that backpack? Didn't I tell you to stop interfering?" He questioned her.

"You did and I didn't listen to you." She answered and stuck out her tongue like a child as she stood up from the table.

Carlisle grabbed her and pulled her to his lap and demanded "Stick out that tongue one more time." When she did he kissed her. Jasper retched beside me and I wondered if they'd forgotten we were even there. Seriously we needed to get out of here to keep all of us sane.

When they didn't stop kissing and their hands started groping that was enough for both of us to get up from the table. As Jasper passed by he shuddered and whispered "Ewww." They both laughed at him. I personally wondered if we'd still be like that if we managed to stay together that long; not that I had any intention of leaving Jasper now, but after the past few days it was obvious nothing was certain and one day could be the last straw. Retreating up the stairs we gathered our belongings that had spread out over the bedroom and bathroom and then came back down to check the den and the living room.

At some point Carlisle and Esme had ceased their make-out session and were waiting for us to leave. I would bet anything they were biding their time to have a quickie before Carlisle had to go back to work.

Esme and Carlisle were saying goodbye to Jasper and I tried to slink out of the room unnoticed, leaving them to their private goodbyes. As I tried to do so Esme put her hands on her hips and demanded "Where do you think you are going?"

Startled I stuttered out "Uh... just... just... letting you say bye to your son in privacy." That was the right thing to do, wasn't it?

Esme was mad I could tell. "Edward, you are our son. How many times do I have to tell you that? Now get your ass back here and let me say goodbye to you too."

Chastised now I came back to her and she hugged me. "Edward, I love you as much as Jasper. So stop acting like we aren't your parents, and you're just a guest. We have taken care of you for a long time, you _are_ my son." I knew this already, they'd told me this many times in many ways over the years, but it was still hard to believe.

Carlisle piped up in agreement and said "Yes, you are my son too. No matter what happens, you always will be." I had tears in my eyes when they told me that, Jasper was standing beside the wall watching the whole exchange with a happy expression.

"Thank you, thank you for everything you've ever done for me. Thank you for accepting us being together." The words tumbled out of my mouth. I was thankful, but I was shocked the words came forth.

"We love you, Edward." Esme said softly. Then she pulled me in for a fierce protective hug and whispered in my ear "I packed something in the side pocket of the backpack, so take it with you. There is something in there for you and something for Jasper. You'll know what belongs to who when you see it." When I raised a brow in question she rushed out "It doesn't have anything to do with what I packed in there before, but it's something I think you should have." Okay... I wondered what in the world could be in it.

Jasper told his parents goodbye once again as we headed out the door after hurriedly putting our shoes back on. We wanted to get on the road before it got to be too late, as it was beginning to rain.

Once we were on the road Jasper was out cold again. The conversation about my uncle was going to have to wait. Oh well, at least if he slept now maybe he'd be awake tonight when I needed to be to get back on my work schedule. I tried not to let the rain and the movement of the car make me fall asleep either, it was difficult, but I managed it.

Parking the car in our parking lot of our apartments after the long drive I sighed knowing we were finally at home, the home I shared with just Jasper. Brushing my fingers against his cheek I said "Jazz, wake up." He stirred awake and finally opened his eyes.

"Are we home?" He asked yawning.

"Yeah, we're home. It's time to go inside." I said and let him wake up some more as I got out and got our stuff. We finally got to our apartment and through the door and I let our stuff drop to the floor. I was tired and ready to go to bed, the long drive had lulled me into a stupor. Jasper's eyes darted between both our rooms, but he shrugged his shoulders and kicked off his shoes before sitting down on the couch. I kicked off my own shoes and sat down on the couch too, so I was between his legs. Leaning my back against his still bare chest, he never had put a shirt on, I laid my head on his shoulder. Jasper wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my ear. I turned my head towards him and kissed his lips and murmured "I love you," against them.

"I know you do. I love you too, Edward." Jasper breathed in my ear when I turned back around. Sleep clouded my head and I couldn't avoid its grasp any longer, I fell deep and fast in his arms.


	22. Chapter 22

**Strange Desire: Chapter Twenty-two**

**AN: **_Okay guys, this chapter nearly killed me. I had to rewrite this entire lemon after losing the first one, damn it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it anyway. Thank you twitter peeps for managing to make me laugh and distract me and whip my ass into writing at the same time. Now, my real life friend Jamie actually took a bow to his part in this chapter, literally. Seriously? Whatever, he didn't write it, I did._

**JPOV**

Edward's head was tilted back with his neck on my shoulder, he was going to hurt when he woke up if he stayed that way. Shifting our bodies I moved him down and leaned back so his head was against my chest. He wriggled himself into a more comfortable position and laid his cheek against my chest, his warm breath fanning my skin. It was then that I realized I had forgotten to put a shirt on and snorted at myself. At least I hadn't been embarrassed by it.

My own hands roamed under his t-shirt wishing that it was a button down one instead, that way I could open it and look at him unhindered. Edward's soft snore broke me of that thought. Kissing his head I inhaled deeply and could smell his normal scent of the woods after it rained, and after being in the woods today and the rain briefly it was only heightened.

Laying my cheek against the top of his head I just enjoyed being here with him, alone. It was so good to be home, our home, the one that we had always shared with just us. Only our shared memories were here in this apartment, no truly horrible ones had managed to follow us here. The memories might not have always been happy, but they weren't nearly like the ones we'd grown up with, Edward more so than mine. Although my parents passing was bad, I had a hard time remembering it or them. Edward though had to deal with his own parents and I had been sucked into his nightmare on occasion.

Edward shifted again trying to get in a more comfortable position. I really hoped he didn't stay asleep for long. He needed to stay up most of the night so he could sleep all day tomorrow and get back on his schedule for work. Also, I was almost ready to burst with whatever Edward wanted to tell me. How I managed to fall asleep on the way home when all I wanted was to know what he had to say baffled me. Of course when I was about to ask him he was out like a light, and I never did get a chance to ask. Hopefully he'd wake up and tell me soon, damn it. I found it hard to be patient lately, something I found irritating about myself.

When someone knocked on the door I had planned on ignoring it. I mean we had _just_ gotten home, they could wait. Emmett's booming voice rang out "Let us in, we know you're in there. We really missed you guys." Then I heard a smack and an "Ouch, Rose, what was that for?"

Deciding not to let them argue in the hallway knowing they'd be louder out there than in here I covered Edward's ear that wasn't against my chest and called out "The door's open." Edward really needed to wake up anyway, so maybe he'd find them entertaining enough that he'd open his eyes.

The door opened and I watched as Emmett and Rosalie stepped over the threshold which wasn't a surprise. What was a surprise was Jamie coming in followed by Grant, someone I'd only briefly seen and never actually met.

Emmett sat in one of our chairs like he owned the place with Rosalie leaning against the arm rest. Jamie didn't even bother to sit anywhere until Grant did. When Grant sat in the other chair Jamie settled in his lap and I quirked an eyebrow at him. He only grinned back at me. I wondered if Jamie actually kissed Grant yet, after all his complaining about it. Deciding it was none of my business anyway I said "Hey guys," to the room in general.

"Hey, man." Emmett piped up as if he was the spokesperson for the entire room. "We've been dying to know what happened at your parents."

Groaning, I didn't know if I really wanted to get into that right now. Did I really want to tell them that I lost it and ran out and why? Did Edward even want them to know that he tried to break up with me? Instead I made them ask specific questions as I tried to become a little more alert. "Okay... so what do you want to know?"

"How did your parents take it?" Jamie asked me at the same time when Emmett asked "Were they surprised?" Emmett, I knew, didn't think they would be. He was right.

"No, they weren't surprised, at all. I think I was more surprised than they were." I said answering Emmett. Turning to Jamie I told him "They took it well. My dad seemed fine, and so did my mom in the beginning."

"What do you mean in the beginning?" Jamie asked narrowing his eyes at me.

"I mean she was okay with it, and happy for us. Then I guess it finally hit her that we couldn't have kids together. I still haven't told her we don't plan on trying to adopt either, but... I mean come on, isn't it a little too soon to get into that anyway?" I asked more to myself than the room.

Surprisingly Rosalie nodded her head in agreement, but Jamie disagreed "No, it isn't too soon."

Giving him an incredulous look I said "What do you mean it isn't too soon? We've only been together a couple of months."

"Yeah, but you've known each other forever. Not to mention I know how long Edward has loved you and it was much further back than when he met me." Jamie tried explaining the way he saw things, but I didn't see it that way. Of course he had no idea what other shit happened over the weekend either to make me think rushing into more right now was a bad idea. Other things were happening around us that were out of both of our controls and I had no idea how they would affect us, I could feel it.

"Jasper, it takes a long time to adopt for two gay men, so you may want to seriously consider it now." Jamie said seriously. I figured he, of all people, should know.

"Yeah, I am aware of that, but Edward doesn't want kids and I want Edward, so it won't happen." I told him looking down at Edward and ran my hands through his bronze hair, he was still asleep for the moment.

Attempting to change the subject I said "My mom also asked us when we were moving."

Jamie, Grant and Rosalie all nodded their heads completely unsurprised. Emmett, however, blurted out "Why would you move? Do you want to move?"

"Because we can't get married here." I stated directly to him since the rest of the room seemed to already know this.

"What do you mean you can't get married? Because you're two guys?" He demanded. When we all nodded he stood up and shouted "Well, ain't that the shit. That's not fair." Rosalie's mouth hung open in shock at Emmett. How did he not know this already? It wasn't like that was a big secret to the general population.

"Emmett, calm down and sit." I really didn't want to deal with this right now. Hadn't I already thought about all these things over the weekend? "And no, Emmett, we don't want to move. We don't have any plans to, we want to live here. I mean we just met all of you guys anyway, we aren't going to move away."

Slowly Emmett sat back down, but he looked pissed as hell. Humph, he wanted us to be able to get married and yet he hadn't even married Rosalie yet? I had already gathered that she wanted to from things she said. Maybe it was more the principle of thing than actually wanting us married, maybe he just wanted us to have that option. Rosalie seemed to be thinking along those same lines because she stood with her hands on her hips looking directly at Edward and I and said "If you guys get married or have kids before I do I will murder you both with my bare hands." My shoulders shook as laughter tried to take hold. I tried my hardest to tamp it down, so I didn't wake Edward. No such luck, it woke him up anyway, but he didn't make any indication to anyone else he was awake. He couldn't hide that from me though.

"Rose!" Emmett shouted at her. Jamie snickered and I couldn't even see Grant's face, his shoulders were shaking and his head was buried in Jamie's neck.

Rosalie spun around on Emmett and said "What? No one said I had to do those things with you. You'd better face it, you may think you're the shit, but I _know_ I'm the shit."

Emmett began grumbling to himself about "Why did he even bother coming over here again?" I laughed at them, there weren't many other people that I thought would put up with either of them. Those two were equally matched.

Turning a little Edward exposed more of my chest to the room and placed a hand on my waist. My face turned hot as Jamie ogled me, which I couldn't believe he did with Grant in the room, except Grant was gawking at me as well. Well, shit. Thank you, Edward. Edward turned his head a little more and bit me lightly, so that no one else in the room would notice. The fucker knew what he was doing. Why would he do that?

Edward turned so that his entire body was on its side and one arm was underneath him. His hand palmed me through my jeans and I hissed and tried to move. There were other people here for god's sake. To get him to stop I said "I know you're awake, Edward. It would be rude to sleep through your guests conversation." This time he only bit me harder making sure everyone saw it, the fucker. Pulling him up I brought his back against my chest and his head back to my level. That only afforded him the chance to grind his ass into my cock. Great, now I wouldn't be able to get up. "I know what you're up to." I breathed in his ear and he turned his head.

Smirking at me he whispered "So? As soon as we get rid of these people I want to fuck you." Shit, shit, shit. Why couldn't our company just be gone already? Then Edward pressed his lips against mine and I moaned into the kiss.

"Dude, you're killing me here." Emmett's voice rang out loudly, interrupting us. When I looked around the room was silent, except for Emmett and the others breathing. Rosalie, Jamie and Grant all clearly enjoyed the show. My face burned knowing they were watching. Edward was gloating, the fucker. He'd done that on purpose. I wasn't even sure how long that kiss lasted, but apparently longer than I thought.

Rosalie smacked Emmett and asked "Why'd you have to ruin our fun?"

Emmett just stared at her, his eyes wide before he choked out "You enjoyed that?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes at him and retorted "Yeah, why wouldn't I?

"Why? Why? Cause it's two dudes, that's why." Emmett stammered.

Snorting at him Rosalie said "That's exactly why I liked it. I swear sometimes you can be thick. You like watching two girls."

"Yeah... but... guys?" Emmett stuttered out as he shuddered.

"Yes, I like watching guys together, Emmett. Where the hell have you been?" She questioned.

"Apparently not paying close enough attention." He mumbled out narrowing his eyes at her. This entire conversation only made the rest of us laugh, hard.

"Tell me something I don't know." Rosalie challenged. Emmett looked like he was trying to think too hard looking for an answer.

Jamie was amused by them, but I assumed thought he should probably change the subject because he turned to me and asked "You said that your weekend hadn't been a picnic. I will guess that some other stuff happened then?" When he said picnic I had to bite my cheek and forget about earlier today to be able to answer the question. It didn't help matters that Edward's hands were currently running along my thighs.

Sighing I asked "Do you really want to know?" This was going to be uncomfortable. _ Just stick to the facts, don't get into detail._

He rolled his eyes at me and answered "If I didn't want to know I wouldn't have asked."

"Well..." I started and my hands rested against Edward's stomach pressing him against me harder. I needed strength to say this and yet he was the one I hurt, the irony wasn't lost on me. Edward's hands moved to cover mine lending me strength instead of distracting me. "After I told my parents and they were fine with it I sort of freaked out."

"What do you mean you freaked out?" Jamie asked frustrated with me for not just spitting it out.

Closing my eyes I took in a deep breath and explained "I think they were too okay with it. Anyway, I ran away and outside. I couldn't help thinking that everyone around us influenced us to be together." Edward was shifting clearly uncomfortable and Jamie had his brow furrowed. Rosalie and Emmett seemed to have ceased their arguing for the moment. Grant was just looking back and forth between us waiting for Edward or I to explode. Too late, we'd already done that.

"That's bullshit." Jamie shot out.

"What?" What the hell did he know?

"You heard me, bull-fucking-shit." Jamie said angrily. "Your parents wouldn't have wanted you to grow up to be together in a million years. They know and they accept it, and probably knew before you did, but push you to be together? As two guys? Bull-fucking-shit. And don't even get me started on the fact that Edward didn't even admit to you how he felt about guys or that he loved you. No. It's the main reason we never got to meet you, you know. So I say bull-fucking-shit." He continued ranting and I felt guilty and chastised for thinking those things, but who said I'd been thinking rationally at the time anyway? I clearly hadn't been.

Then Jamie turned on Edward and spat out "You must really love him," he said pointing at me, "because I wouldn't have stayed after that."

"I know you wouldn't have and I nearly didn't." Edward sighed in answer. "But when you love someone sometimes you put up with stupid shit." Squeezing my hands he said "Besides, it was partly my fault for not listening to him in the first place, we were nearly over then."

"It wasn't your fault." I protested. Why would he think that was his fault? I couldn't stop my thoughts, but I could have controlled what came out of my mouth a little more, couldn't I? _No, Jasper, you couldn't. You were way too emotional and confused to hold that in. Yeah, but that still doesn't stop me from regretting it._

"Yes, it was." Edward argued and then said "Not to mention I tried to break up with you yesterday."

Snorting at him I said "Yeah, you did try and I wouldn't let you. You're an idiot if you think I'm going to let you go that easily." Oh shit, did I say that out loud? To the whole room? Damn it, damn it, damn it.

Jamie looked at us confused and so did everyone else. "Wait, what? Edward tried to break up with you?" He asked looking at me.

Nodding my head I said "Yeah, he thought I'd be better off without him." In my head I added stupid fucker, it was a surprise I managed to keep that to myself.

"Okay, I change my mind. You two aren't ready for kids or anything else." Jamie stated.

Edward's brow furrowed as he asked "Did I miss something?"

"Jamie thought we should adopt kids or something now." I answered.

Narrowing his eyes at Jamie, Edward asked "You know I don't want kids. Why would you even say that?"

"Because I think you are in denial, that's why." Jamie answered.

Edward balked at him "I'm not in denial. You know I don't want to screw up some kids life like my father did mine."

Rolling his eyes at Edward, Jamie said "You won't. Besides, from things you said didn't Carlisle and Esme raise you more?" Edward nodded his head and Jamie continued "I thought so. Well, they were good parents from what I can tell, so you'd probably be more like them." Edward's mouth opened in astonishment. I didn't think he'd even considered that before. He needed to mull that over by himself without anyone else bugging him about it, as soon as they did he'd completely shut down the idea. I knew him well enough to know that's exactly what he'd do.

Edward was eerily still and silent as I frantically tried to come up with something else to talk about. Remembering belatedly that Emmett, Rosalie, Jamie and Grant had gone out together the day before I latched onto that hoping it was a light enough subject. Later I wanted to eat my words. "Did you guys have fun yesterday?" I asked the room at large.

All of them seemed to start talking at once when I asked. Holy crap, what did I open up? Only snatches of their conversation managed to go into my ears, the rest of it sounded like an annoying buzz. Were they intent on confusing the hell out of me? If they didn't start making sense soon I thought I was going to smack all of them. All I could make out were words like dinner, shopping, and movie. From what I could deduce they had apparently gone to the mall for dinner and ended up shopping while waiting on a movie to start. At least that's what I thought they were saying.

Edward wasn't even paying attention to the chaos, he seemed oblivious to everyone in the room, including me. Squeezing my eyes shut I tried to differentiate who said what, it didn't help. Distracting myself from their chatter I held Edward tighter and kissed his neck. He sighed in contentment, but it got the rest of them to slow down what they were saying. They were still arguing over the movie though. I was having trouble even figuring out what the movie was about. Damn it, I thought I was getting better. I ought to be able to handle this, but apparently this was just too much at once.

Hoping I could get them to make sense or at least make sense to my mind I picked out a specific person to ask directly "Rosalie, what did you do yesterday?"

Finally they shut up realizing I wasn't even able to follow along with them. Damn it, damn it, damn it. I didn't like feeling slow or stupid. When the hell was that going to go away? I have things to do and this was bringing me down. "Uh... we went to the mall, had dinner, hung out until the movie started." She shrugged nonchalantly. Okay, so I wasn't totally insane, I'd guessed right on that part. So why all the chaos? Or was that just me and my head still being fucked up?

Rosalie's shoulders started shaking before the mirth couldn't be contained anymore. "What happened?" I demanded rudely. At this point my confusion over their whole talking over each other was not enabling me to be polite.

Her eyes landed on me and I could see the tears in them making them bluer. Gasping for breath she eventually got out "Jamie..." That was the only word she got out.

"What did I do? I don't remember doing anything." His brow was furrowed as he contemplated whatever the hell it was he apparently did.

"You... oh my god... show... your.... underwear... in... the mi... middle.... of the dep... depart... department... store." Rosalie was choking on her laughter on nearly every word.

"Oh." Was Jamie's brilliant reply.

"You did what?" I nearly shouted at him.

Jamie looked like he was squirming in Grant's lap and looked sheepish when he said "I had to show someone that would appreciate it." He glanced nervously at Grant. Grant had his eyes narrowed at Jamie. I guess he wasn't there whenever this happened.

Rosalie nodded her head and wiping her eyes said "Tattoo on his ass." Then she shook her head no and explained "I meant a picture of a tattoo on his briefs across his ass."

"He... what?" Emmett choked out.

"You heard me, Emmett. The first time." Rosalie shot back.

Shifting in his chair uncomfortably he said "Rose, I don't feel comfortable with that."

Looking at him fully she asked "Why?"

"Rosie, I know you guys may think I'm dumb and sometimes I let you believe it, but I'm not as stupid as you think. I know the only one in this room that is actually gay is Grant." Emmett told her and she inhaled sharply. "I know those two over there," he said pointing at us,"are bi. And Jamie is... well, I don't know what the fuck he is, but he ain't gay either."

Grant spoke for the first time here when I could hear him clearly. Frowning at Jamie he asked "You're not gay?"

Jamie shut his eyes tight and said "No." Then he opened them back up to look at Grant and asked "Is that a problem?"

"Is that a problem?" Grant snorted and moved Jamie off his lap to stand up. "I... I should go."

As Grant started for the door Jamie called out "Wait. Don't go."

Grant responded by turning around to face Jamie and spoke softly "You see, Jamie, this is why I date first. I don't want a relationship built on lies, you know."

"I didn't lie." Jamie tried to defend himself, I knew it was useless.

"No, you didn't, you omitted. That's pretty much the same thing." Grant said, his aqua eyes looked sad before he turned and walked out the door.

Jamie sat down heavily and yanked on his hair mumbling "Great, just fucking great. I really liked him, you know."

Rosalie was standing glaring at Jamie with her hands on her hips, she looked frightening. "What do you mean liked? You still like him, you idiot." He looked up at her with his eyes wide and she commanded "Now get up and work it out. If you're lucky he'll talk to you, if not then stop whining about it and come find me. I'll take you home if he doesn't." Then she swung her arm towards the door with an "Out, now." He didn't even argue with her. He just went out the door quickly. I honestly wasn't sure if it was to get away from Rosalie's wrath or to actually find Grant.

Then Rosalie turned to face Emmett and kicked him in the shin "Ouch, Rosie. What was that for?"

"What was that for? Are you fucking kidding me?" She all but shouted.

"Whatever, Rose, I did those two a favor. They'll either figure it out and be together or they'll move on. You can't hide something like that, it's not good for you." Emmett said.

"Do you mean to tell me that was your intent? You meant to out him like that? What if he wasn't ready to tell him? Did you ever think of that? Good god, you don't tell everyone everything in the beginning." Rosalie's voice was still raised.

"No, you don't, but come on, that was pretty big." Emmett told her. I was going to assume that Emmett didn't know about Jamie's past either and considering he has a big mouth that was probably for the best. Although I did think Jamie should at least tell Grant that if he really liked the guy.

Rosalie huffed and walking out of the room said "Bye guys, sorry, if I don't leave soon I may actually kill Em."

"Well, okay then. I'm gonna go now too since everyone else left. I'll be back at four in the morning. We are still gonna go work out. You're still too soft, Jasper." He said slapping my back on the way out. Fucker. I was not soft, I just didn't look like him, there weren't many that did. Right after I got out of the hospital sure I might have been soft, but I wasn't now. If Edward hadn't been in front of me I probably would have picked a fight with him. I needed some release of the stress they had unleashed on me.

As soon as everyone else was out the door except Edward and I calm overtook me. This is why I didn't have a lot of friends, they could physically drain me. It was rare that I felt they gave as much back in return. The only one that did that for me was Edward.

Edward turned his body around so he was facing me and said "I thought they would never leave."

"Yeah, I know. All I want right now is you." I sighed finally relaxed. That was all I wanted. Granted I wanted him to fuck me, but I'd be okay if all we did was this, with no one else surrounding us. Edward's lips touched mine lightly as his hand weaved its fingers through my hair, the other slid down my side to my waist. My hands cupped his face and felt the stubble rasp against my palms. Holding his head so his lips didn't leave mine all I could feel was that my heart was going to burst open with the magnitude of the love I felt for him. Losing myself in his deep green eyes I felt more love for him in that moment and more fear. We had both nearly destroyed this, destroyed us. I was surprised either of us recovered from it.

I must have become too lost in my thoughts because Edward mumbled against my lips "What's wrong, Jazz?"

Sighing into his mouth I kissed him before I answered "Nothing. I just love you, more than anything. Don't... don't let me go." Well, if that didn't sound desperate I didn't know what would. I wanted to eat my words.

Edward's eyes looked sad for a moment then he smiled slightly and said "I won't. I love you too, more than my life." Then he pulled my hands away from his face holding them down and leaned down to breathe in my ear "You taught me my lesson." His warm breath tickled my neck and when I tried to pull away he only bit down on my ear. My moan was drowned out by the growl that ripped through my chest when he bit down on my neck.

"Fuck...." I wished he'd let go of me, I wanted to touch him. His hands were still wrapped around my wrists keeping me from moving them. Kissing his neck in return I bucked my hips up, but he shook his head no. What the fuck was he waiting on? He was the one that wanted to fuck me when all those people were here, damn it. His teeth grazed along my jaw before his lips met mine again. He wasn't getting away from me this time, my teeth captured his bottom lip so he wouldn't move away. This time it was his turn to groan and I let go of him briefly to part his lips with my tongue. The way his tongue moved over mine made me groan and I forced him to let go of my wrists so I could bury my hands in his bronze hair. His lips and tongue felt like they were made for me and me alone.

Since Edward was no longer holding my arms down he pulled back away from me and sat up. His hands grabbed my calves and slid me down the couch so that I was lying flat on my back. The way he was looking at me... he looked hungry. His hands slid up my bare ribs as he lay prone over me trying to keep his weight off. No, that wouldn't work, I wanted to feel more of him. When his lips met mine again I wrapped my arms around his back and my legs around his pushing him closer, it still didn't feel close enough. Even when he was inside me I didn't know if I'd think he was close enough. Slipping my hands under his shirt I pushed it upwards as my hands felt every indent of muscle in his back. "Take it off." I growled out. Reaching behind him Edward pulled his shirt off in one swift move and threw it over the back of the couch. Once his shirt was off I pulled him close to my chest again, that was better. Kissing and sucking the soft skin along his neck I rocked my hips, wanting him desperately. "Please fuck me, Edward." I pleaded with him. He responded with a moan and his hand moving down between us and palmed me through my jeans. I wanted the damn things off, _now_. My hands left his back to unbutton my jeans since he wasn't doing it fast enough. Edward laughed at my impatience, whatever, he was the one grinding his ass against my cock getting me hot and bothered to start with, damn him.

He finally sat up and pulled the jeans off me leaving me naked in front of him. Picking up one leg he kissed up the inside until he finally placed one on my cock. Raising myself on my elbows I watched as he looked up at me and licked up the underneath side of it. Then his warm wet mouth enveloped me and slid down my cock taking in more each time he went down. My head tilted back and only grunts came out of my mouth. Wanting him to go faster I laid back down and put my hands on his head stilling him as I thrust upwards at the speed I wanted. It would have taken everything I had to stop so I didn't choosing instead to let go now. With my muscles tightening I exploded in his mouth with a loud "Fuck." Swallowing my cum down first Edward let go of me and kissed and nipped his way up my stomach and chest.

His mouth met mine tasting myself mixed with him and the roughness of his tongue. That wasn't what I wanted in my mouth though. "Edward, come up here." I told him pulling his body up mine. Straddling my shoulders I popped the button on his jeans and unzipped them. Unlike me, he still had on boxers. Tugging his jeans down a little I placed my hands on either side of his hips and lifted my head up. Sucking him into my mouth I could taste the cotton of the boxers and felt the hardness of his cock. One of Edward's hands held my head up and the other balanced himself on the back of the couch.

"Jasper... fuck..." Edward moaned out. Sucking his head in my mouth first I licked around him and tried to take as much as I could of him with the boxers still on. Letting him go I used my teeth to pull the boxers down slightly. As I exposed more skin my tongue would dart out and taste just the part I'd bared. Repeating the same action again, teeth, pull, lick, teeth, pull, lick, I thought Edward was going to kill me. His breathing was heavy as he let my head go and stood up, jeans falling to the floor and I reached out to tug his boxers off the rest of the way. Ahhh, that's what I wanted to see.

I watched as Edward tilted his head to the side and I wondered what he was thinking. Turning around he went towards the door and picked up our bag and the backpack my mom sent back with us. If my face could have gotten any hotter at the thought I surely would have combusted. Placing them both in the chair he opened the bag and pulled out our bottle of lube and a condom. Watching him walk back to me I wondered just what I'd done in this life to deserve him. He placed a kiss on my parted lips then stood up to kneel on the couch between my legs. Coating his fingers with lube first he ran them down my crack a few times and then slid a finger inside me. Slipping another one in he hit my prostate making me groan loudly. Fuck, that felt good, but I wanted more. "Edward... please fuck me." I moaned out. Removing his fingers from me he picked up the condom and tore the wrapper with his teeth. Rolling it down his length he picked up the lube again and put some in his hand before running it down his cock. Growling out "Edward..." in warning, he rubbed his cock in the crack of my ass before pushing through my entrance. "Fuck..." I groaned as he pushed himself further in and I took a deep breath. Seated fully inside me all I could feel was being stretched as I did every single time we did this. Putting my hand on his head I pulled him down so our lips met and placed the other on his ass squeezing it.

Edward lifted one of my legs and placed it over his shoulder and I bent my other leg to get a better angle. "Fuck... Jazz... I can't hold it any longer." He ground out through gritted teeth.

"Then don't." Would he just fucking get on with it already? Finally he started moving inside me. I let myself just feel the sensation of him inside me before I started meeting his thrusts. What started off slow ended up being pure and fast fucking. Our moans filled the air and our bodies were soaked in sweat as we brought each other to our release. I didn't think I'd get off again, but Edward's continued hits to my prostate made me hard again.

Speeding up our movements Edward shouted "Fuck Jazz," as I felt his warm cum fill the condom. His body shuddered above mine and my hand pumped my own cock a few times, I was so close. Edward pulled out of my completely and scoot down as I shot my own load, his mouth catching some of it. Licking his lips he licked my cock and cleaned me off as well as what landed on my stomach. "Mmm... Jazz... you taste so good...." He moaned out, then added grinning "and I got to taste you twice."

Aligning his body with mine again he kissed my forehead and placed one hand under my head and the other under my back. Kissing me softly first he laid his head on my chest. When his soft snore hit my ears I had to stop myself from laughing. I had been the one that slept on the way home, he didn't. We both really needed showers badly, but I'd give him a moment's rest if that's what he needed.

Lying with him this way was starting to get uncomfortable and I almost wished we'd made it to bed first. Which one though? Would we keep on living like this or would we finally make this our shared home, together? Blowing out my breath, deep in thought, I felt Edward stir against me. Thank god, I didn't think I wanted to lay like this any longer. I could feel him smile against me and he mumbled "How long have I been out?"

Running my hand through his messy hair I answered "Not long." Then looking down I said "I think we both need showers though."

Laughing at me Edward licked my chest and said "Yeah, you taste extra salty." Slapping him first I pushed him up and off me and onto the floor. That felt good, I'd been wanting to do that now a couple of times. My own laughter joined his when he realized he'd fallen asleep before removing the condom or cleaning off.

Standing up I pulled him up with me and headed to the shower. Turning the water on to warm I stepped in and waited for him to join me. The warm water cascaded down my back and soothed the sore muscles. My eyes were closed as I let the water pass over my hair and face, then I felt extra wetness on my neck realizing Edward had kissed me there. Without opening my eyes I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close to me. Pressing my lips to his neck I kissed and sucked a line to his mouth. When my lips met his the kiss was slow and lazy and perfect for right now. Pulling back I placed a chaste kiss against his lips.

Finishing washing up we didn't talk or do anything else really, but I was apprehensive. Part of me wanted to know what the hell he had to tell me, part of me was afraid to know. We both put on pajama bottoms and found ourselves on the couch again, it was almost like we were afraid to pick a bedroom, so we ended up here. Although we didn't need to be sleeping anyway, Emmett would be here in a couple of hours then we needed to sleep.

"Edward, what did you want to tell me on our way home?" I asked settling against him. Edward's body tensed before it relaxed again into its former state.

"I... um..." He stammered. What the fuck was he having trouble telling me? Sitting up to wait for an answer he looked sad again. He shouldn't have that look on his face, if I could take it away I would. Waiting patiently for his answer at first five minutes had passed before I nearly lost my temper and wanted to shout 'just spit it out'. Knowing that wouldn't get me anywhere, but make him shut down, I pulled his head into my lap and threaded my fingers through his hair lightly scratching his scalp. When I heard him sigh I knew he was finally ready to tell me whatever it was.

"Jasper... I... started remembering some new things over the weekend." He began. Was it our relationship that was stirring up all this stuff from his past? Or was it something else? "Jazz, I remembered my dad arguing over the phone with my uncle, and another argument about him with my father..." Then he proceeded to tell me the details of them and I wondered what just exactly his uncle had done to warrant that much hatred. There had to be more than what we could piece together. "My mom told me to find him, that I'd find some answers there." He told me.

How exactly were we going to find him? Edward didn't even recall his name until recently. Believing that somehow things would fall into place I said "We'll find him."

As the thought passed through my mind abruptly I asked "Edward, do you want to see your mom again?"

Swallowing hard he answered "Yes, and no. I miss her and I think she did what she did to protect me. At the same time I'm pissed as hell that she'd let me go that easily." It didn't escape my notice that he tried to protect me and let me go, just like she had, only I was too stubborn for that to be the end. I would fight for what was mine if I must. When what occurred to me finally hit him a few seconds later he sat up saying "Oh shit, Jazz." Holding me tight to him he said "Forgive me."

"It already has been." Hadn't we covered this enough today? I, quite frankly, wanted to push it away. It was done and that was that. Why must we dwell on it? I certainly didn't want to.

Standing abruptly Edward said "Fuck, I nearly forgot." Then he grabbed the backpack on the chair and brought it back to us on the couch. When I raised a brow at him in confusion he said "Your mom," as if that would answer everything. Finding the side pocket he was looking for he pulled out two small objects. What the fuck had she put in there? Why didn't she give it to us at the house?

**AN: ** _The end of this was written because I couldn't sleep, so I'm sure some of it comes across as sleepy nonsense, but I hope not._


	23. Chapter 23

**Strange Desire: Chapter Twenty-three**

**AN: ** _Thank you to everyone that I WC'd with, ladies and gentlemen, there were a lot of you. You guys helped me to make me want to take the time to sit and write this. _

_Thanks to Mrs Agget and OCDJen, The Queen of Emotions, for prereading some of this for me on this chapter. As if I had to twist Jen's arm for it or anything. : ) I hope you guys aren't too disappointed in this chapter, I'm worried you might be._

_Blaculicious I added a part just for you, you know which one. ; ) I wasn't really sure I could work it into such an emotional chapter, but I did it._

_Characters belong to SM, as always, 'cept the ones I make up. : )_

**EPOV**

Pulling out the small objects from the side pocket of the backpack I could only look at them blankly. One was a plain white envelope with nothing on the outside, that I assumed was mine. The other took me a few minutes to grasp what it was. The fabric had been folded so I couldn't make it out at first, it was soft and a light blue. Reaching out to it Jasper took it from my hands to roam across it when I heard his breath catch. Finally, I understood what it was, it was a piece of fabric from his parents old couch, that had the edges stitched back. Esme must have used a rarely touched part of the couch and cleaned it because the couch was neither blue nor soft anymore when she took it apart. Looking at Jasper's face I watched as sorrow, pain and love passed over it. He hadn't been much of an emotional person before he got sick and certainly wouldn't have gotten emotional over a remnant of fabric even now, so what was it?

Setting the envelope aside afraid to open it myself I asked, "Jasper, are you okay?" His only response was to swallow hard and nod, unable to look at me. Placing the fabric on the coffee table he got up and headed to the bathroom, his shoulders slumped. What had his mother done?

Curious, I picked it up and looked at it. Well, shit, now I wanted to cry. I wouldn't, but I wanted to. Esme had used the fabric to make a family tree, albeit not a typical one. At the top it read 'Jasper's family tree' and underneath it were his parents names, birth, marriage and death dates, but Esme hadn't left it at that. No, she added 'Jasper's parents by blood and love.' Dropping down with a line was Jasper's name and birth date, but Jasper's name had another line drawn to where she had put Carlisle and Esme's names and their birth and marriage date. That one's description was 'Jasper's parents by adoption and love.' I thought she would have ended it there, but she didn't. My name was under theirs as well and right below what she had written for Jasper was my name, it said 'Edward's parents by love.' My own name dropped down from theirs as well, birth date included. Between Jasper's name and mine it was blank and there was space under them to keep going. Esme had included me in her family and her future family that I didn't even want. I had to blow out the breath I'd been holding as my heart was squeezed tight at the thought.

Maybe Jamie was right, maybe I should reconsider adopting children. Jasper wanted them I knew, but I still had an overwhelming fear that I'd turn out like my father and screw my child over. Sighing, I pushed the thought aside for a later date. One day I might be able to come to terms with this, but not right at the moment.

Looking again at the fabric she had given Jasper I noticed a piece of paper she had pinned there. All it said was 'Let me know when you want me to add more.' I had to set the thing aside and close my eyes as I felt her hope for our future and the onslaught of the disappointment it would be if we didn't give it to her.

Hearing Jasper come back into the room I noticed his face was a mask of calm and more importantly closed off. He wouldn't want to face that right now, and frankly I couldn't deal with it either, so I wasn't about to push him. I knew he would break down if I pushed it, but at the moment I was still undecided on even wanting to open that envelope if that was the reaction he'd had to what Esme left, so why would I force him to talk about it?

Sitting down beside me he tilted his head to the envelope and asked, "You gonna open that?" His expression was one of curiosity, just like I'd been intrigued over what Esme had given him.

Grimacing, I answered, "I don't know if I want to." Picking it up gingerly I acted as though the thing might explode in my face.

Jasper chuckled at me and asked, "Do you want me to open it?" Handing it over I only nodded, I just wasn't sure I was prepared for whatever was inside. Jasper pulled out a letter and scanned over it, his mouth a grim line. Well, that was reassuring... as in not. When he got done he looked over at me and placed an arm around my shoulders pulling me closer to him.

"Do I even want to know what it is?" I asked him, dreading the answer.

"Definitely, I just don't know how you are going to react to it." He replied giving the letter back to me, chewing his bottom lip. Glancing over it at first I didn't register who wrote it for a few minutes. When it finally hit me who wrote it I couldn't help the tears, even though I hadn't actually read or comprehended the words. It was a letter from my own mother, and a recent one. Tears blurred my vision and I wiped my eyes to clear them. What did it say? _Come on, Edward, stop crying so you can read the damn letter. _Jasper just held me to him and rubbed soothing circles on the back of my neck, calming me. Taking a few deep breaths I could finally read what was written on the page, several lines and sentences had been crossed out or scribbled over. She had chosen to write in pen, which very few people ever did anymore, it seemed more personal that way. At every mention of my father she used his first name, never once calling him my father. Well, I guess he wasn't and hadn't been in a long time. The letter read...

_Oh Sweetie,_

_I'm sure you hate me by now, but I asked Esme to give this to you. I needed you to be ready to hear it. I won't ask for your forgiveness, Edward, but you are my son and I love you. I always have and always will, no matter what happens._

Swallowing hard, I wasn't sure I could continue reading it, but plowed on.

_Sweetie, I wanted to tell you I know I hurt you by letting you go, but I knew you'd have a good place with Carlisle and Esme, a healthier place than you would with Eddie and I. Please don't try to find me now, I know that may not be what you want to hear, but it wouldn't be safe for you or me. If you don't care about us, then it wouldn't be safe for Jasper now either, as I know you two are together. That thought makes me smile knowing you have found love and happiness in your life._

Don't find her? Why not? She was happy that Jasper and I are together? That seemed impossible... I still remember the day I got kicked out clearly and it wasn't just my father kicking me out. Shaking my head I went back to the letter.

_Edward, don't try to 'save' me, it's too late for me, but it's not for you and your future. If Eddie even found out about this letter I don't want to even contemplate what he would do. The pictures I have of you are my only link to you and your life and even that is a dangerous thing for me to own and must always be kept hidden. Eddie has made it impossible for me to leave him without ruining both my life and yours, and probably Jasper's as well now. _

What the fuck did she mean? My head was about to explode. Raising my hand I rubbed my forehead to ease the forming headache. Jasper pulled me tighter to him and took over rubbing my head as I kept on reading.

_Eddie would have made your life a living hell had I left or tried to contact you. He hasn't been the man I married in a very long time and has the power and influence to hurt your career, permanently, as well as Jasper's, and even mine had I chosen to leave and embark on that path. That would mean you could no longer work as a doctor, Edward. I don't even think they'd let you work in a hospital at all once Eddie spilled his toxic venom on your life. He's been angry for a long time and takes it out on everyone else that surrounds him. Edward, he could make it so you lost your medical license, so please just don't try to come back into my life. I'm strong, I'll be okay here as long as you aren't in my life. I know you are strong too, please stay that way, even if it's not for me, but for the other people you care about in your life._

What? My head was becoming a confused mess. Of course her letter didn't seem to be in any kind of order, so that wasn't helping me.

_I'm proud of you for becoming a doctor, for helping others. Eddie was disappointed that you'd gone into medicine instead of politics like him._

No surprise there that he was disappointed, I'd known that all along. Wait, what had she written there? My eyes scanned it again. My father knew I'd become a doctor? What the fuck was he doing knowing anything about my life? He had no right, he'd kicked me out of his.

_Please Edward, just stay away from me. I want you to be happy, happy with what you have and will have in the future. I'm so proud of you and the man you've become, don't ruin it all by contacting me._

_I love you, Edward._

_Your mom always,_

_Elizabeth Masen_

_PS If you want more answers as to why Eddie is the way he is you should contact your uncle. I've left the number below, the choice is yours what you do with it, but I hope you will at least have a real relationship with one family member._

Well, shit. I didn't have to go round and round looking for this elusive uncle then. Did I even want to have anything to do with him though? He was at fault for making my father the way he is, so did I want someone like that in my life? I wasn't too sure. I thought I'd have more time, that it would take a while to find him and then I could decide then what I wanted to do. Right now I didn't think I was ready to face him.

Jasper took the letter from me and pulled me more firmly into his arms. Leaning my head on his shoulder I realized this was the family I wanted and the only family I wanted. I might want answers, but when it all ended Jasper was my family.

Emmett's incessant banging on our door broke us of our solemn thoughts. "Dude, it's 3:45, so get dressed and meet me in fifteen." He shouted through the door that wasn't thick enough that he needed to shout that way, he probably woke up the neighbors down the entire hall.

Jasper groaned next to me and whispered, "Do we have to?"

"Don't even think about getting out of it, Jasper." Emmett said loudly on the other side of our door.

"Looks like we have to if we know what's good for out health, Jazz." I told him and he rolled his eyes.

After putting on our workout clothes we walked out of the door and greeted Emmett who was waiting impatiently for us. Stepping into the elevator Jasper only glared at Emmett. "Why are we doing this so damn early in the morning?" I demanded of Emmett.

"So you can go to bed sooner, I know you have to work tonight," was his reply. My mouth hung open at his thoughtfulness. It was rare I got to workout with Jasper anymore because of my schedule, and when he was working out I was still at work.

Jasper's arms were crossed over his chest, his stare intensely angry with Emmett. "What the fuck is wrong with you, dude?" Emmett asked in a huff.

"You, you fucker." Jasper replied angrily.

"What did I do?" Emmett questioned confused.

"Did Jamie ever come find Rose last night?" Jasper's eyes narrowed and I knew he was near boiling point now. He had held in his emotions for too long and now they were tumbling out. He'd been just as angry at Emmett as Rosalie had been I knew, even if he hadn't shown it at the time.

"Um... no, and Rose made me sleep on the couch." Emmett said sheepishly, looking at the floor.

"Good, serves you right for outing him like that to Grant. It wasn't any of your business." Jasper spat at him.

"Okay, okay. Calm down people, please." I said trying to regain control. Then a thought passed through my mind and I had to share it, hoping some of the tension would dissipate. "Emmett, did you know you're Superman?"

"Uh... what?" Emmett asked bewildered.

"Yeah, Jasper and I decided you were Superman after carrying him out kicking and screaming to go to the hospital when he was so sick. I couldn't have done it, and he might have died if you hadn't." I told him. Well damn, I wanted that to be light, not what came out of my mouth. I would always be grateful to him for it, Jasper was still mine because of him.

Emmett only guffawed and Jasper turned his glare on me and hissed, "I will get you back for that, later."

"Naw, I like it. Superman!" Emmett exclaimed slapping Jasper on the back. Jasper's gimlet eyes said 'you will pay.'

"What are we doing anyway, Emmett? Running? The gym? Something else?" I asked him distracting them.

"Oh, I thought we'd go to the gym today." Then he gave Jasper a sidelong glance and said "I think someone needs to beat up a punching bag today, instead of one of us." I couldn't contain the snort of laughter that came out. Jasper punched me in the arm. "See what I mean?" Emmett asked as I rubbed my arm. Shit, that fucking hurt.

The elevator hitting the ground floor couldn't come fast enough. We finally got out and walked out into the apartment's parking lot. We were going to walk to the gym as it wasn't that far away anyway, so we continued to walk through the lot. Jasper's gasp and his sudden stop left me wondering what it was. Looking around to where he was staring, there stood Jamie gesticulating wildly in front of Grant who had an amused expression on his face. Grant was leaning against a car that I assumed was his while Jamie was in front of him, but we couldn't see Jamie's face from here. Grant grabbed Jamie's arms and pushed them down to his sides, at the same time turning him so he was against the car instead. Jamie's look of surprise was impressive as he stopped talking completely, which he rarely did. Grant's lips crashed onto Jamie's as he pressed his body against him. I wondered if that was their first kiss. Unable and unwilling to pull myself away I watched them. Grant's kiss was rough and forceful before turning soft. When he finally pulled away he had to catch Jamie as his knees seemed to have gone weak. I smiled to myself, no one, and I mean no one, had ever affected Jamie like that.

"Okay guys, we've seen enough. My telling didn't hurt them, so let's go." Emmett said poking both Jasper and I in the back to get us to move.

"But... what if I want to see more?" Jasper asked, completely awestruck by them, not as in a 'that's hot' sort of way, but more in an 'aww, don't they look cute' sort of way. I had to roll my eyes at him.

"Let's go, Jasper. That's a private moment between the two of them." I said ushering him forward. Jamie and Grant had to have been talking out here for hours. Well, I was sure he told him he was pan-sexual, but I wondered if he'd told him the rest of his story or not. As long as he was out here and as much as I knew Jamie liked this guy my guess was yes, he did tell him.

Continuing on making sure we didn't interrupt their moment we passed out of the parking lot onto the street. Emmett laughed and said "Race ya," as he took off running. A slow smile spread on Jasper's face and he looked over at me before we both tore off in the same direction. Both of us left Emmett in the dust. He might be strong and might work out all the time, but he wasn't faster than either of us. Emmett grumbled as he met us at the door to the gym. Jasper and I laughed at him, what in hell did he think would happen? He'd beat us? Never. Jasper had physically recovered from his illness, there was no way Emmett was going to catch up to him now.

Our time at the gym passed by quickly, I was thankful it was fairly empty. Jasper and I managed to get some of our frustration out over the day and what Esme had given us, so I guess I'd have to thank Emmett for that.

Going back in the direction we'd come we walked through the parking lot again. Jamie and Grant were still there and looking disheveled. I hid the smirk that wanted to come out. They were both flushed, their eyes bright and I planned on walking right on by, but Jamie called out to us. Stopping in front of them I asked, "Everything all right?" while trying to hold in a snicker.

Jamie rolled his eyes at me and replied, "Of course." Then he was bouncing on the balls of his feet and poked all three of us in the chest and shouted happily, "I have a boyfriend now, you know."

"Do you now?" I asked looking over at Grant, he only nodded his head shyly and blushed. "Well, that's great. I'm happy for you." Jamie beamed at me and I was happy that things had worked out for him like they had. Jasper breathed a sigh of relief beside me, I couldn't believe how close he'd become to Jamie, even when they annoyed each other greatly. Jasper shocked the hell out of me by hugging both of them. When I raised a brow at him he only shrugged and smiled. I wanted to laugh, he was a little too much like Esme in regards to them as she had been to us, but I doubted he even saw that.

"Woohoo." Emmett shouted and said, "My turn." He picked both Jamie and Grant up at the same time and swung them around. Jasper and I had to take hurried steps back to get out of the way. Jamie shrieked with laughter as Grant only grimaced and tried to wriggle free, as if he had a chance of getting away.

Emmett eventually set them back down on the ground and they held onto each other to keep from falling over, both dizzy. Righting themselves Jamie said, "We should go, Grant has to work and we've been up all night."

Grant nodded and smiled shyly at Jamie and said, "Yeah, but it was worth it, you know." Then Grant traced a line down Jamie's jaw and kissed him sweetly. I felt like we were intruding on their moment. Jamie's smile was wistful, his blue eyes bright staring into Grant's aqua ones.

Emmett cleared his throat, stupid fucker. We should have just walked away. The sound made them both jump and even Jamie blushed. Holy shit, I thought I'd never see the day that happened. Grant grasped Jamie's hand in his own and Jamie looked down at them clasped together and grinned. Honestly, I don't think anyone had ever actually held Jamie's hand, it was all about the fucking and that was pretty much it. I was happy for him, and by the look on Jasper's face so was he.

"We'll see you around, guys." Jasper told them as he pushed me along this time.

"Bye," they called in unison, barely paying any attention to anyone other than each other.

Emmett was vibrating with happiness. "Wait til I tell Rosie, she's gonna be so excited." Jasper and I shared a look at that. Emmett couldn't keep anything to himself, even if his life depended on it, I'd wager. He liked to gossip more than anyone I knew.

"You do that then. I'm going to crash. I need a vacation from my vacation." I said walking lazily to the elevator. "And apparently I need another shower tonight." I said sniffing myself.

Emmett glanced over at me, his brow furrowed and questioned, "Another one?"

Jasper rolled his eyes at his stupidity and answered, "Yeah, another one. Edward fucked me good and hard after you left, on the couch."

Emmett shuddered and said, "Remind me not to sit there." This time Emmett was on the receiving end of one of Jasper's punches instead of me. "Dude, I get enough abuse from Rosie. I don't need to add yours on top of it."

"Then stop being an idiot." Jasper shot back at him. I was so glad when the elevator dinged and the doors opened. Pulling Jasper with me to our door I waved a hasty goodbye to Emmett and shoved us both through the door. "What the fuck was that for?" Jasper asked glaring at me.

"You'd regret it later if you kept up with that argument, Jasper. I know you want to say whatever you think right now, but when you are fully recovered the guilt will eat at you." I explained as I walked us into the bathroom after kicking the door shut. Jasper's response was to grumble at me. "Don't grumble at me, I'm just telling you the truth."

Jasper sighed and said, "I know you are, but sometimes... Now don't take this the wrong way, because I don't like hurting people, but sometimes it's freeing to say what I'm thinking." I got that, I really did. If I had been free to say what I wanted to then who knows what might have been between us. I also understood that sometimes you just wanted to tell someone to stop being a damn fucking idiot.

Then he told me, "Hopefully one day I'll be the person I was, but without leaving all of this behind. I need to stop pretending shit doesn't happen, when it does." If his tone hadn't been so serious I would have laughed at him.

"Just get in the shower, Jasper. You might not think that later." I said shooing him towards the shower door.

"Do that one more time and I'll kick your ass." Jasper said narrowing his eyes in anger at my action. Blowing out my breath in exasperation I just removed my clothes and stepped in, he'd follow or he wouldn't.

The warm water soothed my sore muscles and some of the tension of the day away, well night. It soothed the tension from both the workout and the emotional mess Esme had given us. My eyes were still closed when I felt Jasper's arms around my waist and his chest against my back. Letting out a soft sigh I leaned into him and he kissed me softly on my shoulder and up to my neck. "I'm sorry," Jasper breathed in my ear.

Turning my head towards him I said, "Don't worry about it. I'm sorry, too." He kissed me lightly and stepped away from me. Our shower was quiet, both our minds reflecting on everything we were dealing with.

Stepping out of the shower we both toweled off and I don't know why I did it, but I headed straight for Jasper's bed, even though the shower we used was mine. Once we were in bed I laid my head on Jasper's chest, as I had so many times before. "I love you, Jazz." I told him before I closed my eyes and drifted into a nearly boneless sleep, I was exhausted after all the physical activity, the drive and the emotion the things Esme had given us.

Over the next couple of days Jasper and I had fallen into a routine. I'd go to work, he'd stay up all night writing if he could and visiting the neighbors, or more accurately they came to visit. Usually all of us would spend dinner together before I left for work and they'd just stay until they had to get some sleep themselves. Jasper continued working out with Emmett in the early morning hours, but he hadn't talked him into going when Emmett got off work too and I doubted he ever would. When I got home Jasper had usually made something for breakfast, even if it was just something simple that we could both share before going to bed. The routine worked for us, at least for now. We still hadn't bothered deciding on a permanent bedroom. More often than not we ended up in Jasper's bed because it was honestly more comfortable than mine, well the mattress was anyway. My room was much larger though, so I kept thinking we should be in that room, but I was usually too tired to bring it up when I got home. Not to mention I had nicer furnishings. I admit it, I liked the finer things in life. Jasper had had them, but he could care less. He was happy wherever he was.

So, when I came home and Jasper wasn't in the living room or the kitchen I had to wonder what happened to him. I finally found him in his bed turned away from me, he appeared to be sleeping. He didn't acknowledge my presence, so I took my time to really look at him. Jasper couldn't squirm under my scrutiny if he didn't know. The wide expanse of his back was facing me and I watched the slight movement of his muscles as he took in air. Jasper had no shirt on and the sheets were down around his hips, I could see his pajama bottoms slightly above them.

Removing my scrubs and everything else I crawled into bed naked. Lying behind him I placed an arm around his waist and kissed his neck lightly. That's when I noticed in one of his hands he was clutching that same piece of fabric Esme had given him. I couldn't see his face, so I brushed his blond curls away from his eyes and saw that his eyes were closed, but the lashes looked wet, like he'd been crying. Well, fuck.

My fingers trailed down his arm and found the hand closest to me. I still didn't know if he was awake or if he was just ignoring me. His fingers curled around mine and he gave a deep shuddering breath. My own throat constricted at his pain, as an old memory came to me of him.

_Jasper was lying in bed when I came back to the room, after Esme made us both take showers. We were nine and had been playing in the mud all day. He looked like he was already sleeping, which kind of upset me. I thought he'd at least stay awake until I got back to the room._

_Climbing into bed I whispered, "Jazz?" to see if he was awake. _

_The only sound I got in return was a sniffle. What was wrong with Jazz? He almost never cried, that would be me._

_Not knowing what to do I put my arm around him and held him close to me like he'd always done for me. It seemed like the right thing to do anyway, as it made me feel better._

_Lifting up my head I looked at his face and could see the tears glistening even in the darkness of the room. He grabbed my hand and held onto it like I was going to disappear. We slept like that all night. _

_The next morning Jasper was awake and looking like his normal self, content with life. _

"_Jasper?" I questioned. _

_He only shook his head and said, "Let's go play outside again."_

_I frowned wanting to know what was wrong with my friend, but went outside with him anyway. This time we built a mud road. I wanted to make cars to put on it, it was a road, right? So imagine my surprise when Jasper argued with me and threw a fit over wanting to put cars there._

"_What's wrong with you, Jazz?" I asked, completely dumbfounded._

"_I..." Jasper started and stopped. He looked at me and shrugged. Okay, that was getting annoying. _

"_Just tell me." I said in exasperation._

"_Um... my parents..." Those were the only words that came out, but I knew what he meant. His parents died in a car crash. What I couldn't figure out was why this upset him so much today, he'd been in cars plenty of times, so I just didn't get it._

_Pulling Jasper down to sit next to me I asked, "What about your parents?"_

"_They um... they died... in a car wreck." He eventually got out._

_Nodding my head in acknowledgment I said, "I know that. But why are you getting all weird today?" I was nine and tact certainly wasn't my strong suit at that age. And the tears were back, making his baby blues swim._

_Blinking them back and wiping his hands on his face hurriedly he looked down in embarrassment. I waited for him to answer me. "Today is... today is... the... the...d...day... my... pa... par... parents... died..." He managed to stutter out, trailing off at the end._

_Placing my arm around his shoulders we just sat outside, neither one of us caring to play anymore._

After that year, every year it came close to his parent's anniversary of their deaths we had a day of quiet. Jasper had always wanted to be able to say something about them, but he could barely remember them, so it was the only way he thought he could reflect on them. The day was coming up soon.

Jasper leaned into me a little more and turned his head towards me. His eyes were open and looking so much like they had all those years ago, the sadness in them took my breath away. Letting go of his hand I brought my fingertips to his face and dried his eyes. They eventually came down to trace his lower lip and Jasper let out a soft sigh. His tongue darted out and licked them letting me know what he wanted. "Edward... don't disappear." Jasper said against my fingers so intensely my eyes widened and my breath caught at the desperation and sorrow.

"Jasper... as long as I'm living and you still want me, then I won't." I couldn't promise I'd never leave by death, both of us knew enough by now that those kinds of promises were void. Already having told him this before I knew that right now he just needed that reassurance.

"That's all I'm asking of you, Edward." Jasper told me with a sad smile. If I could erase that I would. My hand moved slowly around to cup his cheek and bring his lips closer to mine. The tears had left a slightly salty taste against his lips, I wanted to drink him in, remove every tear he'd ever shed. His tongue sought out mine lightly touching, making me moan.

Jasper raised his hand behind him and grabbed onto my hair, almost painfully, to pull me in further. His teeth grazed along my lower lip sending shivers down my spine. Removing my lips from his he whimpered wanting me back, but I wanted to taste other parts of him.

"Edward?" Jasper asked tentatively.

"Yeah, Jazz?" I asked raising a brow in curiosity.

"Will you make you love to me?" He asked slowly, as though I was going to deny him.

"I was planning on it." Isn't that where this was going?

"No, I mean just like this." He explained answering my internal question.

"Are you sure?" I asked him doubtfully.

"Yes, I want you. Just like this." Jasper said and grabbed my ass behind him pushing my awakened cock against his own pajama clad ass.

My tongue ran across his jaw to the juncture of his neck and shoulder as I bit down and sucked lightly. Jasper growled out, "Harder." Sinking my teeth further in I marked him as mine. Hearing Jasper's growl was worth it even if it caused him a little pain. Jasper shifted his ass and began rubbing it against my cock. Fuck.

Tugging at the shell of his ear with my teeth I heard Jasper moan as his head tilted back. Soothing the teeth marks I'd left behind on both his ear and his neck Jasper grunted and grasped my thigh, digging his blunt nails into the flesh.

Bringing his head back to me I kissed him sensuously before pressing my fingers against his lips again. Jasper opened for me and tangled his tongue around them, enveloping my fingers in his warm wet mouth. He sucked on them hungrily before I took them away dragging a line from his mouth, down his neck and chest, to his nipple. Tweaking it with my wet fingers I heard Jasper's breath rasp. Pinching a little harder I heard and felt his trademark growl reverberate in his chest.

Jasper picked up his motions against my cock as his own hand slid down and grasped his cock. "No," I breathed in his ear and removed his hand. Jasper groaned in frustration. Slipping my fingers in the waistband of his pajama bottoms I slid them down slowly as I kissed his back and moved my body down with them. Eventually Jasper kicked them off when they were low enough, but my face was level with his ass. I couldn't resist biting it.

Jasper's breathed out, "Fuck..."

Spreading his ass cheeks apart I let my tongue take one long lick up the crack of his ass and I heard Jasper grunt. He moved his leg forward so he was more open for me. Circling his puckered hole with my tongue Jasper sighed and placed his hand on the back of my head, encouraging me to do more. Pushing my tongue through the ring of muscle I fucked his hole until I felt him relax more allowing me to go deeper. Placing my hands on his hips I moved him back and forth along my tongue as though he was fucking it instead. Jasper's hands that had threaded through my hair were tugging at it so hard I thought he might pull some of it out.

Slowing my movements I returned my previously moistened fingers back to Jasper's mouth. Taking them in deeply his tongue tickled along my fingers before I pulled them away. Still tongue fucking his ass I pushed a finger in and felt both him and my finger against my tongue. "Fuck..." Jasper moaned. Pushing in another finger I thrust them in and out as well as my tongue. My eyes widened at the sight of what I could see. I wished Jasper could see his ass being plundered by two fingers and my tongue at the same time. At the noise he was making though I could tell he felt it anyway. "Edward... oh my god..." I felt a sense of pride at making him feel that way. "I need you..." Jasper panted.

Kissing the bite mark I'd left on his ass I came back up to him and turned his head toward me. Crashing my lips to his I felt him kiss me back harder as though he was trying to keep me here. "Please.." Jasper begged.

Finding the lube and the condoms on top of the nightstand I tore open the condom package and rolled it over my aching cock. Pouring some of the lube into my hand I set it aside and ran the lube along my shaft and used what was left to pump Jasper a few times. Sliding my cock against his crack Jasper groaned and demanded, "What are you waiting for?"

Chuckling at him I pushed through and felt him shudder. Slowly I pushed my way in and groaned at the sensation of the warmth and tightness. Placing one hand behind his knee I brought that leg up to his chest to change the angle and began my thrusts. "F... fu... fuck..." Jasper breathed.

Placing kisses on his shoulder, neck and jawline I felt Jasper almost melt into me. I smiled to myself knowing it was those small things that made this easier for him when he couldn't see me. "Jasper, you are so beautiful." I whispered into his ear and had to hold down the snicker that I knew I'd have if I could see his face. He would've rolled his eyes at me, I was sure. Sucking his earlobe into my mouth he shivered.

Jasper's hand glided down to his cock and began pumping it, but I couldn't watch in this position. Jasper was right, there was something to be said for fucking facing your partner. Rocking my hips against him slowly Jasper growled out, "Fuck harder..." Picking up my pace I thrust hard and fast in his ass. He turned his head and found my mouth sucking on my bottom lip greedily.

Returning his attention back to his cock I heard his moan and felt his body tense up after a few moments. His body shuddered and shook hard as he let go crying out my name. The muscles contracting around my cock brought me closer to the edge, but I waited out Jasper's orgasm before picking up the pace again and fucking him hard. Finally I was tumbled over that ledge and held onto Jasper, keeping myself grounded.

Our breathing was hard, our bodies covered in sweat, but I didn't want to get out of bed. Placing a kiss on Jasper's neck I pulled out of him and threw the condom in the trashcan by the bed. Looking around for something to clean ourselves off with I grabbed Jasper's pajama pants and cleaned us both off before throwing it on the floor, not caring where they landed. I was not leaving this bed right now.

Jasper was on his back now, looking at me with brightly lit eyes, the sadness gone. I laid my head on his chest and kissed it before saying, "I love you, Jazz."

"I love you too." Jasper mumbled sleepily. I wanted to take care of something before we both went to sleep, but I wasn't sure he'd be receptive to it and debated the decision in my head.

Lying there in bed with Jasper I finally broached the subject. "Jasper, do you think we should move into the same room?"

His soft smile told me he'd been thinking about it too, I felt relieved. "Yes. Your room is bigger, we should use that one."

On my elbow now I asked, "Are you sure? We always seem to sleep in this one."

"Positive, but... I want my mattress, not yours." Jasper said biting his lip as though he thought I'd say no.

"No problem. It is more comfortable than mine." I said wriggling down in it a bit and laid my head back on his chest where it should always be. "Especially with you in it." Jasper kissed the top of my head and we both fell into a comfortable silence. I still hadn't made a decision on whether or not to contact my uncle yet, but at least something had been decided.


	24. Chapter 24

**Strange Desire: Chapter Twenty-four**

**AN: **_ Thank you to everyone that is reading this and sticking with me. I know it's taken a long time to get this chapter out, but I have been injured pretty bad. You can thank alternative therapy for getting me better, or I still wouldn't be able to sit here and work on this. All I want is my normal, boring life back. Those of you that know me know that already. Thanks to some of you for helping WC with me._

_Anyway, this goes out to some of my new readers that have been twitter stalking me about getting this chapter out. You guys all know who you are, haha._

_Also, Sugar Rae asked me some questions that I hadn't really thought about answering, but she made me think I probably should. Some may be answered in this chapter, some may have to wait and come later. And yes, I intentionally left out some information in this chapter. It will come full circle later._

_Characters belong to SM, well, except my own._

**JPOV**

Tapping my fingers against the keys of my laptop I was unsuccessfully ignoring the elephant in the room. We'd left the things mom had given us on the coffee table untouched the past couple of days. I knew Edward wasn't ready to deal with what was in that letter, and me? Well, I wasn't ready to deal with the memories of my parents. They wouldn't leave me alone though, constantly taunting me. Enough that I had to pick up the family tree my mom had made.

Running my fingers along the soft fabric I absentmindedly traced the embroidered pattern with my fingertips. It was the most I'd touch it since Edward handed it to me the first time. The first time I was so overwhelmed by every emotion put into it that I just couldn't deal with it. I had to be strong for Edward then, he was more important. This I could come back to.

When I saw the things Edward pulled out of the backpack I instinctively knew that letter was from Edward's mother, or his biological mother anyway. I wasn't sure how I knew, I just did. It was plain, white and indistinct, with absolutely no markings on the outside. What I wanted to know was how my mom got her hands on it. Although, after the photo album, I shouldn't have been too surprised.

The other object I had a harder time figuring out. Soft and light blue, a scrap of fabric hardly seemed like something you would give anyone. I knew it was mine, but why? Reaching out I took it from Edward and looked over it. Holy fucking shit! That was, well, that was... Fuck... A piece of fabric from my parent's couch, something I never thought I'd see again. Oh, not to mention the part of it where my fucked up family tree was on it. Everyone I loved was written here and I assumed that loved me, even if two of them were dead now. Honestly, I didn't know what emotion to have when I looked at it. Sadness and pain that my biological parents were gone was only one. The others? Well, my mom making this in the first damn place was sweet and I knew she made this with love, trying to incorporate both sets of parents. I was sort of amused and annoyed at the same time that she made it where Edward and I could either be on there as brothers or as husband and husband. If I'd had it in me I would have rolled my eyes at her interfering. Then I felt the crushing weight of never being able to add more to it. My mom still didn't know Edward had no desire for children. I wasn't too sure I did either, but it was something I kept being told throughout my life that I did. However, I still thought I wanted at least one, maybe not today, but someday. The rapid succession of emotions were unsettling to me as I read what she'd written or purposefully left out one more time.

Edward interrupted my mind's ramblings asking, "Jasper, are you okay?" I didn't really have an answer to that, so I swallowed hard and nodded my head, not looking at Edward. If I looked at him I'd fall apart and he needed me to be strong for him right now. _Get your shit together, man. _Getting up I walked to the bathroom, I needed time to gather my thoughts and push anything I felt at my mother's gift aside. Taking a few deep breaths I looked at myself in the mirror. The most significant emotion apparent to me was sadness. Damn it, damn it, damn it. Splashing cold water on my face I took a couple more deep breaths and pulled my armor on, covering my feelings. I would be strong because that's what Edward needed, not someone that was weak and falling apart right now. _Jasper, you really are stupid sometimes, you know that?_ Shaking my head of that thought I walked back to the living room, my back straight.

Edward's eyes were closed and his face looked pained, but I wasn't sure why, he hadn't even opened that letter. When he heard me come back into the room his eyes opened, almost pinning me, wanting to know what was wrong with me, but he seemed to let it go for now. Relaxing for now I sat back down beside him. Looking at the envelope I tilted my head in question and asked, "You gonna open that?" I really wanted to know what was in that letter. I admit my curiosity was getting the better of me here.

Grimacing, Edward answered, "I don't know if I want to." He picked it up so gingerly that he looked as though it was something disgusting and gross, wrinkling his nose.

Chuckling at him I asked, "Do you want me to open it?" Handing it over, he only nodded.

Pulling out the letter my eyes scanned it, only processing enough information to know what it said, but not enough that it could tear my armor away. Right now if anyone was going to breakdown it should be Edward, not me.

_Oh Sweetie,_

_I'm sure you hate me by now, but I asked Esme to give this to you. I needed you to be ready to hear it. I won't ask for your forgiveness, Edward, but you are my son and I love you. I always have and always will, no matter what happens._

_Sweetie, I wanted to tell you I know I hurt you by letting you go, but I knew you'd have a good place with Carlisle and Esme, a healthier place than you would with Eddie and I. Please don't try to find me now, I know that may not be what you want to hear, but it wouldn't be safe for you or me. If you don't care about us, then it wouldn't be safe for Jasper now either, as I know you two are together. That thought makes me smile knowing you have found love and happiness in your life._

_Edward, don't try to 'save' me, it's too late for me, but it's not for you and your future. If Eddie even found out about this letter I don't want to even contemplate what he would do. The pictures I have of you are my only link to you and your life and even that is a dangerous thing for me to own and must always be kept hidden. Eddie has made it impossible for me to leave him without ruining both my life and yours, and probably Jasper's as well now. _

_Eddie would have made your life a living hell had I left or tried to contact you. He hasn't been the man I married in a very long time and has the power and influence to hurt your career, permanently, as well as Jasper's, and even mine had I chosen to leave and embark on that path. That would mean you could no longer work as a doctor, Edward. I don't even think they'd let you work in a hospital at all once Eddie spilled his toxic venom on your life. He's been angry for a long time and takes it out on everyone else that surrounds him. Edward, he could make it so you lost your medical license, so please just don't try to come back into my life. I'm strong, I'll be okay here as long as you aren't in my life. I know you are strong too, please stay that way, even if it's not for me, but for the other people you care about in your life._

_I'm proud of you for becoming a doctor, for helping others. Eddie was disappointed that you'd gone into medicine instead of politics like him._

_Please Edward, just stay away from me. I want you to be happy, happy with what you have and will have in the future. I'm so proud of you and the man you've become, don't ruin it all by contacting me._

_I love you, Edward._

_Your mom always,_

_Elizabeth Masen_

_PS If you want more answers as to why Eddie is the way he is you should contact your uncle. I've left the number below, the choice is yours what you do with it, but I hope you will at least have a real relationship with one family member._

When I finished reading over the letter I looked at Edward, my heart aching. Placing an arm around his shoulders I pulled him closer to me. I admit I was worried over his response to it, to all of it.

"Do I even want to know what it is?" he asked me, a look of dread on his face.

"Definitely, I just don't know how you are going to react to it," I replied giving the letter back to him, worrying my bottom lip. Edward read over the letter, as I watched the tears form in his eyes. Yes, I did the right thing by not letting my own emotions get to me. He needed me much more right now than I needed him. He swept the tears from his eyes and I did the only thing I could think of to do at the moment. Holding onto him I rubbed soothing circles on the back of his neck. That seemed to calm him enough he could get through reading the letter.

While he read the letter I read it again over his shoulder. I was sure he had the same questions I did. How the hell did his father have enough power to do anything? I hadn't heard about him in the news or anything that I was aware of. Then again, neither of my parents had let us watch the news at home. Not after... well, shit, not after Edward moved in. That couldn't be a coincidence. But still, he couldn't be that big or his name still would have trickled down to both of us at some point or another. We both personally chose not to watch much in the way of television very often. Most of the time we found it depressing. Other than a movie here and there and me watching the history channel, the last time I'd watched the TV for anything else was when the news reported that huge car pile up Edward had been called to the ER to help with. See what I mean? Depressing.

Could I look up Edward's father without Edward knowing? Uncertain that was a good idea, I thought, but surely anything that was available for anyone's public knowledge was fair game. Right?

One thing I knew for certain though after reading that letter was I was right. Edward's mother did love him. When he came to us he was devastated. Not knowing what was going on at the time I couldn't figure out why she didn't just leave and take Edward with her. Even though I'd miss him, I thought that was probably the best idea. Of course I didn't know why he'd been kicked out either. What I did know is that his father and him had never gotten along and I was happy that he was living with me instead of the seething ball of anger that infected everyone in his life.

Edward never told me what all occurred when he got kicked out, not even now. I wondered if he ever would. He just said that both of his parents kicked him out of the house and never wanted to see him again. The information did not compute in my head, at all. His father I would believe that of, but not his mother. It felt good to be validated and I hoped his mother still loving him was a comfort for Edward, even if it was just a small one.

Taking the letter from him I pulled him more firmly into my arms. Edward leaned his head on my shoulder, relaxing into me.

When I saw the number to his uncle written there I couldn't believe it. That meant we didn't have to hunt him down. However, I thought Edward had been banking on the time it would take to look him up to make sure he was ready to deal with it. Now it was just thrust into his face and I knew he'd feel guilty if he never made that call. I wasn't going to push him to do it though, that certainly would not get him to do a damn thing. More than likely he'd rebel against it. He would have to come to terms with that in his own time and I'd be here whenever the time came.

Emmett's incessant banging on our door broke us of our solemn thoughts. "Dude, it's 3:45, so get dressed and meet me in fifteen," he shouted through the door that wasn't thick enough that he needed to shout that way. He probably woke up the neighbors down the entire hall. Someday soon we were going to have to change the time to five am instead, otherwise Emmett wouldn't get near enough sleep. For me, it made no difference as I didn't go to bed until Edward got home anyway.

Groaning I whispered, "Do we have to?"

"Don't even think about getting out of it, Jasper," Emmett said loudly on the other side of our door.

"Looks like we have to if we know what's good for out health, Jazz," Edward told me and I rolled my eyes. I really wasn't in the mood to deal with Emmett's exuberance right now.

After putting on our workout clothes we walked out of the door and greeted Emmett who was waiting impatiently for us. Stepping into the elevator I only glared at Emmett. I was still pissed off that he'd outed Jamie like he had, without his consent, the stupid fucker. He shouldn't be interfering with other people's lives like that. Jamie would have got around to it eventually, he was far too blunt and forthright to keep something like being pan-sexual a secret.

"Why are we doing this so damn early in the morning?" Edward demanded of Emmett, interrupting me from my negative thoughts.

"So you can go to bed sooner, I know you have to work tonight," was his reply. Edward's mouth gaped open at Emmett, in my anger I did not find that a good look.

My arms were crossed over my chest, and I stared intensely angrily at Emmett. The more I looked at Emmett the more enraged I got. Fucking hell, I guess I hadn't let him have it before what with everyone else going at him, but right now I was about to blow my top. Damn it, damn it, damn it. "What the fuck is wrong with you, dude?" Emmett asked in a huff.

"You, you fucker," I replied angrily. Okay, I couldn't help it. I would probably have been incensed anyway, but after staving off my emotions for so long, he got the brunt of it. Even though I couldn't hold it in, I was glad it was Emmett on the end of it and not someone else who couldn't handle it.

"What did I do?" Emmett questioned confused.

"Did Jamie ever come find Rose last night?" My eyes narrowed at him, still far too pissed off to hold anything back. Shit, shit, shit. Why couldn't I just keep it to myself and take my displeasure out elsewhere?

"Um... no, and Rose made me sleep on the couch," Emmett said sheepishly, looking at the floor.

"Good, serves you right for outing him like that to Grant. It wasn't any of your business," I spat at him.

"Okay, okay. Calm down people, please," Edward said, trying to regain control. "Emmett, did you know you're Superman?"

"Uh... what?" Emmett asked bewildered.

"Yeah, Jasper and I decided you were Superman after carrying him out kicking and screaming to go to the hospital when he was so sick. I couldn't have done it, and he might have died if you hadn't," he told him. I know Edward meant to lighten the mood with that, but the air just seemed to get heavy as the words left his mouth.

Emmett only guffawed and I turned my glare on Edward and hissed, "I will get you back for that, later." Why would he tell Emmett that? He had a huge ass ego already.

"Naw, I like it. Superman!" Emmett exclaimed slapping me on the back. I only glared at Edward harder. _See what you've done?_ I thought.

"What are we doing anyway, Emmett? Running? The gym? Something else?" Edward asked Emmett, trying to distract us.

"Oh, I thought we'd go to the gym today." Then he gave me a sidelong glance and said, "I think someone needs to beat up a punching bag today, instead of one of us." Edward snorted with laughter and I punched him in the arm for good measure. The fucker deserved it. _What? No, he didn't. You __have got to pull yourself together._ God, I just wished I was my old self again, my calm and cool self, not this. I hated this. "See what I mean?" Emmett asked as Edward rubbed his arm. Now I felt guilty, that looked like it hurt.

When the elevator finally hit the ground floor Edward looked relieved and got out as fast as he could. That stung a bit, but what did I expect?

Walking through the parking lot I saw the back of Jamie and Grant. They were still here, and together. Gasping at them I stopped and watched Grant kiss Jamie. My relief was instant. Emmett hadn't messed it up for my friend. Grant, I didn't know very well, but I wanted Jamie to be happy and he seemed to be happy with Grant.

"Okay guys, we've seen enough. My telling didn't hurt them, so let's go," Emmett said poking both Edward and I in the back to get us to move.

"But... what if I want to see more?" I asked, completely awestruck by them. They were so cute, I wanted to take them home with me, like they were puppies or something. Edward rolled his eyes at me, probably knowing exactly what I thought.

"Let's go, Jasper. That's a private moment between the two of them," Edward said ushering me forward. Jamie and Grant had to have been talking out here for hours. Well, I was sure he told him he was pan-sexual, but I wondered if he'd told him the rest of his story or not. As long as he was out here and as much as I knew Jamie liked this guy my guess was yes, he did tell him.

Continuing on, making sure we didn't interrupt their moment we passed out of the parking lot onto the street. Emmett laughed and said, "Race ya," as he took off running. Smiling I looked over at Edward, knowing we could take Emmett, easily. Tearing off in the same direction both of us left Emmett in the dust. He might be strong and might work out all the time, but he wasn't faster than either of us. Emmett grumbled as he met us at the door to the gym and we laughed at him. It was Emmett's fault that I could catch up and outrun him. He's the one that insisted I work out so hard, that told me to take my anger out on the pavement. As I hadn't beaten him before I think he was shocked, but that was slow jogging I'd been doing after my illness, which wasn't really my speed. This was far more like it. It made me feel good to run alongside Edward and keep pace with him.

The gym was pretty quiet at this hour, which I was grateful for. Loud noise and a lot of people were never high on my list and especially not when I knew my emotions would get the better of me. We worked out hard and I punched the punching bag. Originally wanting to imagine punching Emmett's face in, it gradually subsided into Edward's father. Watching Edward take out what he felt only fueled that image. If I could hate someone, Edward's father would probably be it.

Leaving the gym we went back the same way we'd come. Jamie and Grant were still there and looking disheveled. Edward looked amused as he asked, "Everything all right?"

Jamie rolled his eyes at Edward and replied, "Of course." Then he was bouncing on the balls of his feet and poked all three of us in the chest and shouted happily, "I have a boyfriend now, you know."

"Do you now?" Edward asked looking over at Grant, he only nodded his head shyly and blushed. "Well, that's great. I'm happy for you." Jamie beamed at Edward. I breathed a sigh of relief. I just wanted Jamie to be happy. They were happy, it had been a long time since I felt really happy, instead of annoyed, angry, or upset, and hugged both of them. Edward raised a brow at me, I only shrugged and smiled.

"Woohoo," Emmett shouted and said, "My turn." He picked both Jamie and Grant up at the same time and swung them around. Edward and I had to take hurried steps back to get out of the way. Jamie shrieked with laughter as Grant only grimaced and tried to wriggle free, as if he had a chance of getting away.

Emmett eventually set them back down on the ground and they held onto each other to keep from falling over, both dizzy. Righting themselves Jamie said, "We should go, Grant has to work and we've been up all night."

Grant nodded and smiled shyly at Jamie and said, "Yeah, but it was worth it, you know." Then Grant traced a line down Jamie's jaw and kissed him sweetly. They were so cute together that I thought I might be sick with the sweetness.

Emmett cleared his throat, the stupid fucker. The sound made them both jump and even Jamie blushed. Grant grasped Jamie's hand in his own and Jamie looked down at them clasped together and grinned. I was happy for him, he deserved some happiness in his life after all the other shit he'd been through.

"We'll see you around, guys," I told them as I pushed Edward along this time.

"Bye," they called in unison, barely paying any attention to anyone other than each other.

Emmett was vibrating with happiness. "Wait til I tell Rosie, she's gonna be so excited." Looking at Edward, I knew we were thinking the same thing. Emmett couldn't keep a secret even if his life depended on it.

"You do that then. I'm going to crash. I need a vacation from my vacation," Edward said walking lazily to the elevator. "And apparently I need another shower tonight," He said sniffing himself.

Emmett glanced at Edward, his brow furrowed and questioned, "Another one?"

Rolling my eyes at his stupidity I answered, "Yeah, another one. Edward fucked me good and hard after you left, on the couch." I relished in his discomfort.

Emmett shuddered and said, "Remind me not to sit there." This time Emmett was on the receiving end of one of my punches instead of Edward. It honestly felt better to punch him, I didn't have one ounce of guilt over it. "Dude, I get enough abuse from Rosie. I don't need to add yours on top of it."

"Then stop being an idiot," I shot back at him. Edward pulled me to our door and waved a hasty goodbye to Emmett and shoved us both through the door. "What the fuck was that for?" I asked glaring at him. He deserved it.

"You'd regret it later if you kept up with that argument, Jasper. I know you want to say whatever you think right now, but when you are fully recovered the guilt will eat at you." Edward explained as he walked us into the bathroom after kicking the door shut. I grumbled at him. "Don't grumble at me, I'm just telling you the truth."

Sighing I said, "I know you are, but sometimes... Now don't take this the wrong way, because I don't like hurting people, but sometimes it's freeing to say what I'm thinking." Shit, shit, shit. Did that mean I'd always be this way? That I liked it? I hoped not. Then again... "Hopefully one day I'll be the person I was, but without leaving all of this behind. I need to stop pretending shit doesn't happen, when it does." I was serious. I didn't want to be this angry person all the time, but I didn't want to be run over again, like I was before. Nor did I want to push things aside just because it was easier.

"Just get in the shower, Jasper. You might not think that later," he said shooing me towards the shower door.

"Do that one more time and I'll kick your ass," I said narrowing my eyes in fury at his action. It was probably an overreaction, but I meant it, I didn't want to be run over anymore, not by anyone. Blowing out his breath in exasperation he just removed his clothes and stepped in the shower.

Guilt ate at me for being an ass, just for the sake of being an ass. Edward didn't deserve the shit he had to put up with, with me. His eyes were closed when I finally followed him into the shower. Edward's eyes were still closed when I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my chest against his back. Letting out a soft sigh Edward leaned into me and I kissed him softly on the shoulder and up to his neck. "I'm sorry," I breathed in his ear.

Turning his head towards me he said, "Don't worry about it. I'm sorry, too." What the fuck did he have to feel sorry for? He didn't do anything. Kissing Edward lightly I stepped away from him. Our shower was quiet, both our minds reflecting on everything we were dealing with. I felt like I was on information overload and it wasn't over yet. As soon as Edward was at work, I did plan on looking up his father.

Stepping out of the shower we both toweled off and Edward headed straight to my bedroom and my bed. In bed Edward laid his head on my chest and said, "I love you, Jazz." He was out before I could respond back.

Over the next couple of days I attempted to work on writing, but more often than not I was staring at a blank page, trying to force words that would not come. In frustration I closed down those pages and just attempted to look up any information on Edward's father. Opening up the internet I typed in his name, Eddie Masen, Sr. That came up with zero results for the person I was looking for, just strangers popped up, so I dropped the Sr. My page loaded all kinds of results. Hmm... I wonder when he dropped the Sr., it had always been there as long as I could remember. My guess was when he kicked Edward out and claimed to have no son.

There was nothing explosive here. All I could tell was he had a lot of money, far more than he had in our small town. He lived here in Seattle, there was a picture of his house, well, the gate of his house, I couldn't see the house itself. That explained why his mom had pictures of us here. He was still a lawyer, and according to his information had only lost two cases in his entire career. That had to be a miracle in itself.

What was more intriguing were his clients. A good majority of them were politicians that he'd travel anywhere to defend. Not all of them, but the others were all usually very wealthy people. Except I did see a few cases that he'd done as charity. As that did not sit right with me, I decided he must have only done it to make himself look good. He sounded good on paper, and the clips I could hear of his cases he certainly was a compelling speaker.

There were pictures of Eddie and Elizabeth Masen at various functions and political events. They certainly had friends in high places. To me, the pictures were far more interesting. Edward's father looked about the same as he always did. Edward looked so much like him, except Eddie's eyes were a dull, flat brown, and his hair was a dark brown. The other main difference was his nose. Eddie's was still straight, whereas Edward's remained crooked at the hands of his father. Edward got his green eyes and bronze hair from his mother. When I looked at the pictures of Elizabeth she seemed pained. Her expression was either sad or fearful, underneath the fake plastic smiles. I wondered what it was like for her to live with that man.

Continuing my search I got to some of the older articles about Eddie Masen. I honestly couldn't believe what I was seeing or what I read. Fucking hell, that couldn't be right, it did not add up. No, that just wasn't likely he'd do something like that, ever. Now I burned with anticipation of finding Edward's uncle. He was the only one I thought that could shed some light on it.

Shaking my head I closed down the pages. They answered some questions and opened up a whole lot more. Unable and unwilling to process all that information I pushed the thoughts away.

I knew I was only looking into that to buy time to look at the gift my mom had made. Our routine was pretty simple. We ate dinner with everyone. Honestly, I think they were still afraid I'd burn the house down or something, even now. I stayed up all night, researching, instead of writing, like I should have been, but I couldn't force the words out. Edward went to work every night like clockwork. I worked out with Emmett every single morning. Edward and I slept in my bed, and even though I wanted to bring up sharing a room, I never seemed to. The days seemed dull after the eventful weekend we had, but I, for one, was grateful. If they hadn't been there was no way I could have picked up that gift and been able to deal with it.

Holding the fabric in my hands I traced every word with my finger. Sadness threatened to overwhelm me when I looked at it. I mourned the loss of my parents, and the lack of memories I had of them. I mourned the loss of being able to get married to the person I loved more than anyone else on earth, a civil union was just not the same. Even though I thought I was fine with not marrying Edward for now, I wasn't sure that would always be the case. I mourned the loss of ever having children, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make to be with Edward. Grief took me and broke me down. I'd held myself together for too long, now it was time to let go. I didn't want Edward to find me on the couch like this, so I went to bed and let it all wash over me. Keeping the fabric in my hand I felt as though my parents were there, with me.

The tears streaked down my cheeks until I heard Edward come in. Attempting to pull myself together I didn't turn to face him. Edward slid in behind me, naked. All I wanted right now was comfort and he could give it. His fingers found mine, and our hands entwined. I was afraid he'd disappear, just like my parents did. Or worse, that he couldn't put up with me anymore and ran in the other direction.

That morning I let him, no, begged him, to make love to me from behind. If I'd had to look at him I knew I'd fall apart even more. He gave me what I needed, gave me the strength I'd lost.

Edward laid his head on my chest and kissed it before saying, "I love you, Jazz."

"I love you, too," I mumbled sleepily.

Edward finally brought up one of the subjects I hoped he would, "Jasper, do you think we should move into the same room?"

Smiling softly I said, "Yes. Your room is bigger, we should use that one."

Edward propped himself on his elbow and asked, "Are you sure? We always seem to sleep in this one."

"Positive, but... I want my mattress, not yours," I said biting my lip. It made more sense to use Edward's bedroom, it was bigger, he had nicer furniture, but this mattress was far more comfortable. It always struck me as funny that I chose a job where I had to wear a suit all day and Edward chose one that he had to wear scrubs. They were completely opposing to our personalities, as I liked comfort and Edward like nice things.

"No problem. It is more comfortable than mine," he said wriggling down in it a bit and laid his head back on my chest where it should always be. "Especially with you in it." Kissing the top of his head he didn't see me roll my eyes at him.

Looking at the clock on my laptop again I wondered why Edward wasn't home yet. Picking at the material of my pajama pants and not having written another word in the last thirty minutes, I decided to shut down my computer. Edward must have had to stay late, and I couldn't keep my eyes open waiting on him any longer. Crawling into bed in our room I laid on my back looking at the ceiling. It was sort of odd to be here in his room, instead of mine. No, excuse me, this was our room now. Still, it was weird, he'd always shared my room until he moved in, not the other way around.

Remembering the time he moved in when we were teenagers I looked around the room now. His room wasn't all that different. Edward never did have the posters that littered the walls like I did. His room never held a single picture in it. That wasn't all that odd as he basically came to our house with nothing. He wore my clothes until my mom made him go shopping for his own, he didn't seem all that happy about that at the time.

Something was going to have to be done about the lack of living here. Don't get me wrong, there were pictures on the walls, pictures that had absolutely nothing to do with him, at all. It was like they came with the bedroom furniture. The room didn't even have small pictures of anyone. I would be moving the one of us as kids over here, as well as the one of my parents and the one of our parents. None of them were large, so they wouldn't take up much space, but seriously, even a model home's bedroom looked like a personality lived there a little more than this.

When we were teens I just thought he kept his bedroom that way because he was afraid to feel like anything more than a guest there. However, that never ended even after years of living there. That didn't see normal.

My own room was crowded with posters of bands, and bikini clad models, what a typical teenage boy's room would look like. I remember Edward scowling at the women on the walls, which I didn't get then. Women were beautiful, so I didn't see the problem, and as far as I knew he dated women. Women were still beautiful, that didn't change, but I don't know if I could actually be with one anymore anyway. Still, the only person I could think about being with was Edward.

Edward's own room had nothing of any personality showing, but I vaguely remember him having posters of cars on the inside of his closet. Hmm... they probably would have been on the walls, except for me, I realized now. He seemed to think I couldn't handle it. Granted, cars weren't my favorite things in the world after taking my parents, but he shouldn't have to hide something so innocent from my view, it was preposterous. Closing my eyes, I sighed and decided we would make this more a home than it was, as we weren't moving anytime in the near future and even if we did, we should enjoy the space we have while we are still there.

Last night after Edward left work I decided I'd surprise him and move the mattress myself, so all he'd have to do is crash when he got home. After working on my story some I decided I'd had enough and would get to moving stuff around. Unfortunately that was about the time Emmett came over so we could work out. At least he had finally decided five am would work just as well as four am, not that I minded since I was already up, but damn, did he ever get any sleep?

Banging on the door loudly he shouted, "Open up the door, bitch."

Rolling my eyes I opened the door and said, "Do you have to be so damn loud?"

Shrugging at me, he replied, "When am I not loud?" Then he looked me up and down and questioned me, "Why aren't you ready to go?"

"I'm trying to move mattresses around. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to finish before I leave," I answered.

"Dude, you are finally gonna be sharing the same room? It's about damn time," he said shoving me so hard I hit the door.

"God damn it, Emmett. Are you intent on hurting people?" I groused, rubbing my shoulder.

"Don't mean to do it, it just happens," he responded looking sheepish. "Come on, I'll help you out. We only have so much time left."

Grumbling under my breath I said, "It wouldn't hurt you to miss working out a day or two," knowing I'd have a very large bruise where I'd hit the door.

"What'd you say? I didn't hear you," he said turning towards the bedrooms.

"Uh... nothing, nothing important," I murmured.

"Good. Now let's get this show on the road," Emmett said slapping me on the back.

When we had moved everything around and I'd made the bed, Emmett looked at me seriously and warned, "If you ever tell anyone I helped you out with this I will kill you."

"Why?" I asked curiously.

Snorting at me he said, "Why? Dude, two men sharing the same bed? That's why, duh." Rolling my eyes at him I walked by and kicked him in the shin, fucker. Now I knew why Rosalie did it, it felt good. He was always saying some stupid shit or another. "Hey now, for the last damn time, I get enough abuse from Rosie, I don't need your help."

"Then listen to her advice and stop saying stupid shit, you fucker." I just couldn't keep those words in my head. No, not me, they had to tumble from my lips. Did I regret saying them? No, he deserved it.

"Okay, Jasper. Let's go now, time's a wastin'," he said ushering me to get ready. More quietly I heard, "You really are a bitch." It wasn't that quiet though, more normal decibels. Leaving it alone I got ready. What can I say? I really was trying to hold back my outbursts.

Leaving the apartment he decided we should go running today. Honestly I think he just wanted to see if he could beat Edward and myself. That was never going to happen, never, you fucker. Instead of leaving him in the dust today I jogged alongside him, but my legs were burning to go farther, he was slowing me down.

When we got back to the apartments we went our separate ways and I took a shower, put on sleep pants, then made breakfast. Since I hadn't cooked yesterday I decided to today, which was a total waste of time as Edward never even came home. I just covered it and put in the refrigerator, since I had no idea when he'd be here.

At some point I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew warm breath was fanning my face and I was incredibly aroused. It was as though we'd been doing a dance for a while, only I'd been completely unaware of what was going on. Coming out of my stupor I opened my eyes to find Edward's green ones staring back at me. His forehead was against mine and his fingers were threaded in my hair, his thumbs brushing my cheeks. That's what I noticed first until I started to wake up more. Edward was naked straddling my body, my naked body. When the hell had I lost my pants? Why didn't I notice?

Edward smiled at me and said, "It's about time, sleeping beauty. Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to wake up for me?" Shaking my head no, he said, "At least an hour. All that's done is make me want to fuck you in _our_ room."

Raising a brow I asked, "So is that how I lost my pants?" Nodding at me his eyes darkened and his lips brushed against mine. Letting go of the breath I hadn't realized I was holding my mouth opened to let him in. His tongue waltzed against mine, and I couldn't contain the growl as my hands grabbed his ass, squeezing the flesh, and pushed him close to me. Our cocks rubbed against each other and I shifted to find the most pleasure.

Pulling his lips away from me, Edward tangled his fingers in my hair and pushed my head back and kissed my exposed neck. He was rough and needy as he placed kisses all over my neck. I was so glad I wasn't working right now, I'd never be able to hide the marks I knew he would leave. His lips found themselves right over my pulse point and I could feel the blood thrumming between his teeth before he bit down. The blood raced through my veins making me want more, but his desperation was concerning, it seemed much stronger than just desire. Pushing his head back, so he detached his mouth from my neck, I searched his eyes. His voice was low as he ground out, "Mine."

"I'm yours, Edward," I breathed and his lips met mine again. Knowing there was more to this I pushed his head back again and asked, "Is something wrong?" His lack of an answer as an answer in itself.

"Jazz, I _need_ you. Please," his voice sounded sad and broken and I couldn't understand what happened. Giving him what he needed my hand glided down his chest and stomach before he grabbed both my hands and raised them above my head. He mumbled something like "I'll show you." What? Did he still doubt the way I felt about him? God, what I wouldn't give to take some of things I'd said back.

Edward's lips kissed the inside of my arms making me squirm a bit, that was a sensitive place for me. Still holding my arms above my head his lips trailed down the inside of my arm and over my shoulder to my left nipple. His pink tongue lapped at it before biting down and the growl erupted from my chest. Green eyes looked up at me, pleased with himself. When he did it again I cried out, "Fuck!"

Already having been so strongly aroused before I was ever awake this was pure torture. Unable to grab onto Edward I did the only thing left and bucked against him. It was an involuntary response, I swear.

Continuing his torture he let go of my hands and warned, "Don't move them." His hands slid down my sides and lips followed suit. Leaving wet kisses and nips down my ribs and then down the other brought a whole new wave of desire for him.

"Edward, please..." I plead, not really sure what I wanted, but more than this.

"What do you want, Jasper?" he asked with his lips still against my skin.

"I want you... inside me," I finally managed to get out.

Instead of doing what I asked right away he kept the kisses going until he reached my hip bone and left his mark there as well. If his mouth touched my cock I knew I would explode right then, there would be no holding off. That made me wonder what he'd been doing to me before I woke up or if I really was that excited just from his kisses. Seeming as if he knew not to touch my cock he kissed my inner thigh, sucking the skin there. Spreading my legs wider he kissed and nibbled the flesh of my ass before licking the crack and I nearly screamed, what came out was a strangled, "Fuck..."

Tonguing my asshole I nearly came undone and I nearly moved my hands to Edward's hair. Knowing what I was thinking he slapped my thigh in remonstration. Huffing my annoyance he only chuckled at me and I could feel the vibration against my ass. Fuck, fuck, fuck. That was so not helping me be good and keep my hands still. Deciding if I couldn't touch him or myself, I demanded, "Damn it, Edward, fuck me already."

The only thing I got in response was a wet finger being pushed in my ass alongside his tongue. He was intent on killing me, I know he was. Unable to pull his hair I pulled on my own or who knows where my hands would go, I didn't trust them not to try and touch him.

Edward must have placed lube and a condom on the bed when I was still asleep because the next thing I heard was the click of a bottle being opened. Two lubed fingers found themselves as deep as they could go in my ass and I pushed against them. Crooking his fingers Edward found my prostate and holy fucking hell, I nearly exploded. Seeing stars in my vision and the tension building in my abdomen I knew I wouldn't last long.

Removing his fingers from my eyes Edward knelt between my legs and I watched as he rolled the condom over his own cock and attempted to catch my breath. Slicking his hands with more lube they pumped over his erection a few times before he asked, "Are you ready, Jazz?" My response was to glare at him and he laughed, fucker.

Placing his hands on the backs of my thighs he pushed them up as he slid his cock along the crack of my ass. Finally placing his cock at the head of my entrance he pushed through and I know unintelligible sounds came out of my mouth. Coming back out he pushed back in a bit deeper and kept doing that over and over again and I wanted to kill him. "Edward, if you don't get all the way inside me right now I'm going to murder you," I declared, impatient.

Smirking at me, he said, "If you did that, then who would you let fuck you?" He had me there and he knew it. I wanted to wipe the smirk off his face. In frustration I tugged even harder at my hair and attempted to move my ass as best I could in this position, it wasn't easy.

Taking pity on me, Edward pushed all the way inside, filling me, and I let out a sigh of relief. Once he was inside though he pulled out and back in, in what I could only describe as a frenzy. Fuck. Sweat dripped off his chest onto me and I wanted to taste it. Hitting my prostate over and over like that I knew he wouldn't have to touch my cock before I came. My abdominal muscles tightened and I could see my cock bobbing with his hurried movements.

Guttural, desperate grunts were coming from Edward's mouth and I wondered again why he was so desperate.

"Edward, please tell me you are close..." I breathed. My body felt like it was on fire at this point and I needed to let go.

"Hmm... yeah..." he moaned. Looking into my eyes he commanded, "Cum for me, Jazz." As if I was a soldier and Edward was my commanding officer, my cock obeyed him. That was one of the most powerful orgasms I'd ever had, and my cock had never been touched. Streams of cum landed across my chest while my whole body shuddered, and my ass clenched around Edward. He seemed to be watching this with amazement and let himself go. Breathing heavily he let go of my thighs and kissed my mouth hungrily, his tongue invading, and I could taste the bitter taste of me on it.

Moving one of my hands from my hair I attempted to place it on his head and he pulled back and frowned at me. "Did I say you could move your hands?"

Stuttering, I said, "N... n... no." What was he doing to me? I didn't stutter.

Putting my hand back where it was I watched as Edward licked the cum off my chest and stomach. Throwing the condom in the trash beside the bed Edward made to move like he was going to get out of the bed. "No," I begged, "don't go."

"But what about cleaning you up?" he asked.

"Leave it," I told him, not wanting him to leave. "We can shower together later."

Nodding at me, he laid beside me and placed his head on my chest. It was his hand that tugged mine down across his shoulders and I took that as a sign he'd finally let me move the other one.

Edward's breathing evened and I looked down to his eyes closed, his face going from a slightly angry expression to a peaceful one as sleep overtook him. What the hell happened today? He couldn't have been just mad at me, and he was late coming home from work. What happened to him at work? I guess I'd have to wait until he woke up to ask him about it. Curious, now I was curious. Hmmm... that pretty much summed me up a lot of the time now. I nearly snorted out loud at that, but didn't want to wake Edward. Closing my own eyes I didn't sleep, but I relished in the tingles that Edward had left behind over various parts of my body, memorizing them.

**AN:** _I decided this was long enough here, even though I have much more to say. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it, I'm more than a little nervous after not having written in so damn long. If you leave reviews I'll get back to them soon, but I'm going camping with some friends this weekend, so don't expect a reply as quickly as I normally do._

_If you haven't read by now, OCDJen had me as a guest rec on Twislash Unveiled for my other slash story. Then a few Tuesdays ago naelany put me on Tuesday's Best. I'm still in awe. Also, I got nominated for a vampie for best slash. I'm not sure how that happened, but whoever did it, thank you, I appreciate it more than you'll know. Check out who else is up. _www(dot)twificpics(dot)com(slash)vampawards(slash)?page_id=198

_And last, but not least, I finally broke the 500 review mark for this fic. :)_


	25. Chapter 25

**Strange Desire: Chapter Twenty-five**

**AN:**_ Hey, I'm updating as promised. Thanks guys for the well wishes. I tried to get back to everyone, I'm sorry if I missed you. Thanks to OCDJen for prereading this for me.  
_

_Characters belong to SM_

**EPOV**

Stirring a bit, it took me a minute to figure out where I was and why I was so damn tired. Why the fuck was I not sleeping if I was tired? My eyelashes fluttered over something... a nipple? Yeah, that's what it was. Jasper must have felt it as his arm around my shoulders tightened. Lazily my hand caressed his stomach, my finger circling his belly button. I could feel Jasper's stomach tighten when I did it and listened in fascination as he moaned above me. "Edward, if you don't stop that right now I'm going to fuck you," he warned. That was a punishment? Right...

No, I needed to sleep today or my evening was going to be hell, as if it hadn't been last night. Last night... I squeezed my eyes shut. I had tried to remove the memory from my mind, but it still lurked there. Sensing my mood shift, Jasper sat up and pulled me to him. Tilting my chin up to look at him, Jasper just waited. He didn't say one word, not one. He was patient and calm and god, how I'd missed that. Lifting his hand he brushed my hair away from my face.

Sighing, I knew I'd break down and admit what was going on, but I just couldn't bring myself to do that first. Snuggling into his arms I started talking, or it might have been babbling. Picking something randomly to start with that wasn't heavy, I said, "Jazz, it looks like we are going to have to reschedule that double date with Bella and Jacob."

"Huh? What double date?" Jasper asked in confusion.

"The one we were supposed to go on, this weekend. You agreed to go after we got back from our parents," I reminded him.

"Oh. Oh, yeah. I'd forgotten about that," he admitted.

I snorted, "Why am I not surprised?" He probably rolled his eyes at me, like he always would have done, but he didn't retaliate with a scathing remark. Jasper was either much better or he was trying hard to rein it in. I hoped it was better, that meant he'd be better and I really needed him to be calm for me right now. If not, I expected a massive explosion. Or maybe it was neither. It was possible he'd always be angry about many things, but learn to control his outbursts better.

After a few minutes of silence Jasper finally spoke up, "Why can't we go on a double date this weekend?"

Oh, I guess I'd left that part out. Or maybe I didn't want to acknowledge the reason. Knowing it would be harder to let this be a long, drawn out conversation I stated, "Because I have to work tonight."

"Okay... why are you working?" he asked hesitantly, knowing that I shouldn't be.

"I traded days with someone. I wanted to be off on Monday," I mumbled, hoping he would know what I was talking about and not bring it up. Of course, he didn't, the confusion was still there.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" Jasper blurted.

"So I could be home with you," I said softly.

He didn't say anything for a few minutes as he thought that through. I thought I felt wetness in my hair and looked at Jasper's face. There were tears streaming down. I knew then that I'd made the right decision, even if I'd gotten flack because of it.

Kissing Jasper's cheeks, I waited until the tears subsided to continue. I explained exactly why I'd been late coming home this morning. Jasper listened to me patiently without interruption and attempted to calm me down.

Last night wasn't the worst in my working career, but the fact that it veered into my personal life made me angry, resentful, sad and desperate to get home. I needed to remind myself of why it was worth it to go through trouble most others didn't.

Everything started out normal for a Friday night. My patients all ranged from people that waited too long to go to the doctor and people that drank too much. Although I laughed when I told Jasper about the guy that came in because he got his wife's vibrator stuck in his ass and couldn't retrieve it._ His wife brought him in, but he'd been alone when he'd managed to get it stuck inside. We came close to having to perform surgery to get it out. Fortunately, we didn't have to go through all that trouble. Before he was discharged, I admonished, "Next time don't stick something in there you don't have a handle on." His wife snickered as he paled._

"_I won't... I won't be sticking anything up there again," he gulped. I doubted that. I knew this wasn't the first time he'd 'borrowed' his wife's toys._

After Jasper's laughter subsided from my tale I launched into the rest of my night.

_As night turned into early morning I heard someone hollering, "I need help here." My head whipped in the direction of the sound. The E. M. T. that had yelled was still half outside. A man laid on the gurney, bloody, and unconscious. That, in itself, wasn't that big of a surprise. What was a surprise were the cops with him. _

_They rushed the man through the glass doors and people were shouting, "What happened?" I don't think I was one of the ones shouting._

"_Car accident," one of the E. M. T.'s said. "The person in the other car didn't survive, their car caught fire. This one," he nodded to the man lying on the gurney, "they think is drunk." My body felt drained of blood. The other person didn't survive, this one is drunk. A hand clamped over my heart, not that I gave a shit about these people, except that it was my job, but the fist was for Jasper. I had to forcefully shove it away. That wasn't the first accident like that I'd seen, but it was getting to me today._

_We worked hurriedly to try to get the man stabilized. The E. M. T.'s had already left, ready to go where they were needed next. The cops, however, were still there, waiting for the man to wake up. _

_For the most part, the man didn't have that many injuries. He had a lot of cuts and bruises that would heal, and I thought he'd wake from his unconscious state soon. The patient didn't have a smell of alcohol or drugs on him. _

_Someone had found the man's sister and she came rushing into the hospital in hysterics. "What happened to my brother?" she screeched so loudly that half the people in the ER turned to look at her._

"_Calm down, ma'am. We need to ask you a few questions," one of the cops told her gently. She only glared at him._

"_I'm not telling you a fucking thing, until I know my brother is okay," she yelled._

_Sighing, I came closer. "Your brother was in a car accident. He's still unconscious, but we think he'll wake up soon," I explained._

_Looking at me, she calmed down. Apparently she trusted me, not the police. "He'll be okay?" she asked in a choked sob._

"_I believe so. There are no internal injuries," I answered softly._

_Sniffling, she gulped lungfuls of air. "Why are you here?" she accused the cops. "My brother hasn't done anything wrong in a long time."_

"_Ma'am, we think your brother was drunk at the time of the accident," one of them responded._

_Shaking her head vehemently, she protested, "No, he hasn't drunk anything in over ten years. He's clean."_

"_There are witnesses that say he was weaving all over the road," he retaliated._

"_No, no, he wasn't drinking. He hasn't been sleeping well. I think he might be on some prescription sleep-aids, but he doesn't drink anymore," she persisted._

"_Okay, we'll look into that," the cop said in attempt to pacify this woman. I didn't know if the man had been drinking or not. Blood had been drawn to find out, but I had no answer to that yet._

"_Can I see him?" she asked me in a small voice. Nodding, I led her to his bed and gave her some privacy._

_Making my rounds with my other patients, I didn't notice the woman go back to the cops. "Why are you still here?" she seethed. "I told you he wasn't drinking."_

"_Ma'am, the driver of the other car he hit was killed. He won't be going home from here," he delivered this blow in a round about way._

_The fury I knew the woman was capable of exploded, "What do you mean he won't be going home?" Closing my eyes I wondered why didn't they do this at the police station or somewhere more private. I glared at them, they were interrupting my other patients. _

"_Someone died because of your brother. Regardless if he was drunk or not, he isn't going home," the officer stated. The woman's shrieking wails were probably heard through the entire hospital._

Interrupting me, annoyed, Jasper asked, "I know that was a bad night and all, but what the fuck does that have to do with anything?"

"I'm getting to it, if you'd be patient," I shot back. Grumbling to himself, and at me for waking him up when he should be asleep, I held on to what little of my own patience I had left. The whole accident part of this was making him lash out instead of listening, I knew.

_Someone, I don't know who, but I'll assume it was one of the nurses, took the lady into another room and shut the door. The wails were still heard, just not so much that my heavily sedated patients were groggily wondering what was going on._

_Making my rounds amongst my other patients, I checked to see how all of them were doing. Everyone looked good, not healthy, but improving. Turning my attention back to the man from the car accident I looked him over carefully. He was doing okay, and wouldn't be here much longer. Looking at him brought thoughts of Jasper back and his parents accident. Shit, this Monday was the day they died and I'd completely forgotten. I had to work on Monday. Groaning at my stupidity, I had to rectify it soon. How could I be so forgetful? The one time I don't remember is the time we are finally together._

_Passing the nurse's station, I asked one of them, "Who is working tomorrow night?" She rattled off a name and I hurried to find the doctor, knowing they weren't working on Monday night._

_Catching up to him, I asked, "Can you do me a huge favor?"_

_Raising a brow at me, he retorted, "Depends on the favor."_

"_Will you switch days with me? I'll work tonight and you take my shift on Monday night," I requested._

"_You are giving up your Saturday?" he questioned me. At my nod, he agreed to trade._

"_Thank you. Monday is important to Jasper and I need to be there," I explained._

_One of the nurses walking by, piped up, "Oh, how is your boyfriend doing? Is he better?"_

"_Yeah, he's better," I answered, wanting to end this conversation quickly._

"_Boyfriend? You're a faggot?" the screeching woman was back and turned her wrath on me. All of us stared at her with wide eyes, shocked. "Don't go near my brother again. He'll flip out when he finds out a fag touched him. I won't let you."_

"_Calm down," the nurse soothed. I still hadn't found my voice._

_The other doctor gave me an apologetic look and told her, "I'll take over your brother's care, if that makes you feel better." She nodded her head and sniffed, as if I was the one that offended _her_. _

_Fury flooded my veins and I was tempted to snap her neck. I wouldn't, but man, I was pissed. This is why I'd kept my private life, private. Whether or not I had a boyfriend, had nothing to do with me being a good doctor. _

_The rest of the morning I went through the motions, but anger was right below the surface. I couldn't go home like that. Finishing my shift, I left the hospital and headed for the park. The same park Jasper and I came to sometimes. The fact that I was in scrubs didn't deter me, I took off running on one of the trails. The anger was pushed out through exertion, the air and nature replacing it with calm. That wasn't anything like what Jasper could give me. However, I wasn't willing to go home in the state I was in, knowing Jasper still had some anger issues and if I brought mine into the mix? Well, I didn't want to know what would happen then._

Ending my story with how I ended up in bed with him, I let Jasper soak up what I'd said.

Jasper hadn't spoken for a good ten minutes and I feared he'd fallen asleep. When I glanced up at his face I noticed the hard expression. "Jazz, are you okay?" I asked him, worried.

Swallowing a few times, he finally answered, "Do you want to break up?"

Sitting up so fast I nearly hit my head on his chin, I looked at him and blurted out, "Of course not."

He didn't look at me. What was going on in his head? After everything I just said, why would he think that? That wasn't the point of the story, was it? Wait, what was the point? I no longer remembered. "Jasper," I started, "are you afraid I will because of that woman?"

Licking his lips, his voice faltered, "You may not want to now, but what happens if it happens again? It will happen again. Are you going to get as mad as you did today and decide that I'm not worth the trouble?" Dumbfounded, I stared at him. How the hell could he think that? After nearly losing him, because of the meningitis and then our miscommunication, I wasn't about to give up on him now.

It took me a few minutes to say anything and Jasper was getting out of bed, away from me, before I finally broke in, "Jazz, you'll always be worth it. I love you so much."

"Yes, that's what you say now, but what about when we fight? What about when people tear you down for being with me?" Jasper worried.

"That won't matter. I love you too much and always have, no stranger is going to take that away from us. We won't let them," I argued. "Now come back to bed."

Jasper laid back down, still tensed, but held onto me like he always did. His arms held me tighter than usual, again afraid I'd disappear, after I promised I wouldn't. Perhaps this was a ridiculous thought, but I was happy he held me that tight, that he was upset. He loved me and didn't want to let me go and that's more than I ever could have asked.

Relaxing into his embrace, my tired body fell asleep quickly.

_Lying on my belly, my four year old self played with my hot wheels cars. The track I was currently having them race and crash on was one my father and I built together. Well, mostly he built, and I watched and was in the way; but he would have made it wrong without my help, I just knew it._

_I loved these cars, making them crash and burn and all the sounds they made. When I grew up, I thought I might want to be a race car driver. How cool would that be? I couldn't think of a better job. Waiting to get big enough to drive was a pain. _

_A knocking interrupted me. Annoyed, I said, "Come in." All I wanted to do was play, thank you very much._

"_Sweetie," my mom addressed me and stopped speaking until I turned around. She was sitting on my bed waiting for me. "I wanted to talk to you," she told me and patted the bed beside her. Sighing dramatically, I got up and moved next to her. What was so important that she couldn't wait until I was tired of playing? _

"_Edward, you remember our friends, Carlisle and Esme?" she asked me. Thinking about it hard, I nodded my head yes, I did remember them. They lived next door, only next door wasn't all that close to our house. At least it was far away to me, my legs got tired if my mom tried to make me walk there. "Good," she grinned at me._

"_Why?" I asked, this still wasn't worth making me lose play time._

"_Well... they are going to adopt a little boy, about your age," she stated, and waited for my reaction. I'd have someone else to play with? It was about time._

"_Can I go play with him now?" I asked, excitement taking over._

_My mom laughed, "Not yet. They are still in the process of adopting him." As if I understood what the hell that meant. Why was she telling me, if he wasn't here now? "Sweetie, I just want you to be nice to him when you get to school, try to be his friend. Can you do that?"_

_Nodding my head at her, I wondered how hard that could be. "Why do I have to wait til school starts, mommy? Can't I try to be his friend now?" I asked, undeterred by her telling me no. Someone my age was going to live next door. I didn't have any brothers and sisters, nor anyone else nearby, this was great news. I hoped we got along._

"_Sweetie, Jasper needs to settle in and get to know his new parents," she explained. Jasper, his name was Jasper? I'd never heard that name before._

_Indignant, I told my mom, "He needs to get to know me too, if we are going to be friends."_

_My mom smiled at me, in that, she thinks 'I'm cute kinda way' that usually made me mad. I was not cute. "Yes, I know that. You'll get to know him soon enough."_

"_What happened to his real parents?" I asked her, wondering why they didn't want him anymore. Surely, he wasn't a bad kid, if my mom wanted me to like him._

_Giving me a sad look, my mom answered, "They died in a car crash, sweetie."_

"_Oh." My head turned to look at my hot wheels cars and track. Perhaps I didn't want to be a race car driver after all. _

_My mom ruffled my hair, and commanded, "Pick up your toys. I'm going downstairs to make dinner. I expect this room to be clean before suppertime."_

_Groaning at her, but not saying no, as I knew what she'd do if I did, I slid off the bed. She left me and I looked around the room. Man, there was no way I could play anymore if I wanted to get to dinner on time. I had too much to do now. The new kid should be comfortable here and I'd make sure I didn't do anything to upset him. Getting to work, I threw half the things out of my closet, making room in the corner. The track my dad and I spent so much time building was going to have a new home where I could play with it, but Jasper didn't have to see it. Dragging the track to its new place, I put all my hot wheels cars inside a shoe box, close to it, in case he accidentally saw my closet. _

_Looking around the room, I still wasn't done. All the things I'd taken out had to be put back somewhere. It seemed to take forever to find everything a place._

_Instead of yelling at me to come downstairs, my mom pushed my door further open and took a look around. She wanted to make sure I put all my toys away, as if I never did or something. "Sweetie, what happened to all your hot wheels stuff?" she asked me, knowing that was one of my favorite things to play with._

"_I put it in my closet," I answered and showed her._

"_Why?" she asked, bewildered._

"_So the new kid can come over and play," I told her proudly._

"_Why can't he play with your cars?" she asked, still baffled._

"_He can, but if my parents died in a car crash, I wouldn't want to play with them," I pointed out._

_My mom hugged me hard and sniffled. What was her problem? They were just toys. "You're the best son a mother could have," she announced and led me out the door so she could finish up dinner before my dad got home._

_Climbing up onto one of the bar stools around the island in the kitchen, my mom warned, "Sit still if you are going to sit there. I don't want you to hurt yourself." Moms, they didn't know anything. I wasn't going to get hurt. Rocking on it anyway after she told me to be still, she glared at me and asked, "What did I say?"_

_Sighing, I sat still and waited, impatiently. My mom apparently forgot the cookies she'd left on the island. Cookies weren't my favorite, but sweets were. Getting in a kneeling position on the stool, I reached for the cookies, almost falling over, but I managed to stay upright. See? Mom's didn't know anything. _

_Making sure she didn't see me, I snatched one of the cookies and shoved it in my mouth before she could stop me. The cookie was dry and nearly made me choke. I needed a drink, but I forced myself to swallow it down anyway._

_Hearing a car pull up in the driveway, I announced happily, "Daddy's home," while cookie crumbs spat out of my mouth. I couldn't wait to tell him that I was going to have a new friend. In my excitement I rocked back and forth on the stool, still kneeling. The force that I was rocking couldn't hold me and I fell over backwards, stunned. That shouldn't happen to me. My back and head hit the tile floor and I heard my dad cry out._

_Tears fell down my cheeks. My back hurt, my head hurt. I glared at the stool, in anger, for not holding me up. The reality that I was not, in fact, invincible, was overwhelming. I could get hurt, my parents couldn't always save me._

_My dad knelt beside me and asked, "Edward, are you okay?" He looked worried and shaken. I nodded at him, my throat too tight to speak. _

"_I'm going to call Dr. Cullen and see if he can check and make sure he's all right," my mom said and picked up the phone. I couldn't hear anything she said to him._

"_Daddy, that hurt," I whined._

"_I know it did, son," he acknowledged, wiping my tears away. _

_Sniffling, I said, "I'm sorry."_

"_Why are you sorry?" he asked me, probably thinking I was sorry for doing something I shouldn't be, after being told not to, but that wasn't it._

"_I'm sorry I cried. You told me boys don't cry," I said in shame._

"_That's not what I said, Edward. Even I cry sometimes, but I don't let other people see me do it," he admitted, sorrowfully._

"_Carlisle will be here in a minute," my mom told us. My parents still hadn't move me, as though they were too afraid to do so._

_Carlisle got there a few minutes later and checked me over. "I think Edward here will be all right, but if he..." Carlisle started telling my parents to take me to the hospital if I had some other symptoms. I stopped listening, he said I was okay._

"_Thank you, Carlisle," my parents said before he left, and before I got to ask about Jasper. Man, that meant I had to wait until school started. That seemed like an eternity, even though it was less than a month away._

_My mom hugged me, and told my dad what I'd done that day with the cars for Jasper. She should really learn not to tell people stuff,_ I_ wanted to tell my daddy about Jasper and she took it away from me. My dad picked me up and sat me on his knee. "I'm proud of you. You sure are growing up," he declared. If I was so grown up, then why was I on his knee? Parents._

_We ate dinner like that and my dad hugged me before letting me go with an, "I love you." Little did I know that was the last time I'd ever hear those words from his lips._

"_I love you, too, daddy."_

The sound of sobbing woke me up. Why were my cheeks wet? Oh, the dream. No, not a dream, a memory. We were happy, once. I felt denied of what should have been a happy childhood. My father had been a good man, at some point. Disappointment, anger and sadness filled me. I took some comfort knowing my mother didn't marry someone that was a complete asshole before they tied the knot, or even before they had me.

The mattress behind me dipped and I felt Jasper's chest against my back. He must have gotten up while I was still sleeping. A hand snaked it's way underneath me, so one arm was under me. Jasper's other arm tightened around my waist, bringing me close to him. He kissed my ear, making soothing sounds. Turning my head towards him, he captured my mouth with his, attempting to chase away my nightmare. Jasper's tongue lapped up the tears on my cheeks, as the flow ebbed. Fuck, I didn't want to cry about this.

Distracting me, Jasper kissed my shoulder, nibbling a bit when he reached my neck. Trying to turn over and face him, Jasper commanded softly, "No, stay where you are." Wondering what he was up to, I remained facing away from him.

Rough and wet, Jasper's tongue slid along the shell of my ear before teeth sank in, gently nibbling. The moan that came out of my mouth was much louder than I thought it would be. Lips moved across the back of my neck as fingers pinched my nipples. Struggling to turn around to face him, Jasper only held me so tight I couldn't move. "I told you to stay where you are and I meant it," Jasper warned. Keeping still was difficult.

Jasper's arms relaxed around me some, as he thought I'd obey him. My shoulders and back were wet and on fire as his tongue left trails along the muscles there. Fuck. When would he let me move?

Hands moved down to my hips as Jasper continued on lower and finally reached my ass. Taking a small nip at me, my body jumped. When Jasper stopped I turned my head to look at him. "Turn back around, Edward," he commanded with a light slap on my ass. Grunting my displeasure at not being able to look at him, I looked at the wall.

Hearing a click first, the smell of something strawberry assaulted my nose. What the fuck was he _doing_?

Rustling sounded from behind me and I felt Jasper press himself against me, again. Jasper's hands pushed me knees up and lifted one leg so it was over his head. Wait, head? I could feel his hair against my leg, so I knew that was right. Warm breath spread across my ass. The same tongue that licked its way down my back, licked the crack of my ass, asserting that someone else owned me. Groaning, my head tilted back and that's when I saw it. Jasper's cock was across my shoulder, just there, just tempting me, just waiting to be licked. Taking a swipe at the head, I heard and felt Jasper's growl. Pleased, I went to work and tongued as much of his cock as I could in this awkward position.

When something colder than the warmth of Jasper's tongue spread along my ass, I yelped in surprise. That must be what the strawberry lube was for, but as Jasper had already been licking my ass, I didn't see the point. As Jasper hungrily lapped the flavored lube from my ass, the point became clear. Fuck. He never would have gone after my ass with that much enthusiasm before, even if he liked it. My moans were loud and I'd forgotten to tease the cock, so near my mouth. Jasper's hips jerked, reminding me, and I sucked the head in, as his tongue breached through my hole.

Letting Jasper go, I panted, "Fuck me." Please, fuck me. I wanted something besides a tongue in my ass. Jasper took a few last licks of my ass, removing the rest of the flavored lube.

Turning his body right side up again, Jasper kissed my neck and moved my head to face him. He kissed me, and left the taste of himself, my ass, and strawberry lube on my tongue. To be honest, I wasn't sure if I liked the combination or I thought it was a turn on.

Pulling away from him, I begged, "Please..." Kissing me once more, Jasper picked up the lube we normally used and put some on his fingers to coat my ass and stretch me. "Damn it, would you hurry up?"

"Yes, sir," he mocked. Whatever, just fuck me, for god's sake. In this position I still couldn't see anything he did, but I felt it when his cock pushed inside. Sighing, from both the burning sensation and the contentment of finally being filled, I let go of my annoyance.

Jasper moved his hips, brushing my prostate and I moaned in pleasure. One of his arms held my leg up and his hand easily found my balls, tugging on them. Fuck. They were already sensitive from every thrust against my prostate. "Harder," I breathed. I wasn't going to last much longer, not like this. Jasper picked up speed and I felt warmth and tightening of my muscles. My stomach spasmed as I let go, my ass clenching Jasper's cock. When my body stilled, I was relaxed and satiated, and felt Jasper finish himself off. He collapsed behind me, breathing heavily. Our room smelled like sex and sweat, our flesh hot and flushed.

Moving my legs from their cramped position I turned over and kissed Jasper, hard. Looking down at his naked body, I drank him in. I missed this when he wouldn't let me see him. Removing the condom from his softened cock, I tied it off and threw it away for him.

We didn't have that much time left together before I had to leave for work tonight, so after a few minutes I got up to take a shower. Jasper stayed on the bed, looking worn out.

Cleaning up, I came back to him, still lying on the bed. Both bottles of lube were lying there on the bed. I picked up the strawberry one, curious where he got it.

"Err... Jazz?" I ventured, looking at the strawberry lube in my hand.

"Yeah?"

"Where did you get this?" I asked him. Where the hell would he get such a thing? As far as I knew, we had nothing like this in the house before now.

"Um..." Jasper trailed off, looking guilty.

"Um... what?" I questioned.

"Promise not to get mad?" I nodded my head, in what I hoped was a believable manner, not sure I was succeeding. "Jamie gave it to me earlier today," he admitted.

Taking a deep breath, I asked, "Why?"

Jasper's lips twitched, as though he was holding in laughter. "Well, his exact words were, 'Here, take this. I'm still not getting any and someone ought to, you know.' Then he sighed and said, "I've always wanted to lick Edward's ass, but since that's not going to happen, at least I'll know what it tastes like when you do,'" he mimicked

Narrowing my eyes at him, I accused, "You're making that up."

Snorting at me, Jasper shot back, "I wish I was, but I'm not. That _is_ what he said. Actually he seemed half-crazed when he was here." I didn't know if I should be amused or angry at Jamie's antics.

"Is he coming over again tonight?" I inquired. We were going to have words if he did.

Jasper shook his head no, and told me, "No, he's going out with Grant." Breathing a relieved sigh, I was happy he was still with Grant. Why wouldn't he be? Grant liked Jamie for Jamie. All the possible interests in Jamie's life before now were only there for the fucking. Jamie was used to being used and thrown away, his life selling himself left that stamp on him, as though he's worthless without it. Grant was smart, I'd give him that. He seemed to know that if they did fuck then he'd be out of the picture pretty quick. Although it's not like Jamie couldn't find plenty of people to fuck and leave, or vice versa, if that's what he really wanted. Right now, I'd bet anything Jamie was enjoying this, even though he acted annoyed.

Getting ready for work, I asked Jasper, "What are you doing tonight?"

"Emmett called, he wanted us to meet him at the bar we took him to after he gets off work. I told him you were working, but I'd meet him," Jasper answered. A small surge of jealousy flickered and I told myself that it was because I wasn't able to join them, not that they would be together, alone.

"Promise me one thing," I said and Jasper looked at me curiously. "Promise me you won't fall for Emmett," I joked, keeping the mood light, even when I knew I wasn't kidding.

Jasper wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Why would you think I'd fall for Emmett?"

"Because he's Superman," I teased.

Jasper seemed to know that underneath the lightheartedness, I was jealous. Instead of laughing or teasing me, he pulled me into his arms and reminded, "Don't forget you've saved me, too." Kissing me on the neck he let me go to finish getting dressed.

Pushing my jealousy aside, I gave Jasper a kiss goodbye and walked out the door and I felt, right back into the lion's den. Work wasn't that bad, and people I worked with went out of their way to not say anything that could be construed as me having a boyfriend where a patient could hear them. After last night, I was grateful.

A few hours into my shift, I heard a familiar voice boom, "Dr. Masen, we need you." I was shocked he knew my last name, much less called me doctor of anything.

When I turned around to see why he was here, I saw Emmett holding up Jasper. Jasper looked pale, sweaty and holding his arm at an awkward angle. His shoulder appeared to be dislocated. Rushing over to them, I barked, "What happened to Jasper? Did you do this?"

"What? No. Please just fix him. I'm not sure what happened, but I know who did it. Jasper flipped someone over his shoulder, if that helps," Emmett replied, releasing Jasper into my care. Barely containing my anger at whomever did this I led Jasper to a bed and manipulated his shoulder back into place. Amazingly, he didn't pass out, even though I expected it.

"Jasper, what the hell happened to you?" I demanded.

His eyes were blurred with tears, from the pain, and he barely mumbled out, "Later." Sighing, I was impatient to know, but I had work to do.

Putting his arm in a sling, I instructed, "Go home and rest, I'll see you there." Determined, before I lost my will to do it, I kissed Jasper and said, "I love you."

Jasper attempted a smile, that came out instead as a grimace from the pain. "I love you, too." Emmett led Jasper away and home. The rest of the night I was distracted and if anyone said anything about Jasper and I, then I didn't notice.


End file.
